Makai, Toji, Abbiocco: My Favorite Places to Travel To

One of the hardest things about 2020 was the inability and reluctance to travel - obviously, some travel was technically possible but it would be far more difficult than normal and risky, of course. Before the COVID crisis really escalated, we were fortunate enough to take a 16-day cruise through the Panama Canal, which also brought us to a beautiful island in the Bahamas, Columbia, and multiple destinations in Mexico. And while that was a lengthy and extravagant vacation, it seems so long ago, even though it has been less than a year. We moved to San Diego shortly after, and would have loved to hit up Sea World and Disneyland, but both have been closed since we got here. The San Diego Zoo opened for a bit, and we got memberships and have visited often, but it is now closed again. The biggest disappointment was that the Tokyo Olympics were postponed, which we had tickets to and had been looking forward to for years! Hopefully, we'll be able to go this year if the games are not cancelled altogether.

While I think about 2021, I knew January 1st wouldn't mean COVID disappears and politics are perfect and racism no longer exists or anything like that. But I do see in 2021 a hope for healing - healing for our country, the start of the end of the pandemic, the ability to gather again and hug one another, healing to be had at funeral services postponed from last year, and maybe even better understanding and practices around race issues. Indeed, one can hope, right? And the thing that I look forward to most is to be able to travel without extraneous precaution or guilt. And though that is still in the future right now, I've been thinking about the reasons I like to travel and the places I've loved and want to visit again.

I've yet to visit South America in earnest (having just merely touched down in Columbia on our cruise) or Africa. In addition, there are many more places in Europe and Asia I'd like to visit, not to mention other places here in America. But I have visited three countries in Europe, two countries in Asia, multiple cities in Australia, and many states and landmarks in America. From these travels, there are three places I've felt absolutely, indulgently, at a peaceful perfection. I call these my "Happy Places" but they are so much more than that. They are places that calm, heal and inspire me. In the spirit of, "Eat, Pray, Love" I present a slightly lengthier version: "Makai, Toji, Abbiocco." These are words in the native languages of my three places.

Makai: Oahu

I may very well be taking this Hawaiian word way out of context, but I love the sentiment. It is common in Hawaii to give directions that mean towards the mountains (mauka) and towards the ocean (makai). My happiest place on Earth is at a specific restaurant on Waikiki called House Without a Key (which I often forget the name of, and call it Room without a Door instead). I discovered it the second time I went to Hawaii - the first time I went with my sister, nephew and Mom, and we stayed in Waikiki but on the other side of the beach. The second time I went was with Jaiman and his family for his grandmother's 80th birthday, and that was when I discovered this beautiful restraurant. There are a number of elements that make it perfect for me. For one, they have live traditional Hawaiian music performed nightly with hula dancers, which just puts me in a sort of zen trance. Another selling point is the fabulous cocktails - the Mai Tai is to Mai Die for! There is usually plenty of seating, and just enough lighting to see the people you're with but not so much that it drowns out the serene landscape as the sun sets. By far, the best part of it, though, is the location - it is settled right on the beach, with captivating views of Diamond Head and the whole Waikiki landscape, and of course, the beautiful big blue ocean. But, it is just slightly elevated so as not to be sandy - those of you who know me well know that I have a very strong aversion of sand and sandy feet. My love of the ocean is almost perfectly matched by my absolute hate of dirt and sand. Having lived in Panama City Beach, Florida for over a year, I got better about sand, especially because the sand there was much thinner and cleaner, so it put me more at ease. Now that we live in San Diego, I hope to go to the beach frequently, although it certainly won't be as often as when we lived in Florida because it's quite a hassle. Due to COVID precautions and shut-downs, we've only gone once, for my birthday, so far, but hopefully that will change in 2021. 

Anyways, I would love to return to Hawaii and explore more of the islands - I hear Maui is very nice and would like to visit that island. However, I think I'll still want to return to Waikiki and visit House Without a Key. I think it's so captivating because it indulges all my senses - the smell of the ocean breeze, the taste of the Mai Tai, the sound of the Hawaiian music, the breathtaking sights of the water, beach, mountains and dancers, and the feel of stable concrete under my feet (instead of sand). One of the things I loved about my last visit to Oahu was driving around the island, listening to Hawaiian radio and taking in the various sights, and then winding up at House Without a Key at the end of the day, as if that was my home base. A Hawaiian phrase I love is "Nānā i ke kumu" which means "Look to your Sense of Place and sources of spirit, and you find your truth." That is what House Without a Key is for me. Click here to watch the video recap of our trip to Oahu when I found this little piece of heaven on earth.

Toji: Miyajima

My Host Family, the Mitsuis

I studied abroad in Hiroshima during college, and my Host Mom gave me one of the most memorable and liberating experiences of my life, bringing me (unbeknownst to me) to an Onsen, or Japanese hot spring bathing house. The waters of the Onsen are considered healing and promote beauty and wellness. As long as I can remember, I've always loved taking baths, perhaps even more than I love swimming in the ocean, so the Onsen is a little like the ultimate bath. However, there are some things about the Onsen that are a bit foreign to Americans, especially a young, naïve, white, well-endowed American woman. For one, no bathing suits or coverings are permitted in the Onsen. In fact, the tiny towels (hardly larger than a hand towel) must be kept 15 feet or so away from the bath. 

The Onsen

So, if you're not comfortable with nudity and with being completely exposed, you may be a bit challenged in the Onsen. To be sure, male and female areas are separate, so you're only naked among your own gender. However, Japanese women's bodies are quite different than, well, than mine. And it is not considered rude to stare like it would be in America. So my boobs, free of a bra and all other coverings, attracted unabashed eyes everywhere I went. 

For added drama, my American classmate who was with me had a giant tiger tattoo over her stomach, which attracted not only stares but dirty looks, as tattoos are quite taboo in Japan. What's more, there is an element of racism, or at least a belief that Americans are "dirty," thus many Japanese women would exit the baths when they saw us coming, whether it was because we were white or because of the tattoo, we would never know. Anyways, it was a little like baptism by fire, I quickly had to become comfortable with my nudity in order to enjoy myself. 

Sakino outside the Onsen

Ultimately, I really did enjoy the hot, fresh water, the serenity of the surroundings, and the social aspect with my classmate our Host Moms. We even sort of met up with the guys in our group on the rooftop, separated by a fence but able to talk to each other when we ended up there at the same time. Ever since that first experience, I have been quite comfortable with my nudity, whether it's at a doctor, with a massage therapist, in a tanning bed, or, of course, in an Onsen. We were able to somewhat replicate the Onsen experience in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, when we stayed at a hot springs hotel there. Most of the hot spring baths were public, mixed-gender and required swim suits or coverings. But, you could rent a private hot spring bath overlooking the river, and obviously wear whatever you want in there. However, the whole experience just wasn't quite as tranquil as the Onsen in Japan. 

Another place we visited while I studied there was the island of Miyajima, a ferry ride away from Hiroshima, where the deer will walk right up to you and try to steal your food or rifle through your bag. Supposedly, there are equally friendly monkeys in the mountains there, but in two journeys up and down the mountain, I have yet to come across them, and I've heard the same from other travelers. 

When Jaiman and I went to Japan for his first time, I insisted we make the trip to Miyajima and stay on the island for a few days. When we arrived, we were exhausted from travel and I had totally forgotten all about the amazing room I had booked. We stayed at the Miyajima Grand Hotel Arimoto, and the room I had booked was a traditional Japanese-style apartment with a private Onsen bathtub on the patio. "Toji" is the word for Onsen therapy, and that was exactly what I did for as much time as I could while in Miyajima. My body's clock was off the whole trip, so I'd wake up around 3 am full of energy and unable to sleep one more second, so I'd get up from the futon and soak in the Onsen for hours until Jaiman got up. We also enjoyed the meals there, as well as the Buddhist temples and Shinto Shrine, and of course, the deer and the natural beauty of the little island. Thus, Miyajima is my second happy place on Earth. Read more about Miyajima here.

There are also a ton of other amazing things to do in Japan. If you're interested, read my Japan Guide here.

Abbiocco: Venice

Because I've been so interested in Asia and focused so much of my travel thus far to Japan and China, I've only been to Europe once so far, visiting Italy, France and Spain. I am sure there is so much more to enjoy in Europe, but from my limited experience thus far, Venice was absolutely and by far my favorite city. The fact that it sits on water and a series of canals probably has a lot to do with it - I love all things water, from baths and hot springs to boats and the ocean, and canals and rivers are certainly part of that. But when I think about Venice, it's not just the beautiful landscape and bajillion winding corridors and bridges that I long for. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so it wasn't the gelato, although that was delicious. And it wasn't necessarily the food itself, although it was all amazing, and perfectly paired with the abundant amounts of wine we had. What I love about it is the feeling of eating in this vibrant yet serene place. So the word I chose, abbiocco, is Italian for "the drowsiness that follows eating a big meal."

Honorable Mentions

Uluru - Perhaps the only place I absolutely loved that wasn't associated with water; in fact, it may be the perfect antithesis to water. There are a number of activities to do in and around the resort complex and the giant Ayer's Rock, Uluru, but I most enjoyed the view of the rock from our room. Read more here.

Niagara Falls - There are so many activities to do at Niagara Falls, not to mention the amazing ice wineries just a half hour north in Niagara-on-the-Lake, but my favorite memory of Niagara was having the amazing view of the falls from the comfort of our bed in our hotel room at the Sheraton on the Falls. 

Cosmopolitan Hotel in Las Vegas - The Fountain View rooms with balconies at the Cosmo afford amazing views, and many have nice bath tubs. We also love Secret Pizza and the many other delicious offerings at the Cosmo. During COVID lockdown, with so much closed, we went to the Cosmo twice, once for a small wedding, and once just to chill in luxury - we literally don't have to leave the hotel because it has just about everything we need to enjoy ourselves (and just a short walk away from our favorite Vegas drinks). 

Taku Glacier Lodge in Alaska - This was an excursion I did all on my own when my family did an Alaskan cruise. There are a lot of really wonderful and exciting things to do and see in Alaska, but this is one of the more unique experiences that I would do again in a heart beat. The excursion from Juneau included a round-trip ride on a seaplane to this remote little area overlooking a glacier and serving up a fishbake in a cozy little wilderness lodge. I don't usually enjoy eating fish, but I had to try it. I also enjoyed walking around the grounds, where a guide identified bear droppings - the possibility of running into a bear on the trail was a little exhilarating. Click here to watch my video recap.

 

 

A cabin in Show Low for Christmas - Throughout my travels, I have often found that I've gotten lucky with things that one cannot plan or pay for, like weather and wildlife. My family rented a cabin on AirBNB for Christmas one year up in Show Low, Arizona. The weather forecast did not show snow, but we were hoping. The weather leading up to Christmas Eve was cool but refreshing, and we took lots of walks and enjoyed time by the fire. Then about 4 pm on Christmas Eve, it started snowing, and it wasn't much by the time it got too dark to see. But on Christmas morning, about 4 inches had accumulated, and kids and adults alike spent hours playing in it, something we didn't get to do much living in Tucson and Phoenix at the time. The company and the lucky weather, paired with the beautiful cabin we rented, made it just about as perfect as a Christmas could possibly be.

So there you are, my happy places, my Makai, Toji, Abbiocco. 

May this year allow us to once again travel, and may we never take travel for granted!

Friendly (Pillaging) Deer and other Tales of Miyajima, Japan

"There's a deer," I pointed out to Jaiman as we oriented ourselves after disembarking from the ferry.  

"Whoa," he responded, surprised even though he shouldn't have been.  We had watched a travel documentary that featured the beautiful island of Miyajima, and the deer were actually inside the ferry station on the show.  I had also told him about them.  Maybe he was overwhelmed, and it just snuck up on him.  I think he was overwhelmed by a lot in Japan, but he did a great job traveling with me, navigating the complex train systems and bustling cities, and eating food we couldn't positively identify.  We had been in Tokyo for seven days, and this morning we had taken a Shinkansen (bullet train) to Hiroshima, and from there, made our way to the ferry that would take us to Miyajima.  

I had been to Miyajima 12 years ago, as part of my study abroad trip to Hiroshima.  Miyajima is probably best known for the magnificent Torii Gate, often pictured as an iconic symbol of all of Japan. During my study abroad, we had only stayed for a few hours, and I remember it being so remarkably beautiful and I had wished we could have stayed longer.  The deer just cracked me up, I could not get enough of them.  I remember sitting with a couple classmates, watching a Chinese tour group walk by in a neatly formed block, and the last row of men all had deer munching on the backs of their shirts.  These deer will eat anything, or try to, at least.  They will rifle through your open bag, chomping on any receipts, brochures or water bottles they can find, or grab a hold of your clothes when you're not looking, or even taking a bite of your yakitori, meat on a stick, while you are looking the other way.  Don't let their cuteness fool you; they are sneaking, thieving bastards.  But they are cute.  

The deer on Miyajima are considered something like messengers of the kami (gods), and are therefore treated with respect and not harmed by humans.  This means they have no reason to fear us, as most animals tend to.  They walk around like they own the place, and in a way, they kind of do.  I have heard of monkeys acting similarly, higher up on the mountain of Miyajima, Mount Misen, but I didn't see the monkeys on the short trip 12 years ago and the guys in the travel show also failed to encounter them on their hike.  They also failed to bring water, which is clearly a terrible idea.  

Anyways, when Jaiman and I had started planning this trip to Japan, I knew for sure that I wanted to return to Miyajima and actually spend some time on the island.  I had looked at several hotels with Western-style rooms, but somehow my heart was stuck on Miyajima Grand Arimoto, mainly because it had hot springs and the room I was eyeing, although it was a traditional Japanese-style room, had a private outdoor bath.  So fancy!  And, I love baths and hot springs, so a private outdoor hot spring is kind of the pinnacle of my indulgence.  A Japanese-style room is one with tatami mats on the floor, and you sleep on a futon

(pronounced with a long "o") which is basically like thin bedding on the floor.  I decided that it wouldn't kill us to try a traditional Japanese lifestyle for a few days, especially because (other than my stay at the capsule hotel) the rest of our rooms were Western-style, with a bed that, although harder than usual, is much more familiar to American travelers.  Many of the hotels in the area, including this one, had half-board, meaning they give you breakfast and dinner as part of your reservation.  I loved this idea!

So here we were in the late afternoon, with large suitcases, looking for the path to our hotel. I remembered a little bit of the layout of the city; I mean it wasn't a big place like Tokyo or even Hiroshima.  Towards the Torii Gate was the entrance to the Itsukushima Shrine; there were lots of shops and restaurants in the few winding streets before that, and the hike to the summit was somewhere behind the shrine.  Based on the maps I had studied and printed out, the hotel was nestled somewhere just behind where the shops ended leading up to the Shinto shrine.  It was a little bit of a pain to drag our suitcases on the dirt roads, but they held up okay.  We didn't make any wrong turns, but we did stop a couple times just to validate that we thought we were on the right path.  We found a grand little stair case leading up to the hotel, and got ourselves and our luggage into the entrance.  

From there, we were pretty much completely taken care of.  Hotel staff took our luggage for us and escorted us to the check-in counter.  I knew that most of the hotels were sold out in the area, and we noticed a group of young adults who had apparently booked for the wrong day, maybe not understanding the time travel that occurs when flying from America to Japan, and were desperately trying to figure out a way to change their reservation.  Meanwhile, the front desk guy brought us to a pair of sofas and went over some of the hotel policies and helped us with our dinner and breakfast reservations.  
Then he and another staff member took our luggage and escorted us to our room on the third floor.  I whispered to Jaiman on the way, "Oh yeah, I suppose we are kind of VIPs here since we booked the really super nice room!"  After opening our door, I saw that we were to take our shoes off, and then they gave us a tour of the apartment-sized accommodations, having us open each paper wall individually.  We ended our tour in the main room, and they sat us down again, this time on the chairs-with-no-legs like a traditional tea ceremony, and talked with us about a few more things.  It was a little overwhelming and once they left, Jaiman and I just stared at each other for a moment before cracking up. 

We had a little bit of time before our dinner reservations, so we relaxed, took stock of our room and I made a little tour video.  Our host guy hadn't really shown us the onsen, but it didn't take me long to find it and admire it.  We also located the futons in a closet, and in another, the traditional Japanese shoes, kimonos and Japanese pj's they provided.  I couldn't resist, we tried on the kimonos and shoes, and they actually fit!  The hotel staff member had mentioned that if they weren't the right sizes, we could call down to get different ones, but somehow they had found ones that fit us really well.  

When it was time, we went down to dinner on the second floor, and they greeted us and escorted us into this tiny private room with my name on it.  They brought us beer and tons and tons of fish - mostly raw.  The courses just kept coming, endlessly, it seemed.  There was a button behind me that I knew I could push to get our waitress, and sure enough she'd come rushing in as only the Japanese do, seemingly apologetically, to take care of us.  I drank a lot of beer that night - virtually one giant swig for every tiny morsel of fish I choked down.  But I proudly tried everything.  One of my Life List objectives was to

eat a fugu, the blowfish delicacy that can kill people if prepared wrong.  Jaiman googled it after our meal and determined that we had, indeed, eaten fugu that night. I'll go ahead and check that off the list!  

Our waitress was the sweetest thing, and she even talked with me a bit in Japanese about having studied in Hiroshima.  She explained in basic English a lot of what we were eating; not that I remember most of it, but it was at least reassuring to understand some of it.  I don't think she ever used
words like intestine or heart, so that's also a plus. 

After our meal was over, our waitress arranged for the following evening's dinner with us, and asked if we had any requests.  Jaiman really wanted some good unagi, eel, but the eel served in this region is actually called anago.  So we requested anago and beef, and couldn't really think of any other requests so we left
it at that.  

After dinner, we were quite surprised to find that the futons had been set up for us, the tea table pushed into the corner.  It was a little eerie knowing someone had been in our room while we were out; I guess room service does this too, but we just hadn't been expecting it.  It was nice, though, since I wasn't sure if I'd remember how to set up a futon, not that they're all that complicated, but at least this way we know they were done right.  Thankfully, the pillows were slightly larger than the ones I had been given in my dorm during my study abroad program.  They were also not as hard and uncomfortable as I worried they'd be.  In fact, they were a lot like what I slept on inside the capsule, which makes a lot of sense in hindsight.  

The private onsen (hot springs bath) was exquisite.  The water was very hot, and the tub was plenty big.  I obsessed with it the next few days, especially when I woke up early in the morning, around 4 or 5, I would slip into the bath outside and just enjoy the steaming hot bath against the early morning chill.  I drained it to let it fill back up again so Jaiman could try it out; he's not as much of a bath person but he also enjoyed it.  Several times it occurred to me that it was "wasteful" to "keep the water running" all the time; it was so counter-intuitive to always have a fresh bath of hot water ready to go, all for me!  It may have been a very expensive hotel stay, but I think I got my money's worth.  

The next morning we ventured down for our traditional Japanese breakfast.  It was a lot of fish, a small salad, rice and soup with oysters in it.  Not the most appetizing meal for me, and I think I wasn't mentally prepared for that kind of food so early in the morning.  I opted for a lot of plain-ass bread; at least I got some calories in me.  We were a little surprised that our futons were still sprawled out on the floor when we returned from breakfast.  They got put away later in the day.  

We visited the elaborate Itsukushima Shrine;

washing our hands, following the prayer ritual, buying omikuji - fortunes, and generally observing.  The tide was high, so the Torii Gate appeared to be floating, but we knew better.  We had come over on the ferry the night before when the tide was low, and we saw people walking up to it.  It looks like it is buried deep in the seabed, but actually, we were told, it remains standing of its own weight.  

Then we headed up the mountain via two ropeways, one was a smaller 5 -6 seater, and one was a larger vehicle with most of us standing.  We saw, of all

things, a submarine out in the sea!  The ropeways bring you high up the mountain, but not to the summit.  The summit was another kilometer or so of fairly steep hiking.  There wasn't a ton to see along the way, save for the breathtaking view of the sea and smaller neighboring islands, but there was one stop near the top that housed a "lover's sanctuary".  We poked our heads in the little sanctuary but were choked by the smoke; someone had done something wrong in there.  We sat for a few minutes to regain our (read: my) strength before heading to the very peak.  Up there was a large, shady deck you could sit on and enjoy the views from every angle.  There was one floor above it that afforded more of a 360 degree view, but no shade.  Not going to lie, it wasn't the most rewarding summit hikes I've done, but now I can say I've done it, I supposed. 

We had intentionally only purchased a one-way ticket for the ropeways.  I wanted to hike down the mountain, because I am better at hiking down, and because I was hoping to encounter some wildlife (especially monkeys).  We flew down the mountain; I found it easier to basically run rather than taking one step at a time.  By the end, I was exhausted and hurting, and my quads paid the price for the next week or so.  There were some very pretty waterfalls along the way, and we encountered several different kinds of butterflies, but no monkeys.  Near the bottom was a Buddhist temple, and I showed Jaiman how, going up the steps, you run your hands over the scrolls in the railing, spinning each one, and they say you inherit the wisdom of those scrolls.  There were two such staircases; we both went up the first and I rested while Jaiman went up the second and back down again.  I had gotten that wisdom before, and didn't feel like I needed it right then.  We admired the Buddhas and other statues and architecture, and then headed back down into town to get ourselves cleaned up and get some lunch.  

The place we went to for lunch was one of my favorite meals of the trip - I got yaki udon and it was so much like the meals I cherished at my dorms that I scarfed it down.  It could also have been my desire for protein after the crazy hike and the lack of meat from the previous meals, but still.  It was delicious!  I also had some local Miyajima beer, which wasn't great, but I felt special for drinking local stuff instead of the typical Asahi.  

The first several times we saw deer, it was from small distances and the deer left us alone.  The signs around the island warned not to get too close to them, and not to touch them, although I saw plenty of kids riding them like they would their pet dogs at home.  We didn't touch them, and only took pictures of them from a close proximity.  But then we went and got ice cream - I, of course, opted for the deer poop ice cream featuring little nuggets
of chocolate - delicious!  We sat on a ledge, and before long, we had a friendly deer approach us and make licking and biting attempts towards our ice cream.  This, of course, was hilarious, and only moreso when a second deer came up from behind us.  They were double teaming us now, and it made it very hard to avoid the loss of ice cream.  Many of the tourists around us laughed with us, and we were cracking up.  Jaiman was able to snap a pretty funny picture of me, which I will always treasure, before a third deer approached, this one with antlers, and I knew better than to mess with a deer with antlers.  So I stood up and finished my ice cream out of the immediate reach of the adorable thieves.  

There was something resembling an owl cafe, I suppose it was more like a petting zoo for just owls; we thought about going in, they did advertise a specific breed that Jaiman wanted to see, but it was a little pricey and would be closing soon.  We had gone to Fukuro no Mise just a few days before, and had gotten to hold owls for about an hour, so we ended up passing on the owl place in Miyajima.

We then strolled down the walkways lined with shops back towards our hotel, and Jaiman got some yakitori and squid on a stick from a street vendor.  The squid wasn't great, and he ended up feeding the rest of it to a grateful deer resting in the shade.  We sat down on a

bench by the sea, and laughed with the two girls on the next bench over as they were bombarded by two friendly deer trying to steal their snacks.  

Then we walked down into the sand and approached the Torii Gate, the tide being low again, and took some pictures out there.  The base of the gate was covered
with Japanese coins, looking as if they had been there for ages, having been slammed into the wood by the intense waves. 

Soon, it was time for our dinner reservations.  We made sure to pick up the room a bit, knowing that the hotel staff would be setting up our futons again for us.  I had forgotten that we had requested anago, eel, for dinner.  Boy, they gave it to us!  I think we had four courses in all that consisted primarily of anago.  I can eat a piece or two, but I was over it real quickly.  The steak was amazing, and we ended up using the hot plate it came with to cook a lot of the raw fish served to us, even though it was meant to be eaten raw.  Even then, I really didn't eat a lot, and Jaiman did better than me but still was over the anago by the end of the meal.

The hotel had a decent sized gift shop in it, and we had a 10% off coupon as part of our stay, so we checked out some of the goods.  There was also a public onsen bath in the hotel, one side for men and one side for women, so I ventured down that evening just to check it out.  There was an indoor bath and two outdoor baths, reminiscent of the onsen I had gone to with my host mom 12 years prior.  There was nobody in the women's side, but after just a few minutes, I got
bored.  It would be inappropriate to bring my phone in to the public bath with me, whereas, in my private bath, there was nobody to object to taking my phone in with me.  So I went back upstairs and hopped in my private onsen with my phone.  If you want to go to Miyajima and don't want to splurge on the fancy room like we did, you can certainly get the benefits of the hot spring by going to the public bath.

I think two nights is the right amount of time to stay on the island of Miyajima.  I mailed some post cards in the morning and then we checked out and the hotel shuttle took us to the ferry station.  What?!?  They have a shuttle?!?  Okay, lesson learned, I should have arranged for a shuttle to pick us up when we had arrived.  Ah well, now I know.  For anyone visiting Japan, I highly recommend this beautiful little island, along with the Peace Park Memorial Museum in Hiroshima.  Besides, if you're going to Tokyo, you can take a Shinkansen down to Hiroshima, which is another thing we checked off our life lists.  

Halloween: In Memoriam

My life changed on Halloween last year.  I didn’t know it then; I thought it was a phase that I’d shrug off, a period of mourning that would heal with time.  It healed some, but seems it nevertheless changed me for good. 

One year ago I got the horrific news that a family member had been struck by a vehicle and killed instantly.  She had been walking down the road holding hands with her loving husband.  They had just moved to Florida together to start their dream retirement.  All I could think of was how full of life she had been, one of the most joyful people I knew, and how detrimental it would be to poor Jim, her husband who had to pick up the pieces of their life that she left too soon.  

I’d known people who had died before.  I’ve lost grandparents to those things that take you in old age.  I’ve known families who have lost babies within days or months of giving birth.  I’ve seen teenagers get in with the wrong crowds and lose their lives.  I’ve had classmates who died in war.  But no death has shaken me like Joyce’s.  Perhaps it’s the juxtaposition of her being so full of life and love, and then such sudden death.  Perhaps it struck close to home - I go for walks, and I drive, and she had no influence on the outcome.  

I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something more to her death.  It’s a tragedy, but not just a tragedy.  It’s horrible irony, but not just a shame.  It’s as if her death was supposed to have meaning to me, a purpose, and so fate made it so.  

Ever since Halloween last year, I’ve had an uncanny notion of Joyce watching over me when I drive, shunning me when I steal a glance at my phone, and praising me when I avoid a pedestrian who didn’t hear or see me coming.  Joyce’s story has made my passion for autonomous vehicles not just selfishly indulgent, but imperative for mankind.  And she made it personal.  It’s no longer about the “cool” factor of the technology.  Joyce is to human drivers as Hiroshima’s Peace Park is to the atomic bomb – a vivid memorial that begs modern society to do away with such destructive forces.  

We don’t know what caused the driver to veer suddenly to the side of the road, but I think it’s fair to assume that the driver was distracted, whether it be by a cell phone or otherwise.  I’ve been in a collision because the driver behind me was fidgeting with his radio, something that we don’t villanize as we do texting or drunk driving.  

What I’ve come to learn in my research is that there are far too many variables when it comes to driving behavior.  No one product or activity can ever make a driver completely dangerous or completely safe.  I’ve texted while driving in order to stay awake.  I rationalized that an alert but distracted driver is safer than a driver whose eyes aren’t even open.  Drivers who have had a couple drinks are often safer drivers than those who have had no alcohol at all – slightly inebriated drivers are aware of the risk of getting caught and therefore behave better.  

Thus, I’m not going to crusade against any one behavior – texting, drinking, applying makeup, aggressive driving – because none of these are inherently more or less dangerous than any others.  Instead, I’m crusading against the one aspect that puts us in danger at all, and that’s putting human beings behind the wheel.  We are far too comfortable with driving, far too distracted by life, and far too bad at it (statistically, you are worse than you think).  We need smart vehicles to take over, so that we can spend our time doing being distracted.  

Take the human element out of driving, and you remove the human error that puts us in danger every time we get near a roadway.  Until then, the only thing I can think to do is be the best driver I can be, and I hope that Joyce approves from above.