Thursday, May 23, 2013

My boys bring all the milkshakes to the yard

I've been hesitant to write much about my love life as of late, partially because nothing too hilarious or ridiculous has happened.  But I do feel compelled to write an update as to where things stand.  Swing dancing has made itself a bigger part of my life than it ever was before, and as such, I've been meeting more people through swing dance activities.  I met an older guy who I really enjoyed dancing with, and could tell instantly that he was interested in me.  Let's call him Ted, because he's a bit like a giant teddy bear that I like to hug.  Unfortunately, he's going through a divorce that just began, and I've already dating someone through a divorce and I would really rather not go through that again.  Maybe if the guy was so over-the-top my dream man I would change my story, but that certainly is not the case.  Still, I've told him that I'd like to stay friends and do things with him, and he took that okay but still treats me a little like he's pursuing more.  That's fine with me, by the way, because I've gotten my feelings out on the table.  

So there's this other guy I met swing dancing.  He's young, 23.  He's very sweet, VERY physically affectionate and cuddly, and great in so many ways.  He appreciates the geek in me.  He, too, made it pretty damn obvious very quickly that he was into me.  It was nice, though, because we took it slow at first.  Texting, meeting up, a first date, movie night, video game night, brewery outing, having wine and cheese.  That doesn't usually happen with me.  He's physically attractive and easy to talk to.  He may not be the best swing dancer on the floor, but he seems to be a quick learner and an eager one.  There is really nothing wrong with this boy.  

Yet, I'm not jumping for joy.  I don't know what it is; I keep taking inventory of what I want compared to what he can offer, and he seems to fulfill my highest priorities fully, and my middle and low priorities at least partially.  I should be ecstatic.  But for some reason I have this strange boredom with it.  Maybe because it was too easy.  Maybe, as I've imagined myself saying to him many times, it just takes me a long time to warm up to somebody new.  I can't put my finger on it, but the feeling I get is something like when you've eaten the same meal for four days straight; you know it still tastes good but you're bored.  That's the feeling, but it doesn't make sense in my head.  He's physically nothing like anyone I've ever dated before.  It's been a long time since I've dated a band geek.  He's a dancer, which is different than the last few serious boyfriends I've had.  He does live at home like my ex- did, but he's moved out once before, and he's so much younger that I can't really compare where my ex- was in life to where he is.  He's still in school, so living at home does not make him a slacker.  He's responsible.  He pays for things without giving me an option, which is really smooth.  I am really stumped.  He's totally awesome, and I just feel luke warm about him.  Sure, he smothers me a little, but I feel empowered to push him away a little if I need to.  Other than that, I am totally comfortable around him.  My head says I could fall in love with him.  My heart says it could pass.  I'm going to call him Dear John, because I'm afraid I'm going to break his heart.  

I guess there was one funny situation I got myself into a couple weeks ago.  There was a swing dance workshop weekend with a 1950's Prom-style dance followed by an after party at one of the swing dancers' houses.  I had actually met Dear John at the workshop Saturday.  For the dance, I brought R, so he joked that I was his Prom date.  Ted showed up eventually, as did Dear John.  Mr. Suave, too, made an appearance, but he and I are quickly growing apart.  I guess it's a little odd to be at a dance with so many guys that like you, but so long as everyone was dancing and nobody was kissing (I had to mitigate some kissing from R), no harm, no foul.  Well, the first best thing was that when the last song came on, I saw Ted heading my way, and R heading my way.  Then Dear John popped up and grabbed me before the other two could get to me.  I felt like, you know, totally popular and like, loved, right?  After the dance, they usually play one or two silly pop songs that don't make any sense for swing dancers.  Following suit, they put on a funny song to dance to, and I immediately started jamming.  I ended up getting a little circle together with Ted and R, and thought it was funny that they were both trying to dance with me.  Writing it out, I guess it was significantly funny after all - because I haven't gotten to the the best part yet.  Ted wanted to follow someone to the after party because he didn't have GPS.  I told him R and I were going to my house to grab some alcohol and that he could follow us if he wanted.  So imagine my roommate's surprise when I walked in with R and Ted.  They were both very awkward and strange with my roommate and his girlfriend.  

Then the three of us went to the after party.  Having danced in workshops all day, my feet were aching, so I sat down smack in the middle of the big comfy couch.  R sat on one side of me, then Ted sat on the other side.  R got up to get me a drink, and Ted laid his head on my shoulder and snuggled with me.  He sat up again before R returned.  I'm not sure if this was intentional or coincidental.  R came back with the milkshakes, which I dosed with alcohol.  Then Ted got up to dance, and R rubbed my feet and kissed me.  Then R got up to dance and Ted sat back down next to me, saw my milkshake was empty and offered to get me another one.  I accepted, and he brought me one back.  Then R grabbed me for a dance while Ted was talking to someone.  When I sat back down again, Ted asked me to dance.  It was a little like volley-Laura.  

Volley-Laura can happen all night long with two guys I have close to zero interest in pursuing, doesn't matter to me in any serious sense, just comic relief.  Dear John is much more interesting.  In fact, we met up for swing dance last Thursday, and we've seen each other, either in public or at my place, every evening since then.  I almost saw R last night, and then he found himself a hot date while I was in a meeting (ok, full disclosure, I thought I had a meeting and I had the date wrong, so I wasn't actually in the meeting I thought I had - I guess I blew it because I could have seen R if I hadn't gone to the non-existent meeting - or did I?  We're talking about R, right?  Oi vey).  

There's just something about dancing with R that is much more comfortable and desirable than dancing with Dear John.  I don't know what it is, but I wish I could put those feelings towards the better man.  

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