Sam from Sydney

He's real and he's just as I imagined. And... I'm over the moon about him. But when I returned to my hotel and I thought I saw him there... I must have imagined it. Wishful thinking. Or was it?

Sam and I started messaging on March 18th and he was very upfront that he lives in Australia and would be visiting Dallas for the eclipse. It's funny, now that I've met him and spent most of the day with him, in my head I can read his initial messages in his voice and with the inflections he would use.

He'd been very sweet in the messaging and never pushed for anything or gave me the slightest reason to doubt him. Other than, you know, the whole situation. He's coming into town for a few days and wants to meet someone? Sounds like a hookup to me!

He got me to download What's App (but again, never pressuring me or anything) and we had a few phone chats while one or both of us was on a long drive. Our first phone call put me a bit more at ease. He seemed genuine enough that hookups and one night stands are not his thing. And, he just wanted to find his someone, and maybe she's in Dallas. He said something to the effect of, "What's a 15 hour flight if I'm meeting a wonderful woman?" I laughed because people in LA hardly want to drive more than an hour for a date, and this hopeless romantic sees the world as his dating pool. One of our calls unintentionally turned into a video call, which was all that more reassuring to see the person on the other side of the app.

Fast forward to me picking him up outside his hotel so we could grab tea & coffee. I still felt there was a 10% chance he wouldn't be there, but I saw him almost instantly and immediately got excited. He hopped in the car with a giant smile on his face and greeted me with a small kiss. We navigated our way to a Starbucks already holding hands. He was such a sweetheart and even though we were completely new to each other, we found an ease with each other quickly. We sat at Starbucks for a bit and talked, and then I proposed we go to the botanic gardens to see the dinosaurs.

We might as well have been a couple for years. We held hands and took selfies and appreciated the flowers and admired the dinosaurs and watched the goats. He got excited to see squirrels (apparently they don't have those Down Under) and I couldn't help touch him. I was so attracted to him and my admiration felt completely reciprocated. When we decided we were done and ready for dinner, we walked back to my car and he mentioned how he noticed we were the only couple holding hands all day - it was sad that more couples weren't affectionate like that. I tried to recall what I had seen that day to ascertain if I agreed or not, but I honestly couldn't remember seeing anyone. There were definitely people around - it was way more crowded than usual even - but my attention had been centered on Sam, and everybody else just kind of faded into the background in my recollection.

He had been given a recommendation for "fageetas" at a Mexican restaurant called Papacito's, so I taught him the correct pronunciation and we shared a fajitas platter and chips and queso. Not knowing what to do but not ready to be done for the day, and trusting him more than one should on first meeting, I invited him back to my hotel.

In my room, he took out of his bag the many gifts from Australia he had brought for me - special sun block and chap stick he wanted me to try, Vegemite and a few different candy bars and whole thing of Tim Tams (my request). He also gave me a beanie for one of the soccer teams he liked. We cuddled and kissed and talked.

I swear he could read my mind. As I was laying on his chest, enjoying idly playing with his chest hair and feeling his body so close to mine and having his arms around me, it suddenly occurred to me how little time we'll have together and just the briefest, slightest wave of sadness rolled over me. I'm certain he couldn't even see my face, but he sensed it before I could even acknowledge it myself. He asked me, "Wait, why the sadness all of a sudden?" I looked at him with the bravest face I could muster but he insisted I tell him what I was thinking. So I did and he reassured me that just meant we really had to enjoy the time we did have together.

We had the same sense of humor, like when he pointed to the description of the continent in the dinosaur age and said, "That's why you like Japan so much, you're Laurasian!" We weg inside jokes - dozens it seemed! We were cracking each other up and teasing each other like we were old friends who had known each other forever.

When it was time, I took him back to his hotel. I went shopping after and was over the moon about my day with him while I perused the store. I texted excitedly with my friend Laura about him, and was just generally in an amazing mood, knowing I would see him again Tuesday before he left Texas.

As I pulled into the parking lot of my hotel, though, there was a guy standing outside that looked strangely like him. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, seeing him because he was all I could think about, when it was just some other guy with long hair. But no, as I turned my car around - I was so flustered I didn't know if I should park or do another drive-by to get a second look - he started walking towards my car. I got super freaked out, feeling like he was coming to attack me or something. What was he doing here? I just dropped him off a half hour away, there was no reason for him to be back here. I rolled down my window and asked nervously what he was doing here. He had a silly, defeated look about him and then walked to my passenger door. Then I immediately saw - his phone had been left in the door of my car. A second later, he was opening the door and hopped in, grabbing his phone and showing me that he left it. He said he had tried to flag me down at his hotel once he realized, but I didn't see him. Then he talked about how he barely remembered the name of my hotel and the city I was staying in and was able to piece enough of it together to get here, but then couldn't remember my room number, didn't know my surname, and had no way to contact me so he came and saw my car wasn't there so he was just going to wait for about 30 minutes and then leave if I didn't show up. I felt awful, because I knew it meant he was missing his show, which he confirmed when I asked. But he was so upbeat about it, saying maybe it was fate, that he got to see me again for at least the drive back. And asked if I'd drive him back again.

I don't know exactly why, but something about that hit me wrong. Like, I hadn't minded being the chauffer all day, but the fact that he Uber'd to me and now I have to drive him back a second time, and then come all the way back again, I don't know, it annoyed me. But he was here all the way from Sydney, it shouldn't have bothered me. I asked if he wanted to go do something else with me and he said we could go back to my room for a quick half hour but that he did need to get back to his friends after that. So I decided the half hour in the room wasn't really worth it - sounded like more potential for trouble than anything else - so I drove him back.

As I drove, he grasped my hand in his, holding it in his lap, and I admitted I had missed that - when he was gone I had wanted to reach over to the passenger side for him but there had been nobody there. It was true, but I also knew it would make this hopeless romantic melt! He loved it, of course. 

At his hotel, before getting out, he really smothered me with affection and said, "You don't know what you're doing to me," and I agreed. I was crazy for him. I sort of wished we could spend more time together. Sort of, hell I wanted him to stay the night! But I didn't want to be selfish or crazy - this was our first day together in person, after all.

We kept in touch for the next few days as he spent time with friends and we both experienced the Total Solar Eclipse in our separate locations. Tuesday couldn't come soon enough but when it did, I was ecstatic to see him as I picked him up from his hotel for our second date.

We first spent some time at my hotel, and since we had talked about how much he liked seeing the F-16's, I have him an F-16 shirt. I also have him a few Japanese treats and Takis I picked up from Five Below because of our conversation about them on Saturday. He had more things for me, too. He was so sweet to think of me while vacationing in the US.

We went to the Dallas Stars hockey game, and once again it felt so natural to do things with him, like we had been a couple forever. I got to teach him how to pronounce the other team's mascot, the Sabres. After the game, he wanted to get Chick-fil-A so we found one still open. He attempted to make a joke about my Alma Mater, but got the school wrong, saying U of A, so the joke backfired on him when I agreed. We both had a great laugh and he swore he'd never make that mistake again. We spent more time at my hotel before I took him back, and while I still kept in my mind that I have reason to be skeptical, it was a very optimistic goodbye, made so much harder because we didn't know when we'd see each other again but glorious in the recognition of how much we clicked after just two dates.

The alignment of the sun, Earth and moon brought us together, and not even the entire world can keep us apart.

Have My Cake and Eat it [Part] Two, or, Texas Tommy

When the prospect of moving to Fort Worth for my job first cropped up around April or May last year, my buddy Andrew put an interesting notion in my head: the dating pool is likely to be better out in Fort Worth than it is in Palmdale / LA area (the latter requires excessive travel that not everyone is down for). I decided at the time that I wasn't super stoked about moving and my now-boss, as a testament to how awesome he is, moved mountains to make an offer that would keep me in Palmdale despite the job being planned for Fort Worth. The only caveat was the expectation that I would travel to Fort Worth regularly - minimum once per quarter and preferably once per month. I happily agreed to that condition, although I was still unsure about accepting. I surprised everyone including myself I think when I did accept. 

Fast forward a few months, I was traveling to Fort Worth just about monthly. After another failed relationship or three, Andrew's notion rang in my head and I decided to change my dating profile to Fort Worth. I didn't want to be deceptive, though, so although I listed my location as Fort Worth, I made sure to use one of the freeform prompts to explain that I was coming to Fort Worth regularly for work and was considering moving there, which was only like 4% true but I did believe that at some point it would make sense and/or be required of me to move. I figured I was living in Palmdale on borrowed time there (and boy was I right… but I'm getting ahead of myself). 

Most of the initial contacts failed to turn into anything. But one didn't. His name is Tommy, and it turned out he works at the same company I do, as a technician on second shift. His profile pictures were a mix of silly, dated and awkward. But he was sweet, and we got along via messaging really well. I wasn't sure if I'd be attracted to him physically when I finally saw him, but his attentiveness and agreeable personality thrilled me. Because my next business trip had been booked before he and I started talking, I didn't have a lot of time for him given our different work schedules, but we planned to meet up as soon as I landed on Sunday, for a late lunch. One of the starting topics of conversation we had was about where in Fort Worth to find the best queso, so that become the destination of our date - a taco franchise place called Torchy's. 

I was so nervous he'd stand me up or something… and he was a few minutes late so I was really freaking out inside, but tried not to be a crazy girl. My panic was unwarranted this time, though. As he walked around the corner into the restaurant, I recognized him instantly (he was wearing the same shirt as one of this profile pictures) and a wave of physical attraction rolled over me. Well, the concern about being attracted to him can be put to bed! He was hot in all the ways I like. We hugged awkwardly and then got in line to order. I copied his order almost exactly, it sounded perfect, and of course, we got an order of queso. 

It was surreal meeting this guy who had only been a series of messages and a few confusing pictures. But the conversation flowed easily, and I was instantly hooked. We barely touched the queso, although it was quite good, and the tacos, too. Not knowing what else to do but also not wanting this to end, I invited him back to my hotel with me. We walked out to our cars and that's when he grabbed my face and kissed me and I just melted. Kissing him felt so good and he was just the right blend of forceful and caringly gentle. We made out in the parking lot for what felt like too long but I wasn't going to complain. He finally let me get in my car so he could follow me to the hotel. 

It started raining on the way, and my hotel was downtown so he had to park separately. As he ran through the rain I just wanted to wrap my arms and legs and soul around him. He undressed quickly and got me to match and we spent the rest of the evening in my hotel bed naked. I was over the moon. He was so comfortable to be with, and my body felt like it was molded to his. Everything was just about perfect. I couldn't imagine liking anyone else more. 

As the week went on, though, his texts were less frequent and felt distant. I'm losing him, I thought. And I made a desperate attempt to see him once more before I flew home, but it was a complicated idea I suppose. And then the responses stopped altogether. I was heartbroken, obviously, and I knew it was crazy because I had only seen him once, but it just felt like there was so much there. Probably more to stir up drama than truly trying to reach out and reconnect, I would message him from time to time. 

Then one night I got a response. He had apparently missed some of my messages, and also, he had sent me a message that he assumed had gone through but was just not realizing that it hadn't. In that message, he had said that he thought he could make the distance thing work, but I was here for such a short time and he didn't see how he could handle that. I accepted his response but told him I wished he had talked to me about it because I am a planner and I was doing what I could to plan to make it easy for us to get together. But that was it, I guess. It saddened me but at least I had closure, and I couldn't blame him for not wanting to do the distance thing. 

Until the distance thing wasn't necessary. Fast forward to the decision in my company to re-org, and my boss once again saving me but this time with a mandate that I move to Fort Worth. I accepted my fate, and although I would never make this type of decision based on a guy, much less a guy who ghosted me and then ended things with me, there was a tiny bit of hope in my heart that I could reconnect with Tommy. I also thought about the broader dating pool as a positive thing, as Andrew had advised. So while there were lots of downsides and negatives, and just, you know, moving sucks, I started finding reasons to be okay with the move. 

Internally, I debated whether to reach out to Tommy before I moved, or to wait until I was there permanently. I didn't want him to think I was leading him on ahead of me being there permanently. But I also had this little worry that he'd meet someone else and start something up with her in the meantime, and I didn't want to miss out simply because I hadn't acted quickly enough. So once it was settled for sure that I'd be moving, even without exact timing, I texted him, keeping it simple, not wanting to show all my cards or scare him off. 

Me: "I'm moving to Fort Worth officially soon." 

Tommy: "How soon? And it makes me feel happy/special you still thought of me :-D"

And later: 

Tommy: "Let me know when you're in town and we could catch up if you like"

[Me internally: "Eeeeeek I want to kiss him and rip his clothes off and kiss every inch of him!! Keep it cool, Laura, keep it cool."]

Me: "That'd be great!"

And much later: 

Tommy: "So I've been wondering, and just have to ask… What made you reach out? I know you're moving, but still"

Me: "I saw a lot of potential in us, and I was pretty sad when you didn't see it work. So yeah, with me moving I thought, if you're still open to talking and stuff, me moving will eliminate the issue." 

Tommy: "I'm sorry you were sad, but it did make me happy when you reached out like you did"

Me: I'm glad to hear it. I really liked our convos back then, I was so nervous to meet you. And then when I saw you, I remember thinking you were so much hotter than I expected…[fire emoji]"

Tommy: [Drool emoji] 

"I'm super flattered and not used to it lol"

"But I'm very glad, and hopefully we'll click again"

"Also, I'm still an open book, so feel free to ask whatever about whatever :-D"

Me: "Haha and same… also I'm a little nervous I'll come on too strong and scare you off lol… Feel free to tell me I'm being crazy if that starts to happen [laughing emoji]"

Tommy: "I'm sure you'll be fine [winking emoji]"

"I don't know of another time when a woman was afraid of coming on too strong with me before… Flattery will get you everywhere haha"

Me: "Deal! I'll tell you how hot you look all the time! But it's been a minute… I'll need a refresher!"

Tommy: [with a selfie] "Please excuse the bags lol"

Me: "You chopped your hair! I like! Or more accurately, I want to reach through the phone and kiss you rn [kissing emoji]"

Tommy: "I'll be sure to keep it more trim like this then [sunglasses emoji]

I do recall a lot of fun making out [kissing emoji]"

Me: "Oh when you first kissed me in the park lot [fire emoji] [sweating hot emoji] [fire emoji]"

Tommy: "Of torchy's?"

Me: "Haha yeah"

Tommy: [Big grin emoji]

Me: "It was super sexy how you just kinda pulled me in and took control…"

Tommy: "Oh yeah? Well… I think you made me do it, so you totally caused that"

Me: "Haha I was all weird and awkward I'm sure! But once we started kissing that's all I wanted to do"

"Ok, maybe not all lolol"

Tommy: "I don't recall any awkward from you"

Me: "Glad you didn't notice. I was sooooo awkward"

Tommy: "I'm confident that I'll basically always [be] awkward lol"

Me: "Well then we'll just have to fast forward to the kissing, cuz I don't think there was any awkward after that…" 

Tommy: "I think that's true…" 

And so on. I was so into him all over again. With us talking again and his affirmative desire to see me, it seemed pointless to talk to other guys. So even though I'm not usually an eggs-in-one-basket kind of person in dating, at least until I explicitly agree to be exclusive with someone, I basically did that for Tommy, a guy I had only seen once and whom had ghosted me for a bit. I'm in trouble, right? Ah well, the heart wants what the heart wants, there's no rationalizing with it sometimes. 

So, just like the first time, we met up right after I landed. This time, I picked CAVA for us to go to, since he had said he had never had Greek food before, and there was a CAVA in the same area as Torchy's so I knew it was a relatively convenient place for us to meet up. This time, as we had discussed (or more like, I kind of commanded and he agreed to comply), when we first saw each other, he grabbed me and kissed me sweet and long, and then held me for what felt like an eternity but in a happy way. It felt so good to be in his arms again. Our bodies still fit perfectly together, and he was so gentle but firm. And just like the first time, after our late lunch, we went to my hotel. This one was a bit more convenient parking-wise so he helped me with my luggage. We had another amazing time naked in my hotel bed. It was Super Bowl Sunday so I did have the game on and was vaguely watching it with him. He napped a little bit but for the most part he was just all about me and pretending to care about what was on the TV. Honestly, I couldn't think of a better way to watch the Super Bowl. Best Big Game Day Ever! 

But again after we parted ways, his texts became more distant. Fewer, further between, not initiating conversation really. I knew work was really weighing on him with layoffs happening in his area and as the union steward he had to be a part of the process. And his last text was asking if I had found a house yet knowing I was househunting that day. I had responded and sent him a few more messages after that, and nothing back from him. 

I had planned my trip such that I had an extra day in case I needed it for househunting. I tried to see Tommy before he had to work that day, but no response. The extra day also afforded me the opportunity to go to the Fort Worth Swing Dance Syndicate. I went and was pleasantly surprised that they offered an intermediate class, which I gladly stepped into. The instructor, Kris, was great and I really enjoyed his class, teaching a Fort Worth special line dance called Smiley's Charleston. It was a fun dance but very aerobic, and I was drenched in sweat pretty quickly. During the dance, there were a lot of beginners and I danced with several of them. I was surprised that even some of the leads that had been in my intermediate class were very novice. I think Kris may have felt bad for me, or just wanted me to feel welcome, so he asked me to dance a couple times and I loved dancing with him. He had us perform the Smiley's Charleston for the rest of the dance, which was kind of fun - I do like performing! Later, Kris played a song on the piano and sang along, and it was a Valentine's with a comical twist - the chorus was, "Won't you settle for me?" I thought it was very cute and I assumed that meant he was single. Interesting… 

I waited to see if maybe over the weekend Tommy would finally respond more. Days went by and I kept messaging him from time to time. I pleaded for him to respond. I texted him from my work phone and told him that ghosting me was inconsistent with everything he had told me, and told him what the last text was in case he had again thought he had sent something that hadn't gone through. Nothing. It just didn't feel logical and I don't know if I always demand closure as a control thing or whatever, but I just wanted to understand what was happening. I started to build a fantasy scenario in my head in which his crappy supervisor had thrown his phone across the room and it broke and when he got a new phone it hadn't restored my number or he had to get a new phone number. Something to explain other than he was seeing my messages and choosing not to respond. I couldn't believe that. But I knew that was irrational and I needed to try to move on if Tommy wasn't going to respond. 

Heartbroken again, I reactivated my Hinge and also reached out to a few of my LA boytoys - Hollywood Justin, Kevin 1, Kevin 2, Yusuke. I knew it was pointless to try to pursue anything serious in California at this point, but figured I could use the ego boost of a few guys' affections. 

As if smelling blood in the water, Chalan, a swing dancer from Michigan who had moved to the LA area sometime last year, started texting me a lot more and being way more flirtatious. After one of the dances we planned to go to kind of together, he took me for a drive to show off the autonomous features of his test vehicle. Apparently that's what he does for work. Pretty sexy, but, I'm moving… and that was the most of a move Chalan's ever put on me besides dancing with me multiple times per night (which can be indicative of interest, but not always - dating in swing dance is complicated, isn't it?). 

With the move taking a little longer than I wanted, I planned another work trip and texted Tommy that I'd be in town and asking him if I could see him this weekend. Finally, a response. 

Tommy: "If that's what you'd like, yes.

"I'm sorry about the silence, at first I was genuinely very busy (basically have been this whole year), but then I just kep quiet because I figured tou didn't want to hear from me after the extended silence.

But yes, if you want to that's good with me." 

Me: "I understand busy, but I think you're crazy to think I didn't want to hear from you. Are you free Saturday?" 

And then nothing again for a couple days. So I took a more proactive approach: 

Me: "How about we meet at Torchy's on Sat at noon? I'll be there unless I hear from ya for a different time/place. [Kissing emoji]" 

Still nothing. 

Meanwhile, I flew to Texas. While the plane was supposed to go to DFW, we were diverted to San Antonio. Close, but not quite. I wasn't sure if we'd make it to DFW so I started contingency planning - namely, looking at rental cars in San Antonio and drafting a text to my friend, Jen, who lived there. I had been planning to go to the Fort Worth Swing Dance Syndicate dance again that night, so I was debating - do I ditch the dance and go see Jen? Or do I get the rental and book it to try to make it just on time to the dance, foregoing the shower I was hoping to squeeze in between landing and going to the dance? None of those options were needed, though, because the captain told us we'd be taking off for DFW shortly, and we did. So we arrived a couple hours late, but still in DFW. I barely had enough time to grab a very quick bite to eat, shower and get dressed and get to the dance. 

But I got in just a minute late for Kris' backwards Shim Sham lesson. Seeing me, he waited for me, and, did I see a little sparkle when he recognized me? He deferred to me a couple times during the lesson, and I couldn't help but feel there may be a romantic spark there. The intermediate lesson, which Kris also taught, was on basic Lindy which I already know well. He also taught a move called the Texas Tommy which I was vaguely familiar with, but it had been a while. It was prone to cause injuries when done wrong, and I thought, how appropriate, since my Texas Tommy seems to hurt me. 

The rest of the dance was brilliant - I barely got a break between dances. There were a ton of strong leads there that night, and I barely even got to dance with Kris maybe twice. I danced once with a beginner who I had talked with before the classes started, Brady. But for the most part, I was dancing with intermediate and advanced dancers and it was amazing. A new-to-me guy named Shane had been in the intermediate class and was very good looking. For whatever reason, it felt like he honed in on me, and we danced a bunch of times. In fact, he and Kris approached me at the same time, and I had to choose. I think I went with Shane that time, but made sure to return to Kris as soon as I could. I mean, to be fair, Shane was dancing with a lot of women, beginners and advanced alike. But when I was pooped and ready to go, he dragged me back on the dance floor a few more times, including for the last song, which is a little romantic. What a cutie!! 

I was high on what a great dance it was. Truly, I am so happy I have found a swing dance home here so quickly. It topped even the best night at Lindygroove or Pasadena Ballroom Dance Association, and everyone is crazy about Atomic Ballroom but that is just so-so from my own experience. I even got a shirt from FWSDS to bring back to California with me and represent in my transition time. 

The morning of my presumed meeting with Tommy, I texted him.

Me: "Hope to see you at noon [kissing emoji]"

No confirmation. I was mentally preparing myself to be gravely disappointed. And I swore to myself now there's no excuses or things I could think of at this point. He either shows, or he doesn’t care enough and I need to give up. And even if he did show up, his one and only message was so cold - maybe he was coming here to end things in person and give me the closure I obviously needed. I was so ready for heartbreak. 

He walked in, just about right on time. I tried not to get my hopes up but it was a little happy to at least see he showed. I waved him over and got up to hug him. I wasn't sure if kissing was in order, and he didn't go for a kiss. We ordered food and I let him pay, mainly because, fuck, man, he owes me! 

We talked and ate, and I fought back tears multiple times - sometimes when telling him the conclusion of the investigation into my old boss, which he knew the beginning of already, and sometimes when talking about he and I. He apologized multiple times and explained where his mind was at, asked clarifying questions of me and admitted there was no excuses but that he wanted me to know, and apologized again. I appreciated all of that, except, obviously, the fact that he just didn't respond. The clarifying question he asked was whether it would bother my sleep if he texted late at night, because that was usually when he saw the messages and wanted to text back, but didn't want to wake me. I told him that my phone goes into sleep mode and doesn’t alert me unless there's an emergency until I wake up, so that was perfectly fine to text me at any hour. He basically said he'd try harder and stuff like that. I asked him point blank if he wanted to continue seeing me, and he replied in the affirmative. We talked a bit more and I was so happy and crazy about him, I just wanted to reach across the table and touch him all over and kiss him. But I settled for putting my hands in his and him holding them on the table. He caressed them and held them in exactly the way I wanted him to. 

I think he must be very sensitive to noises and brightness because the various machines were really bothering him, so I said we should get out of here and invited him back to my hotel once again. No surprise, we spent the rest of the day naked in bed. We watched Ghosts on TV and cuddled and kissed and we both dozed off and were in and out of sleep but always touching and always comfortable. It was like we picked up right where we left off. But I was still concerned so I asked him some questions to help level my expectations, and we clarified some things, so that was good I suppose. 

We exchanged a couple texts since then. But I think he suffers more strongly from decision fatigue than even I do, which is saying a lot because I really struggle sometimes, so I think when I am able to see him, I just need to tell him what I want and it seems like he'll comply because he does want me but he doesn't want to have to plan or make decisions. 

In the meantime, and the crux of why I wanted to write this blog, is that I got a couple more romantic leads via Hinge. Dan or Daniel, a fellow Sun Devil, is a bit younger but pretty cute and seems pretty easy going. We've been texting for a while and were supposed to meet up today, but I haven't heard from him for a few days and we never made official plans. Kind of a bummer. The other one, Justin, is absolutely crazy about me it seems. We text multiple times a day and he has told me fantasies he's had about me already. 

Justin, I would say, has some yellow-ish-maybe-red flags. He's not sure if he's completely straight, he's not sure if he wants monogamy, he is obsessed with wrestling and MMA, and he talks like he's all about chivalry but then also he is very dirty-minded. Some of the things he says remind me of a boy who liked me in high school, Eric Reilly. He had once written me a four page love letter saying that he felt he was my knight in shining armor and it was just very fantastical and awkward since I hadn't really liked him. Anyways, Justin is giving me those vibes. And since all I really have to go on for physical attraction is his profile pics, I am once again not sure if I'll be attracted to him, but obviously I have a recent example where that was a happy surprise. With Justin, I think I will be attracted to him in a sweet way, less sensual way. I could see me cuddling up in his arms, but I'm not sure I'm down for the sexual fantasies he has talked about. 

My first date with Justin is scheduled for tomorrow (Monday evening), although we've talked about connecting before that - first on Friday when I was flying in but the timing didn't work, and then on Saturday when I wasn't sure if Tommy and I would be long, but obviously that didn't happen for Justin and I. 

I should also mention that Saturday night, after I bid Tommy adieu, I decided to go to the Dallas swing dance. I realized I'd be late to it, but figured it'd still be worth going - not like I was doing anything else. With traffic and construction, I was very late. But, as soon as I stepped in, they were doing the Shim Sham, so I jumped in right away even before changing out of my flip flops into proper dancing shoes. Then I put my shoes on, and immediately saw a few familiar faces from FWSDS. The DJ, for one, and Leo, whom I met and danced with in the intermediate class. And… Shane! And of course, Shane and I danced a number of times. Once again, another man and he had approached me for a dance at the same time. This time, I went with the other guy and promised Shane I would catch him next. One of the other dancers was very complimentary, saying he was glad to get to dance with such an advanced follow as myself. Shane and I finished out the dance together with a few in a row. He is so cute and so much fun to dance with. 

Today, I slept in, got my usual "good morning beautiful" text from Justin, got some caffeine and wings for brunch to help kick the dehydration headache I woke up with, went for a glorious swim in the very sexy indoor pool at my hotel, and went grocery shopping for the week. I'm a little disappointed I didn't meet up with Dan or anyone else, but how could I possibly complain after such a glorious day yesterday, and two great dances the last two nights, and a date tomorrow? Life is good, my friends. Life is good. 

All that to say, I'm insanely crazy for my "Texas Tommy" even though he has a track record of disappearing and being aloof. But for now, I have him, and we're in a good place. We're not committed but I have him. And I have these other promising prospects, too, whether real or imagined. Justin may or may not be acceptable to me. Kris would be a great guy to date, but not sure if he's interested. And Shane - he feels too out of my league but I guess anything is possible. If nothing else, I have a great dance partner here who is excited to see me, remembers my name and wants to dance with me on repeat. Part of me feels like that boy-crazy little girl I was once - maybe it never left me. And part of me feels like I'm in the same (or better) happy Shrodinger's cat of a relationship - I'm both in a relationship which makes me comfortable and chosen and wanted, but I'm also not in a relationship so I am free to explore. I'm having my cake and eating it, part two! 

Here [I] Go Again

I'm moving to Fort Worth, Texas. I don't particularly want to move. I'm not excited about the move. What I've been telling people in regards to my feelings about it, and how I think is the best way to describe it is, I'm at peace with it. It's a little more than base acceptance - although accepting it was the first positive step towards becoming at peace with it.

If it's not been stated yet or made evident - Deric and I broke up at the start of this year. Short-lived relationship, for sure. I suppose there were red flags early on which I chose to sidestep. I didn't quite ignore them, but then, he also responded positively when I laid out some boundaries around them, so that seems good and mature. But they were still red flags nonetheless, I suppose in hindsight. Anyways, we fought and that was just about the end. I didn't publish it then, but might as well now... here's what I wrote that day. He texted a couple days later and I held my stance, and he didn't apologize, so that was that.

Not a great start to the year, but also not terrible in light of the uncertainty which became more certain - that I'd be moving to Fort Worth, basically to keep my job. It's not quite that simple, but I won't get into the work drama, except just to say I'm definitely making the best choice for me and for the team and the company, I believe. It's just tough because I wasn't quite ready to leave Palmdale - I weirdly like it here and there's still a lot to do in California. I've been trying to knock some of those things off my list before moving.

Today, though, a big step forward in the move progress occurred when I finally got an offer on my house. I already have a house I'm under contract for in Texas, but that is contingent on the sale of my house here and it's been a while. So I am relieved, on the one hand, especially because I hate being in limbo and not being able to plan things. But on the other hand, it just made it real, final and eminent. I guess a part of me hoped the contract would expire and I could push the move out a bit, find a different house that I was more excited about.

It's not that I have buyer's remorse, I don't think the house I want actually exists and I was perfectly ok with buying a minimally livable house which I could decorate with my own taste. And so much cheaper! But I suppose a part of me still thinks there are better options - either to go cheaper or to go more modern / upgraded. The first house I had put an offer on had a dreamy pool like none other, and while the pricetag was also higher and the commute was painful, I started to fall for that pool. I worry / wonder if I'm going to miss having a hot tub, too, now that I've had one and love it so much. I guess we'll see.

Anyways, with an offer now at an acceptable price, the ball is going to start rolling quickly, I think. And that's good because I do want to be with my team, I am struggling to feel engaged in my work from afar and we have some real problems I want to go solve out in Fort Worth and beyond.

I think it'll be good to have less expenses - and really, this giant house is far too big for just me. And I think the dating scene will be better, I mean, it can't be worse than Palmdale, right? Swing dance isn't an hour and change away… at least not the place I went to when I was last out there (and going to tomorrow). It'll be an adventure, right? 

I think what I'm going to miss most is the people I've come to know and like here. I wasn't as well established in San Diego, partially because I lived there during COVID, and even in Florida and Connecticut, I felt like a stranger visiting rather than a resident with a life and friends there. Not sure if that was because I had a significant other and therefore we kept to ourselves, or if it’s the lack of longevity in those places compared to the ~2.5 years here, or maybe both plus my efforts to really connect with people this past year. I'll just have to convince them to move to Fort Worth with me. 

On to Texas! 

Designing Texas

 Family Room

 

 

Primary Bedroom

Luxe Yosemite

One of my newest life objectives is to see the Milky Way with the naked eye. I mean really see it, like those gorgeous long exposure pictures but irl. I've been searching for opportunities for a few years, missing optimal conditions and being disappointed by the non-results. The now-ex and I had gone up to Yosemite but stayed at an AirBnB in the hills just outside of the park, which I thought would still be close enough but the light pollution from the small town was still too much. We did enjoy a luxurious hot tub outside and listening to the wild turkey calls, and we hiked around the park and climbed a waterfall, so the trip wasn't a let down by my standards, we just failed to see the Milky Way. We also took a trip to Bryce Canyon and had a ton of good hiking fun in that park. We even returned to the park after dark in hopes of seeing the Milky Way, but it was still very much a no-go. This past year as a newly single woman, I camped at Amboy Crater twice and booked a stargazing and astrophotography session at the top of the mountain in Maui, still to no avail. The Hawaii native photographer kept commenting how she has never seen the sky this unclear. I assured her, its me, I'm the problem, its me.

So now I'm attacking my quest with more intention, trying to have plans to be in a dark sky site for every new moon, or at least the weekend closest to the new moon. January was Amboy Crater again. And while the stars were pretty dazzling at Amboy Crater, I didn't get the full effect I expect from a Milky Way shot.

For February, I made plans to go back to Yosemite, this time staying in the park. There are a number of options and I don't mind roughing it usually, but I do get up and use the bathroom a lot so I wasn't too excited about the cabins that had communal bathrooms some distance away outside. Instead I opted for the high end option at the Ahwahnee. And if you've followed some of my adventures before, you know that when I go high end, I kinda go all out high end. So I booked the King room with a balcony. Usually hotels have several of these types of rooms if they have any. Here, not so much it seems. I'm basing that on the comment the waiter said to me when I gave him my room number to charge to. But I'm jumping ahead, let me get to that later.

From my home in Palmdale, CA, the drive to Yosemite was just around 6 hours. So, I could easily drive up there early in the day Friday, do some hiking or have down time, stay over night and hopefully get the view I'm after from my balcony, do some hiking in the morning and head home Saturday evening. That was my theory, anyways. And I was glad I planned it that way, because I ended up taking a business / househunting trip leaving early Sunday morning. The Saturday before my Yosemite trip, I checked the weather forecast for Yosemite for my planned trip dates and it showed snow and overcast. I was extremely disappointed, realizing that meant absolutely no chance of a Milky Way appearance, and snow deterred my desire to hike or even drive there. I tried calling to cancel, although I did notice that the reservation said 7 day cancellation policy. Canceling was a no-go, as the somewhat rude personnel informed me on the phone that weather was not a valid reason. So, knowing I wouldn't get my money back, I debated forfeiting it rather than drive up there in the snow by myself and risking wasting my time having a bad time. But as the week went on, the weather forecast changed from snow to just overcast. Still not promising to see any lights in the sky, but at least the danger of icy conditions seemed to lessen.

I decided to go and make the most of it, as I am prone to do, even if that meant driving to the lodge, bundling up under the covers and enjoying my view from indoors. Nadine advised me that I might need chains for my tires and indeed I saw some warnings to that effect, but nothing certain. I decided better safe than sorry, so the first thing I did after packing my car up was to stop at Walmart and get chains. I had no idea it was so complicated, but luckily I was able to goggle sufficient (I think) info about my car to get the right set and they were in stock. I never had to use them, so I guess I technically don't know for sure I got the right ones, but we'll just assume I did my diligence.

That hurdle seemingly behind me, I headed towards Yosemite. I listened to my audiobook for a good portion of the trip (this is a great way to make use of your time on long road trips)! It occurred to me, and not sure how it hadn't registered in my brain before, that one of the warnings in the Yosemite park's page was about the influx of traffic due to the February "Firefall." I looked up more information and found that yes, this weekend was the first anticipated possible sighting. The phenomenon lasts only a few moments, and conditions would have to be just right. Some websites said the sky had to be completely void of clouds, which I knew would be unlikely given the overcast forecast. But other sites showed pictures of the Firefall with clouds in the background - so clearly it didn't have to be totally, umm, clear.

Not getting my hopes up, I decided to at least try to locate where the possible Firefall would show and do some hiking in and around the area before checking in to my hotel. The websites made it sound like you had to get there really early to "claim your spot" for the viewing, so I didn't want to risk losing my "spot" by checking in to the hotel. Also, I thought there was a good chance that once I was in my room, I wouldn't want to leave my bed.

But it was also chilly outside - there was snow in parts of the park. I put my snow boots on thinking I'd just meander a bit, not quite ready for a full on hike. I ended up meandering for over 3 miles and, not wearing socks, my feet were starting to get a little sore in the boots. As the sunset drew closer, the clouds hadn't budged so I knew it was really unlikely that the Firefall would show at this point. Still, my FOMO (and frankly, not having anything really better to do other than unwind in my hotel room) kept me out there just in case the clouds suddenly parted.

For those that do want to pursue the Firefall, here are some tips I learned, at least based on the 2024 season.

• Entrance to the park is by reservation only Saturdays and Sundays during the peak Firefall weekends in February. But if you enter Friday as I did and stay at lodging in the park, then you don't have to worry about that.
• It's a 1.5 mile walk (one way) to the designated viewing area from the optimal parking lot. The park had lots of signs stating no stopping along the route to pickup/drop off passengers, but they did make a nice walkway out of half the road.
• The viewing area is a small field so you can bring a chair or blanket to sit on, otherwise you're probably going to be standing for a while and then hiking back the 1.5 miles.

Finally, I made my way to the Ahwahnee. It was valet parking only, so I did my best to juggle all the bags and things I wanted to bring in. I assume, after a 6 hour drive and then hiking and carrying in all my stuff, I must have looked a bit frazzled because the front desk personnel did not seem interested in helping me. Their attitude changed noticeably when they realized which room I was checking into. The keys to the rooms are not like those credit card-like keys that are so common, but rather old-school metal keys which is kind of neat.

Before heading to my room, I stopped by the Dining Hall hostess and asked if I could get a reservation for about an hour out - she said she'd put me on the wait list and it would be about an hour, so that was perfect. I figured I'd go shower and clean myself up a bit and then have a nice dinner and cocktails.

I took the pretty ancient elevator up to the fourth floor and not too far down its own hallway was my epic room 450. The room itself had a lot of old world charm much like the whole hotel. Not particularly my style, but definitely over-the-top, everywhere you look.

It took me a while to negotiate the double dutch doors out to the balcony but that was the biggest surprise. The balcony was GINORMOUS! I mean, this wasn't a 4 x 6 balcony. This was a deck with multiple couches, tables and chairs and gorgeous views 270 degrees. It looked like the outdoor seating area for an entire restaurant or bar. I think it was strangely shared with one other room, but there were no other doors leading to it so at worst it was a giant party balcony shared between two rooms. 

 

I hopped in the shower and got ready to head downstairs, figuring I'd go to the gift shop or bar if the restaurant wasn't quite ready. But in perfect timing, the text came through that my table was ready as I was waiting for the elevator. I assumed I had never been in the restaurant before, but as soon as I walked in I realized that my ex and I had gone there for lunch in our previous trip to Yosemite. Nevermind that, since I wasn't driving anywhere, I intended to have some delicious cocktails and a nice dinner in this gorgeous hall. And that is exactly what I did! For my first cocktail, I ordered the Inspiration Point. Then I went to the buffet and loaded up my plate. While the food was all good, I have to say that the mac 'n cheese had something a little magical about it and was hands down the best mac 'n cheese I've ever had (and I think I am a bit of a connoisseur, so that is a big statement).

I went back to get a few things for dessert, and I got my Firefall after all - in the form of a delicious cocktail. It was a hot chocolate spiked with a chili liquor. It was so sweet it was almost hard to drink, but very delicious.

In the morning, I grabbed a hot chocolate to go from the bar downstairs, and then retreated back to my room. I tried enjoying the breathtaking view on my gigantic balcony, but it was still a bit too chilly to really get comfortable. My windows had fogged up but I was able to wipe it off from the inside, so I enjoyed a not-so-complete view from my bed while I read and did some things on my phone.

When I was a bit more awake, I decided to explore the hotel a bit more. My first stop was the gift shop, and then I checked out the Solarium and the Mural Room. As it got close to checkout time, I packed my stuff up, checked out and called for my car at the valet. I still drove around quite a bit, still enjoying the park, but didn't feel up for any further hiking. I ended up on the other side of the park and exited that way, which was a little weird but seemed to put me closer to home, so couldn't complain about that. 

Anyways, if you want the most baller balcony ever, go for the "Featured Hotel Rooms - King" and book far in advance.

Audio Books for Road Trips

I'm an efficiency-obsessed person by nature and by profession. And I love travel but it pains me how long it takes - all those hours sitting in a vehicle. For me, audiobooks are a great way to pass the time and feel like you're getting something out of those otherwise wasted hours.

If you're traveling alone, then honestly just pick whatever audio book you want! But if you're traveling with others, you probably want to find something more agreeable to everyone.

There are several ways to get audiobooks. The easiest is probably Audible, which has a huge selection and allows you to purchase the audio books so you have them in your collection permanently. It can also automatically sync and integrate with your Alexa devices to continue the audio book at home.

Pro Tip for Audible: If your friends or family also use Audible, they can share a book they've purchased for free to you and vice a versa. This only works once per account combination, but is a great way to save a little money when you have a book recommendation.

That can add up though so if you're looking for a cheaper option, check out Libby. You'll need a library card from your local library and can browse their selections from the app. The selection can be more limited and you have to wait on other customers for more popular titles, but the app works great with Bluetooth, Android Auto or Apple CarPlay.

Pro Tip for Libby: You can toggle between multiple libraries. So if you're like me and have lived in multiple places, you can often keep your old library card and use the one for your new location. It is dependent on the library, though, and how they renew their membership. Also, I'm pretty sure the Los Angeles library doesn't check for residence, and that has a huge selection. But I didn't tell you that.

Through my employer, I also have access to Percipio which is a little clunkier, as well as Coursera and LinkedIn Learning for more academic-style courses. Finally, a last possible option from in the "old days" and less and less of an option now is to borrow physical media CDs from the library or purchase them. Really old school, one of my libraries had a little independent player device for each audio book that connected via a headphone jack. But with Bluetooth and apps so prevelent and becoming moreso, I'd stick to those.

Without further ado, here are some audiobook ideas I can recommend for roadtrips that may appeal to all parties.

Jurassic Park - Most people know the movie and it's premise, and could recognize the gorgeous musical theme by legendary composer John Williams. But how many have actually read the original book? This was a good one that my now-ex and I listened to on our epic road trip, and I was surprised he (not being a reader) endured the whole thing. That speaks volumes to its universal appeal.

Cheaper by the Dozen - Nothing like the movies you've seen by the same name (unless you have seen the OG 1950 movie), this book is a true story of the original efficiency expert, Frank Gilbert, who fathered the field in which I now work, Industrial Engineering. As told by two of his children, the tale weaves through the quirky parenting of the dozen Gilbreth children and comically illustrates their parents' great professional achievements. If you're a parent or want to be, there may be some nuggets of wisdom you may take away.

Life, Unscheduled - This is an easy romance read but it describes Idyllwild, an area not too far from my home in Palmdale, in such a blissful way that I took a weekend trip to experience it for myself. I could relate to the main character also in how she schedules things and tries to do it all and how life can be overwhelming sometimes.


The Escape Artist: The Man Who Broke Out of Auschwitz to Warn the World - As the name implies, this is a true story that mostly takes place in the concentration camp and provides some humane insight into how these events could be allowed to happen, as well as the triumph of this escapee who helped shed light on the horrors happening at the end of the train line. Not a cheerful roadtrip read, for sure, but I think it appeals to a broad audience wanting to learn and understand a dark part of our world's history.

The Ride of a Lifetime: Lessons Learned from 15 Years as a CEO of the Walt Disney Company - A business book the whole family can relate to, this book covers the major decision points and challenges of Bob Iger's command as the head of one of the most beloved brands and companies.

Your Perfect Year - Part mystery, part romance novel, this is another easy read of hope and sickness and love.

Drunk Tank Pink: And Other Unexpected Forces that Shape How We Think, Feel and Behave - This is a conversation starter with lots of quirky and largely unknown anecdotes of things you wouldn't normally think about.

The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who've Lived the Longest - An interesting read about how people live in different regions. This book could also be a good conversation starter and perhaps inspire some lifestyle changes.

Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do and What It Says About Us - I debated putting this one on the list because it could induce more road rage on a road trip, but I really like this book in general and figured some of the insights and applications may be helpful on the road trip.

Pimsleur Language Lessons - If you're doing a road trip over a longer time period (i.e. not just a weekend), you may want to consider language lessons. I'm a big fan of Pimsleur - it's all audio so you can do it while you drive. You can get Pimsleur lessons for several languages from the library and/or on Libby. We did this with the Japanese language in preparation for an upcoming trip to Japan. For me, it was more of a review and brushing up, and for him, it was learning for the first time, so we went at his pace and repeated lessons as he felt he needed. But we could practice together afterwards while driving and listening to music.