When I was seeing Justin, I had mentioned it to him, knowing Tommy was kinda out of the picture. Justin was interested, but of course, I ended things a while ago with him. Brandon and I had gone to Grease together at the same theater, and I knew he was up for Pippin, until he ended things with me.
It seems like Brandon left a bigger hole in my life than I had realized. I seem to be trying to fill it with several guys. Maybe it was just desperation to not waste a ticket, but I don't think so - I was truly at peace with the idea that I may have to go to the show by myself. In fact, when I bought the tickets, I knew there was a chance I wouldn't have a date. I had considered that my lead at work, who also likes musicals, would also potentially go with me. And truthfully, it may have been good timing because I feel like her and I have been at odds a bit at work, but she was on vacation so I didn't bother asking her to go.
First, I started back with Tommy. I mean, hey, the tickets had originally been purchased with him in mind, and we weren't not on speaking terms. He didn't respond for a few days and then I asked him to just give me a yes or no please and he said, "No thanks." Obviously not the answer I was hoping for but it was an answer. Next I reached out to Ryan and we started talking again. I mentioned the show to him and he said it would be out of his comfort zone and ultimately decided he wasn't interested right now. Not going to lie, I'm a little surprised he didn't want to go based on how he pretends to worship me, but there's obviously something off about him and this is just one more example of that I think. I also reached out to Kevin back in LA, even though he wouldn't be able to come out here for the show, but it felt nice to get attention from him. I still wish he hadn't messed everything up; he could be living with me here and we could be a happy couple had he not gone and done what he did.
Running out of options, I begrudgingly opened up that stupid dating app. There had been a like on there to which I had never responded - Peter. He didn't have a ton of information about him, and his pictures were so different. In some pictures, he was more clean shaven and I'd say cute, but he reminded me of the Nate character in Ted Lasso who ends up being kind of a bad guy, and I think I had a hard time getting over that. With facial hair, I'd say he was downright hot. I decided to respond to him. Turns out he's British and presently in the UK visiting family, which is pretty cool. He loves cooking and wants to cook for me, and he calls me gorgeous which I love. He seems adventurous and interesting. The biggest bummer with him is that he lives in Tulsa - apparently he had liked me when he was visiting his buddy in Dallas. Why is dating in Dallas turning out to be dating not in Dallas?
I also liked a few new guys from my feed, and one engaged right away. He was simply "J" in the app, and when I asked him about it, he said his name is Justin but people call him JD or J, and considering my recent history with a different Justin and my strange history with a JD, I decided J was good for me. Anyways, I didn't have a lot of time to banter back and forth before asking him to go to a musical with me. I didn't even have time for a first date since I was in North Carolina last week. My plane got delayed Saturday evening, and I got home after 1 am on Sunday, the day of the show. Nevertheless, I took a shot and asked him. He was curious and then kinda said to hell with it, let's do this. He is so good looking based on his pictures, and a young guy in his early twenties, so I gave it about a 70% chance he'd stand me up and ghost me. I mentally prepared myself for just that. Which made it funny when he asked me a little before I had to leave to pick him up if I had changed my mind about seeing him.
It was a strange first date, partially because we had literally only exchanged maybe 50 messages in all, and they weren't very deep, so we were basically complete strangers, and then we went to a show during which we wouldn't be talking. I told him we could do dinner after, and when I picked him up he told me he hadn't had anything to eat all day so I offered to stop somewhere before the show but he passed on that. At the theater, I offered to buy us snacks and drinks, and we both got drinks but he again passed on any food. We got to talk a little as we waited for the show to start, but it still wasn't a lot and we hadn't yet been physically affectionate other than a hug when we first met. During the show, it seemed like he was pressing his leg up against mine perhaps in a flirtacious manner, but it also kinda just seemed like manspreading. I wanted to put my hand on his thigh or try to hold his hand or something, but it felt too new so I kept my hands to myself. I thought, maybe during intermission I can try to make a move, as it felt like I needed to do it when we could talk. I wussed out, and so we sat through the second half with our hands to ourselves still. I was happy to find out during intermission that he was enjoying it a lot. When the show was over, he said he really liked it and it inspired him to dance. We decided to go to Hurtado for dinner since he had never been, and there we finally got to have something of a real conversation. It was mostly basic, but he did intrigue me a little and I liked how interested he seemed in some of my experiences and opinions.
All the while, Kevin was sending me dirty pics like he does, Peter and Ryan were messaging me, and I'm going to see Sam on Friday in Scotland. Oh boy, am I in trouble!
I didn't offer to do anything after dinner, I figured I wanted to get back home so I'd just drop him off and call it a night. As we drove back to his place, the conversation got deeper and I really enjoyed our discussion. When I pulled into the lot by his apartment, I stepped out to give him a hug and realized then how tall he was. He held me sweetly and then we nearly pulled away. He very genuinely thanked me for taking him out and I told him it meant a lot to me that he indulged my invite to a musical. We paused, and I thought he might kiss me but he seemed hesitant. So I went for it. His lips were so unbelievably soft - I felt like I could smush them a mile deep with how soft they were. We had just one peck kiss, paused, and I think we both felt we wanted more, and had a few more kisses. We pulled away just slightly. He said he'd love for me to come visit or go out again, and I told him I should have him over to my place, and he got excited at that idea and suggested we go for a swim in the pool. He has no idea about my pool protocol (usually in the nude unless non-romantic guests are over). He's in trouble! I took the opportunity to touch his arms and his muscular chest, and yeah… damn. I am in trouble.
And I love it, really. I mean, I still wanted to be wifed up at some point and have my live-in boyfriend to cuddle with and plan things with and not have to worry about dating. BUT, if I can't have that right now, having guys give me the attention that I want, is so good. As I drove home I reflected if this situation is even better than being in a monogamous committed relationship. Afterall, even if I haven't cheated on the several last boyfriends, I have been tempted. Maybe there's something to the chase that I enjoy and wouldn't want to give up if I didn't have to.
Not a decision I need to make right now, thankfully. For now, I am going to enjoy just being in so much trouble.
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