Little did I know that I wouldn’t live in California when the event came around this year. But, I had my full weekend pass and my hotel room with the pool-facing balcony already booked, so I decided it was worth the flight from DFW.
Coming off my UK trip though, I only had one weekend of down time and that was obviously spent doing some productive things like unpacking, laundry, and packing. Being a morning person, these late starts for the dances - 8 or 9 or 9:30 - are past my typical bed time. Crazy people here will dance until 4 or 6 am and later! That's when I get up usually - the time to which I sleep in even! Add to that the intensity of attending 3 or 4 classes during the day, and the event is just absolutely exhausting.
I felt like I was dragging myself through the event all weekend. The feeling of freedom and having no responsibilities or requirements when I arrived Thursday quickly dissipated into pushing myself to attend classes and put myself out there at the social dances. Part way through the weekend, I concluded that I would enjoy the event more if I had a roommate or a "group" to belong to. Being a transplant everywhere I've lived in recent years means I don't have those strong relationships with anyone from my new home, and I wasn't really included in the coordination of my Arizona dance friends. As such, it was more like I ran into people. To her credit, my dance instructor in Texas, Linh, was very kind and thoughtful to add me to her group chat so I could have dinner with them on two occasions. But especially the last night, once I went to my room, I was on my own to get to the dance, and the bed was so comfy, and I was enjoying listening to my audio book, and I was so tempted to just stay in bed.
There were other times, though, that I, like, didn't want to dance. It's hard to explain the feeling. I logically know I love dance. I had re-discovered that fact years ago. And there were certainly times when I completed a dance with a new partner and felt exhilarated by the interaction - the exchange of ideas and clever leads and follows, smiling and laughing knowingly. Those moments, I know, are a big part of why I love dance. Having new things thrown at me or unfamiliar flairs that I followed without missing a beat is so exciting. But then I'd sit down and be completely out of breath, the sweat would pour out of every inch of my body, and I wouldn't want to dance again. There were also times in which I was dancing with someone and couldn't will my feet to move fast enough to keep up to the beat. I felt like giving up half way through. I didn't want to play anymore. I certainly enjoy watching people dance, and so I don't mind sitting on the sideline for multiple songs in a row. It just felt like every time I was asked to dance, it was hit or miss whether I'd make it through and enjoy it or whether I'd hate it and wish I hadn't even come. I can't make sense of it. Chalan came Friday night and his dancing is quite repetitive, which on the one hand is easy to follow and doesn't kill me, but on the other hand is a bit boring. Other than pretty limited repetition, I can't put my finger on any reason I wouldn't enjoy the dance. It was just waves of laziness, really.
It also varied a bit night to night. Some nights I was more enthusiastic about dancing and other nights it felt like a slog the whole way through. Maybe it was just a lot - the lack of down time I allowed myself. Which begs the question, how best to enjoy it, should I come again next year? Should I skip the classes, as many people do? I'd say no, actually, because I like the classes forcing me to go through so much physical exertion, leading me to dance with multiple people, and spacing out the exhaustion. Is it really just an extrovert thing - I need to have a more dedicated person or group of people to hang with to shake off my lazy indifference? Maybe; I can't see how that would hurt. I mean, I did enjoy getting dressed with the full space of my room and having my balcony to take breaks on, but there's no reason a roommate or group would have to take those elements away consistently. Largely, I think I would enjoy it more if I was more in shape and felt rested when I slept. I suspect that whatever causes my snoring to be intolerable is also causing the length of my sleep to be less restful than a sleep of that length should be. Therefore, I either need more sleep (hence skipping classes) or better quality sleep.
Several weeks ago at dance troupe practice, Linh had given us a little pep talk about how we were dancers and should therefore train, stretch and practice like dancers, like athletes. I was a little inspired by her talk, and certainly accepted it fully as truth. But while I started acting on the advice, I didn't continue it consistently. I do feel still agree, though, I need to treat myself like an athlete, take care of my body and health consistently and with more than just a decent diet. There is a big question mark as to how to get myself to do this more / better. Getting more sleep and being rested may be the key so I will start with that at the least while pushing myself to do something in the mean time.
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