I'm moving to Fort Worth, Texas. I don't particularly want to move. I'm not excited about the move. What I've been telling people in regards to my feelings about it, and how I think is the best way to describe it is, I'm at peace with it. It's a little more than base acceptance - although accepting it was the first positive step towards becoming at peace with it.
If it's not been stated yet or made evident - Deric and I broke up at the start of this year. Short-lived relationship, for sure. I suppose there were red flags early on which I chose to sidestep. I didn't quite ignore them, but then, he also responded positively when I laid out some boundaries around them, so that seems good and mature. But they were still red flags nonetheless, I suppose in hindsight. Anyways, we fought and that was just about the end. I didn't publish it then, but might as well now... here's what I wrote that day. He texted a couple days later and I held my stance, and he didn't apologize, so that was that.
Not a great start to the year, but also not terrible in light of the uncertainty which became more certain - that I'd be moving to Fort Worth, basically to keep my job. It's not quite that simple, work drama, but I'm definitely making the best choice for me and for the team and the company, I believe. It's just tough because I wasn't quite ready to leave Palmdale - I weirdly like it here and there's still a lot to do in California. I've been trying to knock some of those things off my list before moving.
Today, though, a big step forward in the move progress occurred when I finally got an offer on my house. I already have a house I'm under contract for in Texas, but that is contingent on the sale of my house here and it's been a while. So I am relieved, on the one hand, especially because I hate being in limbo and not being able to plan things. But on the other hand, it just made it real, final and eminent. I guess a part of me hoped the contract would expire and I could push the move out a bit, find a different house that I was more excited about.
It's not that I have buyer's remorse, I don't think the house I want actually exists and I was perfectly ok with buying a minimally livable house which I could decorate with my own taste. And so much cheaper! But I suppose a part of me still thinks there are better options - either to go cheaper or to go move modern / upgraded. The first house I had put an offer on had a dreamy pool like none other, and while the pricetag was also higher and the commute was painful, I started to fall for that pool. I worry / wonder if I'm going to miss having a hot tub, too, now that I've had one and love it so much. I guess we'll see.
Anyways, with an offer now at an acceptable price, the ball is going to start rolling quickly, I think. And that's good because I do want to be with my team, I am struggling to feel engaged in my work from afar and we have some real problems I want to go solve out in Fort Worth and beyond.
I think it'll be good to have less expenses - and really, this giant house is far too big for just me. And I think the dating scene will be better, I mean, it can't be worse than Palmdale, right? Swing dance isn't an hour and change away… at least not the place I went to when I was last out there (and going to tomorrow). It'll be an adventure, right?
I think what I'm going to miss most is the people I've come to know and like here. I wasn't as well established in San Diego, partially because I lived there during COVID, and even in Florida and Connecticut, I felt like a stranger visiting rather than a resident with a life and friends there. Not sure if that was because I had a significant other and therefore we kept to ourselves, or if it’s the lack of longevity in those places compared to the ~2.5 years here, or maybe both plus my efforts to really connect with people this past year. I'll just have to convince them to move to Fort Worth with me.
On to Texas!
