Mr. At the Right Time

I was contemplating how very fortunate I have been, even though I have yet to find the love of my life, to have had wonderful people, and specifically in this case, love interests, who have been there for me in the way they were best suited to be there for me at the time that I needed someone like them in my life. 

The memory that first triggered this thought was thinking back to a little more than a year ago when I was in the hectic midst of moving from California to Texas - the first big move I've done on my own without the help of a SO. Even before I had started the moving process, I had changed my dating app profile to the Fort Worth area in hopes of meeting someone great in my soon-to-be new state of residence. It worked, of course, and I had been dating this guy named Justin when I did my business trips to Fort Worth prior to moving. While trying to close on my house in Texas, the relo company sent the wire for my down payment to the wrong account. $80,000 were lost in the ether for the better part of two weeks. $80,000 I thought I'd lost. It was insane. Why do we wire like this? Why are there not more checks and safety features? Seems like a terrible idea. 

Well, Justin happened to work in IT for the banking industry. He had worked at multiple banks and was familiar with their electronic systems, and specifically, how money wires worked and that there are teams of people at the bank who are specifically employed to troubleshoot lost transactions. While the relo company was beyond useless, and my mortgage company was losing their minds, my realtor was pushing for resolution on my behalf, and Justin was giving me ideas to help the issue get resolved and keeping me calm with his assurances that I'd get the money back and all was not lost. There is literally no other guy I've ever dated before or after Justin who could have helped me get through that incredibly stressful moment, in an already stressful situation of moving and changing jobs, with the knowledge and trustworthy expertise like he could. My employees were shocked with how calm I was being through all of that, and I can only attribute it to his ability to authoritatively assure me it would be okay. 

He was there, in that space of my life, when I needed someone of his exact demeanor and knowledge. I mean, that's really incredible. I am really fortunate. Shortly after, we mutually parted ways, agreeing that we were not, in fact, all that compatible. But I will forever be grateful for our time together and specifically how he was there for me. 

To a less extreme extent, I reflect very happily with my time dating Brandon last summer. There are times now when I miss him, and think about reaching out, then I think better of it - at least so far. He had a vibrant social life, despite claiming to be a homebody who liked reading and video gaming more than anything else. It was because of him I adopted the summer past time of drinking beer in the pool with friends - so much fun! He introduced me to the two-step which is a wildly popular dance locally. He was a great lead and I felt very comfortable dancing with him. With his lead, I feel very confident that I sufficiently gave two-step a genuine effort, and I can confidently say that I absolutely hate that style of dance. I introduced him to swing dancing, and he affirmed my opinion that swing dance is far more dynamic and varied and interesting and fun. But I wouldn't have been able to be so assured in my assertion, or even had any clue, had I not had the opportunity to dance it with such a great lead whose touch was so perfect. I loved the way he touched me affectionately, his subtle but present PDA, his comfortable cuddles, his soft kisses. Yet when he suggested we end things, I didn't fight him because I worried that he would be too boring for me, and I looked forward to being all in with Sam. 

I suspect my time with Sam may be drawing to an end, after one or two more extraordinary adventures which are already planned, and it was sad for me to come to that realization. Perhaps I had fallen in love with the exotic love story - two singles from opposite sides of the world being brought together by a celestial event - better than fiction! It's because of him I've made amazing memories checking off multiple things from my Life List - searching for Nessie in Scotland could not have been more amazing - which I wouldn’t have accomplished without him, at least not yet. 

But just as sometimes people are there for you in a way that you need them, I think it's also true that people can be there in ways you don't like, to show you what is important to you. That may be how I see my relationship with Sam when it exists only in hindsight. He was wonderful at first, but started to pull back on his physical affection (even openly admitting he didn't feel obligated to try so hard now that he "had me"), and more and more prioritized his comforts and habits over my needs and wants. There are things that I still really like about him - his glass half full perspective is unmatched - but these other feelings - that I've been gaslighted or manipulated in ways I can't quite prove - tell me that this is not a forever relationship. It's sewing mistrust in a relationship that requires trust more than most, and I believe he is a good person but I also believe he is content with the status quo and actively resistant to change, which does not serve my desires. Still, not all relationships have to be forever to have been good. Like Marie Kondo's method for parting with unneeded clutter, I can thank the relationship for the purpose it served in my life, even if that purpose was to show me that this is not what gives me joy, and put it to rest with peace and without regret. 

I had another date with Ryan today - is this date number four or five? I've lost track, and I love that. I don't need to keep score with him. We are so different, and yet he has a magnetism that pulls me in. Opposites attract can be true in some ways, I know. He's respectful, he's affectionate, he's grateful, he's protective. He's also absolutely crazy and loud and talks nonsense gibberish to me half the time (I know he thinks it has meaning but I get so lost with the fantasy worlds he's trying to explain to me). He has had zero life experiences and knows so little about the world - a little bit of a blank slate I can wow and amaze with little effort. The whole is both bizarre and endearing. As he watched me drive away tonight, not unlike how my neighbor's stalker cat watches me through my windows, I couldn't help squealing at how cute he is. And really, isn't that the most fun part of a relationship? He also may not be the forever love of my life, but we are both mutually agreed we are having fun and want to continue. 

Honestly, while I still yearn for the ultimate forever love of my life, and part of me wishes I could fast-forward to that part, I am trying, with a good deal of success, to find the joy in the newness of relationships and be present and satisfied in the part of the story that I'm in now. I have a perpetually changing Mr. At the Right Time, and life is good, and I have so much to be grateful for. 

Sam from Sydney

He's real and he's just as I imagined. And... I'm over the moon about him. But when I returned to my hotel and I thought I saw him there... I must have imagined it. Wishful thinking. Or was it?

Sam and I started messaging on March 18th and he was very upfront that he lives in Australia and would be visiting Dallas for the eclipse. It's funny, now that I've met him and spent most of the day with him, in my head I can read his initial messages in his voice and with the inflections he would use.

He'd been very sweet in the messaging and never pushed for anything or gave me the slightest reason to doubt him. Other than, you know, the whole situation. He's coming into town for a few days and wants to meet someone? Sounds like a hookup to me!

He got me to download What's App (but again, never pressuring me or anything) and we had a few phone chats while one or both of us was on a long drive. Our first phone call put me a bit more at ease. He seemed genuine enough that hookups and one night stands are not his thing. And, he just wanted to find his someone, and maybe she's in Dallas. He said something to the effect of, "What's a 15 hour flight if I'm meeting a wonderful woman?" I laughed because people in LA hardly want to drive more than an hour for a date, and this hopeless romantic sees the world as his dating pool. One of our calls unintentionally turned into a video call, which was all that more reassuring to see the person on the other side of the app.

Fast forward to me picking him up outside his hotel so we could grab tea & coffee. I still felt there was a 10% chance he wouldn't be there, but I saw him almost instantly and immediately got excited. He hopped in the car with a giant smile on his face and greeted me with a small kiss. We navigated our way to a Starbucks already holding hands. He was such a sweetheart and even though we were completely new to each other, we found an ease with each other quickly. We sat at Starbucks for a bit and talked, and then I proposed we go to the botanic gardens to see the dinosaurs.

We might as well have been a couple for years. We held hands and took selfies and appreciated the flowers and admired the dinosaurs and watched the goats. He got excited to see squirrels (apparently they don't have those Down Under) and I couldn't help touch him. I was so attracted to him and my admiration felt completely reciprocated. When we decided we were done and ready for dinner, we walked back to my car and he mentioned how he noticed we were the only couple holding hands all day - it was sad that more couples weren't affectionate like that. I tried to recall what I had seen that day to ascertain if I agreed or not, but I honestly couldn't remember seeing anyone. There were definitely people around - it was way more crowded than usual even - but my attention had been centered on Sam, and everybody else just kind of faded into the background in my recollection.

He had been given a recommendation for "fageetas" at a Mexican restaurant called Papacito's, so I taught him the correct pronunciation and we shared a fajitas platter and chips and queso. Not knowing what to do but not ready to be done for the day, and trusting him more than one should on first meeting, I invited him back to my hotel.

In my room, he took out of his bag the many gifts from Australia he had brought for me - special sun block and chap stick he wanted me to try, Vegemite and a few different candy bars and whole thing of Tim Tams (my request). He also gave me a beanie for one of the soccer teams he liked. We cuddled and kissed and talked.

I swear he could read my mind. As I was laying on his chest, enjoying idly playing with his chest hair and feeling his body so close to mine and having his arms around me, it suddenly occurred to me how little time we'll have together and just the briefest, slightest wave of sadness rolled over me. I'm certain he couldn't even see my face, but he sensed it before I could even acknowledge it myself. He asked me, "Wait, why the sadness all of a sudden?" I looked at him with the bravest face I could muster but he insisted I tell him what I was thinking. So I did and he reassured me that just meant we really had to enjoy the time we did have together.

We had the same sense of humor, like when he pointed to the description of the continent in the dinosaur age and said, "That's why you like Japan so much, you're Laurasian!" We weg inside jokes - dozens it seemed! We were cracking each other up and teasing each other like we were old friends who had known each other forever.

When it was time, I took him back to his hotel. I went shopping after and was over the moon about my day with him while I perused the store. I texted excitedly with my friend Laura about him, and was just generally in an amazing mood, knowing I would see him again Tuesday before he left Texas.

As I pulled into the parking lot of my hotel, though, there was a guy standing outside that looked strangely like him. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, seeing him because he was all I could think about, when it was just some other guy with long hair. But no, as I turned my car around - I was so flustered I didn't know if I should park or do another drive-by to get a second look - he started walking towards my car. I got super freaked out, feeling like he was coming to attack me or something. What was he doing here? I just dropped him off a half hour away, there was no reason for him to be back here. I rolled down my window and asked nervously what he was doing here. He had a silly, defeated look about him and then walked to my passenger door. Then I immediately saw - his phone had been left in the door of my car. A second later, he was opening the door and hopped in, grabbing his phone and showing me that he left it. He said he had tried to flag me down at his hotel once he realized, but I didn't see him. Then he talked about how he barely remembered the name of my hotel and the city I was staying in and was able to piece enough of it together to get here, but then couldn't remember my room number, didn't know my surname, and had no way to contact me so he came and saw my car wasn't there so he was just going to wait for about 30 minutes and then leave if I didn't show up. I felt awful, because I knew it meant he was missing his show, which he confirmed when I asked. But he was so upbeat about it, saying maybe it was fate, that he got to see me again for at least the drive back. And asked if I'd drive him back again.

I don't know exactly why, but something about that hit me wrong. Like, I hadn't minded being the chauffer all day, but the fact that he Uber'd to me and now I have to drive him back a second time, and then come all the way back again, I don't know, it annoyed me. But he was here all the way from Sydney, it shouldn't have bothered me. I asked if he wanted to go do something else with me and he said we could go back to my room for a quick half hour but that he did need to get back to his friends after that. So I decided the half hour in the room wasn't really worth it - sounded like more potential for trouble than anything else - so I drove him back.

As I drove, he grasped my hand in his, holding it in his lap, and I admitted I had missed that - when he was gone I had wanted to reach over to the passenger side for him but there had been nobody there. It was true, but I also knew it would make this hopeless romantic melt! He loved it, of course. 

At his hotel, before getting out, he really smothered me with affection and said, "You don't know what you're doing to me," and I agreed. I was crazy for him. I sort of wished we could spend more time together. Sort of, hell I wanted him to stay the night! But I didn't want to be selfish or crazy - this was our first day together in person, after all.

We kept in touch for the next few days as he spent time with friends and we both experienced the Total Solar Eclipse in our separate locations. Tuesday couldn't come soon enough but when it did, I was ecstatic to see him as I picked him up from his hotel for our second date.

We first spent some time at my hotel, and since we had talked about how much he liked seeing the F-16's, I have him an F-16 shirt. I also have him a few Japanese treats and Takis I picked up from Five Below because of our conversation about them on Saturday. He had more things for me, too. He was so sweet to think of me while vacationing in the US.

We went to the Dallas Stars hockey game, and once again it felt so natural to do things with him, like we had been a couple forever. I got to teach him how to pronounce the other team's mascot, the Sabres. After the game, he wanted to get Chick-fil-A so we found one still open. He attempted to make a joke about my Alma Mater, but got the school wrong, saying U of A, so the joke backfired on him when I agreed. We both had a great laugh and he swore he'd never make that mistake again. We spent more time at my hotel before I took him back, and while I still kept in my mind that I have reason to be skeptical, it was a very optimistic goodbye, made so much harder because we didn't know when we'd see each other again but glorious in the recognition of how much we clicked after just two dates.

The alignment of the sun, Earth and moon brought us together, and not even the entire world can keep us apart.