Don't Be a Miserable Squatter: Essential Tips for Your Astoria Trip

I feel like Astoria should be one of those places I only need to visit once. And really, did I actually need to go at all? Yet, despite the terrible weather and the unpleasant fishy smell and the undesirable hiking, there's a pull on me to go back again in the future. I wouldn't want to live there, to be sure, but maybe a ten year anniversary trip to commemorate my book, or something, would be fun. Regardless, I thought I'd document my learnings for future travelers to Astoria, myself included. 

Before You Go

Learn the history before you go. Of course I'd be remiss if I didn't promote my book, "The Miserable Squatter’s Guide to Manifest Destiny." Other good ones depending on what part of the history you want to read about include "Astoria: An Oregon History" by Karen L. Leedom, "Kanaka" by Tom Koppel, and "Astor: The Rise and Fall of an American Dynasty" by Anderson Cooper and Katherine Howe. For good visuals, I recommend the Postcard History book "Astoria" by  Andrea Larson Perez, and "Astoria: An Adventure in History" by John Goodenberger which is hilariously illustrated by Roger McKay. 

The Grotto (and Labyrinth)

If flying into Portland, I highly recommend the stop here, exactly as I did. Would not change a thing. The Labyrinth was so unexpectedly experiential, I'd be interested in hearing what others feel and experience on their own journeys. 

First Stop: The Column

I would definitely recommend starting at the Astoria Column (drive, don't walk like I did), especially if the sky is blue and visibility is clear. I suggest this mainly because you get the free passes to all the other museums with your parking fee, so it’s a money saver in that regard, but also because it's a quick drive up and the parking pass is good for days, so you can keep returning as I did for different views (day/night, gloomy/clear). 

If the weather is good and you're up for a hike, do the Cathedral Tree Trail just off the parking lot. The forest is gorgeous and the views on a clear day could be really cool. 

If you think you'd like to sit and enjoy the views, bring a towel with you to wipe off the chairs (even on a clear day, it is a generally moist environment, so better to have the towel and not need it…). 

You can buy a little glider at the gift shop. If you're up for a climb, go up the windy stairs to the top, I'm sure the view from up there is amazing and probably unobstructed. You'll be able to see the ocean on a clear day. 

Other Recommended Places

Definitely visit The Heritage Museum and Flavel House Museum. I am not a museum person and I thoroughly enjoyed both of these, especially knowing the stories behind the artifacts I was seeing. 

Your visit to Astoria is not complete without stopping at the Fort Astoria / Fort George park. There's no admission, and there's really not much to do there, so just go on your way to something else, it'll take five minutes, twenty if you really push it. 

I didn't visit the Film Museum but if you are a film fan or Goonies fan, it is undoubtedly a good place to stop. There are also a couple shops / businesses that are Goonies themed if you're interested as well. 

Grab a tea, a loaf of sour dough, and/or lunch at the Blue Scorcher Bakery and Café. It was so good, I went twice for the grilled cheese. The chai tea was "all spice, no sweet" as the barista told me, and it delivered! 

Fort George Brewery had great pizza, great beer and a great atmosphere. Definitely a good stop. I didn't make it to the Astoria Brewery, but it would be on my list if I went back. 

Where to Stay

I noticed a place called the Cannery Pier & Spa when looking at a map or something, and it seemed like a cool place to stay potentially. 

That being said, I cannot say enough about where I stayed. The historic Captain Johnson house hosted by John on Airbnb was absolutely perfect. It was cozy inside, the bathroom was perfectly operable (and I'm very judgey about bathrooms), the toiletries were lovely, the bed was comfortable, there was furniture for sitting, eating and working, a kitchenette for preparing and storing food, TVs with streaming, board games and notably Goonies-themed games which might have been fun to play with others, especially fans. It was walkable to food, shops, sites and museums, and parking was no problem (unless your parallel parking is rusty - an opportunity to practice!).

General Recommendations

As far as solo trips like this goes, I should have brought my portable tripod because there were a few times I wished I could have someone take a picture of me instead of my usual selfie, and there wasn't always someone around (and I don't really like to ask people - lol). Especially at the Astoria Column, it would have been nice to capture different angles. 

As with walking most places, I would definitely recommend varying your routes when you can, go up one street and back down on another, and also varying which side of the street you walk on. I noticed more historic markers this way, and more details like lovely flowers and different scenic views. 

As a bonus, Pokemon Go actually helped me identify a headstone I hadn't realized was there, so it pays off to play Pokemon Go as one way of exploring a new place. 

Gloom, Goals and Grilled Cheese: My Astoria Journey

For the week of Thanksgiving, since I am not a turkey-stuffing-gravy-kind of person, I did something a bit out of the ordinary for me, but it was glorious because it was 100% for me. I took a solo trip to Oregon, flying into Portland and then driving to and staying in Astoria. Inspired by what started as an AI-generated rabbit hole of curiosity which had spewed out the makings of an obscure non-fiction historical book, I wanted to spend time in the place I had written 20,000+ words about, visit the museums, see the places, feel the cool, damp environment, and grasp additional interesting anecdotes and tales to further develop my manuscript. The trip, though, was so much more than what I could describe. But here is my attempt, anyways. 

I did the things, to be sure, and ate the foods, with delight. But the emotional journey and ups and downs, the growth in reframing inconveniences as opportunities instead of small catastrophes, sort of mimics the story of Astoria, and I pulled from the perseverance of the people who survived the unthinkable to manage my emotional tribulations. 

The trip had been planned for months, as is my way, but a number of factors had me in a state of stress prior to departing. For one, I had multiple challenging personnel issues at work that were weighing heavily on my mental state and taking up a lot of my thinking capacity. While I know I am not seriously considering quitting, it does seem like if I could find a way to make the same comfortable living with writing, that would be far more preferred. Romantically, I've been in a weird purgatory state that I suppose is largely self-imposed, or at least, I could break out if I really wanted to, but for some reason, I'm stubbornly allowing myself to reside in that space even though I find it hugely unpleasant. But even if I could bring myself to do it, breaking out of that state would not instantly solve the underlying pain of being single and not wanting to be. My ever-present ambitions in constantly changing topics and talents provides rabbit holes for me to utilize to feel productive while actually procrastinating on actually finishing whatever I've set out to do. 

So as I finished packing the night before my flight, and even as I drove to the airport, I was aware of the intrusive thoughts and my heightened stress level, both of which needed to be calmed for this trip to have the significance I wanted for it and to achieve my objective: finish and set for publishing my manuscript. 

Two mimosas into the flight, I was starting to feel a little bit better, and when the flight attendant apologized for running out of champagne, I switched to a red wine to round me off before I had to sober up for the drive. The alcohol and first class service helped take the edge off for me, and I settled into the book I was reading for additional info on my subject of study. 

Upon arriving in Portland, I was fighting travel stress as I walked the long corridors of the airport to the rental car center. Avis had my car ready for me but it was an EV, which instantly gave me range anxiety knowing the distance I'd be traveling. I tried to change my car on the app but, as is typical of Avis, the app didn't want to log me in and sent me through a spiral of infuriating technical issues that didn't need to be at all. I finally gave up and decided to take the chance on the less than 300 mile range, and I'd figure out how to charge it in Astoria if needed. Or I'd let myself be stranded and have another reason to hate Avis. (I only use them because that's what my company uses so my points are through that. Otherwise, I much prefer National.) 

(Partial) Day 1: The Grotto (and especially the Labyrinth) - 12,191 steps

Before heading to Astoria, I had planned for myself a quick stop to the nearby Grotto. I don't recall how I had originally learned about this place, but it was a very short drive from the airport and I figured it'd be good to stretch my legs before the drive. The Grotto itself was very cool, but not as dramatic as I perhaps had hoped. I spent most of my visit wandering the Upper Gardens which features lots of religious sculptures and places as well as gorgeous trees and a small stream. I knew I wanted to do the Labyrinth, so I headed straight there, stopping only occasionally to take in the fresh air or snap a scenic photo. 

There were two women there when I walked up, one was sitting while her companion was walking the Labyrinth. I gave her space while taking a few pictures on the side, and once they left, I embarked on my Labyrinth journey. 

I assumed the labyrinth would wind around the outside and eventually nearing and then entering the center. Instead, it actually took me quickly right next to the center, and then out again. I noticed that there were a lot of sharp switchbacks right away in rapid succession. As I continued on, the distance between the switchbacks lengthened. I imagined this was by design, a way of calling our attention to the quick turns as we got into the groove, pulling us out of our intrusive thoughts. The walk felt more meditative as the long stretches grew longer. When I made it to the center, I did feel a bit transformed, and certainly calmer, almost feeling achieved (even though all I had done was walk on a given path). My desire to capture the moment prompted a quick selfie, after which I returned my phone to my pocket and allowed myself to focus on the nature around me for a few moments. When I was feeling better, I started my journey back out, following the path in reverse. The long lengths between switchbacks gradually becoming shorter made me think it was like the Labyrinth was slowly bringing us back into this world, gently waking us up and reminding us of the real things via the twists and turns. As I was so engrossed in my thoughts and feelings about the labyrinth, a leaf falling near me caught my eye and honestly startled me as much as the sudden appearance of a bear would have. I laughed a little at myself and continued on. At one point, I had a dread of being lost, which is sort of hilarious, given its just a flat layout of stones and I could easily just walk off at any time. But I was certain for a moment that I had somehow mistakenly gotten on the wrong the path and was now headed in the wrong direction. It was quickly resolved, though, as I continued and realized I was nearing the beginning. 

What a weird experience! Or rather, set of weird experiences, as there were so many emotions felt along a relatively short and exteriorly uninteresting journey. As I walked away towards another part of the garden, I considered that I wouldn't want to walk a labyrinth regularly, at least not of that scale, because I didn't like the switchbacks; they halted my movement in a way that actually felt unnatural and uncomfortable for my hips. But the meditative state achieved by following a pre-established path, so that I didn't have to think about things like watching cars at street crossings or making decisions about which way to go, could be recreated in other ways. 

The rest of the gardens were beautiful but I didn't have much to note, other than overhearing a passing woman say to her friend that she felt like she was in Twilight, which I totally understood. We were, in a way, since much of it was filmed in Oregon. 

My drive was through wet, foggy conditions, and my thoughts were haunted by the rapidly decreasing range on the car. I would definitely have to charge it before attempting to drive back to Portland. I tried to put this unnecessary anxiety out of my mind. As I neared Astoria, I caught sight of a huge lumber enterprise, which I knew had been one of the supporting industries during the time of interest in the book I was writing. As I glimpsed the modern operations, I tried to imagine what it looked like in the 1840's to 1860's, and was wholly impressed with both. 

I found my AirBnB easily; an iconic historic home built towards the end of my period of interest, and close to the sights and museums I'd be visiting. Utilizing my rarely exercised parallel parking skills, I got the car in place just outside the house, entered with my code and brought my things in. The bathroom and bedroom were upstairs, so I left my backpack and a few things in the living room downstairs and took the rest of my stuff up the tight, awkward staircase. Since it was already dark and late, I was in for the night, and a little exhausted, to be honest. I passed out easily and awoke early the next morning on my own. 

Day 2: Fort Astoria, Heritage Museum and Maritime Museum - 16,352 steps

It smells like fish. The minute I stepped out of the house the smell hit me, and it is not a smell I enjoy in the least. 

My body didn’t seem to get the memo that I could sleep in. After a little more than 6 hours of sleep, I was ready to go. I am a morning person, to be fair, but I wouldn't have minded a little extra sleep without an alarm to interrupt. Nevertheless, I had a lot to do and I was excited to get going, but the museums didn't open until later in the morning, so I decided to walk to the public park that marks the spot of the original Fort Astoria. On my way, I noticed a shop called Ohana which made me wonder if the owner's heritage was part of the Kanaka laborers who migrated from Hawaii and were so foundational to the origins of the town and its industry. 

I knew what to expect from the park - it was a very modest structure with a mural depicting what you could imagine Fort Astoria looked like in 1811, complete with a dog playing. While I was taking some pictures and appreciating the environment, a woman and her dog came along and started playing fetch, so the dog unwittingly reenacted the mural in the background. On the backside of the sign has a map of the fort's plans. One of the things I wanted to make a note of was the placement of the Hawaiian's quarters, outside the fort. The memorial to Ranald MacDonald is there too, telling a 
bit of his strange story, both in English and in Japanese.

Always attracted to water, I then made my way down to the coastline of the great Columbia River. It was a drizzly, overcast day so the view wasn't that great, but the low clouds gave it a spooky look and, well, it was fitting considering the theme of my book being that this place is miserable, cold and wet. I discovered a little park dedicated to the Nordic heritage of many immigrants to the area, and browsed the displays, ensuring I found all 6 "hidden" trolls (they were not, in fact, very hidden at all). 

While walking around the town, I was absolutely endeared to the fact that the trash cans were all decorated to mimic various brands of canned fish and salmon, 
referencing the boom time industry when Astoria was the world's capital of salmon canning. I also noted some historical buildings which I had become familiar with the stories I had read, especially in the Haunted Astoria book which was disappointingly void of strong evidence of ghostly presences. 

Finally, the museums were open. I headed to the Heritage Museum first, paying the inexpensive admission price. By now, I had been wandering for over two hours, so spotting the bathroom, that was my first stop. That's probably an unnecessary detail, but I've written it and that's that. 
 

The first set of exhibits were most applicable to my book - the beginnings of the town as a fur trading post. While I had already learned quite a bit in my research and reading, the exhibits did a good job of making the historical knowledge visual and tangible. Pelts from various animals were on display with encouraging signs to touch them and choose your favorite. I was surprised at some of the textures, and found I like the ermine the best. 

The coat of arms for the Hudson's Bay Company was displayed, and I had to look up the Latin, which meant "a skin for a skin." I thought it was funny and maybe a little foreshadowing, given what happened at Fort Astoria / Fort George over the years in the name of the fur trade. 

I studied the list of crew and passengers aboard the Tonquin which was the first crew to land and settle in Fort Astoria. Captain Jonathan Thorn, I knew, was a terribly mean leader. I found it interesting that under the crew, two names were listed with the title simply of "boy," one of them was a James C. Thorne. I wondered if he was the captain's son, but could find no reference to James or any connection anywhere else. It was one of many dead ends I would pursue. With so little historical records of Astoria, many of these people are just a name on a list, their stories lost to all but imaginations. 

The leader of the overland expedition was Wilson Hunt, and seeing his portrait, it was obvious why the more outdoorsy types along for the trip were skeptical of his pathfinding - he was definitely a business man and not a journeyman. 

The presumed oldest headstone in the Pacific is in the museum, belonging to Donald McTavish who drowned in the treacherous river just months after arriving in Astoria to take over Fort George. I was curious why the headstone wasn't in the Pioneer Cemetery, but perhaps its just its claim to being the oldest that makes it a museum piece. 

There were a lot of familiar portraits and some great maps illustrating the insanity of Astor's quests. I also enjoyed the Indian artifacts there, as the items traded are often hard to imagine or absorb without visuals like these. 

In a bit of a jarring transition, the next set of exhibits were much more modern - talking about Clark Gable's theater debut in Astoria and the filming of the Goonies in the 1980's. 

Redeemingly, there were separate rooms focusing on various topics. The first of these which I entered was about the indigenous people and their way of life prior to the European colonization. I'd been thinking recently about how getting out in nature is a prescriptive cure for general sadness, and what is lost in our modern lives by being cooped up in sealed buildings instead of living as these people did, so it was timely to see models of what that looked like. 

Going upstairs, I was greeted by the hilarity of the sinful side of the town: prostitution, gambling, and bars. Apparently, Astoria was known to be the best red light district in the Pacific region! Good on them. I really enjoyed the recreation of the bar known as The Louvre. 

There was another room full of early photography and film artifacts and information, with more Goonies memorabilia. 

There was another room dedicated to the lumber industry which took root (pun intended) near the Columbia given its dense population and ease of floating logs down the river. This area also talked about berry-picking and butter churning, including an eye-catching model of a dog-powered butter churn. 

One of the final rooms I went into dealt with discrimination and racism, including artifacts from the local KKK and a map of where discrimination took place. It talked about the Chinese laborers who did a lot of the brunt work for the early canning efforts, the Hawaiian Kanakas who made up a large portion of the population in the fur trading days, and celebrated the first black-owned business in town. 

I looked at the many books on offer, skimming several of them, and also noting some archival publications. I purchased a book and a few postcards and headed out for lunch. 

The Fort George brewery, tempting me with beer and pizza, was not open for another few hours, so I popped into Blue Scorcher Bakery and Café and was not disappointed! They made loaves of sour dough bread there and had on the menu a grilled cheese made on sour dough, which sounded like the perfect thing, along with a chai tea, to warm up. It was so good, I went back later in the week. I noted, too, that there was an EV charging station across the street, which would be very convenient since it was a short walk from the house and I could grab a bite at either the bakery or the brewery. 

On my way to the Maritime Museum, I got a good little laugh at a couple punny store names - B Serious Music Store and Bach n Rock. While not punny, I also thought it was funny that the adjoining store advertised, "CDs, Tapes, Incense." That seems perfect. 

While I had a very narrow focus, and therefore didn't spend a ton of time on the modern parts of the museum, I did really enjoy the life-sized models and mannequins posing as fisherman, showing the nets and tools of how it might have looked back in the 1800s. My ticket came with an entrance onto the lightship Columbia which was closing soon, so after looking around for a short while, I headed outside to redeem my lightship tour. It was cool to be aboard a ship like that, as it always is, but I was feeling my motion sickness quickly, so I didn't linger longer than necessary. I went back to the museum and spent a little more time in some of the other exhibits I hadn't seen yet. After perusing the books and gift shop there, I was pretty exhausted, so I headed back to the house for some downtime. 

I went out to the Fort George Brewery for dinner, and as I was locking up, the greeter cat, Annie, came out to see me. I had brought my laptop hoping to do some work on my book while eating and drinking but the wait for the tables was pretty lengthy and the bar was open, so I instead sat at the bar and used my phone to do some archival searches. After dark, the model fort was list up with Christmas lights, so I took a few pictures on my way back to the house. 

 

Day 3: Wet Thanksgiving Hike to the Astoria Column - 12,767 steps

I had a Thanksgiving morning perfect for my style - leftover pizza (and I really treated myself by reheating it, too!) and watching the parade in bed. My sister and nephew were at the parade and were cheering on the NAU band whose membership included many of my niece's friends, so that was fun to exchange pictures and videos with my sisters and niece. After the parade, I showered and got ready for my day's adventure. 

When I stepped out, I noticed happily that the fishy smell of yesterday was noticeably absent. Whether that was because of the rain or due to the reduced commercial fishing activities, or a combination of both, I was appreciative. 

I had estimated that the Astoria Column was within walking distance when I planned my trip, and having seen a sign on one of the nearby intersections directing to it, I decided I'd try to find my way without my usual aide of GPS navigation. It was another drizzly, gloomy day, but I figured I was dressed for the weather and I had nothing better to do since most places were closed, so let's go! 

I was successful in finding my way with the helpful signage, but I had not anticipated how uphill the whole journey would be. What was worse, once I got on the road for the park, there was no sidewalk, so I had to carefully walk on the edge of the road and ensure I stayed out of the way of cars coming down the winding road in dark and rainy conditions. Definitely not ideal, and I would not recommend doing that. I considered multiple times turning around and getting my car, or calling an Uber to take me the rest of the way, or maybe at the top I'd make a friend who could take me at least down the hill back to the sidewalk. Tired and in a pretty glum mood, I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

It was a deer, and it was watching me from behind some shrubbery. I grabbed my phone and took a couple pictures before I realized I had three, no four, deer, watching me from various vantage points. After taking a few more pictures, I was definitely encouraged. This is why we walk in nature. Something like that could easily be missed while driving. And the close encounter was so cool. 

I happened to be listening to an audiobook about the healing effects of walking through the woods, so I tried to channel my thoughts towards breathing in the piney foresty scents, imagine the fresh air healing my asthma. I had inadvertently forgotten my little Belle bag that has my hair bands, chapstick, and most importantly, my inhaler, so I had to be conscious of my breathing. Thankfully, I had zero asthma-feeling issues through all this walking and hiking up and down the hilly town. 

The road takes a turn that reveals the Astoria Column in view up a steep grassy hill. While the road continues around the hill and up, it was clear that many people had taken the more direct unofficial path up the grassy hill. I opted to stick to the road, but it was a neat view to see the destination. Neat, or tormenting? We'll go with neat. 

Finally arriving at the top, I admired that the view would probably be pretty good on a clear day. There are winding stairs up to the top of the column, but considering both my exhaustion and the lack of a view, I opted out of that climb. I also noticed a trail, but again opted out of that. After capturing some pictures, I used the restroom and headed back down the hill, now very cold and wet through my pants. At least it's down hill, right? I mean, yes, but those quads definitely got a workout from the steep hill down. 

The Pioneer Cemetery was along the way, and while I had noticed it on my way up, I decided to stop on my way down and check it out. Unfortunately, there are not too many headstones anymore, and I didn't spend a ton of time there, wanting to get out of the rain. 

Back at the house, I debated taking another hot shower to warm up, but opted to have my ramen and sit under my bed covers. The chill was deep, though, and it took me longer than I expected to warm up. Nevertheless, I got a lot done on my book, incorporating the new things I had learned from a running checklist I had used to take notes. 


Looking closer at what my host left for me, I noticed there were several passes to the museums which I had already been to, as well as one for the Flavel House Museum. I was bummed I hadn't realized they were there before paying for admission, but it wasn't a lot of money and I figured I'm helping the local economy or whatever. 

The host also had left out, either intentionally for me or as a usual thing for his guests, books about Astoria. I was familiar with one of them, and had deemed it out of scope so I hadn't read it in depth. But since it was there, I spent some time perusing sections of it. The Haunted Astoria book I had already bought and read was there, so I didn't need to look at that one. But there were a couple others about Astoria and the greater region which I also skimmed through. It was surreal reading one book which detailed historic homes still standing today, and realizing one of the entries, while entered under a different name for some reason, was the address of the house in which I was sitting. 

There were also some sweet treats left for me by my host, so after finishing my work for the evening, I rewarded myself with a turkey-shaped chocolate - the best kind of Thanksgiving turkey if you ask me! 

Day 4: Bubbles! Flavel House and more - 11,257 steps

The Flavel House Museum was the last museum I intended to go to, and it was a short walk from the house. So, I figured I'd have an easy day - just the museum and charging my car, and other than that just finishing up my book. Sunshine poured through my curtains as I got ready, and it occurred to me that maybe I should go back to the Column (driving, not doing that hike again). 

On my way to the museum, something caught my eye. It wasn't a deer this time, but it took my brain much longer than it should have to process what I was seeing. At first I thought it was a light, no, two lights. But they were floating and revolving around each other? A sprite? Maybe there is some supernatural activity here afterall. No, it was a bubble. A big one, to be fair, but just a bubble. In fact, there were a dozen, fairly large in size, floating from some unseen origin. I watched as several more made their way over the buildings and tried to capture some sort of artistic view of them in front of the Flavel House, to limited success. Turns out, bubbles are hard to photograph, especially because they don't behave predictably. 

The museum was great! It started with a 13-minute video which I ended up watching a couple times because there was so much detail I wanted to note. The Flavel family history was a little bit beyond the focus of my research, so I had known only a little bit about it, but I was fascinated by the stories and visuals in the video. The house was perfectly splendific. It was old-timey and luxurious, exactly as you'd want to see for a millionaire retiring in the late 1800s. I thought it was interesting there were paintings of ships on the Columbia in the downstairs "public" areas where guests may have been entertained, but in the bedroom, there were more natural scenes void of ships. I especially enjoyed the instruments and the chaise lounges in the womens' bedrooms. The wallpaper in the dining room and some of the chandeliers could easily fit into my modern décor aesthetic. Near the end of my tour, I found the bathtub, which was near a window with trees outside - a bath with a view - I like their style! 

Checking the weather forecast, it looked like I had about an hour of clear skies before the gloom would return, so I got my car keys from the house and drove up the hill back to the Column. I was charged $5 for parking which also came with a free pass to all the museums I had already paid to visit. Do'h! 

Rubbing salt in the wounds, the view was absolutely AMAZING up there. I had missed all of this yesterday when I had worked so hard to climb that hill - this view would have definitely made it feel more worth it. Ah well, I was glad I got to see it anyways. I had read more about that trail I had noticed yesterday, so I thought I'd give it a go, but as I started down it, the mud was a bit thick for me, so I opted to turn back. With the gift shop open, I browsed it and found a few things to buy as gifts and a commemorative ornament for myself. 

I took my car to the EV charging station - which was now full. A quick search found there was another one a little bit further away, not as ideal, but I needed to get this sorted and didn't mind a "little" extra walking. I was able to plug in and, hilariously, the $10 credit I had preloaded and never used on my Blink account in 2011 was still there. All in all, it would take $10.99 to charge the car, so my card was charged for the extra $0.99. 

I debated trying a new place for lunch, but had enjoyed that sour dough grilled cheese so much, I decided to go back to the bakery for more of the same. This time, I also purchased a dessert and a loaf of asiago sour dough to take with me. None of which disappointed in the least. 

Tracking the slow charge of the car, I decided it would be a while, so headed back to the house on foot. The Arizona State rivalry game with Arizona was on shortly after, so I turned that on and continued edits on my book. Based on an estimate of how much charge was needed and the rate at which it was charging, I determined that half time would be a good opportunity to walk to get it and drive back. As I got near the shoreline, I noticed the Astoria Column was glowing. Since my pass was technically good still, I decided to drive back up to see it at night. The car was just barely fully charged when I arrived - I had nailed the timing! I drove up to the Column, took a few pictures, and realized I had nothing else I wanted to do there, given it was dark and there were no more views to see. As I headed back down the hill, my headlights caught the most chill buck with huge antlers just hanging out in a lawn. Back at the house, I finished watching the game and worked to get my book into review. 

Though ASU had started strong, they fell apart and UA won. I submitted my manuscript to be published. Mission accomplished, I rewarded myself with another chocolate turkey. Why can I not eat it without going for the head first?  

(Partial) Day 5: Leaving Oregon (Weird) - 7,034 steps

I didn't have anything else I needed or strongly wanted to do, so I let my morning be a little slow, eventually getting ready and packing up to leave. Driving out of Astoria, the song "I'll be Home for Christmas" was playing on the radio, and for some reason, a deep sense of nostalgia for the town came over me. Even though I had focused on only a portion of the history and hadn't fully explored the restaurants and shops a local might, I had come to learn the town's streets and history in a very tangible way, the stories almost feeling like memories to me now. 

On the edge of the downtown area, I was less familiar, having only seen it once as I was coming into town days earlier. I noticed cute houses just past the Co-op that somehow reminded me of the adorable boxy houses in Krakow, Poland. 

I reflected on my journey and what I would do different (that blog to follow). Getting an EV rental car was a result, I recalled, of choosing the "surprise car" option instead of selecting the type of car. The range anxiety I had built up upon realizing I had an EV was, in hindsight, an unnecessary stress to save a little money on the rental. Or, maybe, I thought, it was a small opportunity to solve a problem, and feel accomplished and learn something from it. And, it got me out of the house just a little bit more. I wouldn't have gone to the lit up Astoria Column at night had it not caught my eye on my way to get the charging car, and I wouldn't have seen that gloriously chill buck laying in a yard. I still don't think I would have chosen it without a plan for charging ahead of time, but sometimes making the best of less than ideal situations brings unexpected blessings. It was a bad idea to save a few bucks, but it brought me the joy of seeing a different kind of buck. 

Here's the link to my book! 

Panama Canal Full Transit: Advice for the Best Experience

In February 19, 2020, I checked off my Life List #89: Cruise through the Panama Canal! Rather than get into the technical details, I wanted to share some advice for optimal enjoyment of the vacationer.

While this was only my third cruise, I'm a big fan of cruises as a mode of vacationing, and short of a trip around the world, the Panama Canal Full Transit cruises are some of the longest and most coveted itineraries. As such, I've wanted to do it for a long time (hence it being on my life list), but when I started to look into it, I discovered how difficult it is to pull off if you're not retired, because of the length and dates when it runs (i.e. not over winter or summer break so it's hard or impossible if you're contending with school schedules). Even if you're not contending with school, it's still a long time to take off work, since most run 13 - 16 days and then you have travel time to and from the ports. 

The circumstances that allowed us to go were simultaneously a little sad, funny and counter-intuitive. I had found out early December that my site was closing, and I (finally!!) sold my house in Arizona shortly after. I wasn't in a big hurry to get a new job, but knew that eventually whatever my next job would be would probably take me away from Panama City Beach, and likely away from Florida. We'd only been living in Florida for a year and a half, and I disliked the idea of leaving Florida without having done a cruise. So I jokingly rationalized, what do you need in order to go on a Panama Canal Cruise? Time and money, and I found myself having both. After booking but before leaving, I accepted a job with the same company in southern California, confirming that we would be leaving Florida. So then I joked that, clearly, the most logical thing to do before moving to one of the most expensive parts of the country was to splurge on an indulgent cruise! We also had the added joke that taking a giant ship from Florida to California was the (best) slowest way to move. 

Alright, silly ironies aside, I booked the Norwegian 16-Day Full Transit cruise from Miami to LA leaving on Valentine's Day. Jaiman couldn't get the time off from work, so he ended up putting in his two week notice, which worked out perfectly once I accepted the job in Cali, since he'd have to leave his job anyways. We originally had a balcony cabin on Deck 8 (I went with basically the cheapest balcony option)and we were then upgraded to Deck 10. Given what I learned while actually traversing the Panama Canal, I may have preferred to keep my original room, but it worked out okay regardless. The ship we were on was the Norwegian Joy (currently being featured in some of the commercials, with the racetrack in top and two water slides that go overboard). 

As you may know, the cruise ships now typically go through the new canal which opened in 2016, and which employs many of the same engineering principles (although not all). Basically, a series of locks raise the ships by adding water (without pumps, using gravity), until the ship is level with the man-made lake that stretches over most of the route, and then there are locks on the other side to lower the ship, also with gravity driving the water out. You can learn lots more about how it works elsewhere, I'll leave that to the experts. The big difference between the old and new canal is the structure of the lock gates. The old locks utilize gates that met at an angle like an arrow pointing toward the higher water. The principle is that the pressure from the water pushes against the gates, effectively sealing them shut. I find this way more interesting, actually, than the new gates which just go perpendicular to the direction of

Lock gate opening viewed from Garden Cafe

travel. Like,that is the most obvious solution, right? The angle is way more innovative and creative. So, maybe the next time I find myself with extra money and free time on my hands,I'll see if I can find passage through the old locks, because those sound cool! Probably, then, the most interesting thing about the new locks is that they are hollow! The new locks are also bigger, wider and deeper, accommodating larger ships. Our ship would not have fit through the old locks, for example.

Our cruise held two one-hour lectures on the days at sea preceding the Panama Canal passage, although we attended one and were bored to tears. The cruise also have us pamphlets that told us more about the history, technology and landmark geography, which was a little more helpful. What they didn't communicate, at least not well, was what to expect to see and where to best see it. So now that I'm an expert, having sailed it one time, I thought I'd give you some ideas and advice based on my experience and observations. 

Where to View

View from the Waterfront of the Norwegian Joy

For transit from the Atlantic to the Pacific (i.e. Miami to LA), the first set of locks, called the Agua Clara Locks, are on the port side of the ship (right-hand side). The second set of locks, called the Cocoli , are on the starboard side (left-hand side). So, splurging for a balcony cabin is worthwhile because you'll be able to view the locks from your balcony either in the morning or afternoon depending on which side you're on. While being up high usually affords the best views of the world around you,the locks are quite low compared to the cruise ships they can accommodate. For this reason, I recommend being on a lower deck rather than a higher deck for the passage through the locks. You'll get a better sense of the size and scale of the engineering marvel from lower decks, and you'll be better able to observe the rising and sinking of the ship. (Hint: To a casual observer, the flood of water in and out is subtle. I suggest paying careful attention to the water level relative to a marker along the wall or on the locks themselves if you have a good view of them. Take a picture if it helps, so you can compare how much of the wall is exposed after some time.) 

View from the Waterfront of first lock gates

Finally, being toward the forward or aft (front or back) are more advantageous than the middle. It's great to be at the front on the approach, but the crowds will be there. In our case, the crowds were gathered most on the Waterfront (Deck 8 Fwd) which I think was only open for this one occasion, as well as the Observation Lounge (Deck 15 Fwd) and the Garden Cafe buffet (Deck 16 Fwd). Ironically, our daily newsletter had listed Deck 7 Promenade as the first of the best places to view, but when we went out there during the third lock, there was almost nobody out there. I liked that spot a lot because of how low it was. When the ship moved away from the port side of the lock walls,we could get a really good view of the hollow locks as we passed. However, they didn't have any chairs set up there, so one would have to endure standing for the whole viewing. Long before we approached the second set of locks, we had planted ourselves in the Garden Cafe, enjoying the buffet of food slowly to make it last, so we'd have a brilliant view of the approach. When I saw that the locks were starboard, I was excited that we could then watch from our cabin balcony, so that's what we did after watching the first from up above on Deck 16. Additionally, our balcony was shady by this time, a happy bonus. (Note: Access to the coveted Waterfront was through the cabin hallways on Deck 8, specifically starboard side. So for this purpose, those rooms are advantageous in that they were closer to the most popular viewing area, but disadvantageous in that they would have a lot of traffic to contend with on that day.)

Centennial Bridge

There are also three bridges you'll pass under. For viewing the passage under the bridges, it's advantageous to be outside, and probably best to be on the pool deck. In the Atlantic to Pacific route, the first bridge we went under was very early in the morning (maybe 6 am), well before we the Agua Clara Locks. The name of the first bridge escaped me, but it looked a lot

Bridge of the Americas

like the second bridge, called the Centennial Bridge. The Centennial Bridge is passed in between the two sets of locks. The last bridge in this direction is the Bridge of the Americas, and you'll be able to see its grandiose structure will before you approach the Cocoli Locks, although you don't pass under it until a little while after clearing the last lock. 

In summary, for going Atlantic to Pacific, I'd recommend:

• Be up high outside and forward for the first bridge and approach - great for selfies
• Get low and forward on port-side for the passage through the first set of locks (Agua Clara) - check out the hollow locks
• High and forward is best but anywhere is fine during the transit through the lake - rainforest on either side
• Get low and forward on starboard-side for the second locks (Cocoli)
• Be high and outside for the Bridge of the Americas - great city skyline views on starboard side

Length of time

The full transit through the Panama Canal is a 6 - 8 hour affair, but the most exciting time is right at the start and and at the tail end. Thus, you'll want to wake up early to see the approach to the first lock, even if that means napping while you're in the lake (which is exactly what we did). Be aware that the times your cruise director gives you are approximate, so if you don't want to miss anything, I'd recommend getting up extra early (and staying up). In our case,we were ahead of schedule the whole time, reaching the first set of locks about 20 minutes early and passing under the Bridge of the Americas a full 98 minutes early. If you're going to nap,it may be a good idea to keep the TV on to the forward view, our cruise director was making announcements on that channel, and we could monitor our progress in a way. 

What to look for

Inside the locks

I'm thoroughly fascinated by the operations and engineering of these landmarks like the Panama Canal,so I'm tickled by rather intricate details one might otherwise miss. Here are some things to look for during your passage. You could even make a drinking game of it,or if you have little ones with you, make it a scavenger hunt or Bingo game (see below for Bingo cards if you'd like). 

Entering the locks (see metal arrow pointing to the entry)

Passing a lock gate

• The metal arrow painted in red and green indicating where to enter (port side enter Agua Clara, starboard side entering Cocoli when transiting Atlantic to Pacific - in other words, opposite sides of locks)
• The reservoirs holding water for the locks (same sides as locks)
• Watch the crew on land capture the ship's rope and secure it (best seen from forward or aft, but you'll be able to see it from outside mid-ship as well). Likewise,when they release the rope, it's comically simple.
• Panamanian flags
• Tug boats guiding the ship through the locks - most visible when you're outside and forward or aft
• Various operations buildings - try guessing at their meaning and then checking your guesses with Google Translate
• The gates as they open
• The hollow insides of the gates - you need to be low and have a little luck for the best view, when the ship glides away the wall is when you'll get the best view
• Bumpers on the sides - noting or taking a picture of the water level relative to these will help you notice the rising and sinking of the ship as water is moved (without pumps!)
• The distance marker - what are they making the distance to and what unit do you think they're in?
• The stair cases from one lock to another
• Check out the birds - can you find a pelican?
• The skyscrapers visible while traversing and before and after the Cocoli Locks - look for large LCD screens too! A good zoom on a camera or binoculars is helpful if you have them, but not necessary by any means. 

Entering the Cocoli Locks, view from Garden Cafe

Pictures to Take

While Jaiman and I admittedly take a ton of pretty usual selfies, I do like to think of creative and nice pictures that go beyond the usual selfie. You can play with forced perspective on a couple occasions. For example, if neighboring boats are lined up right,you snap a picture of someone eating a boat. You could also "help" with lifting the rope, holding up a bridge or pushing a lock in. If you're on a promenade,find a life raft with the ship's name on it and take a pic of it with the locks in the background, or just posing by it. Definitely get pictures of yourselves with the locks behind you, with the bridges above you. 

Additional notes

We've had passable to decent connections on our regular mobile data plans when traveling to Japan, Australia and Europe. That same data plan was much weaker in Columbia and Panama, to the point that we never got Pokemon Go to load, but were able to peruse and upload to Facebook in spots. So if mobile data is important to you, consider getting an upgrade package. 

A view of the hollow locks

Along with that, we were informed that the ship's clock would go back one hour after we left Panama. For most phones and watches,that's fine because you can manually override or set them. However, my FitBit is my watch, and it cannot be updated without internet connection. So if you are in the same boat (pun intended), you may want to proactively set your watch back an hour while you have the weak data connection in Panama. 

One final silly note, like many theme parks and public venues, our cruise went to paper straws or no straws, and I like having straws (not to mention that statistically, plastic straws are a mere blip in the total pollution of the oceans, so I'm not entirely for their use, but obviously it's not up to me on this regard), so having a telescopic/collapsing stainless steel travel straw has been a handy little hack that I utilized quite a bit on this cruise.

I hope that helps in choosing your staterooms and planning your Panama Canal passage! Enjoy!

Cocoli Locks tower

A gate opening at the Cocoli Locks

Lock gates opening

Passing the lock gates (view from Deck 7 Promenade)

Inside the locks, with a partial view of the tug boat guiding us through

Bingo Cards