Hawaii Mauka: Our 2025 Hawaiian Adventure - Part 2

As is my way, I insisted we get to the meeting point for the stargazing tour early. It was in the Target parking lot and we figured there'd be food places we could grab lunch nearby. That proved to be partially true - they were a bit further away than I wanted to walk. But Target has Pizza Hut inside, so I sort of insisted we just grab the Pizza Hot. Interestingly, they advertised a Spam pizza which I totally would have tried if they had it, but they did not, so I got pepperoni and Sam got cheese, of course. Then we waited outside for much longer than I expected, and Sam was definitely frustrated with my early arrival, but he didn't press it too much. 

The best thing ever (haha) happened when we finally saw the tour van and approached to check in. Our tour guide, James, gave Sam the most hesitant, awkward hug ever. He hugged me too, but since I was prepared for it, I went straight in for it. I adored our tour guide, he was super knowledgeable and would repeat important things at varying intervals, which you can tell he probably learned he had to do after dozens of tours in which people are only half paying attention. We a Japanese couple with us also who apparently didn't speak English, so James did his best to point things out in Japanese, but it was very apparent to me that he only knew so much of the language. Still, he did such a great job managing the crazy group and ensuring the Japanese couple were included. 

The timeline was strange to me - leaving at 2:45 for a sunset and stargazing tour, but as we made our way up the mountain, it made more sense. It was quite a trek up there, and it was raining most of the trip, but James assured us the weather should be good and clear on top of the mountain. We literally drove through and then above the clouds! Sure enough, blue skies all around us, the only clouds were down below! 

We stopped and spent 30 minutes at the visitor center which is at 9,200 feet so we could acclimate. We also ate there; I had ordered vegetarian sandwiches for Sam and I so as not to risk him getting pig products, and they were actually pretty good. Look at me eating vegetarian! The elevation was already getting to me, I could tell, although not too bad, so I just took it easy and let Sam know how I was feeling. He was very caring for me. 

We then continued up the mountain and visited several telescopes, all the while James was explaining how they are managed and sharing both the culturalists who oppose them and the supporting efforts. Walking around closer to 13,000 feet was only slightly worse for me, but it was still so slight that I think the acclimating had done its job. Sam also noticed it, not the whole time, but when he tried exerting himself up a hill, he said he got winded much more than usual and was surprised and intrigued by that experience. I was comparing it to being at the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado, over 14,000 feet, when I felt like absolute jelly and the potential for nausea was much more prevalent. But since we took a train straight up there, we didn't have the same acclimation, so I attributed feeling better to that. 

As the sun dropped in the sky, James took some really amazing and unique photos of us. We watched the sunset from that location, very near the peak, and then boarded the van to drive down a little ways for the ideal stargazing spot. 

I set up my tripod and starting taking pictures while the other tour guide set up a telescope and let people peer through it for various planets and stars. I continued to take long exposure photos while James led an astronomy lecture using his laser pointer to point at things in the sky. His counterpart did the same in Japanese. We learned that the Southern Cross, usually only visible in the southern hemisphere, was actually visible, albeit low on the horizon, for about two months in Hawaii. This was really impactful to Sam. 

Apparently I had set up so in exactly the spot where James wanted to set up. He was actually willing to find a new spot, which I thought was so kind and a little ridiculous of him (haha) - who am I? Just a person on his tour. Once my long exposure completed, I gave him the spot and set up elsewhere. His photos, of course, were so amazing. We even got a couple pictures pointing to the Southern Cross. It became sort of an underlying theme of the trip - aspects of the southern hemisphere coming north to Hawaii. Sam, of course, being the main one. 

After all that wrapped up, we packed back into the vans and wound our way down the mountain. James kindly dropped us off at our hotel, and we got a final hug each, less awkward. 

After taking an early phone call for work on the balcony, we packed up and headed to the airport to transport to the last island together: Maui! Finally, I'd see if Haleakala could redeem itself, although the Mauna Kea tour on the Big Island had already surpassed my hopes for stargazing on this trip. 

We landed and got the rental car and still had a couple hours before we could check into the AirBnB, so we went in search of a late lunch / early dinner. I was hoping to go to the ramen place I had taken my parents so, Tampopo, but it said it was temporarily closed. As we drove, though, I remembered I also really liked Black Rock Pizza, and Sam was agreeable to go there, so we had pizza for a second day, albeit much better than Pizza Hut Express at Target. 

Since we were on the fourth floor, I was very glad to see there was an elevator. We got settled in and took in the view from the balcony. I could not get over it; it was absolutely beautiful! We took it easy that first night, and I used my tripod on the balcony and took some decent shots of the night sky even from there!

 

I started the next day with leftover pizza for breakfast on the balcony - can life get any better? We went for a swim at the nearby sandy beach and watched sea turtles coming up to our beach from the balcony. Then we made preparations to bundle up for the cold and made our way up the mountain. It was another long drive, and I remembered all those twists and turns from having driven it twice a year and a half prior. But it was worth it!

 

After a little confusion in the absolute dark of where to go to get to the top, we found the staircase and brought our things up the short climb to the pavilion. When I was there last, the pavilion was under construction and was off limits to us. This time, it was open and we could use it to warm up a little and mostly get relief from the wind. Sam had found a Thermos and brought tea up with us so we could have a hot beverage to help warm us up.

 

We were so completely alone up there and it was just breathtaking. I couldn't believe the summit wasn't shoulder to shoulder with locals and tourists wanting to take in this incredible view! But, I wasn't complaining… Sam put on the classical music of "Jupiter" while we worked on mastering the art of taking pictures with the other in the foreground while still taking in enough darkness to get the stars in the background.
The photos were great, for sure, but even what we could see with the naked eye was so impressive. My mission to see the Milky Way had finally come to fruition in the grandest of ways!

 

And it was really special to share that with Sam. He told me later, after he got back to work, that he showed his teammates and they were barely interested. His adopted enthusiasm for my passion is one of the things I really like about him.

 

He had agreed to relieve me of driving down the mountain, but being a left-side driver normally, his tendency to lean towards the right edge of the road had me nervous, so I'm not sure if it was better or worse than me just driving myself. Either way, we made it.

 

The following day, with nothing scheduled, it was a good day to have some solo time. First we walked to the local pizza place for lunch and got some leftovers. I did a little shopping there for a Hawaiian dress/jumpsuit, and we walked back. Then he took the car to do some shopping while I stayed at the AirBnB to work on some coursework. We called it a night early so we could get up early to drive the road to Kona the next day!

 

I wasn't sure what to expect with the Road to Kona. I had been under the impression people joked that they "survived" it because the street vendors were shady, or something like that. Actually, they seemed lovely, and I guess the "survival" part comes from all the beautifully scenic one-land bridges and the twists and turns. I was impressed how the lush greenery changed throughout the drive - it wasn't the same for hundreds of miles, it changed and if you blinked, you'd miss it. There were waterfalls visible from the road, especially near the bridges, and there were cliffsides and ocean views. We had packed leftover pizza for lunch so we stopped at a beach in Kona and picnicked at a table facing the water. Some very brave cardinals approached to beg for food. Sam took a quick walk while I relaxed.

Then we headed back, stopping a bit more, now that we knew what the road was all about. We pulled over for some waterfall pictures, and stopped at a vendor for a macadamia nut cookie, a Hawaiian drink and a souvenir magnet commemorating survival of the road. Actually, since Sam was driving on the way back, I was commemorating surviving his driving.

 

I had booked dinner reservations at Mama's Fish House months prior, and tonight was the night! We arrived to the northern town of Paia a little early, so we walked around the downtown shops and then headed over to the restaurant. We were afforded some gorgeous views and took the opportunity to grab some more beach pictures while Sam was all gussied up.

 

Dinner at Mama's was absolutely amazing. We had a stunning view of the beach, and all the food was so good. Adding to our theme of the southern hemisphere coming north, Sam ordered an Antarctic Toothfish. I ordered a port wine with our dessert, which Sam was intrigued with and enjoyed.

 

As the sun set, we left our table and walked down to the beach and got some great pictures with a gorgeously colored sky behind us. Further towards the water, we saw a sea turtle, and got to watch as he made his way back into the water.

 

It was a perfect capstone to an absolutely wonderful vacation. I dropped Sam off at the airport the next morning. He'd spend one more night back on Oahu before flying home, while I spent the night and majority of the following day still in Maui. During the day, I drove up towards Laihaina and explored a public beach by the resorts there. Sam recommended I keep my record going and have pizza yet again. "Pizza everyday!" Then I did some more shopping in Kihei before heading to the airport a little early - only to have to wait to check my bag because I was too early. I'm sure Sam loves that!

 

No matter, I couldn't have asked for more on this trip. Sure, there are other Hawaiian and touristy experiences we could have done, but since my primary mission had been to go to the top of the mountain(s) and see the stars, it surpassed all my expectations. Everything else - the luau, swimming with manta rays, even just the regular beach swims, stunning sunsets and other land-based tours - were just the cherries on top! I feel truly blessed and am so glad I got to experience all of this!

The Devil Within

Yesterday Sam and I had another conversation about our relationship status - a sort of "check in" on where his head is at in regards to living with me in the future. Happy birthday to me, I guess. His focus is still on his "independence" mostly, but also highlighting the huge change it would be to presumably move to America and live with a partner, and also the risk if things don't work out, as if he'd be left in the cold. 

And here's the thing about Sam is that I truly believe what he says, although his attempts at jokes sometimes send me spiraling back into my insecurities. But when he is thoughtful and deliberate, I think he is honest. Yet there are lots of things that puzzle me about him and what he says, how he perceives himself and how he perceives me. I haven't been able to pinpoint something that's clearly and obviously bad, yet I am still unnerved by these conversations and my interactions with him. 

My most recent hypothesis is that he actually is blind to the dark side of himself. So when he is speaking thoughtfully, I think he is telling the truth as he understands it. But he hasn't done the introspection to understand and realize the source of my concerns with him. 

Take this "independence" thing, which he promotes as his biggest barrier to us living together. I don't think he really knows what that means - rather, I think it's a wall he is subconciously hiding behind. Afterall, he currently lives with his sister in a house owned by his parents, who visit frequently and for long periods. So it's not like he lives alone and is worried about having to share a space. And he complains about what he has to do for work, like when he has to go into the office, even though it's only two days a week. Yet I've had on the table for a while that I would cover him financially if he lived with me, so he would have more independence in that regard. 

He promotes his "positivity" but he's very negative about the risks and the challenge of moving in together. While I try not to diminish the huge change it would be for him, I look forward to the steady state of us being together with great optimism. I see such great potential in us having a better relationship - he can use his brain more and we can enjoy more things together more often and my need for physical affection wouldn't be so intense. It just seems like the obvious, better solution than what we are doing now. But he says he's happy with the way things are. So I think his positivity is different than my optimism in that I look towards a positive future whereas he revels in the instant gratification. Change is hard, but what we have is great right now, so why do the hard thing? 

I think he does this with a lot of aspects of our relationship. We had a somewhat teasing conversation about "who's the boss" in our relationship and he said I'm the financial boss because I finance our trips. But I pointed out that he dictates when I can touch him and kiss him, and he has to have his tea and he has to have things his certain way in our day-to-day vacation schedule. He sees himself as laid back and doesn't seem to recognize how bossy and insistent he is to get his way. 

It reminds me of the analogy he made a while back about cat owners and dog owners. He said being a cat owner teaches you consent because cats won't call just because they're called, they have to decide to come to you. He made it sound like clearly cat owners are the superior beings because it's easy to be a dog owner. Yet when I thought about it, it seemed like I'm the "cat owner" then because I have to have his permission to touch and kiss him and he dictates when we do different things. He acts more like the "dog owner" in our relationship because we do everything on his schedule when he decides. 

I think he does this also with how accusatory and judgmental he is with me. I don't think he intends to come off that way, it's a part of him that's buried in his subconscious. Because he also talks about how intuitive he is and I've seen that part of him in action, yet he doesn't like or understand little things about me a lot. It's like he intuits something's there but he doesn't know how to address it in a way that is understanding. 

I did think it was positive when we talked briefly in Hawaii, that he said if we end up not having any more trips this year, that would be okay because he knows he owes me an answer. But when he confronted me directly about it on our call yesterday, I was honest that yeah, part of the reason I haven't planned anything else with him is that I don't want to keep investing in this relationship that may never be what I need it to be. And then he immediately made a joke, I guess along the theme of "who's the boss", that I was going to "cut him off" if he didn't move in with me. And that went over like a lead balloon. 

I think this is one of my struggles is that he says things lightheartedly because he thinks its funny and when I pin him down about it, he will insist he meant nothing by it. But I believe that every joke, even if made with intentions rooted in jest, still has some truth in it for the person saying it. And to me, its an insight into how people think. So when I later told him that upset me, he blamed his lack of being in the right state of mind and sort of blew it off as a continuation of the boss joke and nothing serious. But it's precisely things like that which play on my insecurities and make me think he's just playing the game with me to milk me for more vacations and fun events. He did apologize and say he didn't mean it. And again, I feel like I can believe him when he says things, so it's all I can do to accept his apology and take him at his word that he didn't mean it. But those insecurities still exist. 

On a positive note, with me coming back to Australia for work, he has been open and willing to let me come visit and stay with him which, for him, is a huge step. I think he realized how much it hurt that I wasn't allowed to participate in any of his home life while I was there last time, and without me having to say what I played out in my head for my next trip to Sydney - that I wouldn't be coming to Sydney and not seeing his home again - he opened that proverbial door.  We share a concern about how I will react to the cats, so the visit may have to be cut short, but at least I will get to see how and where he lives, which is really important to me to understand and see him better. And if I end up choosing to go to a hotel because of my allergies, then that's not on him.