Hawaii Makai

I've been attempting to see the spectacular Milky Way one sees in photos since at least 2021, when I first ventured to Yosemite in hopes to catch a glimpse. I was stunned at how underwhelming the view was from where I first stayed just outside the park. Figuring it was a combination of overcast skies and being too into the city, I unintentionally began a quest to see it and capture a view.

As frustration gave way to despair, I started to learn more and more that the dazzling photographs are not accurate representations of what one can see with the naked eye. Still, I felt certain I could do better. I tried again at Bryce Canyon, to absolutely no avail. 

It started to get to a point where it felt like some sort of curse. I would set myself up for ideal conditions, or at least the best you can plan for since there are always factors within nature that can change and impact the results. The more I failed to see anything close to resembling the Milky Way, the more determined I became. 

As I planned a Christmas in the Sand vacation for my family on the Hawaiian island of Maui, I stumbled upon an astrophotography experience in which a photographer would take people up to the summit of Haleakala and take portraits with a brilliant Milky Way background. I perused her photos and they were good. Amazing, even. So I coordinated with her to go the very first night I would be in Hawaii to be as close in time to the New Moon as possible. We went up, and she shared a lot of history of the Polynesians using the stars to navigate and Hawaiian names of the stars and constellations. She served me hot chocolate. We had a great, lengthy conversation. 

But no stars. Barely even single digits when we started and it got worse the longer we sat there, shivering against the cold despite being a little bundled up. She kept apologizing profusely and explaining how she had never seen it this dark. We technically should have been above most clouds, at over 10,000 feet, and she'd done this dozens of times before with great success. She suggested if I had another free night or if I came back to the island at a later date, she'd take me up again to try the photoshoot free of charge. She apologized again and again, seemingly embarrassed that Hawaii was treating me so badly. I assured her it was me. The Milky Way was officially alluding me. 

I dove into camping at dark sky sites using light pollution maps and timing my trips with New Moons. I returned to Yosemite and stayed in the park, hoping that would make a sufficient improvement. I learned a long the way that a tripod was an absolute requirement and longer exposures would let more light into my camera. I considered, and still am considering, buying an actual real camera and learning how to use it, but two things are working against that initiative: (1) It seems complex and yet not piquing my interest enough for me to invest my time and energy into learning it, and (2) my Google Pixel phones shoot really good pictures actually. 

I proved this out on my side quest seeking the Aurora Borealis, or Northern Lights. With the aurora in a multi-year peak, it felt somewhat urgent to get somewhere to try to see it, so I booked a crazy trip to Fairbanks, Alaska which I felt was doomed to failure and catastrophe. With only a couple full nights to there, after I saw absolutely nothing the first night, I opted to book the aurora tour for the second night. While it wasn't anything close to the most dazzling aurora, it was a great success, and my Pixel camera phone on a tripod with a long exposure managed to capture some amazing photos and videos with plenty of shapes and colors and even some meteors. 

I will also admit, begrudgingly, that I had some success my second time camping in my new home state of Texas. My first attempt, Copper Breaks, was pretty much a bust, and very underwhelming views and hiking by day, as well. But Big Bend put on a good show. I didn't realize until the morning just how close I was to the Mexican border - my tent couldn't have been 15 feet from the river that forms the border between the US and Mexico! When I comically spotted a coyote, followed by a roadrunner, leave my campsite and head in that direction, it occurred to me that was a Mexican coyote and roadrunner. But I digress. I did manage to capture some decent pictures that night camping in the park, as well as the following night when I stayed in a "space dome" near by. 

Still, Maui remained on my mind. Since meeting Sam, we have both happily gravitated towards beachy vacations and Hawaii is a rather convenient midway point between Sydney and Dallas. So, when I started formulating a return trip to Maui, Sam was all in - with the additional request that we also go to the Big Island to swim with manta rays. Since I've swam with sea turtles and dolphins and snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef, this seemed like a perfectly logical adventure to amend my blessed life experiences. But going to the Big Island also afforded a second opportunity for stargazing, too! He also wanted to go to the luau and fireworks show at the Hilton on Oahu. This was shaping up to be quite a trip! 

We've found that our trips tend to have themes and running jokes throughout them, and rarely are they repeated the next time we get together. This trip seemed to be themed, one for you and one for me. Especially the day we had nothing specific planned on the Big Island. He realized we'd be near the home of Kona coffee and found a place to do a tour. As we found our gate at the airport prior to flying to the Big Island, a bar reminded me that Kona beer would likewise be in that same area. So a coffee tour for him, and a beer tour for me! 

Unfortunately, the manta ray excursion, while absolutely amazing and I'd highly recommend it, stirred up my old motion sickness and I ended up getting sick in the water. Thankfully, not much clean up, and I got dizziness under control before boarding. Still, I wasn't feeling 100% for the remainder of that night and into the next morning. So I wasn't sure about the beer tour, but we did go to the Kona coffee place and then went to Kona Brewing Co for lunch and a couple tastes. 

But, let me give the manta ray experience the full description it deserves. It was very well done, to start. The guides gave us clear instructions and told us what to expect to minimize panicking or concerns in the water. The $40 Go Pro rental, while relatively steep compared to just buying one, was actually well worth it to me because of how simple they made it to use for this specific purpose. Sam really seemed to enjoy using it to capture the magnificent sight, while I was content in enjoying the experience, thinking the videos would never really do it justice anyways. Actually the videos were great, and I sort of wish we had done more "selfie" type video, but that's such a minor point compared to the experience. 

As we boarded, we were given optional wet suit tops to keep us warm in the water, floating services and snorkels, all of which I declined because I had my own dry snorkel with me and didn't want the other two. I was glad Sam got a wetsuit top because he gets cold easily and towards the end of our swim he was getting cold anyways, he would have been much more miserable faster had he not had that. 

I generally love being on boats, and especially faster moving ones which don't foster that subtle rocking sensation that more often triggers my motion sickness. This boat was fairly sizeable but still quite quick, as we made our way out to one of two places in the world (both being in the waters around Hawaii) where the giant manta ray come to feed at night. 

By supplying a large float lit from underneath, plankton are attracted to the float and thus the manta rays would come right up to us with their mouths wide open - it would be terrifying if we weren't previously warned and reassured they only eat little plankton, and then do a back flip inches from our faces. We merely needed to hang onto the lit raft and stretch our feet backwards to keep them on the pool noodles we were supplied. Sometimes they'd swim by and their lengthy pectoral fins ("wings") would bump our shoulders, or even stomachs. And they were huge! Most we saw, I'd estimate to be 5 to 8 feet wide! We were told they could be even bigger out there! And there were dozens of them! It would have been tricky to try to count unique ones since they swam far and wide (and deep) but it was easy to see 4 to 6 at a time unless your view was being blocked by a ray passerby an inch away as they did frequently. 

After our swim was complete (and I stopped vomiting my Thai chicken into the ocean), the boat had a centralized hot shower we could rinse off in and use to warm up a bit. Not going to lie, it felt glorious! 

Upon returning to shore, we exchanged the rented Go Pro for the micro SD card we had used and that meant we got to see the videos on my laptop that night when we got back to the hotel! They were pretty neat, actually, and did a decent job of capturing the awe-inspiring chaos as the rays swam up towards us from down below while others surprised us by coming in close from the side and blocking our view of the multitudes below with their graceful passbys. 

Before I go on to talk about the highlight, err, most elevated (haha) experiences, let me back up even further and talk about arriving in Waikiki. Because lining up flights from Sydney and from DFW continues to be challenging, we opted for me to get there the day before on this trip, so I arrived Thursday afternoon on June 19th. I checked into the Hilton Hawaiian Village and although I was exhausted and could have easily just collapsed onto the bed to go to sleep, I pushed myself to get ready to go to the place I've previously called my happiest place on Earth - House Without a Key. I had discovered it over a decade ago on my second trip to Hawaii with the ex's family.

What I love about it is that it is situated over the beach but on a dock so there is no sand in sight, but the water is right there. The deck affords beautiful views of Diamond Head, but the umbrellas provide ample shade without blocking the stunning colors of sunset. A live Hawaiian band serenades guests as a hula dancer graces the stage with her mesmerizing accompanying movements. The food is terrific, and the drinks are fruity and strong. There seems to be a story behind much of the menu, and the wait staff is phenomenal. And if you have to go to the restroom during your stay, you'll be treated to Toto bidet washlets like I have come to love in my own home (I sometimes joke that the worst part of traveling is that I miss my bidets). In fact, even if you don't need to use the restroom, if you've never tried that kind of bidet, I'd recommend detouring to the restroom to check it out. I was so comfortable with it that I forgot it wasn't mine and instinctually hit the User 1 setting button before remembering that this was not my toilet and therefore had not been programmed for my tastes. I would have to manually set my temperature and pressure settings. Gasp! Still, it was a nice surprise that just adds to why I love this Waikiki establishment. 

I walked nearly a mile and arrived exhausted and hangry, and was unsure if it would stand up to that lofty title of being my happiest place on Earth, but after a mai tai, terrific rolls and butter (what WAS that?) and some pizza, I can say it is definitely worthy of the title I've bestowed on it. While I sometimes mix up the name (Room without a Lock? Place without a Door?) the experience was perfection, nearly 11 years later! 

After two drinks there, stumbling back to my hotel was a little rough, but I made it successfully and even remembered to stop at the ABC store to get distilled water for my CPAP machine. And then I crashed hard! 

Recalling a pastry shop I had spotted while checking in, I decided to wander for a little bit and see what shops and restaurants were in the area, but determined that the pastry shop sounded the best to me for breakfast, so I headed to Chee Hoo Patisserie which already made me giggle a little. I learned what a fougasse was - and to no surprise, discovered it was also delicious - and got a crookie - a soft, buttery chocolate chip cookie wrapped in a croissant crust. I ate most of the very carb-loaded fougasse and instead of discarding the mini pizza box it came in, I used that as a sand-proof platform for my things on the beach while I went for my first ocean swim this trip. Genius, I tell you! The water was wonderful, and after locating a sandbar which would likely have fish, I went back to my things to retrieve my goggles and went for a little snorkel. I was rewarded with a number of fish sightings including spotted tobies. 

I knew Sam would be landing soon but it would still take him time to get through customs and then make his way to the hotel, and that he may not be able to get on a wifi to message me before then. So trying to keep from rushing out of excitement, I headed back to my room and showered and then enjoyed the second part of my breakfast - the crookie, on the balcony with a gorgeous view and awaited a message. When it got closer to his anticipated arrival time and I still hadn't gotten a message, I decided to relocate into the room so I could hear him knock in case he came straight there. He did, indeed, and I jumped up, now allowing myself to get excited. After letting him settle in for a few, we spent a few minutes taking in the view on the balcony and got the first of many selfies, and this one ended up being one of my favorites. He needed a nap and wasn't hungry yet, so I left him to snooze while I grabbed a burger at the bar downstairs and watched All Space Considered on my tablet. 

We went for a short stroll down the beach and then donned my aircraft-themed Hawaiian shirts for the first big event - the luau! Since Sam doesn't eat pig products, I knew his selections would be limited, but actually there was plenty for both of us to eat, buffet style. We had great seats and enjoyed the show, of course. Sam even got a little video of my dancing at the end of the audience-participation hula lesson. We had tickets for four drinks each which was of course way too much, but we redeemed two during the dinner and show and then redeemed the last two as it wrapped up, and enjoyed them while watching the fireworks from the lawn. We called it a night after that. 

We got up early the next morning to go for a swim before we had to pack up and bounce to our next island. It seemed really quick, but our big adventures awaited us on other islands and Sydney flights really only go in and out of Honolulu, so it's not like Sam could have bypassed that island anyways. 

I had a migraine, perhaps related to the extra drinking at the luau, so we mostly took it easy in Kona and went to a nearby Thai restaurant for dinner in hopes the spice would kick the migraine. It did not, and I was feeling really unwell, but knew it wasn't contagious and felt I could push through for the manta ray swim that evening. 

Alright, so we're all caught up now, as I've previously shared the exquisite manta ray experience. The following day, I was still a little wooshy feeling, but staying in bed or in the room didn't seem like it would improve anything. Since we had left space in the itinerary for a backup time in case the manta ray excursion got rained out, we had nothing officially on the itinerary. 

So we caught an uber - well almost - to the Rising Kona Coffee Farm tour, which was much less commercial and much more startup than I expected. They had only been running the tour for three months, in fact! The tour guide was both passionate and hyped up on caffeine, but also gave laid back beach bro vibes. It ended up being a private tour for just Sam and I, and the main part of the tour included a demonstration of brewing the coffee in front of us, with tips and whatnot that would be helpful if you liked that sort of thing. 

I say we caught an uber almost, because there was a bit of confusion on where we were going and it required a gate code and we had no idea if we were at the right gate and all that, but it ended up getting us there. But to avoid similar confusion, we opted to walk down the hill to outside the gate before calling a ride. That afforded a lovely walk in the beauty of the hilly Kona neighborhood and while waiting for our uber at the bottom of the hill, Sam found a friendly outdoor cat who plopped down and accepted all the scratches Sam could give. While I think cats are quite cute, I am very allergic and didn't want to risk adding any complication to my recovering migraine / motion sickness malady. So instead I photographed the love affair between Sam and the cat we later nicknamed Jollity. 

The uber got us to Kona Brewing Co., where we sat down for a great lunch and I had two small beers to try some of the local draughts. Everything was delicious, naturally, but we decided we didn't need to do the brewery tour. Instead, I loaded us up on merch, including a beanie for Sam because he's perpetually cold, and a shirt and pint glass for me. I was about to call an uber to take us back to our hotel when I realized we were less than a mile away, so we opted to walk it and continue taking in the fresh Hawaiian air. Back at the hotel, I opted for a rest while Sam did his speedwalk. We walked to the Cheeky Tiki for dinner, which featured, hilariously, pendant lamps designed to look like monkeys were hanging off of them, Jungle Cruise style. 

The following day was the first big stargazing event - leaving at the seemingly absurd time of 2:45 pm. Sam slept in while I went for a walk and a swim in the little harbor our hotel sat on. I used my snorkel to check out the rocks a little further out from the shore, and was again rewarded with an amazing assortment and quantity of tropical fish! 

D-Day: My Papa's Story

Originally published as:

Hess, Bill. "Ranger got sneak peek of what Allies faced on D-Day" Huachuca Herald, June 10 2001

 

 

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Mr. At the Right Time

I was contemplating how very fortunate I have been, even though I have yet to find the love of my life, to have had wonderful people, and specifically in this case, love interests, who have been there for me in the way they were best suited to be there for me at the time that I needed someone like them in my life. 

The memory that first triggered this thought was thinking back to a little more than a year ago when I was in the hectic midst of moving from California to Texas - the first big move I've done on my own without the help of a SO. Even before I had started the moving process, I had changed my dating app profile to the Fort Worth area in hopes of meeting someone great in my soon-to-be new state of residence. It worked, of course, and I had been dating this guy named Justin when I did my business trips to Fort Worth prior to moving. While trying to close on my house in Texas, the relo company sent the wire for my down payment to the wrong account. $80,000 were lost in the ether for the better part of two weeks. $80,000 I thought I'd lost. It was insane. Why do we wire like this? Why are there not more checks and safety features? Seems like a terrible idea. 

Well, Justin happened to work in IT for the banking industry. He had worked at multiple banks and was familiar with their electronic systems, and specifically, how money wires worked and that there are teams of people at the bank who are specifically employed to troubleshoot lost transactions. While the relo company was beyond useless, and my mortgage company was losing their minds, my realtor was pushing for resolution on my behalf, and Justin was giving me ideas to help the issue get resolved and keeping me calm with his assurances that I'd get the money back and all was not lost. There is literally no other guy I've ever dated before or after Justin who could have helped me get through that incredibly stressful moment, in an already stressful situation of moving and changing jobs, with the knowledge and trustworthy expertise like he could. My employees were shocked with how calm I was being through all of that, and I can only attribute it to his ability to authoritatively assure me it would be okay. 

He was there, in that space of my life, when I needed someone of his exact demeanor and knowledge. I mean, that's really incredible. I am really fortunate. Shortly after, we mutually parted ways, agreeing that we were not, in fact, all that compatible. But I will forever be grateful for our time together and specifically how he was there for me. 

To a less extreme extent, I reflect very happily with my time dating Brandon last summer. There are times now when I miss him, and think about reaching out, then I think better of it - at least so far. He had a vibrant social life, despite claiming to be a homebody who liked reading and video gaming more than anything else. It was because of him I adopted the summer past time of drinking beer in the pool with friends - so much fun! He introduced me to the two-step which is a wildly popular dance locally. He was a great lead and I felt very comfortable dancing with him. With his lead, I feel very confident that I sufficiently gave two-step a genuine effort, and I can confidently say that I absolutely hate that style of dance. I introduced him to swing dancing, and he affirmed my opinion that swing dance is far more dynamic and varied and interesting and fun. But I wouldn't have been able to be so assured in my assertion, or even had any clue, had I not had the opportunity to dance it with such a great lead whose touch was so perfect. I loved the way he touched me affectionately, his subtle but present PDA, his comfortable cuddles, his soft kisses. Yet when he suggested we end things, I didn't fight him because I worried that he would be too boring for me, and I looked forward to being all in with Sam. 

I suspect my time with Sam may be drawing to an end, after one or two more extraordinary adventures which are already planned, and it was sad for me to come to that realization. Perhaps I had fallen in love with the exotic love story - two singles from opposite sides of the world being brought together by a celestial event - better than fiction! It's because of him I've made amazing memories checking off multiple things from my Life List - searching for Nessie in Scotland could not have been more amazing - which I wouldn’t have accomplished without him, at least not yet. 

But just as sometimes people are there for you in a way that you need them, I think it's also true that people can be there in ways you don't like, to show you what is important to you. That may be how I see my relationship with Sam when it exists only in hindsight. He was wonderful at first, but started to pull back on his physical affection (even openly admitting he didn't feel obligated to try so hard now that he "had me"), and more and more prioritized his comforts and habits over my needs and wants. There are things that I still really like about him - his glass half full perspective is unmatched - but these other feelings - that I've been gaslighted or manipulated in ways I can't quite prove - tell me that this is not a forever relationship. It's sewing mistrust in a relationship that requires trust more than most, and I believe he is a good person but I also believe he is content with the status quo and actively resistant to change, which does not serve my desires. Still, not all relationships have to be forever to have been good. Like Marie Kondo's method for parting with unneeded clutter, I can thank the relationship for the purpose it served in my life, even if that purpose was to show me that this is not what gives me joy, and put it to rest with peace and without regret. 

I had another date with Ryan today - is this date number four or five? I've lost track, and I love that. I don't need to keep score with him. We are so different, and yet he has a magnetism that pulls me in. Opposites attract can be true in some ways, I know. He's respectful, he's affectionate, he's grateful, he's protective. He's also absolutely crazy and loud and talks nonsense gibberish to me half the time (I know he thinks it has meaning but I get so lost with the fantasy worlds he's trying to explain to me). He has had zero life experiences and knows so little about the world - a little bit of a blank slate I can wow and amaze with little effort. The whole is both bizarre and endearing. As he watched me drive away tonight, not unlike how my neighbor's stalker cat watches me through my windows, I couldn't help squealing at how cute he is. And really, isn't that the most fun part of a relationship? He also may not be the forever love of my life, but we are both mutually agreed we are having fun and want to continue. 

Honestly, while I still yearn for the ultimate forever love of my life, and part of me wishes I could fast-forward to that part, I am trying, with a good deal of success, to find the joy in the newness of relationships and be present and satisfied in the part of the story that I'm in now. I have a perpetually changing Mr. At the Right Time, and life is good, and I have so much to be grateful for. 

From Lone Star Drab to Love Island Fab: Another Dream Come True

As a sort of follow up to my recent post, "Follow My Florida Dreamin'," I want to also share another way I followed a little dream to a happy trigger that keeps on giving. Specifically, my primary bathroom and bedroom. When I looked at houses in Texas for my relocation last year, I gave each house a nickname, many of which were hilarious to my realtor (and I happen to agree). There was "My Castle" which was the giant house with a turret, but when I saw it, the houses across the street put its turrets to shame and I ended up renaming it to "My Doll House" because it looked like a life size doll house. The house I really wanted was a very modern, Asian-esque model-perfect house with a pool, hot tub and backyard about which I still dream - with its pool ledge and modern appeal. But, they didn't accept my offer and it may be for the best for two reasons: the commute would have been significantly longer and more annoying (nearly impossible to avoid multiple school zones), and, I would have been incredibly reluctant to customize it and make it my own, because it was so stylish the way it was, just not exactly the styling I was considering. The house I ended up buying, I had nicknamed, "Just Ugly Enough," because it had good bones and was in a lovely neighborhood, but I absolutely hated the colors of the interior. That is actually a benefit, to me, because if I hate it, then I have no qualms about painting over it, and it was only cosmetic work that needed to be done to make my own, nothing structural or otherwise significant.

So "Just Ugly Enough" became my new home a year ago, and between work travel, personal travel, and just not wanting to unpack boxes and whatnot, it took me a little while to finally start getting my home into the style and color schemes I wanted. To be fair, there was another, more direct reason for my delay - I had mocked up several variations on my laptop, but I was nervous about the bold colors and concerned they'd be too much. Finally, I decided I just had to push forward. I was happy enough with the latest mockups, and it was just paint, right? If I absolutely hated it in a few months, I could always redo it. It would be a pain, to be sure, but, as a recent meme said, "Everything is figureoutable."

I started slowly but with commitment - attacking first my huge, imposing fireplace with bright pink paint. I worked on it steadily but only as I had time. Even before the painting was complete, I could tell I loved it! The part of the fireplace that had been painted looked so good. I kept going. I painted the mantel and hearth a light gray to tone down the pink. When it came to the cabinets, I was thinking blue, but hadn't quite settled on the specific shade, so I taped the paint swatches of the leading contenders up to the cabinets so that I could see them in the exact light throughout the day that the actual paint would be in. I finally determined which one I liked the most and got that painting done.

Moving onto the primary bedroom and bathroom, I pretty much was set in stone on what colors I wanted in the bathroom, but again was nervous because it was, well, a lot. I struggled with what I wanted to do with my room, though, because I wanted it to match, but I also didn't want it to be too much. Weirdly, for me, I settled on painting over the ugly greyish blue with a plain white in the bedroom, and then using accents to bring the color forward - pillows and bedding, and, neon lights!! At night, which is the best time to be in a bedroom, with the neon on and the regular lights off, it has exactly the look I wanted without being crazy. The other thing I really liked in my room was that I ended up repurposing a tall glass cabinet that had previously been used to display movies, and I made it a display case for my various feminine accessories - necklaces and rings, my various Coach purses, and a few tokens and nicknacks. It became a functional storage in the disguise of a fashionable display case - maybe borrowing a little inspiration from the Barbie movie or the Barbie Dream House design challenge on HGTV.

The bathroom, though, is my prized room now. It is exactly right in so many ways. Prior to painting and adding wall décor, I had been collecting various accessories to match the theme I was aiming for. A fancy pink and gold picture frame that has a call bell and the caption, "Ring for Champagne" sits on the window sill next to a little bubble bath container in the shape of a bottle of champagne and a hot pink rubber duckie with the face of a flamingo, because, obviously. A silly pink hand statue, originally on top of my medicine cabinet, was relocated to the window sill. The corner shelving has my bath supplies - bath bombs, epson salts, shaving crème and razor, and a hot pink loofah to tie it together. On the medicine cabinet, I had these cute little pink containers for Qtips, hair ties, hair clips, swabs, etc. I found an adorable pink digital clock that I had originally placed on top of the medicine cabinets, but post-painting, it found its way to a white wall to create that contrast in color.

The problem was, all these cute hot pink accessories clashed with the baby blue wall color and the hideodeous hand stamping and those dated mirrors. It was time to paint! But that's a lot of work, so I hired someone. I put up post it notes on each wall to make it very clear which color would go where, and showed him. And thankfully, he didn't try to talk me out of the wild color design. He worked all day, but got both rooms done - so much faster than I would have!

The wall around the bathtub is a bright turquoise, and I changed out the white sheer curtains that were there for hot pink sheer curtains (which I had bought months in advance). I had changed the color of the chandelier in my mockups, but I ended up leaving it as the white chandelier that was there because it was a good contrast to all the color. On one wall, I created an artificial "living wall" with fake plants from Hobby Lobby. On the other wall, I have a neon sign that says, "Hello Gorgeous" which is a straight shot of visibility from the toilet, a great message to see as I start my mornings. The little toilet room, although without a door to actually separate the space, just a door frame, has the same bright turquoise color. 

The wall with the vanities is bright pink. Other than that, the other walls are white. The hand towels are turquoise, pulling in that color towards the pink vanity area, while the curtains pull the pink into the turquoise bath area. On the floor, bright yellow rugs of various sizes are arranged and often re-arranged by my cleaners, and honestly, the variety is kind of fun. Sometimes the long one is in front of the vanity to accommodate both sinks, other times it's by the bath tub and the wider rug is in front of my primary vanity.

The VOCs seemed to linger much longer than I anticipated, even with open windows and fans for several days. So I googled what plants were the best at absorbing CO2 and VOCs and invested in a few real living plants to help with the issue functionally, and bring some more organic décor into the space. Of course, I hate making new habits and I knew watering would be a pain for me, so I bought a few of those glass watering globes, but not just any, I bought hot pink flamingo shaped ones. I found another fun pink accessory - what looks like a little balloon dog, but made of hot pink transparent plastic or something similar. And now, all the hot pink décor I had bought before finally makes sense.

I toiled over what mirrors to put over the vanities - I could put the old ones back up, but I just hated how they look, even though they do sort of match the cabinets. I thought about getting really fancy ones with LED lights. But in the end, I went with a very simple, modern look of rectangular mirrors with rounded corners. I hate to drill new holes for them and install dry wall anchors - previously my nemesis for some reason, but I have no idea why, these were actually really easy to install - and once they were up, I was instantly pleased with my selection.

Not everyone likes the room - my sister especially despised it. But luckily, she doesn't have to live here. And I absolutely adore it. The motif and colors were largely inspired by my favorite trash TV show - Love Island, and honestly, after picturing it and mocking it up over and over again, I don't think it could have turned out any better. I absolutely love it. And what's more, every time I walk in there now, I get a little tingle of excitement and giddiness and joy. Whereas I would almost feel depressed walking into that blah blue bathroom before, now the colors delight me and the wall décor feels like it was always there. It's literally like seeing a dream come true, albeit another smallish dream, but a dream nonetheless. 

It occurred to me that there was a book called, "Dunk Tank Pink" that had a multitude of anecdotes, including the one referenced in the title about how painting a jail cell a very specific color pink was statistically shown to calm drunk people down and reduce alcohol-fueled violence and incidents. While pink is not usually the color most people reach for to paint their bathrooms with, I wonder if part of my enjoyment is somehow related. Or, maybe I'm just embracing the feminine aesthetic being a strong, single woman. And it's not just pink. It's the whole Love Island vibe. A vibe I love!

I named my blog "Easily Thrilled" years ago because it struck me as funny or peculiar how certain inconsequential things in life could take my breath away and give me disproportionate joy. My bathroom, in the previously "Just Ugly Enough" house, in a state I don't love, is one of those things that gives me a little gush of joy every time I step into it. So my challenge, to you, dear reader, is, take the chance, buy the paint, use color unabashedly if that's what you want to do. Make it your own. Unless you're eminently selling your home, you're going to live there for a while, so don't worry about the resale value or what future buyers will think. They don't see your interior every day. You do. I'm a big believer in function over aesthetic, but once you have the function down, go big and bold with the aesthetic, the bigger and bolder, the better. So you can be easily thrilled, too.

Ryan >

Dating life update time! 

 

Reeling from the conversation with Sam, in which he is so not committed, including not even sure if he would ever live with me and move in with me, even if I happened to live in Sydney, etc... I just don't know what to do with that at this point, except that I think I need to start pulling back and protecting my heart, and maybe start dating in earnest again. Of course, he's always encouraged me to date locally, especially because I like a lot of physical contact and he's really not into PDA. And, let's be honest, he's been less and less into a lot of cuddles and touching even when we're alone. 

 

Part of me, a really desperate part of me, started thinking about silly Kevin in California. My heart hurts a little bit for him because he was going through something that he couldn't (or wouldn't) talk to me about; I think he was in some sort of home, seeking serious treatment, and I wish I could have been there for him in a better way. But he also had a part in shutting me out, and I can't let myself feel at fault for that. Our last communication was a little harsh on my part but I'm not going to feel sorry for it because he was being ridiculous and he needs to own his part of the whole thing. And if he wanted to reconcile with me, he should have reached out. 

 

Still, I was reflecting during my more desperate moments, how much I enjoyed his physical affection. He was absolutely so wild and I really enjoyed it - even if it was a little over the top. What I didn't like about him was that it didn't feel like I could take him out in public anywhere, because he would be super negative and he would get a little extra when he was around my friends or when he had too much to drink. So I didn't feel like there was any good long-term social life I could have with him. Still, there's something to be said about the need to touch and be touched, in an affectionate way, and otherwise.

Enter Ryan. His profile pics were good looking, and he wasn't too young, but gave me vibes that he was maybe immature. He doesn't have a degree. He works in retail. Basically does whatever job he needs to do to pay rent. Not that that's a problem for me, it's just different than my usual type. Then again, it was exactly my type for ten years, so what am I really saying here? Different than Kevin and Sam, and Justin and Brandon... just different.

 

For our first date, I invited him, of all things, to come swing dancing with me. I was pretty much not expecting him to actually show, but I went along with the conversation to see where it would lead, and I figured, if he didn't show, I'd just dance like I would have anyways. I told him, you really needed to go to the lesson because just trying to fake it wasn't going to work. He resisted at first, but he got the message. To my surprise, he showed up. He was a little bit grungier than in his pictures, but I could see there was a really good looking guy under there. Our first date didn't feel like a date. It didn't feel like anything really. He tried outsmarting the lesson, and quickly learned that wasn't going to work. But he was a trooper through it and through the whole dance and never complained once about it being too hard or being too weird of a situation. He had had a little to drink to calm his nerves before coming, and took a break for a drink at his car. 

 

As the night went on, he moved his body physically closer and closer to me on the seat and pushed his legs up against mine. And when we were dancing towards the end of the dance, he just had that look in his eyes like he was about to kiss me. I would turn my head because that's not the right place to have kisses in my opinion, but I definitely appreciated the attention. When the dance was over, I suggested we go grab something to eat or drink, and we went to the nearby grill and bar place. 

 

I think what I absolutely loved about that night was, as we were walking from the parking lot, he quickly grabbed my hand and held it comfortably like we were old lovers. And then even more so, as we were walking into the restaurant, he put his arm around my waist and it just felt like he was magnetically attracted and attached to me. It felt so good to be touched and wanted like that from a guy that I didn't even really know! He seemed a little discouraged that I suggested he sit across from me instead of next to me, but we held hands across the table to make up for his inability to have his arms and legs wrapped around me. We had drinks and fried pickles (he made me choose) and by this time he was very drunk and a little silly, but the conversation flowed and he laughed at all my bad jokes - huge brownie points. What's more, he genuinely seemed to think I was hilarious! 

 

After closing out, we made out in the parking lot at my car. I liked kissing him. He didn't try to move too fast. He wasn't trying to get an invite or suggest we  get in the back seat or anything like that. He was just sweet and affectionate - so affectionate!

He texted me when he got home. He texted me the following day to say good morning. He was both obviously busy and yet attentive, and the perfect combination of those two. 

 

We decided to meet up next at a ramen restaurant that he recommended. He was not only early but had already put our name in for a seat and said that it was going to be a little while, so he took my hand and we walked around the adorable shopping area for a bit. And again, I just loved how moving with him felt like we were a couple that had been together forever and were still madly in love. It just felt so good, and so natural. 

 

Sitting down at the ramen restaurant, we weren't drinking and had a more sober conversation but it still flowed well and was a lot of fun. Even though we have almost nothing in common, it was really enjoyable and I could see myself having many more chats with this cute guy. He seems a lot smarter in some ways than he probably gives himself credit for, but it's those pesky kind of smarts that aren't easily translatable into academics or an easily lucrative career. It makes me think about the future of people like him, when everything in retail and labor is automated. But in the meantime, we again made out in the parking lot and I really enjoyed touching his chest. He, again, didn't try to make any moves on me beyond kissing and he just seemed really into me. 

For our third time together, I invited him over to watch movies and cuddle on the couch. I thought for sure that this would be when he would make a move and try to be more intimate with me, but to my surprise, and maybe a little disappointment, he didn't. We just had a great time sitting on the couch, watching movies. He had his arm around me pretty much the entire time and let me leave my hand on his leg, and we kissed and we talked. He wanted me to choose the movie so I put on a film that I'd been wanting to see for a while and we enjoyed it together and idly chatted about it as it played out. We took a margarita break and then he showed me one of his Gundam movies and he attempted to explain it to me. It wasn't my thing and I was honest about it, but he expressed gratitude that I tried it. Still, it felt so comfortable, like I could do this all the time with him.

Oh, so get this: He has never been on an airplane! I just cannot wrap my head around this concept. I mean, I work on airplanes for crying out loud! Not that I've ever flown in the airplanes I work on, but still, I take airplanes everywhere, all the time. I've flown - I can't even tell you how many times - and he's never flown anywhere! So I am dead set that we are going to fly somewhere. I don't care where it is. I would love to have it be somewhere fun, but like, seriously, he needs to go on an airplane with me. There's a little part of me that is both also set on him trying coach for his first flight, and also disappointed because that means I won't be able to apply first class. Maybe a short lived trauma, I just want to make sure he has a real airplane experience before I upgrade us to first class in the future. Ha, the future! With him. With Ryan. 

 

I asked him where he would want to fly to if he could have a trip anywhere. He's talked about Japan before so that's definitely on his list. But he mentioned Florida and how he wanted to go to Disney World. It suddenly occurred to me, and I immediately told him about, how I wanted to do my birthday at the Animal Kingdom Lodge with the Savannah view to see the giraffes and stuff from my room. I've wanted to do that for years, ever since I found out you could do such a thing. I already knew he really likes animals, so when I told him about the idea, he got so excited about the prospect of doing that with me. 

 

So here I am, having seen this guy three times, and planning a trip to Florida to stay at one of the more expensive resorts and doing Disney World, because I want to and because he needs to fly. Yep, I want us to do that together. 

 

I have no idea what this means for me and Sam at this point. I'm still crazy about Sam - I think. I worry sometimes that I like the exotic idea of dating him too much. I know I like the philosophical and intellectual conversations we have, and this guy is definitely not going to be doing that. But just the way that Ryan touches me and holds me, and is just so sweet and affectionate and modest, and doesn't seem to care or have a strong opinion about how we are together... I just really feel comfortable with him. 

 

Ryan reminds me a lot of Kevin in the way he physically shows his affection. There are other similarities, their disposition and general outlook on life seem similar, and a few differences, like Kevin's education and career. Yet it seems like Ryan is an upgraded version of Kevin. And he's better than Sam on the physical touch. He's closer geographically. I mean, that's definitely a huge benefit - being in the same time zone means we text throughout the day. He's also closer to me than Kevin in California, too. And of all the other guys that I've dated in Texas, this guy is just, better. I really enjoy being with him. And bonus points, he currently lives with his ex-, which means he is likely open to living with a girlfriend in the future. That shouldn't mean a lot, but it does in light of things.

 

I was going to title this blog something about Ryan being better than [fill in the blank]... and I couldn't really fill in the blank. Sam still means a lot to me, and I wouldn't say Ryan is holistically better. They're different, and that makes a comparison difficult, if not unnecessary or potentially hurtful. Right now, I don't need to choose. And there is a sense of peace I get from knowing that I have Sam in the capacity that he lets me, but that I'm also free to explore others, like Ryan. But there's something more with Ryan that I can't quite figure out how to express. So I left it as Ryan is greater than.

 

And again, it's early. I don't know what any of this means. But I'm really excited. While I've been in Florida, he's been texting me and admiring my adventures and keeping me entertained with his. I wish he could have come, especially given the airplane thing, but he couldn't make it happen with his work schedule on such short notice. But he's excited about the idea of going to Florida with me in the future and I just can't wait. It's taking a lot of my energy to resist the urge to book the whole thing right now, but I figure I should probably talk through options with him just to make sure he's comfortable with it. 

 

What I do know, though, is that every time I see him and I say good night, I just can't wait to see him again. I get a thrill through my body when he texts me. He's not sending me silly 11:11 pictures. He's texting me meaningfully. And it's been a minute since I've felt like that about someone like him.

Follow My Florida Dreamin'

There are a lot of reasons to write my blog. And there are a lot of reasons I tell myself for which I write my blog. In some cases, they may be wishes more than truths. One of the wishes is that I hope my readers will find inspiration in my ramblings; inspiration to pursue the best version of their lives. And I hope people will get enjoyment and laughter. I hope people will get insight into themselves by reflecting on what I'm going through. I document my life because I think it's interesting and funny and people used to tell me I should have a movie or sitcom about me. Most of my blog though, is truly self-serving. It's therapy for me, and I don't think anyone else actually reads it very often. But I enjoy going back and reading what happened in the past. I enjoy reflecting on who I was at the time that I wrote that and what I was thinking, what I was going through, how I thought my world would end or begin with whatever topic was on my mind. And it helps me be a little more centered and be a little bit more realistic that this too shall pass.

This post is one of the hopefully inspiring ones. I want to use my experience of absolute sheer joy, contendedness, and a snippit of living my best life to encourage people to follow their own version. Specifically, I want to inspire readers to follow the little dreams. This is not a post about the biggest, most important, exciting, wonderful thing I've ever done. This isn't a story of reckless abandon and a transformative new life. It's a story about a weekend. One that was dreamt up, thought about, planned (to an extent), and then executed. Simple as that. But the result, for me, has been a pure appreciation of life, and total and complete peace. It's little, but yet, so big. And I hope that you can find a way to translate that into your own life and do a little thing to follow your own little dream.

I decided a while back, that I wanted to eventually move back to Florida. I had lived in the panhandle - in Panama City Beach - for far too short of a time. Just a few months in, we were hit by Hurricane Michael and half the region was shut down for months; people lost some or everything. It was a very humbling experience to see both the genuine good of people and the absolute worst. I was sad that, just as it felt like we were finally rebuilding, my company decided to close that location and we had to lay off everybody that had moved there for the job and had invested so much into building the best organization I've ever had the privilege to take part in. I was absolutely devastated, and heartbroken, and it's one of the worst parts of my life that followed one of the best things in my career, which was setting up that site in the first place. Nevertheless, the panhandle wasn't really the right part of Florida for me. I always make the best of everything, but it felt more like Alabama South rather than the relaxing cultural retreat in which I'd see myself retire.

Since then I've done a lot of thinking about where I might want to end up and where I would want to retire. Living in Texas as affirmed that Texas is definitely it. I didn't realize how much I'd dislike it years ago when I thought about moving to Dallas for work to escape Connecticut, but now I know and it is what it is. The good thing about living in Fort Worth is that I still make a decent California salary but the cost of living is significantly lower, so I don't spend a lot of money. Thus, I have some money to invest, and to save, and to spend on vacations and fun stuff. So that's exactly what I'm doing. I've decided that the best way to get through the misery of living in Texas is to spend as much time as I can away from it. So if Texas isn't my forever home, then where? Living abroad intrigues me - Japan, Australia, Italy, Denmark, Costa Rica maybe. But there are also lots of challenges with leaving the US. And I just keep coming back to Florida. I love the ocean, I love the idea of being able to see launches into space, I enjoy the theme parks, and it's more achievable and financially feasible than living on the beach in California or Hawaii.

So I've been eyeing properties in Florida. Mostly empty vacant land that's buildable, with the hopes that someday I could invest and hold on to that land. And then, when I am getting closer to either moving there or retiring, I could build my dream house on that property. One of the things that's tough about buying land is that looking at it on the website really doesn't give you much context. The land listing's pictures can seem redundant; you're looking at the same wooded areas over and over. One can map out the distance to common establishments like Target or Taco Bell to get a feel for how remote a property is, or to the nearest beach. But that just becomes a distance, a number, and trying to develop a formula to tell you whether it's worth it or not has proven fruitless for me. Even with Google Street view, it's hard to get the vibe of a place.  So I decided to pick a weekend and fly out to Florida, base myself in the Orlando area and just go explore and see what I could see. I wasn't necessarily looking to actually buy property while in Florida; I primarily wanted to scope out all the different areas so that I have a better feel for what I'm looking at when I'm looking at property online.

Being a savvy traveler, and also a frequent traveler, I was able to book my hotel with points and chose the cheapest one because proximity to a specific attraction or theme park wasn't relevant to me like it would be for other visitors. The original weekend that I had booked ended up having some really bad weather, so about 2 hours before I would have to pay a cancellation fee, I made the decision to push out my travel to a later weekend. It just so happened that that was Memorial Day weekend which allowed me to extend my stay by a day.

For my land search, I was primarily concerned with four areas of Florida. I wanted to check out the St. Augustine area which is a little bit further north and on the East Coast. I wanted to look in Orlando, even though it's explicitly not near the beach, primarily because I've noticed that the housing prices are a little bit more affordable in Orlando, and the draw to the attractions could make it a good investment. And I wanted to look on the east and west coasts approximately lateral with Orlando - the Tampa/ Clearwater/ Pinellas area as well as the Space Coast and Melbourne / Cocoa Beach areas.

I rented a Jeep in case I needed to do some offroading, and each day I headed in a different direction. In hindsight, it was a pretty clever plan, but it was less intentionally thought through and more like the plan developed as I started to realize the enormity of what I was trying to accomplish.

I landed Thursday night and basically did nothing but get to my hotel and settle in. When I checked in to the hotel, I was informed that I'd have a food credit for $25 for each night I stayed. I found parking near my building and got to my room with no problem. One thing that, no matter how many trips I take, I manage to miss almost half of the time, is packing a hair brush. I have 37 small brushes at home from having to buy them while traveling, yet I still manage to pack a bag without a brush roughly every second or third trip. Thankfully, my hair is fairly easy to deal with, especially when its short but even when it's the length it is now - longer than I prefer but not long enough to donate.

So Friday morning I had to struggle with running my fingers through my hair and putting my hair up without a brush. That would be the first of a handful of silly missteps, but, hey, gotta keep things interesting, right? Then I grabbed a bagel from the hotel pantry and headed north towards St. Augustine. It would be the furthest area so I was glad to get it out of the way early in the trip. I checked out the area a little bit, just driving around, and observing. It seemed a little like Panama City Beach, but somehow a little less redneck riviera and more intellectual, somehow.  

Needing to use a restroom, I directed myself to a Publix near the beach. After taking care of the first priority, I shopped around a bit and came across a cooler bag that can be flattened which is super helpful for travel since it's not a big bulky ice chest but it will hold food cold - claiming it can keep even frozen things for up to 3 hours. Trying to stay a little on the healthy side, I got a bag of baby carrots and a couple drinks - and a hairbrush.

The Publix parking lot was marked for Publix parking online, forbidding people to park for the beach there, but since I had actually shopped at Publix, I figured it would be ok for me to take a quick walk to the beach before departing. The sun was shining and the walk was lovely. I passed by a themed motel that I enjoyed. Closer to the beach, I noted the changing rooms, public restrooms, and those standalone showers and foot washes. I left my flipflops at the end of the walkway and sauntered into the sand. I noted that the beach actually allowed for four wheel vehicles to enter and park along the back of the sandy part, for a small fee. That seems incredibly convenient, I thought. I had my bathing suit in my car but since I was wearing shorts, I went into the water up to my knees and took in the view of the ocean for the first time on this trip. Yep, I love the water here.

I walked back to my car at the Publix parking lot and debated changing into my swimsuit and going for a swim, but I reminded myself that this was going to be a long driving day and that I should really see a property or two before I goof off. So, I set my destination for the nearest property to where I was. And brushed my hair with my newly acquired hair brush on the way.

Now I got really lucky, and I absolutely fell in love with the first piece of property I saw. And that's not to say that I would fall in love with any piece of property, I've looked for land before and it took me a little while to find the property that I wanted. In this case though, I felt very confident that this was a great piece of land that I wanted. It was advertised as a corner lot which didn't really sink in until I experienced it - across the street in two directions were undevelopable land, so it was both extremely private and yet incredibly easy to access. It was a dirt road, but flat and even enough that even a car with low clearance could get through it. I also liked the proximity to St. Augustine. It was only about 20, maybe 25 minutes out of the main part of the town.

The neighbors seemed okay enough. They had basic but decent houses and yards that weren't completely trashed, which can be a rarity when you're looking at these other properties. Sometimes the streets have just absolute junkyards in front yards of the various homes along the street. I also liked that, on some of the streets to the property, you have almost a tree canopy going over the street, which to me is just very romantic. I don't know what I love about that so much but it just it takes my breath away when I see that kind of thing, and so to have that be part of my daily drive would be just absolutely amazing.

As far as the property itself, there wasn't much to do or see, except to note that it was extremely densely forested. It would need to be cleared even to camp in realistically, let alone set up an RV or manufactured home on it. But even the dense woods were strikingly beautiful. It wasn't a beachside oasis, to be sure, but so close to the beach and to a great city seems like a fair compromise for the price of the property.

I drove to three or four other properties up there, and I was thankful then for my rented Jeep because those roads were far less friendly to low clearance vehicles. I was really off-roading! And let me tell you, it was much more rocking and turning and ups and downs then a typical Disney ride! Some other properties just felt too unpassable even to get to but I got an idea and I really just wasn't as enthralled with any of them or the surrounding areas like I was that first piece of land. I reminded myself that the purpose of this trip was to explore and have a better understanding of the potential investments, but it seemed like every property I saw after the first one just reconfirmed why that first property was so good.

Since Friday was a lot of driving, I got back to the hotel and had dinner at the hotel pool bar and then called it a night. Saturday would be a little bit more interesting with not only the opportunity to go see multiple open houses, but there was also a SpaceX launch and a swing dance in Orlando that night.

Since I had some time in the morning, I decided to use today's food credit to check out the hotel's breakfast buffet. It wasn't much, and definitely not worth the price, so I got what I wanted and headed out, stopping at the pantry to load my new cooler bag up with some drinks and a bagel for later.

I headed east and checked out a couple places in the Space Coast area, making sure that I was in a good position to see the SpaceX launch when it happened. I was about 20 miles as the bird flies, by my estimation, from the launchpad, and it was a very bright day, so I could easily see the flame of the rocket but it was hard to make out the actual rocket. I could see the flame seem to turn as it crossed into the outer atmosphere. I watched the landing on the livestream on my phone. It was a good experiment because if I bought property in this area, I would know what to expect as far as visibility to the launches - and further away would then be less visibility.

As I drove south along the ocean side, I found a public beach and decided you know what, I didn't get to swim in the water in St. Augustine, today may be the day I go for a swim. So I found a place where I could park for just a couple bucks, and a changing room, and I threw my swimsuit on and I went out and just soaked in the ocean and bobbed in the waves exactly like I love to do. At that point I didn't really have much of a schedule except for Swing Dad's later that night. So it didn't really matter how long I stayed and I wasn't really stressed out about anything which is really a wonderful way of spending a Saturday afternoon. But, as happens in Florida sometimes, a cloud turned dark in the distance, and I recognized the distinct possibility it'd be raining and lightning soon. I got to my car just as my parking expired and just as the storm rolled in. Driving through the rain, I went to go see a couple more properties and then I headed back to my hotel. I had a little bit of downtime and then showered and got ready for the swing dance.

I hit my second little snafu when I got to the dance - pulling out what I thought were my dance shoes. The bag I had packed and brought with me, for some reason, had two left shoes in there. One was a dance shoe and one was a regular walking/running shoe. I thought for a moment, how could I possibly put both of these on, one on the wrong foot, and make it still work? Because I was currently wearing flip flops and that wasn't going to be a great dance experience. But then I remembered that I also had walking shoes in the car just in case I wanted to get out and walk the properties. So I ran out and got those, and at least there was a left and a right shoe. And luckily, they were not super sticky on the floor, so I could still dance sufficiently. And they weren't flip-flops.

I had a great time dancing. It's always a little awkward being a newbie because the regulars aren't sure my skill level or even if I'm friendly. But being alone helps with the latter, I think, because they know I'm not there "with" someone at least. Maybe it would be better to be with a dance partner who could show me off. But it didn't take long for someone to ask me to dance, and after a few more dances I was able to do some excellent Lindy swing outs and tricky Charleston follows. I even thought I recognized somebody from Camp Hollywood, and when he asked me to dance, I confirmed that to be the case. Between dances, I socialized with the newbies sitting on either side of me, who were just learning, and they complimented my dancing. When I danced with the lesson's teacher, I inquired if the Shim Sham was a regular thing, and she said it can definitely be requested. As is common at these socials, they took a break to do announcements, then invited me for an out-of-towner dance in which everyone not dancing stands in a circle and the leads continually "steal" me from my partner. After that, they put on the Shim Sham and I was happy to partake in that at my request.

All day Saturday, even though I was looking at different properties and doing other fun activities, I couldn't help but continue thinking about that property I'd seen Friday - the first one I had looked at. I decided to do a little bit more due diligence on both the company I'd be buying it from as well as the actual property and the county zoning and all of that. So Sunday morning, I let myself sleep in and then went to the hot tub before I showered. I had the hot tub to myself, which filled me with joy and let me focus on the task at hand. I finished doing my research on the company and on the county zoning, and decided everything checked out. With no other doubts I could think of or decision points I needed to wrestle with, I went ahead and purchased the property. Woohoo! I am now under contract for a little less than an acre 20 minutes outside of St. Augustine and I couldn't be more excited! 

I tried getting under the waterfall in the hot tub, which turned out to be an extraordinary massage with the heated water hitting my neck and back with the perfect amount of force. When the hot tub became a little too hot in the rapidly rising Florida heat, I hopped over to the pool which I also had to myself. I caught up on texts with friends and family before deciding to head in and get ready to go for the day. Even though I had now committed to a property, I still wanted to finish my full exploration.

After I finally got my butt through the shower and ready, I decided to check out the nearby Disney Celebration neighborhood before heading west. This has been a neighborhood on my radar for years, for some reason I thought all the houses there were exorbitantly expensive. But actually, I looked on Zillow and there were houses that were in reasonable price ranges and even some that were relatively cheap compared to what I'm used to in Texas. There were the multi-million dollar houses also, and I kind of wanted to see what that looked like. There were a few houses that had open houses on Sunday so I decided to at least look at them, although not necessarily go in for the open house. I had originally considered attending open houses but realized that just comes with a lot of unnecessary explaining and sales pressure, and I wasn't all that concerned with the interiors at this point anyways. Until I'm actually ready to move, I'd stick to more of just the driveby's to have a feel for the areas I could potentially consider in the future. So that's what I did. I went over to the Celebration neighborhood which was coincidentally really close to my hotel. After I saw the first house, I took a little detour on my way to the second house. I saw a little boardwalk that went into a forested area and I thought that was pretty cool looking. I parked and got out to walk it a little bit. That brought me quickly to a little pond which was very scenic and filled with wildlife -  fish jumping and making ripples, and a woodpecker in the tree by the walkway. There were several people walking and running and even biking as I was walking along and so it just seemed like a really vibrant, healthy way to get a workout in and be among nature, which is really cool. I walked a little bit further, but it just seemed like it was a really nice path and I could picture myself actually living in that neighborhood and running on that boardwalk.

There was one street on which I really enjoyed all the houses, they were all different styles and all very big. And you know, multi-million dollar, beautiful mini mansions. But I just loved all the different styles. I liked how a lot of them had a kind of archway that you would drive through to get to the garage in the back, so that takes the garage away from being the front and center part of your house. A highlight for me was, of course, the traditional and modern takes on turrets, which I just love. You know I love my turrets! I took a lot of pictures on that street, and I mean, if that isn't the dream right there I don't know what is.

I was completely struck by how the whole area felt very Disney themed without having explicit Mickey Mouses everywhere. It's kind of hard to put my finger on it, exactly, but the architecture and the motif, the art deco perhaps, it all just felt like Main Street Disneyland and a little bit like Hollywood Studios, again without being super explicit with theming. Just having that little touch, that little nuance, little textures, all the buildings had little flares of whimsy and clean old-timey throwbacks, and it was just so, so put together. I could really see how if you want to live in Florida and you have some money, why you would want to live in Celebration. It just feels like the perfect Utopian neighborhood. I was struck by the 7-Eleven as I exited the neighborhood. It was also done up like that, and I just I couldn't help myself. I needed to get gas anyways, so I stopped there to get gas and I went into the store to get some snacks. And of course they were selling Disney items and Mickey ears and all of that.

Finally, I headed west and went to the Clearwater/Tampa/Pinellas area. The traffic was much worse going this way and I'm not sure that I would like that permanently. I also didn't love the vibe there. It felt almost like Texas. I did get a chance to scope out the beach. To do so, I parked in a permit only lot, but I figured I'd only be there for a few minutes. I walked down and just got my feet in the water for a few minutes. I do love the warm, clear water of the Gulf. I remember it from living in Panama City Beach, and I could instantly recognize the appeal of the place, even if the establishments and traffic are less desirable. It's just absolutely amazing - there's nothing like it! After a few minutes on the beach, with my feet in the water, taking a couple selfies, I headed back up to my forbidden parking lot. I love how every beach I've been to seems to have a full shower and a foot wash right there as you exit. It's amazing, such a little thing and yet so helpful. I washed my feet off real quick and popped back into my Jeep to get back on the road.

What I've really liked about this trip is that I have a rough schedule - a rough aim, a destination of where I want to go, and approximately when - but other than that, I'm by myself and I'm doing whatever I want to do. I'm listening to audiobooks. I'm doing a lot of deep thinking and planning for the future, and I'm listening to music when I don't feel like I have the brain power to do anything else. I'm belting my own karaoke performances at the top of my lungs. So all this driving around isn't just wasted time. I'm actually working on stuff mentally. I'm learning. I'm thinking big picture ideas. I'm planning for the future and I'm enjoying myself. When I have to use the restroom, I stop at gas stations or fast food chains and I don't really stop to eat for very long. Although, I thought about giving myself a break from driving and sitting down to eat somewhere, but I just keep going because it's so much fun to just be on the move and check out the different areas.

My Publix cold pack bag has been very handy - I've put cold stuff in there in the morning, including my carrots which I am still trying to force myself to eat in between meals instead of the other options for snacks. I can fill it with new drinks and stuff that I'm buying at the gas stations to keep me fueled and hydrated. I stop when I want to stop and I keep going when I want to keep going and it's just been really liberating. I feel like I don't have any responsibilities. Everything is taken care of or can be taken care of with a swipe of a credit card. I'm not really spending that much money while I'm here, just gas and a handful of snacks or quick meals. The food at the hotel is free for me so stocking up there means I don't need to purchase a lot while I'm on the road. And since the hotel was free, the biggest expense really was my plane ticket. And of course, I did splurge for first class because I'm a brat like that.

I hit another storm on my way home from the west coast, but safely made it back to my hotel. The storm deterred my interest in going out somewhere fun for dinner, which was fine. I was glad that I had already toured around the Celebration neighborhood when it had still been sunny. I grabbed some food to make into dinner from the hotel pantry and basically collapsed into my bed. I finished three audio books on this trip - one which had previously been started and one which was a re-read, but still. I played on my phone, posted pictures, caught up on texts with Sam and Ryan and Darc, and then passed out.

What I want readers to get out of this is the idea that if there's something that you want to do, it doesn't have to be the traditional vacation. I'm here in Florida and a lot of people might think that I'm crazy for not just staying at the beach all day, or not going to one of the theme parks even though I proclaim that I love them. There's lots of events and things to do here, but that's not the focus that I wanted on this trip. And I think that's okay, I'm enjoying what I'm doing. Hell, it's more than okay. I'm learning. I'm getting me time - and that's something that's pretty hard for me to do typically. I usually hate driving, especially long distances or in traffic, but I'm making the most of it and it doesn't stress me out because I don't have a strict schedule. And I have an overwhelming sense that life is good.

So if you have something that you want to do, even if it seems silly or other people don't understand it, I want you to know that you can. You can make the plan. You can save up the money. You can go and do whatever that thing is. It doesn't have to be what normal people would do in a certain area and it doesn't have to be super expensive. I feel like I'm living my best life, even though I'm pretty much going from gas station to gas station. Even though I hate driving, I'm making the drive work in my favor - forcing focus and creation and decompression. If I can enjoy driving this much, then certainly you can find what makes you happy that is or is not aligned with the "norm." And follow your gut  - if you make a plan and you decide you don't want to do that thing anymore, do what you think is going to make you happiest.

Follow my lead, and do your own version of my Florida Dreamin'!

Manipulated?

Sam is a good person. He is honest, down-to-earth, genuine, and trustworthy. He brushes off life's setbacks and problems, and focuses on the positives - the silver linings.

At least I think he is.

This isn't a new thought of mine, but more and more, I feel like it could be I'm being manipulated by him. I've compromised so much of what I want to get ounces and snippets from him. In many ways, I've given him the world, and he gives me so little in return. His reasoning for why he doesn't smother me with compliments and verbal affections is because he believes his actions speak louder than words ever could. So what do his actions tell me?

He texts me daily. He shows up when he says he will. He talks through things that are bothering me. He doesn't get spendy for food and drinks and luxury comforts. These are good things - they tell me I can trust him and that he is genuinely interested in this relationship with me.

But he also doesn't cuddle me as much as I'd like. He refuses to hold my hand, even though we held hands on our first day pretty much the whole day. We didn't make love the last time he was here. He procrastinated on things. None of those things individually are bad, but…

Now he doesn't want to move in with me. I'm sure I've expressed what I wanted from the start, and while he expressed a need to take it one step at a time, he never indicated he didn't want the same thing eventually. It was always, we'll see how this goes, we'll see after this next trip, we'll discuss it when I visit you next, we'll talk about it after it's been a year. And now to tell me that he is perfectly content with how things are going and he doesn't want to change anything, and acting like he is surprised I wanted anything different, it just feels like something has gone wrong somewhere.

It makes me second guess myself. Did I not explicitly tell him what I wanted? Did we not discuss what decisions would need to be made at that year mark? And, have I given up too much and let him be comfortable with getting everything he wants. Maybe I've created a monster. Or maybe he was the monster all along, slowly wearing me down until he was satisfied with his part while getting everything he wants from me.

So I did what I do when I'm struggling to understand something - I picked up a book. This one was called, "The Dark Triad," and while the narration was awful, the content was mostly good and to the point. It talks about the three major recognized dark personality types - Narcissim, Machiavellanism and psychopathy defined as such:

Narcissism:
. Individuals with high narcissism tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

Machiavellianism:
.This trait is characterized by a manipulative, cynical, and exploitative approach to social interactions, with a focus on personal gain and a disregard for ethical considerations.

Psychopathy:
.Psychopathy involves a lack of empathy and remorse, impulsive behavior, and a tendency to engage in antisocial behaviors.

It's strange because none of these traits seem to fit him well - he self-proclaims he is intuitive about people, which seems to be a stronger degree of empathy the way he describes it. And I've seen that in action to my utter amazement! It was as we wrapped up our first date. We were sitting on the sofa in my hotel room where as I was temporarily housed for my job, and I was wrapped up in a glorious cuddle with him, facing away. And it occurred to me suddenly that he'd be gone in a few days, and that made me so sad because things were going so well. I hadn't said anything, and he couldn't see my face. Yet somehow he felt my sudden change in mood, and asked me, "What's going on? What's wrong? What are you worried about?" It was uncanny to me that he could seemingly read my mind, or at least my emotions, without any outward indicators. And of course when I told him what had crossed my mind, he responded with an abundance of positivity, including the fact that we had one more date planned before he left.

The closest of the Dark Triad might be narcissism because it does seem like he prioritizes his habits and desires over mine. But he doesn't require admiration and he doesn't lack empathy. Sadism, which is often correlated to the Dark Triad or even considered a fourth, crossed my mind several times as a possibility because he actually likes to pinch me to the point that I react to the pain, and he seems to do the same figuratively as well.

The book then goes into some of the forms of manipulation to watch out for, and many of these were common with the principles in Cialdini's Influence which I often reference: Reciprocity, Scarcity, Authority, Commitment and consistency, Liking, Consensus or social proof, Unity.  It also discusses the difference between regular and malicious manipulation, based on intent, accuracy and effect on the recipient.

This is probably where I struggle the most, because I don't think Sam is acting with a malicious intent or maybe with any intent at all. He has me believing that he's just kind of doing his thing, and its tossing my world into chaos. But if he's as empathetic and intuitive as he claims to be, he certainly would be smart enough to know exactly what effect he is having, right? Or is his blind positivity swallowing the flags of concern. The book also states that you may even lack trust in your own judgment, that your self esteem levels may have fallen and your confidence forms paranoia. This feels exactly like the experience I have in these cases.

So what principles might his alleged manipulation be falling under? Even with as familiar as I am with the principles, I can't nail one onto his actions. Maybe that's what's most puzzling of all. It's like he's asserting his routine, his way of thinking, as a given, a fact of life, and he makes me feel like I'm being crazy when I challenge it or want something different. I suppose he sometimes poses as an Authority himself, asserting that because he never gets sick, if I do something that's similar to him, he assumes I'm copying him because he's figured out how to avoid disease. He also assumed I adopted the exclamation, "Hilarious!" into my lexicon after him, even though I've told him I was saying that years ago. Perhaps his take on using Scarcity isn't to tell me "time is running out" as is the usual sales tactic, but rather, to make the things I value so scarce that I value them more - like cuddle time.  The way he procrastinates is almost like the opposite, positively assuming we have an abundance of time, and therefore there's no rush. In fact, I think he uses the opposite of all of them in some ways. Instead of being consistent with what he says, he changes the plan on the fly and does the opposite of what he said he wanted to do. Instead of using consensus or social proof, he tries to convince me that he's right and I'm not. He actually seems to hate most other people and says things that are almost paranoid about how people will judge him if, for example, he takes his shirt off at the beach; this is also counter to the Unity principle, where he is influenced by groups he perceives will judge him as the outgroup.

I guess the only thing I can do at this point is to document the clear attempts of manipulation and your own thoughts and feelings, as the book suggests. If he tries to blame me or make me feel bad, is it a consistent behavior? Is he preying on me or just asserting his own boundaries (perhaps more effectively than I do)?