This May Not Be Popular, But... 'Wicked: For Good' Leaves Me Feeling Less Than Oz-struck

July 2008 - Seeing "Wicked" on Broadway with my sister

I have been a fan of the musical, "Wicked," for over a decade. I had seen the show touring when it came to Gammage in Arizona. I jammed out to the music. I wrote an article on the now-defunct Helium platform with my review. It was the first show I saw on Broadway in New York. It was also the second show I saw on Broadway. I read the book the musical was based on. I've watched documentaries about the story and the making of the musical. 

What appealed to me so much about the musical itself was mostly the soundtrack. Each song stands on its own, and has a deep, meaningful application to life. "Dancing Through Life" is about not taking yourself too seriously. "Not That Girl" could be applied to any woman seeing her crush with another. "For Good" resonates hard with people who come into our lives and don't stay, but we cherish the memories and how we grew from those times. As I listened to the soundtrack on repeat, my favorite song and least favorite song would shift from one to another. I started out hating "Popular" for its shallowness, but grew to love it for the comedy and the fact that even though it is shallow, it's also true in a way. And I still maintain that "Loathing" is one of the musical's greatest satirical achievements, functioning as an anti-love song that hilarious subverts the expectation of a sweeping, dramatic duet.

Jan 2010 - Seeing Wicked" Broadway again

The storyline is amazing, of course. Taking the all-bad villain(s) of the well-known Wizard of Oz story and showing how they were just complex, well-meaning but misunderstood people who wanted to do good, flips the whole narrative on its head. The heroic Wizard is actually just a callow, misleading showman? And Glinda was a sell out? Amazing! And the world we see in the Wizard of Oz with the multi-colored horses isn't as amazing when you realize Oz used to be a world in which animals could talk and weren't just relegated into service for transportation and the like. 

21 Nov 2025 - Seeing "Wicked: For Good"

All this to say, when the first movie came out, I was nervous it would do it wrong, but was thrilled that it really did a good job of adapting to the movie format and fully utilized the power of amazing movie sets. So I had no doubt that part two would be nothing less than "wonderful." I donned my Wicked shirt, put in contacts so I could watch the 3D version with the glasses comfortably, and put a Wicked bow in my hair. I was set for two hours of amazement. Honestly, this isn't it. I've divided my review into two sections, what I liked - "For Good", and what I didn't like, "Feels Wicked." It may be apparent from the lengths of those two sections what my overall sentiment was.

"Wicked: For Good" — Your Pre-Flight Checklist for Oz

I just saw "Wicked: For Good" in 3D last night. Having been a fan of the musical for over a decade, I was delighted to be in the theater entirely alone, which allowed me to sing along when I felt like it. Because it is both a long movie and has a lot of context from previous iterations, I thought I'd share a few things to pay special attention to, in order to more fully appreciate the magic of this magical land of Oz. 

Before You Go

Refresh yourself on the dance scene in the first movie. It has a pretty good callback in the second movie. 

In fact, while re-watching the first movie, notice the cloaked figure on a horse in the beginning scene. 

Should the shoes be red or silver? In the first "Wicked" movie, they're silver, and that's because of the original book. The "Wizard of Oz" movie made them ruby. That's all I'm going to say here. 

While You Watch

There's a scene in which Elphaba confronts the animals leaving Oz, and she has a vision. See if you can pick out who those characters whom are in that vision. 

One of my favorite countries, Australia, is often called "Oz." See if you can find the Easter eggs that seem to nod to this. 

The window pane shattering in the first movie makes a cute callback, or maybe better labeled a callsign. 

Blink and you miss it: The Wizard hits himself with a yellow brick. And he talks about his worst pupil. It's hilarious.

Pay attention to the very last moment in the last scene - it’s a cute little nod to the Broadway show. 

Enjoy the show! I hope your own viewing is as magical as mine was.

And I hope that, like so many characters in Oz, you too feel that you've been "changed for good."

Maps of Our Lives

Much of what I write are complex emotions, stories or ideas that aren't easily translated into visuals, but in my professional work, I advocate for the power of visual management and I realize it's something I do in my personal life as well sometimes. 

The first really cool map I made was for my epic road trip to visit theme parks and ride roller coasters and knock some fun things off my Life List. I even pre-planned my social media posts by creating multiple maps showing the progression of our trip along the way. I thought it was a fun way to keep my friends aware of our status, and could be especially helpful for the people who don't always see my posts and may get confused as to why I'm in Canada one day and in New Jersey the next. 

My first trip to the land down under had been planned for a decade before I actually got to go. The wait was well worth it, as we visited all but two of the Australian states and many Australian tourists we talked with on our various excursions were impressed that we were seeing more of their country than they had. While I accomplished just about everything on my Life List for Australia on that whirlwind of a trip, I fell in love with Australia, and have wanted to go back. 

I had the opportunity to go back twice in the last year, once for personal travel which included Tasmania, a state I hadn't yet been in, and once for work, which I extended into a personal vacation - partially to return to Tasmania in pursuit of the elusive and lesser-known Southern Lights, taking advantage of the timing of my work trip taking place in the winter. Many of my Australian colleagues have never been to Tasmania, and I've been twice! I highly recommend it, and my actions show! And since I didn't get a great Aurora Australis, I plan to go back and try again in the next solar cycle!

I did another fun map for a European vacation I went on with my sister, nephew, and boyfriend. I am admittedly bad at geography, so I think the map was five times as much for me as it was for anyone else, but I think everyone appreciated the visualization a little bit. Since we were doing a Disney cruise as a large part of the trip, I made Mickey ears for all of us with this map on the back of one of the ears, so we had the visual with us at all times (at least on the cruise). 

There had been a lot going on in my life at that time, as I had already interviewed for jobs in Dallas and Panama City, Florida. Knowing I'd be leaving Connecticut one way or another very soon, my parents came to visit shortly before the Europe vacation (my first time in Europe). So I held off on telling the facebook world we were moving until we returned, and were a week away. Hilariously, I used a map for that post also, captioning it with, "We're doing a thing next week." 

My ex- bought me a cool woodcut map of America with bottle cap-sized holes to put beer caps in it, intending to represent the beers from the different regions of the country. It was cool in theory, but in practice, most of my favorite beers were from a the southwest, and I had very few beers from other parts of the country. 

Today, I saw a silly post of a guy who lives in the UK who mapped out the furthest in each direction he had been, creating a little square around his hometown - he has not traveled far beyond Europe. While I was a little sad that he shared how little he's gotten out of that Euro bubble, I did like the idea, and was curious what my map would look like.

While technically the International Date Line should be the boundary of how far one could go west, I considered the direction of my travel. Going to Asia and Australia, I've flown west, not east. Thus, there's a box east of the European countries I've visited and west of the Asian countries which I can say I have not been in, and of course, I haven't been to the poles so there's a section of north and south which I haven't crossed into. 

I mapped the locations where I've lived, including my birthplace (green) and my current home (red), and the places I've visited that are those furthest points in each direction. To the north, the farthest I've gone is Fairbanks, Alaska, which I've gone to twice now, once with family to explore my Dad's birthplace, and once to chase the aurora. Tasmania wins the medal for being as far south as I've been. Going east, it was a close call between Italy and Poland, but Krakow wins (for now).

Of course, I could hardly stop there. I mapped out many of my favorite places I visited, and it is interesting to see those, too. Sort of like those maps with pins in them, except again I have a clustering issue which I think may be represented better with this digital visual. I've been to Japan multiple times, including studying abroad in Hiroshima, and have been to China twice, once for martial arts and once for my MBA, but the furthest west from the US was when I studied kung fu with the warrior monks at the Shaolin Temple in Zhangzou, China - which never gets old in how cool it is to say that. 

I took it just a little bit further, and put dream clouds to represent where I want to go in the near future. Based on this, I can see that my desire to go to Santorini, Greece will push my boundary a little further east from Krakow, Poland, which I visited just this year. Additionally, my desire to go to Vietnam and Thailand will push my westward travel point further.  Denmark and obviously the destinations in the continental US won't have any effect on my boundaries. Parts of New Zealand extend further south than my current southern-most point in Tasmania, but my current tentative plans don't include going that far south. I will, someday, try to visit Antarctica, which of course, will be the ultimate southern border push. As far as going further north, I think I'm good - no need to go further north than Fairbanks, although I wouldn't mind returning in another decade to see the Northern Lights again! 

Better Than Candy: STEM-CenTrick or Treat Alternatives

Being an engineer by training and an engineering manager by trade, I have been aware for decades of the decline in our country's engineering education and pipeline of science and technical talent entering the workforce. Relatedly, I feel compelled, partially because I want to be a leader within my company, and partially because my energy, money and time are not depleted by kids of my own, to advocate for STEM in my local communities and with youth organizations.

I have done this in a number of ways (and feel free to steal any of these ideas):
    • I have been a judge or mentor for robotics and drone competitions for high schoolers.
    • I have supported programs to get girls into programming.
    • I have volunteered at public events to showcase STEM activities
    • When friends who are teachers reach out for help with state-based lessons or postcards, I will try to send the class postcards and other artifacts that are related to my industry, like models of fighter jets or stealth aircraft.

For several years now, I've done one additional, funny and surprisingly gratifying thing - I give out toys along with candy for Halloween. Trick -AND- Treat, one might say. But the toys are somewhat focused on STEM learning. I try to keep them to about $1 per toy or less, but sometimes I will spring for a handful of more expensive items to sprinkle in, with the hope that it may encourage a young person to go into an engineering or related field. 

I have a whole setup to make it easy and less annoying. I set out a comfy camping chair and two side tables on my porch or driveway. I use one table to hold my Halloween bowls with candy in one and the STEM toys in the other. I keep the bags next to me on the ground for easy refilling. On the other table, I set up my tablet and snacks or drinks or whatnot for me. I play my favorite Halloween themed movies on my tablet to keep me entertained between visits, and when the kids, dogs and parents come, I wait for the kids to say their requisite, "Trick or treat," and then I let them know they can take one candy and one toy. I comment on my favorite outfits and answer any questions they might have about the toys. Then I go back to drinking, eating and watching the movies. For someone who doesn't generally "like kids," it's actually quite a delight!

What I look for in my STEM toys is something that kids can learn from. Years ago I found these small solar car kits - those were my favorite! First, you have to build the car from the parts. Once assembled, you had to learn how to use it in the sun. But in the right light, those things took off! And there was no stopping mechanism, so you just had to hope it would find shade to stop. Finding those again, and on the cheap, however, has proved difficult. So I've had to search for alternatives.

Foam gliders are a great alternative - they are inexpensive, flat packed, require assembly and then can teach a thing or two about wind and aerodynamics. I also enjoy holographic glasses which bend light into fun shapes - you can get Halloween themed ones (or Christmas) or other themes.

Slingshot helicopter twirly things are fun, and again, pretty inexpensive.

Somewhat more practical but still a little educational are miniature compasses with or without keychains. Invisible ink pen and notebook sets are usually a hit, and I suppose kids can find an interest in how the chemistry of them works. The kids also get a kick out of jumping popper toys.

I usually throw in little puzzle cubes. I'm not sure those really teach many tangible lessons, but I suppose it helps kids develop spacial rationalization and maybe dynamics principles.

Giving out STEM toys is also a sort of inclusivity measure, since some kids may have allergies or may not be allowed to have much sugar or whatnot. But I doubt there are many parents who would prohibit kids from playing with semi-educational toys.

Though for me, the best part of giving out the STEM toys, is the fact that the kids get REALLY excited about it. It is so unusual to get anything other than candy, I suppose, that the novelty of it causes the initial reaction. "MOM!! I get a TOY!!" is a common exclamation. The parents get a kick out of it, too.

And then watching the kids decide what to select, weighing the pros and cons, asking questions, is also entertaining. Very few of them grab and go, they ponder the possibilities and merits of the toys presented to them. It shows that they are using their brains even in that. And I hope that they use their brains in using the toys once they get home. And maybe some of them will use their brains to work for me building airplanes some day. 

STEM toys are also more practical than candy, since they won't go bad and don't need to be consumed or brought in to work with everyone else's leftover candy. Just stash the remaining inventory for next year and build your pile up from there!

If you want to get some ideas, I recommend two places to start:
Visit Party City or a party supply store, especially in the off-season for Halloween. The clearance section is especially great for budget-friendly options to hoard toys in bulk.
Look on Amazon! I have a list I keep updated with ideas when I think of them or as I prepare for the next Halloween. You can access my list here!
And you can create your own, and share it in the comments for others (and me) to use!

Creating the Future in the Midst of Complacency

While there are many theories for why the economic and technological slowdowns occurred started in the 1970s and beyond, I would suggest that at least one contributing factor, if not a major cause, is that complacency that comes from a world of abundance and moving higher up Maslov's Pyramid of Needs. We now want for very little, and yet no maladies like "adulting" are cropping up for us to complain about. Americans historically have been driven by a burning need. Exemplified by being short of a collective national enemy in a space race, seeing our space industry has dwindled. The Internet boom and subsequent bubble may have reignited, on a temporary basis at least, that hunger. 

I see this in my job, working for a prime contractor with a golden contract. Most people put in their 40 and defend their personal life, and advocate for their need for flexible work arrangements. Do you think people at NASA in the 1960s were telling their bosses they wanted to work from home two or more days per week? 

Some of that hybrid work entitlement came from the COVID-19 pandemic when companies rallied to provide work from home solutions and holding virtual meetings became the norm instead of an afterthought. And some of that is goodness - the lockdowns of COVID-19 helped people take a step back and consider what was most important to them. But the tainted view of corporate America and the advent of quiet quitting has further limited, if not stalled, our ability to innovate and bring to the world a brighter future. 

There are a lot of factors, to be clear, that I'm brushing over here. Books and books have been written about how the sum of individually well meaning policies have led to a system that is so cumbersome it makes progress next to impossible and further degrades the trust people have in the government and large organizations to maneuver. Sort of a self-defeating flywheel of anti-progress. The book simply title "Abundance" is a good read if you want more specifics and examples of this. 

What I want to write about is that, even with hybrid work arrangements and our basic needs being met, we can still find and harness that fire to drive our innovation. What we need is a new vision - a comprehensive version of the future that both excites us and feels attainable. 

We recently had our annual ethics training at work, and one of the cases we watched included a foreign national using his new smart Reyban sunglasses to record details within a production site that was not authorized for him to see, let alone record. After the ethics training and discussions were over, one of the technicians in the class stayed around to chat and asked his manager about how common those recording sunglasses were. It got he and I both sharing some of the miniaturized and wearable technology that is not only widely available but nearly indistinguishable from normal accessories, such as the fitness tracking ring. This technician, while working on fifth generation aircraft, was unaware of such technologies, and wondered aloud what other technologies exist of which he may not be aware. 

While he may be living under a rock to some extent, his voiced concern is still probably a real one. I think technology is splintering into so many niches that the mainstream may not be aware of even half of what's at the fringes. Historically, I imagine a Radio Shack ad in the newspaper or a product-specific commercial on TV would have informed potentially interested buyers. Now, we pay to remove ads and few people read a physical newspaper, and Radio Shack probably isn't prominently featured even there. So it raises the question, how do people find out about the latest technology if they are not explicitly searching it out? I mean, of course there will still be the technophiles that will subscribe to publications and podcasts from which they can learn about new things. Many tech enthusiasts will either be hobbyists in their fields of interest or will be employed in them. 

Drones, for example, have a ton of followers, hobbyists and professionals, and the lines often blur. But if you're not into that field, you probably don't know much about them other than random headlines about shooting one down from time to time or the sci-fi-to-reality concept of Amazon delivering via drone. For the most part, you're either into drones and know all sorts of cool stuff that's going on, or you're not, and its just a buzzword that crosses your feed from time to time. What if there was something in the drone space that would actually be specifically applicable and helpful to you, but you aren't aware it exists so you're not actively searching for it? 

My partner provides another good case study in this belief of mine. He idly expresses interest in "getting into AI," and while on previous occasions on different topics, he has criticized me for not actively seeking out answers to questions that come up in conversation, he hasn't seemed to pursue this interest despite having said it many times over the course of at least half a year or more. He is even aware that I'm taking an AI certificate coursework program and I've shared with him recommendations on how he could get started with no monetary investment. Of course, it is a huge time investment, so maybe that's what differentiates his criticism of not googling something real quick and his lack of action towards learning AI. 

And having gotten through 5 of the 16 courses in my AI certificate program, I can attest it's not easy. I fortunately had a little prior Python experience, which has helped since it uses Python pretty heavily. But even with my small leg up, I find it daunting and mentally taxing. So to expect people less motivated and engineering-minded as me to "get into AI" or understand how to use it does seem a bit far-fetched in all fairness. Yet, everyone has this heavy sense that it is the future and it is important to understand it. 

I often say that where AI fails the hardest is humor - it cannot make a good joke no matter how you instruct it or how many examples you provide for it to mimic - at least in my experience. It just can't seem to grasp what would be funny to people. To that end, sometimes the creativity is a little too canned. So when people freak out about AI replacing people in the future, I have a hard time seeing it from my informed position. I think monotonous or organized tasks will be taken over by AI, absolutely, but that the entirety of what people do for work will be amended by AI, not replaced entirely. Although I'll caveat this belief that perhaps I'm falling into the "history repeats itself" thinking - people feared tech-driven job loss before and were wrong, so surely it can't happen this time. There are schools of thought that say this time is different. But I'm not convinced. Different, yes, but replacing human work and creativity? Nah, I just don't see it yet. Even if AI is doing the heavy lifting, people have to prompt it, and prompt engineering is now a thing. By the way, that's one no-programming way to get into AI, is to learn how to deliver the best prompts for the best AI results. 

Alright, so let me try to get to my point here soon. In the same way that given too many menu choices at a restaurant (think Cheesecake Factory versus In-n-Out) can lead to decision paralysis, I believe people hearing that "AI can do anything" is too broad a brushstroke to act upon. Instead, parallels and analogies have long been useful in learning and creating in all sorts of ways. So, showing people specific examples of what AI can do can open those brain pathways to wonder if it could do something similar, and growth can happen. Perhaps I'm calling for a crowd-sourced library of use cases, something like what Thingiverse did for 3D printing. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the book "The Long Tail" which says, "It is when the tools of production become transparent that we are inspired to create." Simply saying AI can do anything makes it somehow more opaque, not more transparent. We need to carve in-roads into specific use cases from which people can build and splinter off into increasingly more branches. 

To start, though, since I am not prepared to build and market a crowd-sourced library, I want to provide some specific use cases as part of a comprehensive model for a futurist, technology-driven life that is both cheaper and less burdensome and also more fulfilling. 

One such element I've been noodling on gets its roots from a cool gadget I installed in my Palmdale house. My boyfriend at the time was a stickler for having curtains closed at night, even in the back of the house, or maybe especially in the back of the house, because he was worried about ill-intended people being able to see in at us, illuminate by the TV and whatever lights were on, while they could go undetected in the dark. So he would close the curtains every night. But I love the sunshine and loved the view of my pool and the backyard with its palm trees and golf course views beyond. Being a morning person, I'd wake up long before him and would open the curtains back up every morning. 

At the risk of sounding like too much of a first world princess, I am going to admit that this little task annoyed me. For one, I had to climb onto my couch to reach one or two of them, and stretching would sometimes irritate my scoliosis just a touch. Sure, it's only a minute or two of effort. But a 1 minute task every day for let's say a healthy 70 years of adulthood equates to over 425 hours or 17 days of effort. And this is just one task. Everyone has 24 hours in a day, so if you fill your day up with meaningless tasks, what we call "adulting" or even less significant activities could consume a majority of your waking hours. My obsession with optimizing and automating even the most slight of activities probably is what drew me into Industrial Engineering, the father of which was known to time himself buttoning his short from the bottom and from the top to see which was faster. 

So my first proposal in this new framework vision includes implementing the Smart blinds I installed in my Palmdale house. At the push of a button or two on my phone, or with a voice command through the Alexa speaker, I was able to have the curtains opened for me while I moved onto other tasks like making my breakfast. I enhanced the automation further by setting them on a timer through the Alexa app, so they would close at sunset and open and sunrise. I never got around to installing them in my bedroom, and I'm sure while he was still there he wouldn't have appreciated it, but I also envisioned waking up to the sun pouring into my room as the curtains opened at a preset time, like an alarm clock but (hopefully) less irritating. 

But I want to take it even further. Cooling the house in the hot, humid summers of Texas, taxes my AC system and sometimes seems like a struggle even when its running endlessly for hours. I fully recognize that having my windows open all the time as I do right now means I'm letting sun in even when I'm not in that room or at home at all to appreciate it. So, borrowing from a concept Bill Gates introduced in a CD-ROM video from his book "The Road Ahead", I envision sensors of some sort that know when you're home and/or utilizing a specific room, to have the blinds opened when you're in there or expected to be in there, but to close them when the sun is pouring in during the summer and the views are not being seen. It's not just that I want them open when the sun is up, or just shut when I'm not in there, I want the house to optimize for efficiency and my enjoyment. Keep the house cool while maximizing my view of the outdoors. In the winter, then, it would open the blinds all the time during the day because the sunlight will help warm the house. And if it's raining, why not give me the views so I can enjoy the lightning and see whatever critters might be out and about in it (it is fascinating the diversity of wildlife in my suburban backyard, even during a rainstorm). 

Going further still, could we put something on the outside of the windows to shield the sun from even coming in and hitting the curtains? Certainly, this would be more efficient from a cooling perspective. If I do end up building in Florida, can these be sturdy, automated hurricane shutters that can enclose my house quickly and safely in the case of a storm, even if I'm traveling and away from home. 

My brother-in-law is an architect and one of the things he introduced to me is how he angled his exterior roofline and window coverings to maximize shade in the summer but minimize it in the winter. He also built his windows for a cross-breeze that would enable natural cooling during certain times of the year. Integrating the technology and AI-enabled optimization of the technology with the architecture is a really intriguing marriage of new and old ideas that ultimately increases comfort and reduces energy expenditures. 

This is the stuff that excites me. Superficially (although not so, in my mind), it makes life a little bit easier. In case of emergencies (like hurricanes) or even if a potential burglar is spotted, it could rapidly increase security. It will make living just a little cheaper in the long run. All of that is goodness, but the daily bit of a joy I think is actually the best part for me. Does it excite you? What ideas are you dreaming up that could be empowered by technology, automation and AI? 

Hawaii Mauka: Our 2025 Hawaiian Adventure - Part 2

As is my way, I insisted we get to the meeting point for the stargazing tour early. It was in the Target parking lot and we figured there'd be food places we could grab lunch nearby. That proved to be partially true - they were a bit further away than I wanted to walk. But Target has Pizza Hut inside, so I sort of insisted we just grab the Pizza Hot. Interestingly, they advertised a Spam pizza which I totally would have tried if they had it, but they did not, so I got pepperoni and Sam got cheese, of course. Then we waited outside for much longer than I expected, and Sam was definitely frustrated with my early arrival, but he didn't press it too much. 

The best thing ever (haha) happened when we finally saw the tour van and approached to check in. Our tour guide, James, gave Sam the most hesitant, awkward hug ever. He hugged me too, but since I was prepared for it, I went straight in for it. I adored our tour guide, he was super knowledgeable and would repeat important things at varying intervals, which you can tell he probably learned he had to do after dozens of tours in which people are only half paying attention. We a Japanese couple with us also who apparently didn't speak English, so James did his best to point things out in Japanese, but it was very apparent to me that he only knew so much of the language. Still, he did such a great job managing the crazy group and ensuring the Japanese couple were included. 

The timeline was strange to me - leaving at 2:45 for a sunset and stargazing tour, but as we made our way up the mountain, it made more sense. It was quite a trek up there, and it was raining most of the trip, but James assured us the weather should be good and clear on top of the mountain. We literally drove through and then above the clouds! Sure enough, blue skies all around us, the only clouds were down below! 

We stopped and spent 30 minutes at the visitor center which is at 9,200 feet so we could acclimate. We also ate there; I had ordered vegetarian sandwiches for Sam and I so as not to risk him getting pig products, and they were actually pretty good. Look at me eating vegetarian! The elevation was already getting to me, I could tell, although not too bad, so I just took it easy and let Sam know how I was feeling. He was very caring for me. 

We then continued up the mountain and visited several telescopes, all the while James was explaining how they are managed and sharing both the culturalists who oppose them and the supporting efforts. Walking around closer to 13,000 feet was only slightly worse for me, but it was still so slight that I think the acclimating had done its job. Sam also noticed it, not the whole time, but when he tried exerting himself up a hill, he said he got winded much more than usual and was surprised and intrigued by that experience. I was comparing it to being at the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado, over 14,000 feet, when I felt like absolute jelly and the potential for nausea was much more prevalent. But since we took a train straight up there, we didn't have the same acclimation, so I attributed feeling better to that. 

As the sun dropped in the sky, James took some really amazing and unique photos of us. We watched the sunset from that location, very near the peak, and then boarded the van to drive down a little ways for the ideal stargazing spot. 

I set up my tripod and starting taking pictures while the other tour guide set up a telescope and let people peer through it for various planets and stars. I continued to take long exposure photos while James led an astronomy lecture using his laser pointer to point at things in the sky. His counterpart did the same in Japanese. We learned that the Southern Cross, usually only visible in the southern hemisphere, was actually visible, albeit low on the horizon, for about two months in Hawaii. This was really impactful to Sam. 

Apparently I had set up so in exactly the spot where James wanted to set up. He was actually willing to find a new spot, which I thought was so kind and a little ridiculous of him (haha) - who am I? Just a person on his tour. Once my long exposure completed, I gave him the spot and set up elsewhere. His photos, of course, were so amazing. We even got a couple pictures pointing to the Southern Cross. It became sort of an underlying theme of the trip - aspects of the southern hemisphere coming north to Hawaii. Sam, of course, being the main one. 

After all that wrapped up, we packed back into the vans and wound our way down the mountain. James kindly dropped us off at our hotel, and we got a final hug each, less awkward. 

After taking an early phone call for work on the balcony, we packed up and headed to the airport to transport to the last island together: Maui! Finally, I'd see if Haleakala could redeem itself, although the Mauna Kea tour on the Big Island had already surpassed my hopes for stargazing on this trip. 

We landed and got the rental car and still had a couple hours before we could check into the AirBnB, so we went in search of a late lunch / early dinner. I was hoping to go to the ramen place I had taken my parents so, Tampopo, but it said it was temporarily closed. As we drove, though, I remembered I also really liked Black Rock Pizza, and Sam was agreeable to go there, so we had pizza for a second day, albeit much better than Pizza Hut Express at Target. 

Since we were on the fourth floor, I was very glad to see there was an elevator. We got settled in and took in the view from the balcony. I could not get over it; it was absolutely beautiful! We took it easy that first night, and I used my tripod on the balcony and took some decent shots of the night sky even from there!

 

I started the next day with leftover pizza for breakfast on the balcony - can life get any better? We went for a swim at the nearby sandy beach and watched sea turtles coming up to our beach from the balcony. Then we made preparations to bundle up for the cold and made our way up the mountain. It was another long drive, and I remembered all those twists and turns from having driven it twice a year and a half prior. But it was worth it!

 

After a little confusion in the absolute dark of where to go to get to the top, we found the staircase and brought our things up the short climb to the pavilion. When I was there last, the pavilion was under construction and was off limits to us. This time, it was open and we could use it to warm up a little and mostly get relief from the wind. Sam had found a Thermos and brought tea up with us so we could have a hot beverage to help warm us up.

 

We were so completely alone up there and it was just breathtaking. I couldn't believe the summit wasn't shoulder to shoulder with locals and tourists wanting to take in this incredible view! But, I wasn't complaining… Sam put on the classical music of "Jupiter" while we worked on mastering the art of taking pictures with the other in the foreground while still taking in enough darkness to get the stars in the background.
The photos were great, for sure, but even what we could see with the naked eye was so impressive. My mission to see the Milky Way had finally come to fruition in the grandest of ways!

 

And it was really special to share that with Sam. He told me later, after he got back to work, that he showed his teammates and they were barely interested. His adopted enthusiasm for my passion is one of the things I really like about him.

 

He had agreed to relieve me of driving down the mountain, but being a left-side driver normally, his tendency to lean towards the right edge of the road had me nervous, so I'm not sure if it was better or worse than me just driving myself. Either way, we made it.

 

The following day, with nothing scheduled, it was a good day to have some solo time. First we walked to the local pizza place for lunch and got some leftovers. I did a little shopping there for a Hawaiian dress/jumpsuit, and we walked back. Then he took the car to do some shopping while I stayed at the AirBnB to work on some coursework. We called it a night early so we could get up early to drive the road to Kona the next day!

 

I wasn't sure what to expect with the Road to Kona. I had been under the impression people joked that they "survived" it because the street vendors were shady, or something like that. Actually, they seemed lovely, and I guess the "survival" part comes from all the beautifully scenic one-land bridges and the twists and turns. I was impressed how the lush greenery changed throughout the drive - it wasn't the same for hundreds of miles, it changed and if you blinked, you'd miss it. There were waterfalls visible from the road, especially near the bridges, and there were cliffsides and ocean views. We had packed leftover pizza for lunch so we stopped at a beach in Kona and picnicked at a table facing the water. Some very brave cardinals approached to beg for food. Sam took a quick walk while I relaxed.

Then we headed back, stopping a bit more, now that we knew what the road was all about. We pulled over for some waterfall pictures, and stopped at a vendor for a macadamia nut cookie, a Hawaiian drink and a souvenir magnet commemorating survival of the road. Actually, since Sam was driving on the way back, I was commemorating surviving his driving.

 

I had booked dinner reservations at Mama's Fish House months prior, and tonight was the night! We arrived to the northern town of Paia a little early, so we walked around the downtown shops and then headed over to the restaurant. We were afforded some gorgeous views and took the opportunity to grab some more beach pictures while Sam was all gussied up.

 

Dinner at Mama's was absolutely amazing. We had a stunning view of the beach, and all the food was so good. Adding to our theme of the southern hemisphere coming north, Sam ordered an Antarctic Toothfish. I ordered a port wine with our dessert, which Sam was intrigued with and enjoyed.

 

As the sun set, we left our table and walked down to the beach and got some great pictures with a gorgeously colored sky behind us. Further towards the water, we saw a sea turtle, and got to watch as he made his way back into the water.

 

It was a perfect capstone to an absolutely wonderful vacation. I dropped Sam off at the airport the next morning. He'd spend one more night back on Oahu before flying home, while I spent the night and majority of the following day still in Maui. During the day, I drove up towards Laihaina and explored a public beach by the resorts there. Sam recommended I keep my record going and have pizza yet again. "Pizza everyday!" Then I did some more shopping in Kihei before heading to the airport a little early - only to have to wait to check my bag because I was too early. I'm sure Sam loves that!

 

No matter, I couldn't have asked for more on this trip. Sure, there are other Hawaiian and touristy experiences we could have done, but since my primary mission had been to go to the top of the mountain(s) and see the stars, it surpassed all my expectations. Everything else - the luau, swimming with manta rays, even just the regular beach swims, stunning sunsets and other land-based tours - were just the cherries on top! I feel truly blessed and am so glad I got to experience all of this!

The Devil Within

Yesterday Sam and I had another conversation about our relationship status - a sort of "check in" on where his head is at in regards to living with me in the future. Happy birthday to me, I guess. His focus is still on his "independence" mostly, but also highlighting the huge change it would be to presumably move to America and live with a partner, and also the risk if things don't work out, as if he'd be left in the cold. 

And here's the thing about Sam is that I truly believe what he says, although his attempts at jokes sometimes send me spiraling back into my insecurities. But when he is thoughtful and deliberate, I think he is honest. Yet there are lots of things that puzzle me about him and what he says, how he perceives himself and how he perceives me. I haven't been able to pinpoint something that's clearly and obviously bad, yet I am still unnerved by these conversations and my interactions with him. 

My most recent hypothesis is that he actually is blind to the dark side of himself. So when he is speaking thoughtfully, I think he is telling the truth as he understands it. But he hasn't done the introspection to understand and realize the source of my concerns with him. 

Take this "independence" thing, which he promotes as his biggest barrier to us living together. I don't think he really knows what that means - rather, I think it's a wall he is subconciously hiding behind. Afterall, he currently lives with his sister in a house owned by his parents, who visit frequently and for long periods. So it's not like he lives alone and is worried about having to share a space. And he complains about what he has to do for work, like when he has to go into the office, even though it's only two days a week. Yet I've had on the table for a while that I would cover him financially if he lived with me, so he would have more independence in that regard. 

He promotes his "positivity" but he's very negative about the risks and the challenge of moving in together. While I try not to diminish the huge change it would be for him, I look forward to the steady state of us being together with great optimism. I see such great potential in us having a better relationship - he can use his brain more and we can enjoy more things together more often and my need for physical affection wouldn't be so intense. It just seems like the obvious, better solution than what we are doing now. But he says he's happy with the way things are. So I think his positivity is different than my optimism in that I look towards a positive future whereas he revels in the instant gratification. Change is hard, but what we have is great right now, so why do the hard thing? 

I think he does this with a lot of aspects of our relationship. We had a somewhat teasing conversation about "who's the boss" in our relationship and he said I'm the financial boss because I finance our trips. But I pointed out that he dictates when I can touch him and kiss him, and he has to have his tea and he has to have things his certain way in our day-to-day vacation schedule. He sees himself as laid back and doesn't seem to recognize how bossy and insistent he is to get his way. 

It reminds me of the analogy he made a while back about cat owners and dog owners. He said being a cat owner teaches you consent because cats won't call just because they're called, they have to decide to come to you. He made it sound like clearly cat owners are the superior beings because it's easy to be a dog owner. Yet when I thought about it, it seemed like I'm the "cat owner" then because I have to have his permission to touch and kiss him and he dictates when we do different things. He acts more like the "dog owner" in our relationship because we do everything on his schedule when he decides. 

I think he does this also with how accusatory and judgmental he is with me. I don't think he intends to come off that way, it's a part of him that's buried in his subconscious. Because he also talks about how intuitive he is and I've seen that part of him in action, yet he doesn't like or understand little things about me a lot. It's like he intuits something's there but he doesn't know how to address it in a way that is understanding. 

I did think it was positive when we talked briefly in Hawaii, that he said if we end up not having any more trips this year, that would be okay because he knows he owes me an answer. But when he confronted me directly about it on our call yesterday, I was honest that yeah, part of the reason I haven't planned anything else with him is that I don't want to keep investing in this relationship that may never be what I need it to be. And then he immediately made a joke, I guess along the theme of "who's the boss", that I was going to "cut him off" if he didn't move in with me. And that went over like a lead balloon. 

I think this is one of my struggles is that he says things lightheartedly because he thinks its funny and when I pin him down about it, he will insist he meant nothing by it. But I believe that every joke, even if made with intentions rooted in jest, still has some truth in it for the person saying it. And to me, its an insight into how people think. So when I later told him that upset me, he blamed his lack of being in the right state of mind and sort of blew it off as a continuation of the boss joke and nothing serious. But it's precisely things like that which play on my insecurities and make me think he's just playing the game with me to milk me for more vacations and fun events. He did apologize and say he didn't mean it. And again, I feel like I can believe him when he says things, so it's all I can do to accept his apology and take him at his word that he didn't mean it. But those insecurities still exist. 

On a positive note, with me coming back to Australia for work, he has been open and willing to let me come visit and stay with him which, for him, is a huge step. I think he realized how much it hurt that I wasn't allowed to participate in any of his home life while I was there last time, and without me having to say what I played out in my head for my next trip to Sydney - that I wouldn't be coming to Sydney and not seeing his home again - he opened that proverbial door.  We share a concern about how I will react to the cats, so the visit may have to be cut short, but at least I will get to see how and where he lives, which is really important to me to understand and see him better. And if I end up choosing to go to a hotel because of my allergies, then that's not on him.