It's crazy that a heart can be so indifferent when the head knows it's so right. Now that I've accepted the relationship, it does feel right. If I had made him wait, I think I would have continued being conflicted, so I'm relieved that I was smarter than that.
I suppose my heart's turnaround started last night when he was my +1 at a rather unconventional baby shower featuring the UFC fight as the main event. It was the first time I put him in the situation where he was clearly with me among people he didn't know. It was like a dress rehearsal or a test drive. And it was great. Not only does he go out of his ways to do little things for me, he makes it look effortless (and trust me, I know I'm hard to please).
Jaiman and I only met a couple weeks ago, and we don't have a single picture together. That'll have to change of course. But we've spent a lot of time together, we've talked a lot and we text when we're apart. I thought about making it official last night, and I almost did because even more frightening than the uncertainty of dating him was the thought of losing him, but decided to give it a little more time.
Well this morning he brought it up, and I knew I had to say yes. It went like this:
J: "We've been seeing a lot of each other lately. Does that mean we're together?"Since that moment, I've been convincing myself more and more that I made the right decision. My roommate, who has been rooting for Jaiman all along, made the most convincing argument: he's everything I want. My reluctance to dive into a relationship has prevented me from even admitting to Jaiman that many of the things he's done and he's talked about play right into incredibly selfish fantasies I've had about Mr. Perfect. I won't say he's Mr. Perfect, at least not yet, but he's certainly better than anything I've had in a long, long time, and its incredible to me how good of a fit he is for me.
me: "Do you want to be?"
J: (honestly I don't recall what he said here, but it was an affirmative answer... I was busy freaking out in my head)
me: "Then let's do it, let's make it official."
So the bad news is I will no longer be going on silly, crazy dates with randos. But this comes at a great time so I can now focus this blog on my endeavors to become a social media ninja, successful entrepreneur, world traveler, etc. Stay tuned!