Exercise Programs Based on Strengths

It's that time of the year again when people kick off their weight loss resolutions and so-called "Diet Culture" is promoted. I've put less and less significance on the start of a new year, but have continued to struggle with diet and exercise, and the biggest symptom - my weight.

My sister does a really good job losing weight with Biggest Loser, FitBit competitions and Weight Watchers. I see her success and think, wow, I wish those things worked for me as well as they work for her. But they don't. I'm too prideful, and not competitive enough, or so I thought. When I'm in a Fitbit competition, sure I'll look at it and try to keep up and/or stay ahead, but a couple bad days and I easily give up, or if someone is just killing it, then I stop caring. I make excuses that satisfy me - I'm really busy with work right now, I need more sleep, I have other things to attend to. Diet programs only work for me when I choose and craft them myself. But even those are only as good as my ongoing commitment, which tends to suck. I've tried using reminders on my phone, print out plans to mark off everyday, and just plain "do your best everyday". Turns out, I hate routines and I'm terrible at sticking to them on my own.

So what does work for me? Well, for a while, I was sharing in the exercise experience remotely with my sister - I'd text her my exercise regimen for the day, and then I felt obligated to complete them myself. When I dissected this, I realized it came down to two of my strengths in Gallup's Strength Finders test - a tool most often used for career development and team building. The first aspect is Responsibility - by texting my sister, I instantly felt a burden of responsibility on myself that is far more motivating then competitions or peer pressure - I was accountable for doing what I was making her do. The other aspect is Communication - I don't want to be "that person" who posts on social media about every workout and every good meal and every ounce of water drank. But, sharing my story helps motivate me in some way. Getting positive feedback, too, helps, but it's more the communication than anything else for me. As I dug more into this idea, I realized that I choose programs that work for me because I have the strength of Individualization, meaning I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all approach.

My other top-five strengths are Activator and Achiever. Interestingly enough, you might think these would help me succeed in diet programs, but they actually work against me in some ways. My Activator strength helps me start a program, but not necessarily finish it. If you find that you jump into things and start with a ton of vigor, only to flame out after a while, you may be an Activator. The Achiever in me likes ticking boxes, but when I see unticked boxes, I'm disappointed in myself and become demotivated. Now, I'm a big believer in the Strength Finder exercise and results, but I recognize not everyone sees it as helpful or even realistic that answering a few questions can tell you so much about a person. So I say it is as useful as you make it. And why not make it about our personal weight loss journeys, too?

Based on my personal analysis, my theory is that losing weight or getting fit, or any other type of personal goal for that matter - reading more, getting financially healthy, etc - could be done better by utilizing your Strengths. I bet my sister has Competition as one of her strengths, and that's why those programs work for her but not for me. If you haven't done it, I strongly encourage you to take the test here. You can even make a date night out of it with your significant other, as talked about in my friend's blog here. 

Daniel Lieberman, author of "Exercised: Why Something We Never Evolved to Do is Healthy and Rewarding," talks about how we are biologically programmed to (a) conserve energy (i.e., be lazy and not exercise unnecessarily) and (b) consume food in an unrestricted way (aka not dieting). This has been known and discussed in other articles and publications I've seen throughout the years as well. What Lieberman has done, though, is take it a step further and suggest that because of those biological programmings, we need to think about exercise in a different way, to make it a necessary part of life, much like it was necessary for our ancestors. I've been thinking along the same lines for several years, as well.

This was why, when relocating to Connecticut for work, I chose to live within walking distance of the downtown restaurants and to my office, so that I'd walk to work, and we'd walk to dinner or lunch on the weekends. Parking wasso expensive and hard to come by downtown and the traffic was even worse - so we were discouraged from driving because it would take longer than walking and would cost money. We

My winter commute in CT

even saw a few shows at the theater which we walked to. There were months I didn't get in the car at all, and when I did get in the car, it was just to go to the grocery store, which was too far to walk. Jaiman, too, took advantage of our population density in the downtown Stamford area by walking dogs; he rarely had to drive to  an appointment, he usually walked to the residence, picked up the dog, walked for a half hour or an hour, returned the dog and walked home or to his next appointment. His long legs and quick, long stride, meant that his customers loved how far he could walk their dogs in the given timeframe, and he had a recurring customer base that loved him.

I didn't really have the same option in Florida, as there was no housing within 15 miles of my office by the airport, although I did consider mapping out a bike path to get to work - unfortunately, I never got around to seeing if I could actually bike to work before we had to shutter the plant. Moving to the San Diego area, I thought about living close to work again in order to encourage walking or biking, but I opted to live near downtown San Diego instead, thinking we'd walk to restaurants and such. Most things have been closed due to COVID pretty much since we moved here, but when things were open, we did walk to some nearby places to eat several times before they got shut down again. However, it's still a bit far to walk to the major areas like Little Italy, home to my favorite brewery, Ballast Point.  In the

Morning run in Balboa Park

meantime while things are still closed for COVID, I've taken full advantage of walking and running around Balboa Park, right across the street from my condo. This, however, is more forced exercise rather than the necessary embedding I was aiming for. Still, it's quite a pleasant area to walk or run, even if I recognize I am doing it for the sheer purpose of exercise rather than transportation.

The other method I've used to get us walking is the Pokemon Go game that was all the rage when it first released. Yes, yes, I know,

Mr. Mime in Cannes, France

we still play. But it's true that it had us chasing Pokemons (especially on Community Day - gotta get those shinies!) and walking from gym to gym during Raid Hours to get those Legendaries, and quite often we can walk much further doing this than we would have if we had elected to simply go for a walk. Now, I appreciate what Niantic has done during the age of COVID, to allow us to raid from the comfort of our homes (at a small cost) in order toprevent gathering, and to improve incense spawns so that we don't have to be and about to catch Pokemon, but these COVID-prevention enhancements have proven to make it easier to be lazy and not walk around during Community Day or Raid Hour, which means, even though I'm still playing, I'm not seeing the same benefits as I was. Not to say that all is lost, indeed we do still get up to go to nearby raids so we can use our normal free passes instead of the not-free remote passes, and I have found myself heading towards stops I normally wouldn't go to when there's a particular Pokemon I'm chasing sighted there. But for the most part, I can play Pokemon Go from my recliner sofa while watching TV, and that defeats the point. The biggest motivator I'm getting from Pokemon Go these days is hatching eggs, because that requires walking (or driving reeeeaaalllllllly slow, which is often too impractical to do much of).

In addition, I just finished the book "Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less" by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, and I think one of the biggest breakthrough ideas I learned from it was that strenuous activity or activities requiring a lot of creativity and brain power are actually forms of rest, especially for those in more intellectual jobs. These activities can improve your work while becoming an integral part of your life that feels required to do your best work, rather than taking away from your work.

Anyways, I think there's something to this idea of making the exercise necessary, and I think it very much goes hand-in-hand with the Gallup Strength Finder strengths.  I did a quick google search and found that one of the Gallup Strength Finders coaches actually thought of this exact thing - she had 100 pounds to use and applied her Strengths to actually, finally, lose the weight. Her story sounds so similar to mine, and her results - 100 pounds lost in 6 months - is very encouraging. Read her story here. 

Based on that, I wanted to give it a shot to see what ways people with different strengths could use to make exercise specifically a more necessary part of their lives. Here are the themes and strengths with my ideas and recommendations for each.

STRATEGIC THINKING

    Analytical - People exceptionally talented in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all of the factors that might affect a situation.
I would imagine FitBit or other such trackers would be useful if you're Analytical, because you can get all sorts of data and trends to see what is working and what is not working. Calorie counting or macro counting may also be helpful for dieting.

    Context - People exceptionally talented in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.

Vision boards including pictures of yourself from when you were thinner or more fit may help people with the Context strength.

    Futuristic - People exceptionally talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They energize others with their visions of the future.
I think Futuristic people benefit from having specific goals in their near future - running a 5k or a half marathon, for example. When my sister and I did pair up virtually to lose weight together, it was for a summer vacation we had planned in Europe, and we wanted to make sure we could partake in all the fun activities without having to worry about our weight being a problem. While not in my top five, Futuristic is my #7 and so this experience is a great example of utilizing my Futuristic strength for weight loss.

    Ideation - People exceptionally talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
This strength is also in my top ten, and I think when it comes to dieting and exercise, it works hand-in-hand with my Individualization strength when I want programs that are catered to me. I take all the different ideas that are out there, and create something that makes sense to me and that I think I can stick to. Fellow Ideators can follow suit - read the varied advice and ideas and then come up with your own program.

    Input - People exceptionally talented in the Input theme have a need to collect and archive. They may accumulate information, ideas, artifacts or even relationships.
The author of the article I found had Input as a top strength, and as such, she said that she had "collected immense amounts of information about dieting and healthy eating over the last 20 years…" but that "having information wasn't enough to help me consistently make good food choices." Instead, she utilized her Input strength by actually sharing her goals with others; their interest piqued her input them to share more. So, finding support groups or accountability partners may help those with Input as a strength.

    Intellection - People exceptionally talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
The author of thee "Rest" book mentioned earlier talks about many top-performing scientists who regularly climb summits or train for marathons. And it doesn't seem to be a coincidence - similar graduates tracked over their careers have excelled or not excelled with a direct correlation to their exercise activities. It was a really interesting perspective that I don't I can do justice here, so if Intellection is your strength, I highly recommend you read the compelling arguments in that book and that may be sufficient to get you motivated.

    Learner - People exceptionally talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. The process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
Clearly, learners won't be enticed by the same old things. For learners, taking martial arts classes or dance classes would perhaps be the best route. Practicing and honing new skills that involve movement will help them exercise without thinking of it as exercise. I loved the social aspect of my kenpo class more than the material itself, and what I learned through that process was actually how much I liked choreography (of course, it's not called that in martial arts, but that's essentially what all the katas and forms are) and so it drew me back to dance. For dance, I'm a little biased but I'd recommend east coast swing dance or Lindy hop. If you want to work on upper body strength, pole dancing is incredibly powerful and challenging to learn. Another way of utilizing your Learner strength is to listen to audio books while walking (either on a treadmill or outside). The focus is on the audio book learning, but it will keep you moving and actually helps your mind focus more on what you're hearing.

    Strategic - People exceptionally talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and
issues.
I think Strategic thinkers will naturally do some of the Ideation and Learner behaviors as it applies to exercise. People with the Strategic strength may also benefit from fitness trackers and regular weight check-ins to determine what is working and what's not.

    

 The dance troupe I was a founding member of, Gypsy Jitterbugs, performing to Rosie the Riveter!

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

Adaptability - People exceptionally talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to go with the flow. They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
This one is hard for me to relate to because it is one of the lowest on my own strengths. I think what failed for me may work for those with strong Adaptability - either an app like Noom or reminders at various intervals on your phone to exercise. For example, I used a simple "to do" app to schedule 100 crunches every 2 days, 3 sets of 3 arm workouts every 3 days, lunges every 4 days, Thigh Master every 4 days (offset by two days from the lunges), etc. By doing this, every day had a slightly different workout regime but at the macro level I would achieve all the workout activities I wanted to do. But, like I said, this didn't work for me because it didn't play to my strengths, however, this may work well for people with Adaptability.

    Connectedness - People exceptionally talented in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links among all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every
event has meaning.
People with Connectedness also may benefit from calorie trackers, water trackers and fitness trackers. In addition, the advice in the "Rest" book mentioned above may apply, as even something as simple as a walk can help spur ideas for what you're working on, so exercise could become a part of your work, in that way. You may also benefit from the relationship-forming aspects of groups like Weight Watchers, gyms or fitness clubs, or even dancing groups.

    Developer - People exceptionally talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive
satisfaction from evidence of progress.
If Developer is one of your strengths, then I'd suggest you definitely need to get a workout partner or accountability partner, or a dancing partner. Being there for your partner and helping them succeed will likely drive success in your exercise goals without even really noticing it. Pokemon Go, too, or other similar AR games, may help because your focus is on the game progress rather than the exercise itself.

    Empathy - People exceptionally talented in the Empathy theme can sense other people’s feelings by imagining themselves in others’ lives or situations.
Empathy is a hard one to directly apply to exercise, but I think the best thing for someone with this strength would be is to join a group like Weight Watchers or Biggest Loser challenges. Relating to others and seeing their journeys, and hopefully their successes, will motivate and encourage you to do the same. You could also apply your strength towards walking or biking for a cause - there are many races that go towards support research and prevention for cancer or other chronic conditions, for example.

    Harmony - People exceptionally talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
Like many of the other strengths in the Relationship Building category, for those with Harmony as a strength, having a workout partner or a group will greatly benefit. A personal coach may also help, since they will be the ones telling you what you need to do and you'll want to avoid going against their advice.

Practicing kung fu with the Warrior Monks at the Shaolin Temple

    Includer - People exceptionally talented in the Includer theme accept others. They show awareness of those who feel left out and make an effort to include them.
Includers are likely going to feel success in social dancing circles or martial arts classes. By partnering up with people and focusing on inclusion in these physical activities, the exercise will be secondary and come naturally from the primary goal.

    Individualization - People exceptionally talented in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how different people can work together productively.
This is my assertion that the one-size-fits-all model doesn't work for exercise. Instead, people with this strength do indeed have to personalize their own exercise regimen in order to be successful. The "Rest" book may help provide some additional perspective and insight to help in your journey.

    Positivity - People exceptionally talented in the Positivity theme have contagious enthusiasm. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

For Positivity people, again, having support groups or social activities like martial arts or swing dancing, is going to be a major aid in your exercise goals. Having people share in your success and cheering you on, and doing the same for others, is the focus for this strength.

    Relator - People exceptionally talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
Relators go beyond the social groups to more deep-knit relationships. As such, being on a team for an extended period of time is probably the best approach for a Relator. I think of crew teams or dance troupes when I think of Relators in terms of exercise.

INFLUENCING

    Activator - People exceptionally talented in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They want to do things now, rather than simply talk about them.
As I mentioned earlier, Activators actually really struggle with ongoing exercise routines, although starting them comes easily. If you're an Activator like me, I think the most crucial thing is to make exercise a required part of your life, like having to walk or bike to work or putting in a standing desk so you're not sitting all day.

    Command - People exceptionally talented in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.
If you're naturally a commander, then consider leading a group or team. Pick an activity you like, practice at it, and work towards becoming the coach, choreographer, sensei, instructor or whatever kind of leader applies. By aiming for this goal, you'll inherently exercise in the process.

    Communication - People exceptionally talented in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.
Communicators should share their experiences with the world. Start a blog or a private group on facebook, or just share photos and highlights on your main social media platform from time to time. You can also join groups or teams, of course, or use long walks to call or spend time with your favorite relative or best friend.

    Competition - People exceptionally talented in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.

This one is pretty easy to see how it applies to exercise - there are all sorts of competitions big or small, races, weight loss challenges, FitBit challenges, martial arts tournaments, dance competitions, sports playoffs, you name it. So rather than go into more detail on those obvious options, I'll challenge you to also consider some less obvious options. Set a reading goal for yourself and listen to audio books while walking, for example. Or a goal such as hiking every mountain summit trail in a given area. Pokemon GO can help those with a competitive nature as well.

    Maximizer - People exceptionally talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.
The Maximizer strength is another one that can actually be detrimental to an exercise routine - flawed performance or missed days can be demotivating. My recommendation is to set small goals such as running for at least 1 minute each day, it's super easy to achieve but often will result in longer runs. Also, the author of the Gallup article suggests focusing on efficiency rather than perfection.

    Self-Assurance - People exceptionally talented in the Self-Assurance theme feel confident in their ability to take risks and manage their own lives. They have an inner compass that gives them certainty in their decisions.
Self-assurance, too, can work against you in the ways I've talked about previously, like when I make excuses for myself - "Work has been crazy this week so that's why I haven't…"  For Self-assured people using the small goals as I mentioned in Maximizer may be one good tactic. My other suggestion would be to make the exercise part of your life by walking or biking to work or to other places for errand, etc.

    Significance - People exceptionally talented in the Significance theme want to make a big impact. They are independent and prioritize projects based on how much influence they will have on their organization or people around them.
If you have a strong Significance theme, you want to heed the advice of the author of the Gallup article, that keeping your exercise goals a secret actually prohibits the Significance of it and leads to failure. Thus, "Putting my fear of failure out in the world actually made me want to succeed that much more," as the author explains. Be excited about it, share it with your colleagues and friends and family. It will be come more important because you have put it out there.

    Woo - People exceptionally talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with someone.
When thinking about Woo, I will always think of my employee and his great disappointment when he discovered his top strength was Woo. He thought it was soft, but I convinced him how it was an enviable strength - his charming over-the-top personality and humility made his smile contagious in the toughest of times and he could make friends with the harshest of people. If you're a Wooer, you will be energized by sharing your story and playing with others in whatever sport or activity you choose. The author of the Gallup article was also a Wooer, and she said, "Woo allowed me to socialize what I was doing with people I wasn't as close to and my ability to quickly connect with others served me well."

EXECUTING

    Achiever - People exceptionally talented in the Achiever theme work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. They take immense satisfaction in being busy and productive.
With my Achiever strength, I thought that ticking the boxes off my plan every day would be enough, but it wasn't. I think Achievers need additional motivation, whether that's aiming for a big goal like a race or competition, or utilizing exercise to achieve other things like the insights talked about in the "Rest" book or something as simple as listening to audio books. As an Achiever, I do like seeing my information on my FitBit app, everything including steps, heart rate zones and resting heart rate, active minutes and even how well and long I slept. These are good rewards for after the achievement, but getting to the achievement needs additional pushes.

    Arranger - People exceptionally talented in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to determine how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.
For Arrangers, I think tools like paper charts or whiteboards set up for tracking can be useful. Also, focus on your schedule and incorporating whatever exercise you choose into your schedule so it's regularly planned in.

    Belief - People exceptionally talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their lives.
People with a high Belief strength should read the literature that is most compelling about why and how they should exercise. In addition to the books mentioned above, I might also recommend "The Blue Zones" by Dan Buettner. You could also consider taking up a martial art, since there are core beliefs that may align well with yours and they promote self-defense abilities.

    Consistency - People exceptionally talented in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They crave stable routines and clear rules and procedures that everyone can follow.
The fact that I'm so terrible at routines is so well aligned with how low consistency is in my strengths. People who excel here will thrive on a good routine, which I wish I could do. Preparing the same meals, running the same route at the same time every morning (even on weekends or off-days), going to the gym or whatever else you have planned will be amplified when you form and keep the routine. It not only will help in your exercise goals, but it helps free your mind from making decisions and allows you to work better and be more creative, as the "Rest" book talks in depth about.

    Deliberative - People exceptionally talented in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate obstacles.
I had two employees who were both high in Deliberative and they happened to sit right next to each other. They made a pact that each time one of them stood up for any reason, they both had to do 10 push ups. This went on for weeks and weeks and they kept at it, taking it very seriously. They were also both very serious military veterans and saw exercise as a required discipline. I think if you're Deliberative, you'd do well to choose what you're going to go after with careful consideration and commit to it fully.

    Discipline - People exceptionally talented in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
Setting up a solid routine will empower and inspire people high in Discipline, much like Consistency. Using "to do" apps or workout apps can aide your goals, but aren't necessarily required. Keeping to a stable routine even on weekends will strengthen your resolve.

    Focus - People exceptionally talented in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act.
I think people with Focus strengths would do well reading the "Rest" book to help them set their priorities. If Focus is one of your strengths, having clear goals with deadlines, and having a coach or leader to get you there will likely help.

    Responsibility - People exceptionally talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty
The heavy burden of Responsibility is a powerful that can be used as I described earlier - simply communicating the workout plan to my sister compelled me to complete it because I felt responsible for both of our successes. If you have a high Responsibility strength, getting into leadership or coaching roles in a team or dance troupe or martial arts dojo may magnify the effect for you.

    Restorative - People exceptionally talented in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
Restorative people again may benefit from fitness trackers to help them figure out what is working, but should also read the "Rest" book to learn how active pursuits can actually solve more problems than we think it does.


Of course, nobody has just one strength, so your unique combination of strengths, whether you focus on your top five or your top ten strengths, will help guide which tactics will work best for you and which pitfalls you need to actively work to avoid. 

Another thing I think is important to mention that Lieberman also discusses is that exercise alone is not all that efficient for the purpose of weight loss, so when setting weight loss goals through exercise, we're kind of putting too much hope into one thing. Instead, dieting is a much better way to lose weight, and exercise is great for preventing weight gain and all sorts of other diseases and conditions. Diet and exercise together, of course, are a winning combo, but exercise alone should not be expected for significant weight loss achievements.

You Nailed It

This has been pressing on my mind lately, and tomorrow is National Do Something Nice Day, so I thought it was a good time to bring it up.  I have recently (read: in the last 6 months) been personally reminded in the most impressive ways of the power of compliments.  

My first example is from when a swing dancer I respect a TON went out of his way to tell me how much he enjoys watching my facials when I perform. I don't recall his exact words, but it was something along the lines of, "Whenever I see you guys perform, I always watch your facials because you nail them every time."  This was really special to me because (1) I realize I'm not the best dancer on the floor, not nearly, so I felt like I was contributing to the performance, (2) I work hard at performing with my face and not just moving through the steps, so it was validation and encouragement to keep it up, and (3) he sought me out and pointed out something specific that he liked, which meant he put thought into it and made it that much more meaningful to me.  So often after I perform, people say, "Great job," and I am grateful for general compliments like that, but I think specific compliments show genuine appreciation and are more constructive for the future.  

We're working on a version of "Thriller" right now (performing at Hepkats on the 31st, I would love for all of you to come watch it), and as we work on it, I can't help but feel a deep need to perfect the facials (scary, spooky zombie faces instead of my normal cheery, smiley, sometimes sassy faces), primarily because this one well-respected dancer told me that he loves watching my facials.  He likely will not even be at the Thriller performance, but I feel obligated to nail them anyways, to not let myself down, which drives me to work harder at them (I've been watching the video and studying the facials and practicing them no matter how silly I feel).  All because of one compliment.  I don't want to call him out, but if he's reading this (and I hope he is, so he knows how grateful I am), he knows who he is.

My second example is from just last week.  As many of you know, I had gone shopping and found a great green dress (green - when have I ever looked good in green?) and posted a picture of it.  I spent the rest of my evening reading and disconnected from facebook, until suddenly I checked it and saw that I had a bajillion compliments!  Guys, THANK YOU SO MUCH!  It was an amazing response and really boosted my confidence.  I assure you, it really was the dress!  I wore that dress to work on Thursday, and virtually every conversation started with, "Hold on, let me see this dress."  It was really amazing for my confidence, especially because I've only recently started wearing dresses (and the occasional jumpsuit - another highly complimented piece) to work, and I hate my legs and I am self-conscious about my weight and all that other stuff.  So the compliments from that dress alone made me want to wear more dresses and focus on my appearance more than I have in the past (previously, it was: throw a shirt on with a pair of pants and find a decent necklace and get out the door). Guess what?  I got four new dresses!  My closet is becoming packed with dresses for work, despite not wearing dresses to work for the previous 10 years of my career!

I will be the first to admit that I have to work at this complimenting thing; it is not easy for me (I think I'm probably pretty selfish naturally), so I have to remind myself to look for things I like about people.  "That shirt is really flattering on you," or "That necklace goes perfect with that outfit," or "That color looks great on you," are easy enough.  I also try to let people know when I think they're doing or have done a good job handling a difficult situation.  I don't force myself to compliment all the time, because I don't want it to seem forced or contrived, but I do try to verbalize it when someone makes an impression on me.  I think all too often we keep these things bottled up or we forget to say them, and all those people are missing out on hearing from us and the amazing feedback that can lift someone's spirits or improve their attitude towards something.  The best thing about compliments is that they are free to give, take very little time or effort, and can have such a big payout.  

So for tomorrow, my challenge for everyone, including myself, is to give someone a sincere and specific compliment, preferably in person, but online if circumstances are prohibitive to in-person chatting.  

Re-dream: 2016 Resolutions

I am listening to an audio book in which a fortune teller tells the main character, "When your dreams all come true, you must re-dream."  She went on to say that you can't live in the past or settle for being content.  You need something to work towards, a new dream of what your life can be.  I can't think of a more appropriate way for me to look forward to the new year and 4 - 5 year outlook than that. 

I sometimes have anxiety over setting goals and making resolutions, because I am so ambitious that I want to set lofty goals, and then I am hard on myself when I fail to achieve those goals in the given amount of time.  But coming out of 2015, I have a renewed energy, because perhaps for the first time in my life, I kept all of my New Year's Resolutions.  In 2014 I accomplished most of my resolutions, with the exception of leaving the country, and getting down to a size 10.  In 2013, my resolutions were pretty much just whack-a-doodle, and in 2012 I had far too many and clearly lost focus.  I set 8 resolutions in 2011 and accomplished none of them.  From this trend, I suppose one could deduce that I have either gotten better about keeping my resolutions, or setting better ones.  The weight goal is always tricky; its the most common resolution and perhaps the hardest one to keep.  Many of my resolutions are fairly finite: do this one thing and it's complete.  But getting down to a certain size or weight takes continued, renewed effort, and can be un-checked faster than it can be checked.  I didn't set one last year, and if I had, I most certainly would have failed it as I am about the same size and shape as I was a year ago.  So, I am very cautious to set such a goal, but part of me wants to.  Hey, if I was able to commit and accomplish the 8 goals I set in 2015, why not? 

Well, there's the catch.  I didn't do a great job of accomplishing all of my New Year's resolutions last year.  Some of them were barely checking the box.  Part of me wants to believe that if I set goals and resolutions that encourage me to be healthier, like working out every day or make good choices in food, that the weight loss will come.  Part of me thinks that I will get to a point where I've decided it can't be done, and will give up and feel defeated.  Part of me thinks that my other goals run contrary to weight loss - like learning programming. 

The truth is that, despite my success (or maybe just luck) in 2015, I am not really sure how to set goals that I will commit to and achieve.  Sure, we've all heard of the SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, blah blah blah.  But I am not convinced those work.  Same with vision boards, where you are supposed to choose images that inspire you and hang them where you will see them every day.  I've had inspirational quotes around my house for years, and they've done nothing to stir my energy.  Accountability partners have failed me too.  And more importantly, I think we should be able to keep ourselves accountable.  We should be able to set out to achieve something, and then achieve it.  A year is a long time.  In fact, we have a little more time in 2016, with it being Leap Year.  I should be able to accomplish just about anything in a year.  But, losing weight won't happen on its own just by setting a goal or sitting down one night to knock it out.  I think to lose weight, you have to set smaller goals.  Eat a salad twice a week.  Work out four times per week.  Walk 10,000 steps a day.  Something that you can strive for in a much shorter term. 

My other problem is that I like variety.  I thrive on it.  Sometimes it bothers me that I lack focus; I don't have that one burning passion in my soul that I would quit my job for and work at day and night.  But I think I've just about decided that that's just me, and that's okay.  So, I'm not going to say that I'm going to write every day of 2016.  Hell, I didn't write at all yesterday, so that boat has already sunk anyways.  In September, I wrote a blog about "A Kinda Really Sorta Perfect Day," in which things didn't really go my way and I wasn't perfect, but I persevered and got things done.  Since then, I've been tinkering with the idea of what makes a "good" day or a "perfect" day.  What I've come up with in the last several weeks is a better formula for success for people like me.  Rather than a strict checklist of things to do every day or every week, I have developed a buffet of sorts.  Here's how it works: I've grouped activities into 6 areas of life.  Each area is something we can all probably improve on.  A good day is completing 3 of those activities, covering at least 2 of the areas.  A perfect day is completing 6 or more of those activities, with at least one in every area. 

Something for the mind:

• Practice a language
• Read / listen to an audiobook
• Take a lesson in programming
• Do coursework
• Take a quiet, hot bath; breathe and let your mind rest

Something for the body:

• Stretch
• Dance
• Go for a run / walk
• Hike
• Ab workout
• Lift weights
• Thighmaster
• Other form of exercise

Something for the soul:

• Write
• Cook a new or tricky dish
• Build a Lego model or Lego sculpture
• Design something
• Paint
• Craft
• Create something else

Something for the heart:

• Pay a colleague a sincere compliment
• Have a real conversation with someone
• Call a friend or family member on the phone
• Have lunch, dinner or drinks with someone
• Send a card or letter (via real snail mail)
• Volunteer or do charity work
• Help a stranger with something

Something for the wallet:

• Apply for a job
• Schedule / post on social media for business
• Eat in
• Create a graphic, blog or tool for business

Something practical:

• Empty dishwasher / load and start dishwasher
• Take trash out / take recycling out
• Do laundry
• Clean the bathroom / kitchen
• Get oil change / tire rotation
• Pull weeds
• Other chore

So now, I've made one of my resolutions to have 366 "good" days. In theory, this means that most days I will be doing something good for my body, and the days I'm not doing good for my body, I am doing good for my mind, heart and soul, which are ultimately good holistically anyways.  Also, I believe firmly in making good habits by doing something consistently for a number of days.  I've heard both 21 and 90 days, so I like how this graphic puts it: It takes 21 days to create a habit, it takes 90 days to create a lifestyle.  Imagine what would happen if you succeed in being "good" for 366 days! 

The first resolution I made was around learning programming.  I know a bit of HTML, and I regularly program in VB for work.  But I do not consider myself a good programmer, or really a programmer at all.  It's like how most people know how to write, but that doesn't make them writers; I know how to program, but I am not a programmer.  I have a lot of entrepreneurial ambition that is wasted week after week and month after month because my lack of programming skill prevents me from doing the things that require programming.  I dream of collaborating with a talented, brilliant programmer and partnering with him or her to create this massively successful company.  The problem with that dream is that most programmers are in so high demand they are not really willing to work with a business person like me on my idea, and if they were willing to work on such an idea, they would just as soon start their own company without said business person.  I preach that programming is such a powerful tool that I believe everyone should learn it to a degree, so I've had to swallow the pill that I, too, could use some work developing my skills.  

I have an idea for a better social media management tool that I've been toying

with, and of all my brilliant ideas, this is the one I'm most sold on at the moment.  Of course, a competitor could sweep in and build it before I even learn to program, but that's the risk I suppose I have to take.  And, learning programming will only help me with my next brilliant idea, if that happens.  So after a bit of research, I've settled on HTML, CSS and the Twitter API as my focus for this year, and I'm going to use Codecademy.  It shouldn't take a year to get pretty good at those things, especially because I already know some HTML and CSS, but I want to keep my scope small and get really good at them.  If I am successful, I can then start programming my dreams, and can learn new languages as needed in the coming years.

I won't go into detail now about my motivation for the rest of my resolutions.  I am excited, though, that if I am as successful in 2016 at checking off these boxes as I was in 2015, that great things will happen.  So, with that, here they are.

New Year's Resolutions for 2016

• Learn HTML & CSS & Twitter API
• Spend a Weekend Disconnected
• Design & 3D print something
• Make a video with Jaiman - performing music, dancing, audition for a reality show or something silly
• Improve my home in some way
• Learn Thriller choreography
• Have 366 "Good" Days

These aren't terribly ambitious for a 366-day year (except making a video with Jaiman, that will take some effort since he is SO camera shy).  They are vague enough that if something specific doesn't happen, I can still check off the boxes, but they are specific enough that I will know when I've accomplished them.  Maybe that is the trick to setting goals, being just specific enough. 

If I've inspired you to make your own New Year's Resolutions, please comment below and let me know!  Also, check out my post from last year, where I provide ideas for tangible, achievable resolutions ideas. 

The Three Things Everyone Should Learn: Act III

You have undoubtedly heard or seen the outcries that music and art programs are being cut from school budgets and why this is bad for the kids. But there's a good chance that you don't comprehend what YOU are missing out on, if you don't dance. It's not all artsy-fartsy, it is just as practical, maybe even more so, than the other two "must-learns" in this series. Don't believe me? Read on. 

Dance has been a part of almost every culture since the beginning of civilisation, and for that reason among others, represents more diversity than the diversity of the world's languages and religion combined. Two people dancing the same genre can have their own incredibly unique stylizations, and new forms of dance spring up, especially in densely populated regions, all the time. At the core, it is aerobic, so it's good for the heart and a great way to lose weight. But it's so much more than other aerobic activities, because it is expressive, mentally challenging (in a fun way, of course) and uses varying muscle groups at different times and in different styles. You learn about yourself and become more aware of your surroundings as you learn to dance.  Have you ever been in line at a grocery store or similar setting, and had been bumped into multiple times by someone whose back is to you? I would say that this lack of spacial reasoning can be alleviated with dance and experience on the stage or in a crowded dance floor. It's a personal pet peeve of mine, and a compelling reason to me to keep (better yet, increase) the arts in schools. 

Science Tells Us to Dance

Look, there are a lot of artistic aspects of dancing, but that doesn't mean

science is absent from it. Children at very young ages intuitively move, clap and wiggle when they hear music they presumably enjoy. So it's built into our DNA. Nobody, or at least almost nobody, is literally born with two left feet. If you can walk (and even for many who can't walk), the capability is there; whether it comes easily or with great difficulty may depend on how much musical background you have, but you can always start developing it now. As we get older, we need dance even more; compared to other physical activity like walking or biking, dancing activates more parts of the brain, keeping us mentally healthier, and reducing the chances of dymentia and alzheimer's. 

Society Tells Us to Dance

At many traditional types of weddings, one of the first acts of a newly married couple is the first dance. We start much earlier than, with school dances being a major part of the traditional high school experience. There are several popular

TV shows dedicated to dance competitions, such as Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, and Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. Amazing Race challenges often also involve local dance styles. Dancers perform at top award shows, during half time for basketball and football games, and in music videos. Football players themselves express touch down victory through their unique end zone dances. There are many popular quotes about dancing like nobody is watching and the like. My favorite of these is, "It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I don't think it's meant to be taken literally, but if you do learn to dance in the rain literally, then you can learn to handle the things life throws at you. 

To me, one of the most compelling reasons to learn to dance, besides the health benefits, is that dance is so social. Whether it's a girls' night out at a hot night club or a ballroom dance workshop, relationships can be forged in the comraderie of dancing experiences. I think dance teaches you to be comfortable in your skin, and gives you confidence, and when you have that then you can go out dancing by yourself and make friends. I met my boyfriend at a dance workshop that I attended by myself not too long after a rough breakup. If I had needed someone to go to the workshop with me, I either wouldn't have gone at all, or I wouldn't have put myself out there nearly as much. But because I went alone, he and I started talking, and we were dating within a week or so. Guys I've met otherwise, in school, at bars, through online dating, haven't worked out for me in the long run. 

Employers Tell Us to Dance

Creativity is one of the most valuable assets to employers. Communication skills is another. Ability to learn and adapt is also valuable. Dance may not be on most job requirements, but it can enhance and develop these crucial

characteristics. Many styles of dance entail both choreography and improvisation, and each of those develops different abilities. When improvising, you have to literally think on your feet, recalling your vocabulary of moves and stringing them together in a fresh way. When learning choreography, you have to take in information quickly, commit it to memory, repeat it back and adapt as variations and styling are added. Sometimes you have to break habits, we call muscle memory, in order to perform the given choreography, which again is a challenging mental exercise. Creating and teaching choreography also require adapting, strong communication skills and creativity. 

In addition to the valuable skills you learn through dance, having dance on your resume can set you apart. Your potential employer may have had dance experience, or have a son or daughter or niece or uncle who dances, and it can create an instant point of connection and interest other than your work in your day job. When I say I dance, people almost always want to know more, like what style and where do I dance, how did I get into it, etc. It's a great way to show that you're more than a (fill-in-the-blank) worker, with an artistic and very human flair. 

Get Started

I won't try to hide my bias; I think a great way to start is by taking some east coast swing dance lessons. It's fun, doesn't require crazy hip movements or stiff arm positions, and it can be danced to different tempos of music. Maybe best of all, you get to pair off with members of the opposite sex, because it is a very social dance. 

Lindy hop and Charleston are very closely related to east coast swing, and blues, balboa are somewhat related. So if you get involved with one, you'll probably get exposure to the others, and eventually want to learn them as well so you can go in and out of them seamlessly. 

I believe it is important to study multiple kinds of dance, even just a little of each. I've found that I can incorporate bits and pieces from one style into another, and having a broad vocabulary of dance styles allows me to also pick up new styles easier. Other styles I've enjoyed taking classes in include hip hop, tribal belly dance and pole dance. The only downside is that those are less social, more about performing alone or with a group. 

Lots of people enjoy salsa and the various related styles as much as I enjoy

swing. Both swing and salsa have whole communities with various venues in many regions, meaning you can pick up those styles and go dancing several nights a week if you want. Interestingly, there are many moves that are shared between salsa and swing, and simply stylized differently. So if you've gotten good at one, it's not as hard to learn the other. 

There's so much more I haven't even touched on here, but to wrap up, I'll summarize by reiterating that dance is good for your physical health, mental health, social life and work life. And yes, it can be a spiritual activity to, so it is good for your soul. I dare you to find another activity or topic that applies to so many aspects of our lives. Mind, body, heart and soul, what else is there? Just dance.