You Nailed It

This has been pressing on my mind lately, and tomorrow is National Do Something Nice Day, so I thought it was a good time to bring it up.  I have recently (read: in the last 6 months) been personally reminded in the most impressive ways of the power of compliments.  

My first example is from when a swing dancer I respect a TON went out of his way to tell me how much he enjoys watching my facials when I perform. I don't recall his exact words, but it was something along the lines of, "Whenever I see you guys perform, I always watch your facials because you nail them every time."  This was really special to me because (1) I realize I'm not the best dancer on the floor, not nearly, so I felt like I was contributing to the performance, (2) I work hard at performing with my face and not just moving through the steps, so it was validation and encouragement to keep it up, and (3) he sought me out and pointed out something specific that he liked, which meant he put thought into it and made it that much more meaningful to me.  So often after I perform, people say, "Great job," and I am grateful for general compliments like that, but I think specific compliments show genuine appreciation and are more constructive for the future.  

We're working on a version of "Thriller" right now (performing at Hepkats on the 31st, I would love for all of you to come watch it), and as we work on it, I can't help but feel a deep need to perfect the facials (scary, spooky zombie faces instead of my normal cheery, smiley, sometimes sassy faces), primarily because this one well-respected dancer told me that he loves watching my facials.  He likely will not even be at the Thriller performance, but I feel obligated to nail them anyways, to not let myself down, which drives me to work harder at them (I've been watching the video and studying the facials and practicing them no matter how silly I feel).  All because of one compliment.  I don't want to call him out, but if he's reading this (and I hope he is, so he knows how grateful I am), he knows who he is.

My second example is from just last week.  As many of you know, I had gone shopping and found a great green dress (green - when have I ever looked good in green?) and posted a picture of it.  I spent the rest of my evening reading and disconnected from facebook, until suddenly I checked it and saw that I had a bajillion compliments!  Guys, THANK YOU SO MUCH!  It was an amazing response and really boosted my confidence.  I assure you, it really was the dress!  I wore that dress to work on Thursday, and virtually every conversation started with, "Hold on, let me see this dress."  It was really amazing for my confidence, especially because I've only recently started wearing dresses (and the occasional jumpsuit - another highly complimented piece) to work, and I hate my legs and I am self-conscious about my weight and all that other stuff.  So the compliments from that dress alone made me want to wear more dresses and focus on my appearance more than I have in the past (previously, it was: throw a shirt on with a pair of pants and find a decent necklace and get out the door). Guess what?  I got four new dresses!  My closet is becoming packed with dresses for work, despite not wearing dresses to work for the previous 10 years of my career!

I will be the first to admit that I have to work at this complimenting thing; it is not easy for me (I think I'm probably pretty selfish naturally), so I have to remind myself to look for things I like about people.  "That shirt is really flattering on you," or "That necklace goes perfect with that outfit," or "That color looks great on you," are easy enough.  I also try to let people know when I think they're doing or have done a good job handling a difficult situation.  I don't force myself to compliment all the time, because I don't want it to seem forced or contrived, but I do try to verbalize it when someone makes an impression on me.  I think all too often we keep these things bottled up or we forget to say them, and all those people are missing out on hearing from us and the amazing feedback that can lift someone's spirits or improve their attitude towards something.  The best thing about compliments is that they are free to give, take very little time or effort, and can have such a big payout.  

So for tomorrow, my challenge for everyone, including myself, is to give someone a sincere and specific compliment, preferably in person, but online if circumstances are prohibitive to in-person chatting.  

Check your judgment at the door

My boyfriend and I love crazy adventures just as much as sitting at home binge watching TV or back-to-back football games. I only partially envy couples who have regular date nights, because I enjoy all my time with my love, even if it doesn't look and feel like a formal date. Nevertheless, I aspired to have a date night at Music in the Gardens this year, so we picked the event and did it. And it was nice, a change of pace for us, enjoying the almost-not-terribly-hot weather after sun down, and getting a taste of a wealthier, more mature lifestyle. Indeed, we were definitely the youngest people there by at least 10 years I'd say. Which brings me to a small rant I must get off my chest.

I thought arriving five minutes prior to the concert start would be sufficient, but actually we were probably in the last 1% to walk through the door. The garden was packed with no open tables in sight. A staff member encouraged us to ask to sit with someone who only was using two of the four seats at their table. So I found two nice looking ladies and politely asked if we could join them at the table. They welcomed us and we chatted a bit - they too were from a Chicago, and yes, I like the White Sox better than the Cubs. After finishing our meals and drinks, I offered to go get another round for Jaiman and myself. I opened my phone case (which doubles as my wallet - and I was not carrying a purse so this should be fairly obvious) to pull out my cash. And then I was smacked with ignorant, uncalled for judgement.

"Oh, I'm so glad you guys aren't texting to each other."

Now hold on there rich bitch. We may be the youngest ones here, but we have done NOTHING to merit being treated like children. I am NOT falling over drunk, that would be the wasted female embodiment of a mid-life crisis behind us. I am NOT inappropriately dressed, that would be the woman who seemed to have borrowed a dress from her granddaughter in junior high school, because I saw her butt cheeks. Twice. I am NOT dancing around like a crazy person, that would be the older lady in a hippie dress with the tiniest of straps holding back her nudity. And we are NOT disturbing those around us by talking loudly, that would be the plastered guy trying to get with the wasted mid life crisis behind us who fell out of her chair earlier. Oh, and just so we're clear, I'm NOT the one who felt an immediate need to take crappy digitally zoomed pictures and vertical videos of the band on my phone the minute I sat down - that was YOU old lady, along with a number of other men and women around us.

So before you go passing judgment on me because I don't have gray hair and I'm not with a guy in beach shorts and a completely unnecessary, ridiculously  wide-brimmed hat (did I mention the sun was down from the start?), look around and put my actions into context with yourself and the rest of your peers. Taking money out of my phone case does not imply I communicate solely via text. Clearly - I mean we just spent 20 minutes engaged in polite small talk.

As for me, I'm glad people got to enjoy live blues in their own unique ways; I fear for our society whenever I hear about music and arts programs being cut. I enjoyed the music, the ambiance, the food and drinks, the cacti, the quiet, the temporary separation from technology, as well as the people watching. Sure I make assumptions about the people I observe, everybody does, it's a shortcut our brains developed through evolution to allow us to make quick fight-or-flight decisions. But I keep them to myself or between me and my companion. And I'm not outright judging so much as creating a fictional persona in my head based on the few clues I've picked up - from what they're wearing, how they hold themselves, from their actions and their words. What you just did, old lady, is called discrimination.

The problem with discrimination is that it is blind. By putting someone in a category by age, race or gender, you are making assumptions about an individual that are not based on observations of that individual.  I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, no matter what color, age, or gender they are.  People have to prove to me that they are awful, I don't expect it or anticipate it.  Guess what?  When you make an ignorant, judgmental, discriminatory comment like that, I have now bucketed you as an ignorant bigot.  You have proven to me that your opinions are of no value because they are not based on fact or observation, but on blind and naive stereotyping.  My respect for you instantly goes from neutral to absolute disrespect.  All you had to do was keep your mouth shut, and we'd be fine, but by uttering just a simple statement, you revealed your idiocy, your lack of respectability (as well as lack of respect and human decency), and your snobbery.  

My favorite part of all this was that the woman who made the comment was playing on her phone much more than my boyfriend and I combined, so not only did I consider her an ignorant ageist, she also proved to be a hypocrite.  Look, I don't expect people to tiptoe around opinions or analyze everything they say before saying it; I just think people should learn that the quick judgments our brains automatically calculate are different than the stereotyping, discriminatory judgments that are completely uncalled for.  And if you choose to believe something discriminatory, for goodness sake, do not verbalize it!  At best, you will lose your listeners' respect, but it could get you in a lot more trouble than that.  

A Kinda Really Sorta Perfect Day

I love traveling and vacation days as much as the next woman, hell, probably even more.  But there are days that you have to work.  And on days you have to work, I've proven that you can still sorta kinda have a really perfect have-to-work kinda day.  Here's how it went.  

I went to bed the night before early enough that I got a FULL 8 hours of sleep!  Usually if I get 7 hours, I'm thrilled!  

I drank a glass of water before leaving for work.  This starts what I call "The Water Cycle" which, very simply, is a means of getting enough water packed into as early in the day as possible.  Most of us never get enough water throughout the day, and it's a bad idea to drink a ton of water at the end of the day, at least for me, because that means getting up multiple times per night to use the restroom.  So my mantra pertaining to water consumption, while hiking and in general, is "drink early, drink often."  So I guzzle 12 ounces before I leave for work.  This means that before an hour of work is done, I will need to get up to use the restroom.  I bring my cup with me (the one I keep at work is 14 ounces), and refill it on the way to the restroom.  I drink at least a third on the way to the restroom.  On my way back to my desk, I drink another third or so.  In another, say, 40 minutes, I have to use the restroom again, and I bring my cup with me, and so on.  When I do this right, I can drink a gallon of water a day, most of which is before 6 pm, ensuring that I won't disrupt my precious sleep too much.  

I get ready for work, kiss my boyfriend, pet the dog, and I'm off.  I unplug my car and throw the charger in the hatch.  

I work through my German lesson on the way to work.  Each lesson is about 28 minutes, which is just about the average time of my commute.  I usually finish my lesson as I'm pulling into the garage.  Sometimes, on extraordinarily speedy days, I have to sit in my car for a minute to finish the lesson, but usually no more than a minute or two.  Today I was actually repeating a lesson I had done over the weekend, because I felt I needed the extra practice.  It paid off, I did really well this time around!  Excellent!  

I park my car, pull out the charger from the hatch and plug it in.  I grab my three bags: my purse, my gym bag and my food bag, including my breakfast shake, my lunch, a light dinner, a diet soda, four perfectly portioned healthy snacks, and three bags of candy for the suckers who come by my desk in need of chocolate.  

I go up the elevator alone, which is nice because it helps me gather my thoughts.  Sometimes I'm pressured to socialize before I'm ready and I'm still in German-lesson mode or worse, thinking about an audio book I've been listening to that causes me to be completely thrown off by small talk.  I mean, at least the German lessons are essentially small talk, I just have to remember to switch my brain to English.  

I catch the door just before it locks.  When its locked, one must use his or her badge to unlock the door, a small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, but that somehow is disproportionately glorious when one catches the door before it locks.  

I decide, in the name of getting my 10,000 steps, not to put my food away on my way to my desk.  I greet my colleagues, the few that were around (most people in my row are on vacation or having babies).  I bring everything to my desk first, then sort through things and make a run to the kitchen to put my lunch and dinner away at that time.  

I boot up the computer, turn my two external monitors on, because who doesn't need three monitors.  I scan through my email, answer a few dire ones, and get to work on planning.  Tuesdays and Wednesdays are planning days in my department, meaning we have to do the majority of the tactical parts of our jobs on these two days.  On Mondays I do a lot of prep work, and usually get a head start on some basic planning, which means that because yesterday was a holiday, I'm instantly feeling behind.  

One of my coworkers had made and brought in chips and an amazing green chile dip we affectionately call "crack dip."  I decided to bypass a couple of my healthy snacks in favor of crack dip.  It was sooooo worth it.  Besides, I am not sure I would have eaten enough calories without it.  This, of all things, has been a surprising and disturbing revelation recently for me.  When I thought I was "being good" by eating healthy, low calorie and low carb foods, I actually wasn't eating enough at all.  So instead of losing weight, my body was in a starvation mode I suppose, and conserving all the fat it could.  Talk about the worst scenario!  Here I was depriving myself of delectable food in the name of losing weight, and my weight loss was stagnant or minimal at best.  So frustrating!  Anyways, I've learned my lesson, so now I'm working harder at balancing eating enough and not eating too much.  I can't say I've nailed it completely, but today I ended up just right, which is a good start.  

I plug away at my planning, answering urgent emails as I go.  I didn't get quite everything done, but I got more done than on a typical Monday, and it wouldn't be good if I was expected to complete all of Monday's and Tuesday's tasks in one day anyways.  Throughout the day, The Water Cycle is effective in not only getting me close to my goal of 96 ounces of water, but it also helps me boost my step count.  Because I had the chips and crack dip, I wasn't really hungry when it was time for lunch, so I ate a little late but made sure I ate so I wouldn't be thinking about snacking.  When I realized I was getting frustrated with my work, I cracked open my Diet Pepsi, because for whatever reason, that little bit of a caffeine hit seems to perk up my mood when I'm crabby.  There are lots of days I bypass the soda altogether, because it gets in the way of my water consumption, but I felt it was important today to keep me happy.  

I ended the day with fewer emails than I started with, which is a good thing.  I learned of a few more problems, but dealt with them as best I could for the time.  Still more planning to do tomorrow, so it will still be a crunch, but I felt good about what I accomplished.  

I wrapped up a little later than usual (less than 30 minutes late), grabbed my things and headed to the gym.  I was planning on primarily doing weights, but the ab machine was broken which was terribly disappointing because I freaking love that thing.  So I did four sets on three different machines for arms, and did some legs.  

I felt guilty getting all dressed in workout clothes without really breaking much of a sweat, and my nagging FitBit app indicated that I had yet to hit my goals for steps, miles, calories burned or active minutes.  I hadn't drank all my water for the day, either.  So I filled up my water bottle and got on a treadmill.  Normally my cardio machine of choice at the gym is the bike, but I was thinking that the treadmill would do double duty by giving me my steps, in addition to cardio.  

I only walked, as I was ill-prepared to run.  I didn't even have socks on, and I was wearing my dancing keds, because I had been planning on doing weights only.  Note to self: wear good (running) shoes to the gym always.  The girl next to me started running, after about five minutes of me trying to keep pace with her power walking (ugggh).  I am one of the rare creatures that enjoys a good run, although it's pretty much always outside, and most enjoyable when its not 100 degrees out.  But I've been trying to be good to my knees, and in addition to having bad footwear for running, I also was wearing a fairly loose sports bra.  What I mean is, I need to wear four super restrictive sports bras in order to feel appropriate to run among colleagues (the gym is, after all, in my office building).  So I didn't run.  I jammed to the tunes on my phone via headphones, and passively watched the headlines on the TVs above me.  But it turned out, the shoes were kinda awful for walking, too.  Ten minutes in I was regretting getting on, but you know, you have this sort of gym pressure, everyone knows how long I've been on the machine, and they'll all think I'm stupid if I get off after any less than 30 minutes.  So I put in my time, begrudgingly.  The FitBit app still didn't indicate I had hit any of my goals, but I was over it.  

I listened to my audio book as I headed south in my car.  It is so thoroughly entertaining, and there were some good insights today that I will want to go back to and reference later.  I debated getting a hard copy. and made a mental note to check for one at the library.  That reminded me that I did have another book to pick up at the library, so I decided to head there before going home.  It would give me more steps, anyways.  

Finally, after being home and doing a few small chores, I hit my 10,000 steps, and most of my goals were met, including the water consumption goal which I exceeded by logging a full gallon of water.  

I took a glorious hot shower and put on clean comfies for the night.  

I spent about 40 minutes reading my current book.  

Then, I was so thrilled with how my day has gone, I decided to write this blog.  

So even though I spent 10 hours at work, and even though there were issues and things that could get me down, my shoes weren't suited for the impromptu 30 minute walk on the treadmill, my arms are sore from lifting weights, and my house isn't entirely clean, I'd say it's all about perspective.  I had a kinda sorta really perfect day.  There's only one more goal on my FitBit I have yet to hit - I'm at 4.5 of 5 miles.  So with that, I will sign off so I can do laps around my house until I hit that stupid goal and tire myself out to get another 8 hours of sleep.