The Non-Traveling Non-Food-Blogger Nonner

Look, I am an eternal optimist, and I am seeking to find my forever someone to share my rich life with. This means, admittedly, I can rationalize red flag when I see them, and seemingly always to my detriment. I want to believe that people make mistakes, or miscommunications happen, or not everyone is perfect, and therefore, something that should be a red flag might just be a misunderstanding, or a cultural difference, or a lovable quirk. And maybe I have a red flag of my own - I allow the drama to unfold until I am absolutely certain, beyond the benefit of the doubt, that this guy is no good. 

Enter the Nonner. Sure, that's what we'll call him. (His name is Paul, but since I dated a real live human named Paul, I'd rather not confuse the two.) Things started off well. So good! Magical! How was he single? He seemed so level-headed, so even and cool. He may be a bit introverted but that's not a deal breaker. He loves traveling for the experience. He doesn't have a life list of things to cross off, he just wants to enjoy wherever he is. Amazing! What a different perspective, but beautiful. He was open to me planning trips and he'd be a great travel partner. He is good at directions and his mind is a steel trap for dates, times and numbers. Wonderful - he makes up for my shortcomings! And when not traveling, he was eager to cuddle up with me and chill, do whatever I want to do and give me all the physical affection I want. What a dream! 

We seemed so aligned on what we wanted and our compatibility, and I knew I had a bunch of work travel coming up, so I suggested we meet up. He said he appreciated my directness, but wanted to do a call first, adding as a joke in parenthesis that it would also serve the purpose of confirming we're both real people. He was kind and unassuming, saying if I was open to that, I could tell him my availability. So sweet, and okay maybe I was rushing things. 

We had a call, and it was honestly really nice. The conversation flowed easily, he got to hear me laugh several times, there were no issues at all. In fact, I felt like we could have kept talking for another couple hours, but he indicated we should wrap it up shortly after an hour. I know introverts will sometimes feel drained during high-intensity social interactions, so I assumed this was his energy waning, or he wanted to save some conversation for our meet up. 

And even though he was the one who made the joke about confirming we were human, I had my suspicions based on some of his responses, which were alleviated once we chatted. I was even more excited to meet up with him, but the clock was ticking - as I had a business trip to Phoenix coming up. Interestingly, he also had a trip coming up to Gilbert, a suburb of Phoenix, and it was going to overlap with my trip. He had inquired if I would have time while in Arizona to meet up with him. Since it was such a short trip, and back in my old stomping grounds, I told him probably not, because I'd go swing dancing one night, had plans with a couple friends and would be working long hours otherwise. But I told him I'd let him know if that changed. And he promised to send me lots of pictures and tell me what he was up to. 

In the meantime, we kept texting with a really nice banter and he was so flattering. I'd share pics of various things and he would gush with compliments for me. Then I tried again to test the waters of meeting up. His response was a little rude, "Gilbert, remember?" I admitted I didn't recall the exact dates, and hadn't realized he was already there, and that I generally don't have a good memory for dates and numbers. That was when he told me he could compensate because he was great with dates and numbers. 

Then things started to get weird. I hadn't heard from him for a couple days, which is fine, if he was busy. I was busy, too. I had traveled to Phoenix and had my first day at Luke Air Force Base. So as I texted him on Monday afternoon, I was a bit surprised he had nothing interesting to share about his 3 or 4 days in Gilbert. I playfully pressed him on sending me pictures of anything, and he said, "This place is desolate! You want some tumbleweed pics lol?" 

Tumbleweeds in Gilbert? I mean, maybe way out in the rural part, but Gilbert is a thriving city with tons of restaurants and shops and streets. I couldn't recall ever seeing a rogue tumbleweed there at all. 

Ok friends, this should have been the first glaring red flag. But I skipped right over it. I replied, still trying to be playful, "What? How dare you! It's beautiful here! Best sunsets in the world." 

"I wouldn't know, I'm [usually] doing other things that I never notice the sunsets," was his reply. I don't love that, but fair enough. The natural progression seemed to be, "What have you been doing?" 

Defense, deflect, don't answer!! He replied, "I meant I generally never notice sunsets. When's your dance get together?" 

Okay, I was onto him now. Or at least, I was sus. And I was feeling bold, and still trying to be playful. So I went for the gut punch, but cute. Call him out, but add the lol: "Lol wow changing the subject!" 

He responded, "Was there anything left to probe? Not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious. Figured my statement on sunsets was definitive [thinking emoji]." 

Ok, he doesn't understand how basic communication works. I mean, he is single at our age, so there had to be something wrong with him, right? Alright, I'll be nice, because, of course. I responded, "I was hoping to learn what you've been doing… Literally anything other than not doing anything [pout emoji]." 

It went on an on like this. He pretended to be hurt or not understand, and when I'd explain how basic conversation works, he would express that he understood, would not answer appropriately, and change the subject. "Honestly? Nothing too exciting. I've mostly been exploring, checking out some local spots, getting outside a bit, and trying not to melt in the heat." 

So, another non-answer. Full court press. Use his robo-accusation back at him. "That sounds interesting but vague enough you might be fake. [yeesh emoji - IDK what its called but it’s the face I make when I say, 'yeesh'.]" 

You ready for his response? I don't think you're ready for this. "[Laugh emoji] Fair enough. So how's Phoenix been treating you since you landed?" 

Now I am pissed. Full court press. No excuses. Drop the friendly teasing. This guy is actively putting up walls and I want in. I worked really hard on the response. "Ok sorry I was being a little snarky hoping it would playfully nudge you. But to be honest this is actually annoying me now. I was really hoping to see pics or something of your time here and you sent nothing for a couple days. And then I ask a few different ways for you to share and you keep being vague and changing the subject. I think I've demonstrated I'm an open book, I'll tell you anything you want and I over share. But I want to know you. And if you're not going to share your personal life with me then that's not very encouraging." 

You can tell in his response that he is very good at affirming, calming language to diffuse situations. "Got you - I hear what you're saying. Nothing too structured, just been out around Gilbert, grabbing coffee and walking around a bit." 

Still unsatisfactory. But so sweet, right? Arrrrgh! It went on like this so I'll skip ahead a beat. Without any specifics, I told him I appreciated him sharing a little more, but asked if he is usually this quiet over text, and told him it felt one-sided. He again used that affirming, understanding language, and said he'd work on it. Point being made, I finally let him off the hook and answered his question about the dance. 

The next day, after wrapping up work and texting a little update to him, trying to lead by example(?), I asked how his day was. 

"Fine"

Oh my gosh. What did we just talk ab- nevermind. "Just fine?" I probed. 

"As opposed to?" 

I am furious. Breathe, Laura. 

"Brilliant! Rejuvenating! Hilarious!" 

He explains himself now: 
"I never use those adjectives
"To describe my day
"I'm not as expressive as you. I've very low key, chill, mellow." 

Why am I so patient? I tried again. "That's ok. But will you tell me something about your day?" 

"Help me understand the assignment [smiley face]
"If I told you I had tacos for dinner, would that satisfy your curiosity about my day, or are you looking for something else?" 

I have two problems with this. One, the assignment. Maybe it was said in a cutesy way, but it could also be taken as I'm putting an unwanted burden on him by asking him to elaborate beyond "fine." Also, he never ACTUALLY said he had tacos, he just asked if… 

So I tried to explain. Gawd I hate my level of patience sometimes. Absurd. He doesn't deserve me. "What you did gets 50%. Other 50%, relate it to you, or tell me why it stands out to you. e.g. Were they tasty? Too spicy? Was it difficult to order because the cashier only spoke Spanish?" All fair questions for someone visiting Arizona. But he is a master of defense, not a visitor to Arizona, as we'll discover later. 

"This feels like a journaling prompt [smiley emoji] What did you do + how did it make you feel". 

Yeah brah, that's kind of the point. I told him, "There's probably a reason for that [wink emoji]." 

And then, I mean honestly, MASTER of defense, says, "I'm not built for chronicling my meals like a food blogger. I stay in my lane." 

Do you know what food bloggers do? How much they write? If they wrote, as I suggested above, "the tacos were a bit too spicy for my taste," and nothing else, that would be the WORST FOOD BLOG EVER. 

But he didn't have tacos. He couldn't blog about his Arizonan culinary quest because he wasn't on an Arizonan culinary quest because he wasn't in Arizona. Sorry, jumping ahead again. 

I'm doubly pissed now (but still so nice - why?). "Ok but you say you're focused on experiences, so I'm trying to hear about your experience." I continued with more questions and he continued with more defenses. "I am succinct," was a good (bad) one. I told him it reads as if he's putting up walls, and explained that he didn't have to be a "food blogger" or "expressive" to carry a basic conversation. I asked him if he felt unsafe to share with me. He said no, and pointed to one time a while ago when he texted me, "Thinking of you." 

At a loss for words, I left him on read for a while, and then responded "Ok," and left it at that. 

And then he continues. Succinct my ass! "I don't mind at all if you want to narrate your day if its something you enjoy, I'm here for it. Laura, I enjoy talking to you. I'm not trying to shut you out." I mean, how much condescension can one put into words? He hasn't even met me and already he's supporting me in my flaws, of being, you know, a human being who makes conversation with a guy she's interested in talking to. "If its something you enjoy." I just, I, wow. 

He shared nothing interesting over the next few days, clearly not putting in the effort he claimed he would. But we continued some of our silly banter and hypothetical questions. I waited patiently - so patiently - for anything to come through. I gave him a challenge to try to make plans to see the sunset and send me a picture. Nada. 

Suddenly, and without warning (at least, he thought), I was on the plane to South Padre Island. He thought it was in July. Not so good at those dates, eh? But I reminded him that he had no reason to be jealous since he wasn't even going to be back in Texas until a few hours after we left. He confirmed his flight, clear as day, "Yep 430 flight 12th." Yada yada yada, lots of texting, all good banter, still not giving me a lot of personal details, no sunset pics, but fine whatever. Things were good. 

On the 13th, at 10:50 am, he sent me an airport selfie. I should have been grateful. A picture! Of him! And he explained the close crop because the guy next to him got in his shot. But, the timing was all off. "I thought you were coming back yesterday…" I said. "I got it wrong," was all he had to say for himself. Mind you, he had told me he was really good at remembering dates and numbers before, and had gone and confirmed his flight details to me earlier in the text thread. And the time wasn't even right. Why would you be at the airport at 10:50 am for a 4:30 flight? 

But it was worse. It wasn't the PHX airport. It was the DFW airport. I could tell from the signs. So he was at the wrong place at the wrong time on the wrong day, AND he had no pictures or interesting tidbits to share from two weeks visiting Gilbert, Arizona? 

It was a fake trip. There is no other explanation. He used a pretend trip to get out of meeting up with me. He fabricated the whole thing, AND got his made-up dates and times wrong. 

But I was on vacation. I may have had plenty of time on my hands, but I had no interest in combing through the messages to trace back why I was confused. Just let it go, and enjoy the selfie. He even joked the selfie was proof that he was a real human and not a bot. I mean, sure, but the trip was fake, my friend!! 

After more cute banter and me oversharing pictures and how great of a time I was having on vacation, I was feeling wanting of male attention, so I asked again if we could meet IRL (cute, right?). 

And this is where he gets the Nonner nickname. Because not only is he a non-food blogger, he is a non-everything. Non-anything? Non-all of it, Nonner. Because when I asked if we could meet, he gave me the non-iest non-answer a non-answerer could non-answer. 

"We'll see [wink emoji] depends how the timing shakes out with all the crisscrossing travel going on"

For me, "we'll see" equates to "no." But I pressed, ever patient, uncertain if I told him the specifics of my upcoming Greenville work trip or not. "Do you have more travel planned?" 

More non-ing: "Possibly. We'll see. More importantly, did you wind up getting the matching tattoos?" 

WHOAAAAAAA! Three non-answers in a row and a quick non-sense pivot?!? What'd I tell you? He's a master of this. 

"Another non answer. Got it. Ball's in your court I guess. I'm done asking. Good night," was as nice as I could be. I was livid. 

The next morning, I get a long winded text about how he's so confused by my irrational reaction. Because, obviously, I'm the problem. This blog post is longer than I intended - I was going to summarize all of this - but the reality is too good not to write it all out, so let's go. 

"I'm honestly confused. One day we can talk and banter for hours with no issues, and it feels like we're on great terms. Then another day, it feels like you suddenly have a problem with how I communicate. From my perspective, that's hard to reconcile because I don't feel like I've changed. Can you help me understand what's going on?" 

I mean, gaslighting and blatant dismissive lack of accountability aside, it's a reasonable request to ask for clarity. But I was pretty done-so at this point. So I crafted a long account of what I now realized had transpired. 

"I can help you understand. It's not a sudden problem with how you communicate out of nowhere. It's that your actions and timeline completely contradict each other. 

"For someone who told me you have a 'great mind for dates and numbers' the math here doesn't add up. You told me you were flying back on Friday the 12th on a 4:30 pm flight. Then you sent an airport selfie on Saturday morning - standing right in front of the DFW Terminal E gate sign - and you said you 'got the date wrong.' Even if you meant you flew back on Saturday, a morning selfie at DFW would make zero sense for a 4:30 pm flight out of Phoenix. Now you're using vague potential travel as a reason we can't meet up. You sent no pictures and nothing real about Arizona. It seems likely you weren't there at all actually. 

"I have genuinely enjoyed some of our conversations, and our phone call had a great flow. But when I try to ask straightforward questions to bridge the gap or move things forward, I get vague non-answers and deflections. Telling me you're 'honestly confused' right now feels incredibly indicative of gaslighting when its your own conflicting stories causing the breakdown. 

"You have consistently avoided actually meeting up. If you genuinely want to pursue this, the next step is a real, concrete date - tell me the day, time and place. If you aren't ready or willing to make actual plans to meet me in person, then please stop wasting my time." 

To this direct confrontation, he pulled out all the stops on gaslighting: "I hear you. I'm not going to go back and forth on timelines or details, and I'm not trying to mislead you or waste your time. If that's not something you're comfortable with, I understand. If we meet up, I'm open to keeping it simple and seeing if we click in person." 

There are soooooo many problems here - for starters, it's me who isn't comfortable with lies? Yeah. And let's keep it simple aka don't ask me anything that will further confirm I've been a big fat liar this whole time. 

I wasn't sure I'd respond, but then he sent another: "I can meet you on Wed, Jun 24, at Hop & Sting Brewing Co in Grapevine. I'm available between 4 and 7:30 pm." 

Gotta love that he came around, right? I mean, giving specifics like this really works for me. There's just one problem. I was in Greenville that week. Did he know that? Was he doing it on purpose to prove a point that I'm the one who is unavailable because I travel? I looked back through the messages and couldn't find anything that mentioned the specific timing of my trip. But I probably blabbed about it on the phone, and I have a poor memory for whether or not I told him specifics. So, honestly, no clue if he was doing that on purpose or not. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? 

But rather than admitting his assertion that we have travel plans that limit our ability to meet up, I was focused on how far out he had put the date - over week from now. If he was eager to meet up (indeed, he had joked about joining me on my beach trip before we realized he wouldn't be back from Arizona yet - presumably, anyways), then surely, asking him to meet this week shouldn't be an issue, right? 

So here I go, one last time. "I really appreciate you putting out a specific plan - the place and time window work perfectly for me! Since we'll both be back in town this week, I'd love to not wait until next week. Can we make it happen this week? I have a few days that work - I can do this Tue, Thur or Fri afternoon during that same 4 to 7:30 pm window." 

And the nail in the coffin was his response: "I'm going to stick with the availability I sent you, if that doesn't work for you, no worries and we can skip meeting." 

The word "skip" here is doing a lot of heavy lifting. He went from wanting to cuddle all the time, and not being a good texter so therefore wanting to just spend time in person with me, and travel the world with me to "skipping" the meeting part? 

By offering a hyper-specific date a week out—knowing I likely mentioned my work travel on the phone—he engineered a trap where he got to look reasonable ("Look, I offered a date!") while ensuring the meeting would never happen. And even if, per chance, I was able to move the work travel to make that date work, a week out seems like enough time to engineer a new "crisscrossing travel" fabrication or create another situation where he "got it wrong" again. It was never about a schedule; it was about control.

Done. I was done. No response. Left on read. Then a few days later, he had the nerve to bait me into picking back up where we were good, like a system restore back to the latest uncorrupted copy of the relationship. "Be honest: what's the one story from the beach trip that you'd tell if you only got to tell one?" 

I'll be honest. This sounds like a bot. I was with my beach travel companion at the time, and so when I read that to her, she fell for the bait, even though she knew the whole back story. She started telling me which story I should choose. I had to stop her. "Girlfriend, I'm not f-ing responding." 

I really hope he texts me again. Something tells me it's not over. I mean, any prospect of dating this (likely robot) Nonner is over. But, please gawd, let the drama continue. It can't end like this. I need more non-blogger, non-essayist, non-traveler, nonner nonner energy in my life. 

Bricks & Botanical Bliss: The Unofficial Guide to LEGO at Fort Worth Botanic Garden (plus free Scavenger Hunt!)

In seeking to utilize my membership at the Fort Worth Botanic Garden, a Christmas gift from my sister (thanks Deda!), I discovered this week that there would be a - gasp! - Lego exhibit there all summer, called Sean Kenney’s Nature POP! Made with LEGO® Bricks. Combining things I enjoy - in this case, walking in nature, and Lego art - always seems to be an exponentially exciting endeavor to me. So even though I had  already made plans to go see it with a friend next month, I couldn't wait to go myself, on my first day off. 

While I am often very much a planner in almost all aspects of life, I enjoy both the challenge of spontaneity and the relief of not having to plan certain parts of my life. So I awoke without an alarm and got ready to go to the gardens. I noted that there was a QR code which would likely have more information and a map and the like, but ignored the impulse to check it out. Instead, once I showed my membership ID, I put my headphones in and headed out aimlessly, with the intent to discover as many of the exhibits as I could without the aide of a map.

The first few exhibits were right through the doors. Actually, there were two exhibits just outside the entrance before you even pay admission, as well as a few murals in the Pollinator Pathway near the parking lot, which I discovered at the end of my journey. But besides those, once you're past the admission desk and through the doors, there are several bunnies, a couple gardeners and a dog. I took some photos and ventured on. 

I spotted a red blur in flight, and when it stopped in the tree, I stopped to snap a few photos of the cute little bird. The lighting was poor but I was able to enhance it on my phone. I moved on and continued to discover additional statues and murals built of Lego. 

One thing I really loved and appreciated was that the signs had a little blurb about the art and a little blurb about the science. This makes it a memorable and fun learning experience, I suspect, for kids and adults alike even. 

I made my way to the Rose Garden and found a dazzling sculpture there of a rose, fitting. As I carved my way through the curvy paths, I was reminded of my labyrinth experience and reflected on the ever so slight distracting annoyance of having to make decisions about which way to go every few feet. What I loved about the labyrinth was that it made all the decisions for you, you had but to choose to walk it, and the path took care of the rest. That's what promoted the meditative experience I had while walking the labyrinth, albeit too short of lengths for my preference. A trade off, I presume, between the length stretches I could walk here in the Rose Garden versus a labyrinth. If only we could combine the two - having a single path over a larger scale. That's Ikea, I suppose. 

Not knowing where I would find the next exhibit, I ventured into the Japanese Garden and walked a majority of its length, finding no Lego exhibits there. I would later confirm with the map that the Japanese Garden was, indeed, left alone, without a single Lego piece, and just the tranquil peace. 

Outside of the Japanese Garden, I spotted a *POP* of color which I took to be my next lead. I found more sculptures and enjoyed reading the plaques in front of each. 

After more than 2 miles of walking, I decided to start making my way back to the car, when I spotted a red tailed hawk wrangling a recent kill. It spotted me before I saw it, and raised its wing to protect its hunting trophy from me. I think this is one of the funniest behaviors of the animal kingdom. I was reminded of the time a turkey vulture danced around its catch with both wings extended while I walked widely around it to retrieve my car from the street shortly after I moved into my house in Texas. If only the birds of prey knew I have a much better meal awaiting me at home, and that their breakfast was not tempting to me in the least! After photographing it from the distance at which I stopped, it eventually was startled away by unaware kids coming up the path the other way. I tried to follow it to see where it would land in the tree, but it was too fast for me to track it. 

After a quick stop at the restroom and gift shop, I headed out to my car, clocking more pops of color in the Pollinator Pathway, as previously mentioned. So I wandered down that path which I usually skip, and found a few more murals that were totally worth seeing. 

Finally, at my car, I pulled up the website from the QR code and checked the map. Verifying the list against my memory, I was happy to see I had found all but one of the exhibits on my own. I chuckled at myself thinking that I was too close to stop now; like Pokemon, I gotta catch 'em all! The last one was not in the gardens proper; it was by the research institute, to which I know of no (other) reason to go. So I drove over to the entrance and popped out of my car for a quick photo. So lesson learned: if you're missing one (the zebra mural), do not remorse, it is easily accessible by car on your way out of the parking area. 

After returning home, I did some organizing of my photos and did some searches online to get more information and data for this post. Interestingly (or annoyingly), some of the articles about the exhibit coming to Fort Worth either reference or feature a panther, which was neither on the map nor in my photos or memory. I was incredibly frustrated to learn that I had missed one, and puzzled why it wasn't on the map. After considerable deliberation, I figured out that the "panther" referenced is actually the snow leopard, so I wasn't missing one after all. 

About Nature POP!

The exhibit runs from May 22 to September 17, so you have plenty of time to *POP* out to the gardens to see it! This marks artist Sean Kenney's second major showcase at the venue, arriving five years after his "Nature Connects" exhibition occupied the grounds. 

By the Numbers 

There are 18 three dimensional sculptures and 6 large, flat murals. The murals are all the same size and according to the signs, are all composed of the same number of pieces -  18,432 each! This may seem expected at first, but actually, the pieces used on the murals are all different shapes and sizes, so one realistically could expect there would be variation in the brick count. I used my favorite AI chatbot to validate the underlying assumptions in those counts, and provide its own estimates based on my photos. The count was estimated to be much lower. 

The sign for the rabbits indicated they were 1,496 pieces, but it was unclear if that was per bunny or for the collection. With 21 bunnies, if the figure was for all of them, that would be an average of 71 pieces per bunny - seems low. If its per bunny, then all the rabbits would be 31,416 pieces all together, so I think it's that. 

I didn't catch the number of pieces for three of the statues (at least one of which did not have a sign from what I could find), and used google search and AI to try to ascertain those estimates, but did not trust the numbers, so I used my own estimates for those three. 

Update June 26, 2026: I went back to the gardens and revisited the statues I had been missing piece counts for, so now I have a complete count (at least, according to the signs). 

Based on the pieces stated, and my assumption about the rabbits, I calculated 869,074 Lego pieces, which confirms the claim that there are over 800,000 pieces used in the total exhibit. At an average retail price of $0.13, that would be nearly $113k worth of Lego! Although, the artist likely got a wholesale price closer to 6 cents per brick, or about $52k. 

Even if the number of pieces is overestimated for the murals, using the high end of the AI-generated estimates, the entire collection was estimated at 811,982 pieces, still well above the claimed 800,000 pieces. 

The Next Stops: Cities Scheduled After Fort Worth

This is the 14th stop on the tour. After September 17th, once the installations are carefully disassembled, packed into customized, foam-lined logistics crates, and loaded onto freight trucks at the end of the summer, they are booked to head to the following locations:

    Omaha, NE (Scheduled to open January 16, 2027)
    Winchester, VA (Scheduled to open May 27, 2028)

Custom Resources

If you want to have a little fun, you can turn the exploration of the Lego sculptures and mosaics into a game, and a challenging learning experience. To help you and your family gamify your visit, I created a printable Scavenger Hunt and a Trivia Quiz, designed to test your eye for detail.

Sign up with your email below to join my writing journey, and I'll instantly send a copy straight to your inbox:

 

To provide you with the most efficient route to visit all of the Nature Pop! displays, I have charted a course on the map that minimizes backtracking. We have created a blue path that visits the sculptures in a clear, continuous sequence. You can see the visual path overlaid on the map, and here is the breakdown:

 
Efficient Nature Pop! Walking Route:

Start at the BRIT to see the Zebra Mural, or the Pollinator Pathway near the park lot. 
#3 Ladybug Mural - Pollinator Pathway
#2 Butterfly Mural - Pollinator Pathway
#6 Horses Mural
#1 Galapagos Tortoise - You'll likely see this as you drive in. Watch for cars if you approach on foot to take a picture. 

#5 Eagle - You'll see this on your left as you walk into the Garden Center.
#8 Gardeners - Veer left as you enter the garden, and appropriately, visit the statue of the gardeners! 
#9 Rabbits - Count them and see how many you can find!
#10 Dog

#11 Leopard
#12 Pangolin
#13 Polar Bear & Cub

#7 Tree Frog Mural - I think this is in the wrong spot on the map, as I spotted it after the Polar Bear and before the Woodpecker. 

#14 Woodpecker
#15 Doe & Fawn
#16 Buck
#17 Fox
#18 Lawn Mower

Hang a right after the Lawn Mower
#23 Spider Mural
#22 Zebra
#21 Lion
#20 Dodo Bird

Enter the Rose Garden
#19 Rose - North West part of the Rose Garden
#24 Dragonfly - Exit the Rose Garden on the South East side and head towards the pond. It's a bit out of the way, but worthwhile as it is one of my favorites! 

#4 Zebra Mural - Near BRIT (Botanical Research Institute of Texas). Recommend driving here at the beginning or end of your day. 

This route allows you to see every sculpture in one continuous walk through the Fort Worth Botanic Garden.

And here is my table of the piece count.

Sculptures	Claimed Piece Count	Notes
1. Galapagos Tortoise	21,976
5. Eagle	22,200
8. Gardeners	46,823
9. Rabbits	31,416	*Assumes 21 rabbits at 1,496 each as the signs imply
10. Dog	39,800
11. Snow Leopard	51,377
12. Pangolin	28,650
13. Polar Bear with Cubs	112,450
14. Woodpecker	32,650
15. Fawn & Doe	43,150
16. Buck	38,350
17. Fox	18,100
18. Lawn Mower	35,250
19. Rose	20,000
20. Dodo Bird	29,750
21. Lion	45,150
22. Zebra	73,500
24. Dragonfly	67,890
Subtotal in Sculptures:	758,482

Murals	Claimed Piece Count	AI Estimate
2. Butterfly	18,432	5,500
3. Lady Bug	18,432	4,500
4. Zebra	18,432	6,500
6. Horses	18,432	15,500
7. Tree Frog	18,432	8,500
23. Spider	18,432	13,000
Subtotal in Murals:	110,592	53,500

Total Pieces:

869,074

811,982

Mr. At the Right Time

I was contemplating how very fortunate I have been, even though I have yet to find the love of my life, to have had wonderful people, and specifically in this case, love interests, who have been there for me in the way they were best suited to be there for me at the time that I needed someone like them in my life. 

The memory that first triggered this thought was thinking back to a little more than a year ago when I was in the hectic midst of moving from California to Texas - the first big move I've done on my own without the help of a SO. Even before I had started the moving process, I had changed my dating app profile to the Fort Worth area in hopes of meeting someone great in my soon-to-be new state of residence. It worked, of course, and I had been dating this guy named Justin when I did my business trips to Fort Worth prior to moving. While trying to close on my house in Texas, the relo company sent the wire for my down payment to the wrong account. $80,000 were lost in the ether for the better part of two weeks. $80,000 I thought I'd lost. It was insane. Why do we wire like this? Why are there not more checks and safety features? Seems like a terrible idea. 

Well, Justin happened to work in IT for the banking industry. He had worked at multiple banks and was familiar with their electronic systems, and specifically, how money wires worked and that there are teams of people at the bank who are specifically employed to troubleshoot lost transactions. While the relo company was beyond useless, and my mortgage company was losing their minds, my realtor was pushing for resolution on my behalf, and Justin was giving me ideas to help the issue get resolved and keeping me calm with his assurances that I'd get the money back and all was not lost. There is literally no other guy I've ever dated before or after Justin who could have helped me get through that incredibly stressful moment, in an already stressful situation of moving and changing jobs, with the knowledge and trustworthy expertise like he could. My employees were shocked with how calm I was being through all of that, and I can only attribute it to his ability to authoritatively assure me it would be okay. 

He was there, in that space of my life, when I needed someone of his exact demeanor and knowledge. I mean, that's really incredible. I am really fortunate. Shortly after, we mutually parted ways, agreeing that we were not, in fact, all that compatible. But I will forever be grateful for our time together and specifically how he was there for me. 

To a less extreme extent, I reflect very happily with my time dating Brandon last summer. There are times now when I miss him, and think about reaching out, then I think better of it - at least so far. He had a vibrant social life, despite claiming to be a homebody who liked reading and video gaming more than anything else. It was because of him I adopted the summer past time of drinking beer in the pool with friends - so much fun! He introduced me to the two-step which is a wildly popular dance locally. He was a great lead and I felt very comfortable dancing with him. With his lead, I feel very confident that I sufficiently gave two-step a genuine effort, and I can confidently say that I absolutely hate that style of dance. I introduced him to swing dancing, and he affirmed my opinion that swing dance is far more dynamic and varied and interesting and fun. But I wouldn't have been able to be so assured in my assertion, or even had any clue, had I not had the opportunity to dance it with such a great lead whose touch was so perfect. I loved the way he touched me affectionately, his subtle but present PDA, his comfortable cuddles, his soft kisses. Yet when he suggested we end things, I didn't fight him because I worried that he would be too boring for me, and I looked forward to being all in with Sam. 

I suspect my time with Sam may be drawing to an end, after one or two more extraordinary adventures which are already planned, and it was sad for me to come to that realization. Perhaps I had fallen in love with the exotic love story - two singles from opposite sides of the world being brought together by a celestial event - better than fiction! It's because of him I've made amazing memories checking off multiple things from my Life List - searching for Nessie in Scotland could not have been more amazing - which I wouldn’t have accomplished without him, at least not yet. 

But just as sometimes people are there for you in a way that you need them, I think it's also true that people can be there in ways you don't like, to show you what is important to you. That may be how I see my relationship with Sam when it exists only in hindsight. He was wonderful at first, but started to pull back on his physical affection (even openly admitting he didn't feel obligated to try so hard now that he "had me"), and more and more prioritized his comforts and habits over my needs and wants. There are things that I still really like about him - his glass half full perspective is unmatched - but these other feelings - that I've been gaslighted or manipulated in ways I can't quite prove - tell me that this is not a forever relationship. It's sewing mistrust in a relationship that requires trust more than most, and I believe he is a good person but I also believe he is content with the status quo and actively resistant to change, which does not serve my desires. Still, not all relationships have to be forever to have been good. Like Marie Kondo's method for parting with unneeded clutter, I can thank the relationship for the purpose it served in my life, even if that purpose was to show me that this is not what gives me joy, and put it to rest with peace and without regret. 

I had another date with Ryan today - is this date number four or five? I've lost track, and I love that. I don't need to keep score with him. We are so different, and yet he has a magnetism that pulls me in. Opposites attract can be true in some ways, I know. He's respectful, he's affectionate, he's grateful, he's protective. He's also absolutely crazy and loud and talks nonsense gibberish to me half the time (I know he thinks it has meaning but I get so lost with the fantasy worlds he's trying to explain to me). He has had zero life experiences and knows so little about the world - a little bit of a blank slate I can wow and amaze with little effort. The whole is both bizarre and endearing. As he watched me drive away tonight, not unlike how my neighbor's stalker cat watches me through my windows, I couldn't help squealing at how cute he is. And really, isn't that the most fun part of a relationship? He also may not be the forever love of my life, but we are both mutually agreed we are having fun and want to continue. 

Honestly, while I still yearn for the ultimate forever love of my life, and part of me wishes I could fast-forward to that part, I am trying, with a good deal of success, to find the joy in the newness of relationships and be present and satisfied in the part of the story that I'm in now. I have a perpetually changing Mr. At the Right Time, and life is good, and I have so much to be grateful for. 

Dating in Fort Worth: How It's Going July 2024

Moving to the Dallas / Fort Worth area seemed inevitable, it was just a matter of time. I interviewed in Dallas years ago and seriously considered the job, but it was simultaneously between that job and the one in Panama City  Beach, Florida, and I felt like the Dallas job was the safe bet and the PCB job was the scary, exciting and potentially high-reward opportunity, and I decided that the safe options will always be there, and I might as well take a risk. Fast forward to being single in Palmdale, CA, and the dating scene left much to be desired. Late in 2023, I decided to test my buddy's theory that the dating would be better in Texas should I consider moving there. So I changed my dating profile to be in Fort Worth, and I put a very big disclaimer on my profile to be upfront about the fact that I was going back and forth between California and Fort Worth, but that I was open to moving there, which wasn't entirely true but perhaps foreshadowing, or maybe I just knew it was inevitable.
 

Regardless, I got a couple of matches early on. One ended up being a complete and literal fraud - he was trying to get me to buy crypto on some website "to bring us closer." Of course I didn't fall for his crap, but I did invest a lot of my time in talking with him before that all came out - he definitely played a long game in his scam.

 

The other match was real. His name was Tommy, and he worked on second shift at my company. I knew the shift more than the fact that we worked at the same company would present challenges in terms of scheduling time together, but I was willing to try to make it work. Our daily texts were amazing - he was so attentive and sweet. Based on his profile pictures, I wasn't sure if I'd be attracted to him. We finally met up on my next business trip and he was absolutely instantly attractive to me. We had an amazing first date and some kisses and cuddles and I felt very comfortable with him physically - it felt like we had been molded to be together. All the more reason I thought it was weird when he was more aloof after our first date, and then eventually he stopped responding altogether. I didn't understand it and it was very upsetting.

 

A few weeks later, I felt like being a little drama and sent a picture of myself looking pretty good to Tommy. To my surprise, he responded and said he apologized for ghosting me, he thought his message had gone through but apparently it hadn't, and that he had decided the long-distance thing was too hard, my time that week was so limited and he didn't like that. I was glad to know what happened but still felt like saying something like, "Where there's a will, there's a way," but knew it wouldn't really do much good.

 

Around that time, Deric came into my life and so I tried not to think about Tommy too much. But my relationship with Deric was short-lived and ended right around the time that I found out I would now have to move to Fort Worth for work. I debated for weeks whether to try to reach out to Tommy again and let him know I would be moving, or to wait until I moved there, but either way I knew I was going to reach out to him. One night I decided I didn't want to wait any longer and I told him I was moving there. He responded almost immediately and seemed both excited and flattered that I thought of him. He re-engaged again with his daily, sweet, and attentive texts. We met up again when I was there next, and again he drifted away and stopped responding. Now I was mad - this isn't a coincidence, right?

 

When I was back in Fort Worth, still not permanently, I asked him to meet me at a restaurant and without responding, he showed up. We talked and he apologized and said he didn't think I'd want to see him again, blah blah blah. We again had another amazing time together, and he promised to try to do better on responding to texts. And then once again he faded and disappeared.

 

In the meantime, I entertained a few other suitors. In February, I started talking with Justin. He had a cheezy smile in some of his pictures, but I could see evidence of him being kind of cute. He was definitely nerdy and a little weird, but he seemed passionately interesting in me. We had a date when I was in Fort Worth for business, and it felt very rushed, like he was just trying to drag me through the requirements so that he could get me back to my hotel. I didn't invite him to come in, and he seemed disappointed but I did let him kiss me good night. We continued seeing each other for quite some time and had some nice dates together, I did become attracted to him and I did genuinely like him. But the weirdness just started to overwhelm everything else.

 

Sam had ironically liked a picture of me I'm not sure he realized was from Australia, and was upfront that he didn't live in Dallas despite what his profile said, he lived in Sydney, Australia. Of course, I've written plenty about him so I'll skip to the next guy.

 

Brandon had liked my picture back in December when I was with Deric, so I hadn't paid attention to it. Once Deric and I were over, I still wasn't sure about Brandon. He seemed like he'd be a sweetheart, but I wasn't attracted to him. In April, I finally decided it was worth at least a dialog, and I matched back with him. He started right off with a pun, which I loved, and the texts flowed very naturally. But when we met up for our first date, he started off by telling me he was very low energy that day. Okay, I guess that's… fine? I mean, he was, so I guess by stating as much, at least he was acknowledging that. The date didn't do much to help me decide one way or another with him, and we ended with a hug.

 

Brandon and I continued talking, and we met up for a second date. That date went a little better, but only marginally, and at the end of it, I got a small kiss. I wanted more in the moment, but didn't make the move, and we said goodnight and parted ways. 

 

Then there was Ryan. I knew I should stop using the dating app, but Ryan hit me up and we started chatting and I didn't want to ghost him. He was so sweet via text, call me goddess and flattering me way more than I probably deserve. We had good chats over the course of a couple weeks and he seemed head-over-heels for me before even meeting. I finally proposed we grab ice cream at Braum's and he agreed. We had a really nice chat and hung out for a while there. He grabbed me for a deep, passionate kiss in the parking lot and I quite liked it. We said good night and I thought that was a good sign. We exchanged several more messages over the next couple days, and then he ghosted me after all that. 

 

In May, I ended things with Justin via text message, which in hindsight may have been the wrong way to do it but it felt okay in the situation, and he responded pretty quickly that he was feeling the same way, and we both wished each other the best and that was that.

Down to two-ish, with Tommy still popping up whenever I want him but not really giving boyfriend vibes, it was a bit of a struggle at times to balance Sam and Brandon.
Sam liked to have video phone calls on Sunday morning his time which is Saturday evening my time - the time I am often out with Brandon and his friends. So I've had to put Sam off on those weekends or try to do the call the night before. And then Sam came for a week, and since my sister was coming right after, I told Brandon that my sister was coming and that I'd be busy, which wasn't untrue, I just made it sound like she was there the whole time when in fact it was mostly Sam.

  

My sister did give me a hard time about juggling two guys. Of course, she's happily single and doesn't seem to understand my desire for a man in my life. She also commented that Brandon and I look like siblings so it was a good thing we weren't going to have kids because people would suspect incest - of all things to worry about! 

 

I wish I could say I never saw it as a competition or a comparison between the two, but that happened a couple times. Still, I'd say most of the time it wasn't like that for me. I assume most relationships will end when one or both parties decide there is something incompatible, so I assumed one relationship or the other would flame out eventually. The fact that both seemed to be going strong for so long and only seemed to be getting stronger was the problem.

 

I think what made it tougher was that they were so different - complete opposites in most ways, really - and the pros and cons are so glaring. For example, Brandon is local, so huge points for that. I also liked how Brandon was physically affectionate with me, whereas Sam wasn't as cuddly or physically affectionate. I remember actually thinking one night when I was with Sam that Brandon would comply with my request or

something to that effect. Pretty awful to have those kinds of thoughts, I know. On the other hand, I felt like Brandon was the safe option - he wanted to get married up, he was easy going, we could hang out and he would do whatever I planned for us to do and I could relax around him. And I struggled with whether those were good things or not. I liked that Sam was adventurous and had his own dreams and his passions that he involved me in. Sam is doing a daily 10k step challenge and inspires me to push myself to do the same. He has a healthy slightly-restricted diet which I'd like to somewhat emulate. His absolute positivity in difficult situations is downright inspirational. I don't think he understands how much he inspires me, but he does - I want to be a better person because of him.

 

So, like the decision between the Dallas job and the Florida job years ago, I'd been leaning towards the scarier but more exciting option, and away from the safer option… until Brandon called me to end things today. He called me which is pretty unusual, we mostly text and then obviously meet up in person, but I didn't think too much about the phone call - I figured maybe he thought it'd be easier to discuss logistics for tomorrow when I was to meet his sister and parents for his birthday celebration. Quite the contrary, and perhaps he was thinking it was urgent to end things because of that. I didn't know what he was saying at first, I thought he said he was going to talk about work, which made sense in my head since he had come from a three-week work trip, but then he said something like, "we shouldn't see each other anymore," and then he also started talking about how he realized he wanted kids and wasn't ready to give up on that dream. When I thought back to how he started the conversation, perhaps he had said something like, "I'm going to say some word vomit," but I could not for the life of me recall what he said that led him to not wanting to see each other anymore - maybe that he had been thinking while he was one his work trip? Had he found my blog about Sam or something? No, I don't think he said anything to that effect. Anyways, I suppose it doesn't matter why, it was clear enough that he was done and I wasn't going to fight for him given my feelings. So we both wished each other the best and for the second time with another local suitor, that was that.

 

The timing is kind of crap, because I had just put together his birthday card with his present, but I guess his present can be used for something else and the card is only a $3 loss; I suppose its better to end things now than wait until we exchange birthday gifts, and I was supposed to meet his sister and parents tomorrow. So, yeah, I guess good.

 

I did push out my flight for work to Monday because I was reserving my Sunday evening for him and his family. So, I'm a little annoyed at the timing, a couple weeks ago would have been better, or perhaps in reality, I would have liked to let it go one a little bit longer to have someone locally. But, I'll see Sam in 12 days in Scotland, and I have a business trip between now and then, so maybe I should be more okay with it than I am. I know part of it is a control thing - I prefer to do the ending things. It wasn't my time line - I had plans with him still. But I think I would have felt regret or starting to think the "what ifs" had I ended things with Brandon at this point or in the near future. It seems like it should be good. Maybe it's just raw. The irony was I'd been meaning to do some writing to catch up on my dating life outside of Sam, but hadn't gotten to it until, well, there's nothing more to write up now.

 

In conclusion, dating in Fort Worth also stinks, but it helped me find Sam, and he thrills me. Cheers to you, Tommy, Justin and Brandon! I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

Have My Cake and Eat it [Part] Two, or, Texas Tommy

When the prospect of moving to Fort Worth for my job first cropped up around April or May last year, my buddy Andrew put an interesting notion in my head: the dating pool is likely to be better out in Fort Worth than it is in Palmdale / LA area (the latter requires excessive travel that not everyone is down for). I decided at the time that I wasn't super stoked about moving and my now-boss, as a testament to how awesome he is, moved mountains to make an offer that would keep me in Palmdale despite the job being planned for Fort Worth. The only caveat was the expectation that I would travel to Fort Worth regularly - minimum once per quarter and preferably once per month. I happily agreed to that condition, although I was still unsure about accepting. I surprised everyone including myself I think when I did accept. 

Fast forward a few months, I was traveling to Fort Worth just about monthly. After another failed relationship or three, Andrew's notion rang in my head and I decided to change my dating profile to Fort Worth. I didn't want to be deceptive, though, so although I listed my location as Fort Worth, I made sure to use one of the freeform prompts to explain that I was coming to Fort Worth regularly for work and was considering moving there, which was only like 4% true but I did believe that at some point it would make sense and/or be required of me to move. I figured I was living in Palmdale on borrowed time there (and boy was I right… but I'm getting ahead of myself). 

Most of the initial contacts failed to turn into anything. But one didn't. His name is Tommy, and it turned out he works at the same company I do, as a technician on second shift. His profile pictures were a mix of silly, dated and awkward. But he was sweet, and we got along via messaging really well. I wasn't sure if I'd be attracted to him physically when I finally saw him, but his attentiveness and agreeable personality thrilled me. Because my next business trip had been booked before he and I started talking, I didn't have a lot of time for him given our different work schedules, but we planned to meet up as soon as I landed on Sunday, for a late lunch. One of the starting topics of conversation we had was about where in Fort Worth to find the best queso, so that become the destination of our date - a taco franchise place called Torchy's. 

I was so nervous he'd stand me up or something… and he was a few minutes late so I was really freaking out inside, but tried not to be a crazy girl. My panic was unwarranted this time, though. As he walked around the corner into the restaurant, I recognized him instantly (he was wearing the same shirt as one of this profile pictures) and a wave of physical attraction rolled over me. Well, the concern about being attracted to him can be put to bed! He was hot in all the ways I like. We hugged awkwardly and then got in line to order. I copied his order almost exactly, it sounded perfect, and of course, we got an order of queso. 

It was surreal meeting this guy who had only been a series of messages and a few confusing pictures. But the conversation flowed easily, and I was instantly hooked. We barely touched the queso, although it was quite good, and the tacos, too. Not knowing what else to do but also not wanting this to end, I invited him back to my hotel with me. We walked out to our cars and that's when he grabbed my face and kissed me and I just melted. Kissing him felt so good and he was just the right blend of forceful and caringly gentle. We made out in the parking lot for what felt like too long but I wasn't going to complain. He finally let me get in my car so he could follow me to the hotel. 

It started raining on the way, and my hotel was downtown so he had to park separately. As he ran through the rain I just wanted to wrap my arms and legs and soul around him. He undressed quickly and got me to match and we spent the rest of the evening in my hotel bed naked. I was over the moon. He was so comfortable to be with, and my body felt like it was molded to his. Everything was just about perfect. I couldn't imagine liking anyone else more. 

As the week went on, though, his texts were less frequent and felt distant. I'm losing him, I thought. And I made a desperate attempt to see him once more before I flew home, but it was a complicated idea I suppose. And then the responses stopped altogether. I was heartbroken, obviously, and I knew it was crazy because I had only seen him once, but it just felt like there was so much there. Probably more to stir up drama than truly trying to reach out and reconnect, I would message him from time to time. 

Then one night I got a response. He had apparently missed some of my messages, and also, he had sent me a message that he assumed had gone through but was just not realizing that it hadn't. In that message, he had said that he thought he could make the distance thing work, but I was here for such a short time and he didn't see how he could handle that. I accepted his response but told him I wished he had talked to me about it because I am a planner and I was doing what I could to plan to make it easy for us to get together. But that was it, I guess. It saddened me but at least I had closure, and I couldn't blame him for not wanting to do the distance thing. 

Until the distance thing wasn't necessary. Fast forward to the decision in my company to re-org, and my boss once again saving me but this time with a mandate that I move to Fort Worth. I accepted my fate, and although I would never make this type of decision based on a guy, much less a guy who ghosted me and then ended things with me, there was a tiny bit of hope in my heart that I could reconnect with Tommy. I also thought about the broader dating pool as a positive thing, as Andrew had advised. So while there were lots of downsides and negatives, and just, you know, moving sucks, I started finding reasons to be okay with the move. 

Internally, I debated whether to reach out to Tommy before I moved, or to wait until I was there permanently. I didn't want him to think I was leading him on ahead of me being there permanently. But I also had this little worry that he'd meet someone else and start something up with her in the meantime, and I didn't want to miss out simply because I hadn't acted quickly enough. So once it was settled for sure that I'd be moving, even without exact timing, I texted him, keeping it simple, not wanting to show all my cards or scare him off. 

Me: "I'm moving to Fort Worth officially soon." 

Tommy: "How soon? And it makes me feel happy/special you still thought of me :-D"

And later: 

Tommy: "Let me know when you're in town and we could catch up if you like"

[Me internally: "Eeeeeek I want to kiss him and rip his clothes off and kiss every inch of him!! Keep it cool, Laura, keep it cool."]

Me: "That'd be great!"

And much later: 

Tommy: "So I've been wondering, and just have to ask… What made you reach out? I know you're moving, but still"

Me: "I saw a lot of potential in us, and I was pretty sad when you didn't see it work. So yeah, with me moving I thought, if you're still open to talking and stuff, me moving will eliminate the issue." 

Tommy: "I'm sorry you were sad, but it did make me happy when you reached out like you did"

Me: I'm glad to hear it. I really liked our convos back then, I was so nervous to meet you. And then when I saw you, I remember thinking you were so much hotter than I expected…[fire emoji]"

Tommy: [Drool emoji] 

"I'm super flattered and not used to it lol"

"But I'm very glad, and hopefully we'll click again"

"Also, I'm still an open book, so feel free to ask whatever about whatever :-D"

Me: "Haha and same… also I'm a little nervous I'll come on too strong and scare you off lol… Feel free to tell me I'm being crazy if that starts to happen [laughing emoji]"

Tommy: "I'm sure you'll be fine [winking emoji]"

"I don't know of another time when a woman was afraid of coming on too strong with me before… Flattery will get you everywhere haha"

Me: "Deal! I'll tell you how hot you look all the time! But it's been a minute… I'll need a refresher!"

Tommy: [with a selfie] "Please excuse the bags lol"

Me: "You chopped your hair! I like! Or more accurately, I want to reach through the phone and kiss you rn [kissing emoji]"

Tommy: "I'll be sure to keep it more trim like this then [sunglasses emoji]

I do recall a lot of fun making out [kissing emoji]"

Me: "Oh when you first kissed me in the park lot [fire emoji] [sweating hot emoji] [fire emoji]"

Tommy: "Of torchy's?"

Me: "Haha yeah"

Tommy: [Big grin emoji]

Me: "It was super sexy how you just kinda pulled me in and took control…"

Tommy: "Oh yeah? Well… I think you made me do it, so you totally caused that"

Me: "Haha I was all weird and awkward I'm sure! But once we started kissing that's all I wanted to do"

"Ok, maybe not all lolol"

Tommy: "I don't recall any awkward from you"

Me: "Glad you didn't notice. I was sooooo awkward"

Tommy: "I'm confident that I'll basically always [be] awkward lol"

Me: "Well then we'll just have to fast forward to the kissing, cuz I don't think there was any awkward after that…" 

Tommy: "I think that's true…" 

And so on. I was so into him all over again. With us talking again and his affirmative desire to see me, it seemed pointless to talk to other guys. So even though I'm not usually an eggs-in-one-basket kind of person in dating, at least until I explicitly agree to be exclusive with someone, I basically did that for Tommy, a guy I had only seen once and whom had ghosted me for a bit. I'm in trouble, right? Ah well, the heart wants what the heart wants, there's no rationalizing with it sometimes. 

So, just like the first time, we met up right after I landed. This time, I picked CAVA for us to go to, since he had said he had never had Greek food before, and there was a CAVA in the same area as Torchy's so I knew it was a relatively convenient place for us to meet up. This time, as we had discussed (or more like, I kind of commanded and he agreed to comply), when we first saw each other, he grabbed me and kissed me sweet and long, and then held me for what felt like an eternity but in a happy way. It felt so good to be in his arms again. Our bodies still fit perfectly together, and he was so gentle but firm. And just like the first time, after our late lunch, we went to my hotel. This one was a bit more convenient parking-wise so he helped me with my luggage. We had another amazing time naked in my hotel bed. It was Super Bowl Sunday so I did have the game on and was vaguely watching it with him. He napped a little bit but for the most part he was just all about me and pretending to care about what was on the TV. Honestly, I couldn't think of a better way to watch the Super Bowl. Best Big Game Day Ever! 

But again after we parted ways, his texts became more distant. Fewer, further between, not initiating conversation really. I knew work was really weighing on him with layoffs happening in his area and as the union steward he had to be a part of the process. And his last text was asking if I had found a house yet knowing I was househunting that day. I had responded and sent him a few more messages after that, and nothing back from him. 

I had planned my trip such that I had an extra day in case I needed it for househunting. I tried to see Tommy before he had to work that day, but no response. The extra day also afforded me the opportunity to go to the Fort Worth Swing Dance Syndicate. I went and was pleasantly surprised that they offered an intermediate class, which I gladly stepped into. The instructor, Kris, was great and I really enjoyed his class, teaching a Fort Worth special line dance called Smiley's Charleston. It was a fun dance but very aerobic, and I was drenched in sweat pretty quickly. During the dance, there were a lot of beginners and I danced with several of them. I was surprised that even some of the leads that had been in my intermediate class were very novice. I think Kris may have felt bad for me, or just wanted me to feel welcome, so he asked me to dance a couple times and I loved dancing with him. He had us perform the Smiley's Charleston for the rest of the dance, which was kind of fun - I do like performing! Later, Kris played a song on the piano and sang along, and it was a Valentine's with a comical twist - the chorus was, "Won't you settle for me?" I thought it was very cute and I assumed that meant he was single. Interesting… 

I waited to see if maybe over the weekend Tommy would finally respond more. Days went by and I kept messaging him from time to time. I pleaded for him to respond. I texted him from my work phone and told him that ghosting me was inconsistent with everything he had told me, and told him what the last text was in case he had again thought he had sent something that hadn't gone through. Nothing. It just didn't feel logical and I don't know if I always demand closure as a control thing or whatever, but I just wanted to understand what was happening. I started to build a fantasy scenario in my head in which his crappy supervisor had thrown his phone across the room and it broke and when he got a new phone it hadn't restored my number or he had to get a new phone number. Something to explain other than he was seeing my messages and choosing not to respond. I couldn't believe that. But I knew that was irrational and I needed to try to move on if Tommy wasn't going to respond. 

Heartbroken again, I reactivated my Hinge and also reached out to a few of my LA boytoys - Hollywood Justin, Kevin 1, Kevin 2, Yusuke. I knew it was pointless to try to pursue anything serious in California at this point, but figured I could use the ego boost of a few guys' affections. 

As if smelling blood in the water, Chalan, a swing dancer from Michigan who had moved to the LA area sometime last year, started texting me a lot more and being way more flirtatious. After one of the dances we planned to go to kind of together, he took me for a drive to show off the autonomous features of his test vehicle. Apparently that's what he does for work. Pretty sexy, but, I'm moving… and that was the most of a move Chalan's ever put on me besides dancing with me multiple times per night (which can be indicative of interest, but not always - dating in swing dance is complicated, isn't it?). 

With the move taking a little longer than I wanted, I planned another work trip and texted Tommy that I'd be in town and asking him if I could see him this weekend. Finally, a response. 

Tommy: "If that's what you'd like, yes.

"I'm sorry about the silence, at first I was genuinely very busy (basically have been this whole year), but then I just kep quiet because I figured tou didn't want to hear from me after the extended silence.

But yes, if you want to that's good with me." 

Me: "I understand busy, but I think you're crazy to think I didn't want to hear from you. Are you free Saturday?" 

And then nothing again for a couple days. So I took a more proactive approach: 

Me: "How about we meet at Torchy's on Sat at noon? I'll be there unless I hear from ya for a different time/place. [Kissing emoji]" 

Still nothing. 

Meanwhile, I flew to Texas. While the plane was supposed to go to DFW, we were diverted to San Antonio. Close, but not quite. I wasn't sure if we'd make it to DFW so I started contingency planning - namely, looking at rental cars in San Antonio and drafting a text to my friend, Jen, who lived there. I had been planning to go to the Fort Worth Swing Dance Syndicate dance again that night, so I was debating - do I ditch the dance and go see Jen? Or do I get the rental and book it to try to make it just on time to the dance, foregoing the shower I was hoping to squeeze in between landing and going to the dance? None of those options were needed, though, because the captain told us we'd be taking off for DFW shortly, and we did. So we arrived a couple hours late, but still in DFW. I barely had enough time to grab a very quick bite to eat, shower and get dressed and get to the dance. 

But I got in just a minute late for Kris' backwards Shim Sham lesson. Seeing me, he waited for me, and, did I see a little sparkle when he recognized me? He deferred to me a couple times during the lesson, and I couldn't help but feel there may be a romantic spark there. The intermediate lesson, which Kris also taught, was on basic Lindy which I already know well. He also taught a move called the Texas Tommy which I was vaguely familiar with, but it had been a while. It was prone to cause injuries when done wrong, and I thought, how appropriate, since my Texas Tommy seems to hurt me. 

The rest of the dance was brilliant - I barely got a break between dances. There were a ton of strong leads there that night, and I barely even got to dance with Kris maybe twice. I danced once with a beginner who I had talked with before the classes started, Brady. But for the most part, I was dancing with intermediate and advanced dancers and it was amazing. A new-to-me guy named Shane had been in the intermediate class and was very good looking. For whatever reason, it felt like he honed in on me, and we danced a bunch of times. In fact, he and Kris approached me at the same time, and I had to choose. I think I went with Shane that time, but made sure to return to Kris as soon as I could. I mean, to be fair, Shane was dancing with a lot of women, beginners and advanced alike. But when I was pooped and ready to go, he dragged me back on the dance floor a few more times, including for the last song, which is a little romantic. What a cutie!! 

I was high on what a great dance it was. Truly, I am so happy I have found a swing dance home here so quickly. It topped even the best night at Lindygroove or Pasadena Ballroom Dance Association, and everyone is crazy about Atomic Ballroom but that is just so-so from my own experience. I even got a shirt from FWSDS to bring back to California with me and represent in my transition time. 

The morning of my presumed meeting with Tommy, I texted him.

Me: "Hope to see you at noon [kissing emoji]"

No confirmation. I was mentally preparing myself to be gravely disappointed. And I swore to myself now there's no excuses or things I could think of at this point. He either shows, or he doesn’t care enough and I need to give up. And even if he did show up, his one and only message was so cold - maybe he was coming here to end things in person and give me the closure I obviously needed. I was so ready for heartbreak. 

He walked in, just about right on time. I tried not to get my hopes up but it was a little happy to at least see he showed. I waved him over and got up to hug him. I wasn't sure if kissing was in order, and he didn't go for a kiss. We ordered food and I let him pay, mainly because, fuck, man, he owes me! 

We talked and ate, and I fought back tears multiple times - sometimes when telling him the conclusion of the investigation into my old boss, which he knew the beginning of already, and sometimes when talking about he and I. He apologized multiple times and explained where his mind was at, asked clarifying questions of me and admitted there was no excuses but that he wanted me to know, and apologized again. I appreciated all of that, except, obviously, the fact that he just didn't respond. The clarifying question he asked was whether it would bother my sleep if he texted late at night, because that was usually when he saw the messages and wanted to text back, but didn't want to wake me. I told him that my phone goes into sleep mode and doesn’t alert me unless there's an emergency until I wake up, so that was perfectly fine to text me at any hour. He basically said he'd try harder and stuff like that. I asked him point blank if he wanted to continue seeing me, and he replied in the affirmative. We talked a bit more and I was so happy and crazy about him, I just wanted to reach across the table and touch him all over and kiss him. But I settled for putting my hands in his and him holding them on the table. He caressed them and held them in exactly the way I wanted him to. 

I think he must be very sensitive to noises and brightness because the various machines were really bothering him, so I said we should get out of here and invited him back to my hotel once again. No surprise, we spent the rest of the day naked in bed. We watched Ghosts on TV and cuddled and kissed and we both dozed off and were in and out of sleep but always touching and always comfortable. It was like we picked up right where we left off. But I was still concerned so I asked him some questions to help level my expectations, and we clarified some things, so that was good I suppose. 

We exchanged a couple texts since then. But I think he suffers more strongly from decision fatigue than even I do, which is saying a lot because I really struggle sometimes, so I think when I am able to see him, I just need to tell him what I want and it seems like he'll comply because he does want me but he doesn't want to have to plan or make decisions. 

In the meantime, and the crux of why I wanted to write this blog, is that I got a couple more romantic leads via Hinge. Dan or Daniel, a fellow Sun Devil, is a bit younger but pretty cute and seems pretty easy going. We've been texting for a while and were supposed to meet up today, but I haven't heard from him for a few days and we never made official plans. Kind of a bummer. The other one, Justin, is absolutely crazy about me it seems. We text multiple times a day and he has told me fantasies he's had about me already. 

Justin, I would say, has some yellow-ish-maybe-red flags. He's not sure if he's completely straight, he's not sure if he wants monogamy, he is obsessed with wrestling and MMA, and he talks like he's all about chivalry but then also he is very dirty-minded. Some of the things he says remind me of a boy who liked me in high school, Eric Reilly. He had once written me a four page love letter saying that he felt he was my knight in shining armor and it was just very fantastical and awkward since I hadn't really liked him. Anyways, Justin is giving me those vibes. And since all I really have to go on for physical attraction is his profile pics, I am once again not sure if I'll be attracted to him, but obviously I have a recent example where that was a happy surprise. With Justin, I think I will be attracted to him in a sweet way, less sensual way. I could see me cuddling up in his arms, but I'm not sure I'm down for the sexual fantasies he has talked about. 

My first date with Justin is scheduled for tomorrow (Monday evening), although we've talked about connecting before that - first on Friday when I was flying in but the timing didn't work, and then on Saturday when I wasn't sure if Tommy and I would be long, but obviously that didn't happen for Justin and I. 

I should also mention that Saturday night, after I bid Tommy adieu, I decided to go to the Dallas swing dance. I realized I'd be late to it, but figured it'd still be worth going - not like I was doing anything else. With traffic and construction, I was very late. But, as soon as I stepped in, they were doing the Shim Sham, so I jumped in right away even before changing out of my flip flops into proper dancing shoes. Then I put my shoes on, and immediately saw a few familiar faces from FWSDS. The DJ, for one, and Leo, whom I met and danced with in the intermediate class. And… Shane! And of course, Shane and I danced a number of times. Once again, another man and he had approached me for a dance at the same time. This time, I went with the other guy and promised Shane I would catch him next. One of the other dancers was very complimentary, saying he was glad to get to dance with such an advanced follow as myself. Shane and I finished out the dance together with a few in a row. He is so cute and so much fun to dance with. 

Today, I slept in, got my usual "good morning beautiful" text from Justin, got some caffeine and wings for brunch to help kick the dehydration headache I woke up with, went for a glorious swim in the very sexy indoor pool at my hotel, and went grocery shopping for the week. I'm a little disappointed I didn't meet up with Dan or anyone else, but how could I possibly complain after such a glorious day yesterday, and two great dances the last two nights, and a date tomorrow? Life is good, my friends. Life is good. 

All that to say, I'm insanely crazy for my "Texas Tommy" even though he has a track record of disappearing and being aloof. But for now, I have him, and we're in a good place. We're not committed but I have him. And I have these other promising prospects, too, whether real or imagined. Justin may or may not be acceptable to me. Kris would be a great guy to date, but not sure if he's interested. And Shane - he feels too out of my league but I guess anything is possible. If nothing else, I have a great dance partner here who is excited to see me, remembers my name and wants to dance with me on repeat. Part of me feels like that boy-crazy little girl I was once - maybe it never left me. And part of me feels like I'm in the same (or better) happy Shrodinger's cat of a relationship - I'm both in a relationship which makes me comfortable and chosen and wanted, but I'm also not in a relationship so I am free to explore. I'm having my cake and eating it, part two!