The Flake

It occurred to me this morning, somewhat out of the blue, that one of the biggest things that turns me off from people, ideas, desires, and even whole institutions, is the flakiness of people. I've written before about why I think excuses are lies, and people who make excuses are a big part of this flakiness problem. But I actually think flakiness is much more than deceitful excuses. Flakiness is a hypocrisy. It's a lack of will power, a lack of having clear priorities, and a lack of character. Flakes are liars, but they're also weak, and they're failures in my eyes.

I don't talk a lot about my religious views and experiences. The reasons are many. Religion is one of the more divisive and controversial topics when you get into it, for one. It's painful, for another, and it's painful for reasons I perhaps don't fully understand myself. And, it just kind of sucks.

But I want to talk about it now. I was a self-proclaimed Jesus Freak back when that term was (mostly) still fresh. I wore the WWJD bracelets and church T-shirts, I went to Christian rock concerts with many friends, mostly girls, from my church. I listened to the music, knew all the lyrics, and I was even one of the Worship Leaders for quite some time, using my talent for harmonizing vocals for God. I went to church, well, religiously, often two, three or four times per week either to volunteer during services or for youth group, etc. I ran a classroom for VBS one year, and went full out on the decorating and preparations. I went to church camps in the summer, and as I got older, volunteered for the younger church camps for weeks at a time. And it wasn't just these outward things, of course. I really lived and believed that Jesus is our Savior, and that to live Christlike and witness to others was my personal mission. I had church friends around me in youth group. One of them was the girl I met on my first day of school who brought me to the church. Others were the friends her and I made at school and brought to our church. Still others were friends we met at church and either did or didn't go to school with. In some ways, we were a tight-knit group, but in other ways, our circle was often expanding, and sometimes, but rarely, contracting by losing people to geographic moves or other personal things in their lives. I see these women now on facebook, they reunite periodically and its like nothing has changed for them, their all still as close-knit as we were before, this OG group of ours. But I'm not there anymore, and nobody really seems to miss me.

I remember a time in high school that I felt completely ostracized by this group. I think we were at the church camp in Michigan, called CIY, and it was hosted on a college campus and we stayed in the dorms. I had revealed my feelings to Tarne, the wife of our Youth Pastor, and such a powerful, beautiful force in all of our lives. Her and the Youth Pastor, Sean, had started at our church within two weeks of me, so it felt very much like we were intertwined from the start. Tarne's first baby, Katrina, was ever present with us, and her subsequent girls were also often around. I don't think Katrina has any memories of me, but I love seeing pictures of her on facebook now, a full grown adult. It's weird to see someone grow up like that when they don't know you. Anyways, I had confided in Tarne in the dorm room one night that I was feeling left out. Ostracized was her word, and although it made me think of an ostrich, I thought it wasn't too far off, given that sometimes I felt like it would be better if I just stuck my head in the sand and pretended I didn't see what I saw. To be honest, I don’t even remember the circumstances that led up to me feeling like the odd ball left out, but I think it was less of a direct and obvious attack and more of a subtle thing - like flakiness. Nobody was actively excluding me; I was just not being actively sought out and brought in, I was forgotten, lonely when not alone. Tarne, bless her heart, tried to dig in and figure out what was going on, and I think I left her room convinced it was all in my head, that I was the one ostracizing myself. I made a concerted effort to participate more and not wait for an invitation, and I think it worked for a little while.

There was a similar time when we were all together and I admitted that my biggest sin that I struggled with was my pride. I admitted that I felt especially prideful while on stage leading worship, that my heart wasn't in the music as much as the beauty of my own voice, and concluded that I should probably stop leading worship to focus on the worship itself and not on my pride in my talent. But I was proud about other things, too. My ability to convert people to Christianity, for one, made me feel better than others. Pride in just how well I was living my life for God - ironic since pride is a sin, but I was proud that I did everything else right and my pride was the only thing wrong with me. I sought out Tarne's guidance and advice, as well as that of the OG girlpack, and we prayed on it and read the Bible and did all sorts of things to try to help me. In the end, I never really got over my pride and it's still something I have to watch in myself.

My Senior Prom was one of the happiest moments in my high school years. My date, Jon, was a younger boy from church, and not my first pick. Jon had a huge crush on me, but the feelings weren't reciprocated with the same intensity. I liked Jon, he was cute, but I had my heart set on Nathan, who was a good friend of Jon's. Nathan was also from our church, and he knew my feelings for him but didn't want to crush Jon, so asked me to go to the dance with him, and he'd come along as someone else's date. My ex-boyfriend and prior Prom date, Ryan, was oddly in the group, too, even though he neither went to our church or our school. He was dating one of my friends, though, and I was happy for them, as I left Ryan because he wasn't religious. There was Jackie, my first best friend who was super bubbly and weird, and made me feel at home on my first day as the new kid at school, and who went to the dance with Nathan. And Lindsay whom I had struck a relationship with on the bus because she laughed at all my jokes - she was the one who brought me to church. There was Erin, or Erhead as I called her, the lovable, cheeky young woman who was destined to work in the church and change people's lives since I knew her in 6th grade. Jessica, my junior high best friend outside of church, she and I had had a third friend, Jenny, from whom we were inseparable until we weren't - we sang ensembles together and called ourselves "Be the Fish" and we each had a fish name like the Spice Girls and wrote encoded fish messages to each other. One day, Jenny just didn't join us at the lunch table like normal, and she just avoided us, didn't go near us and didn't talk to us, even when we tried talking to her. It was super weird, we never got an explanation, and went through five more years of school together never hearing another peep from her. Jessica and I stayed friends but not as close, and she replaced Jenny with another Jen, who had taken my ex- Ryan to the dance. Rachna was there, too, she was a newer best friend, the younger sister of an older boy I had liked once, but dated his best friend instead. Rachna was also not a church friend, she was a band friend, and she was one of the bubbliest, silliest people everyone adored her I think. And Carrie, rebellious, tough, independent, lovesick Carrie. We met her at church when her family moved the summer before one of our last years of high school, but she quickly became integrated into our circle and had a support system on day one of the new school for her, which is pretty neat.

The moment came when we were all packed into our limousine on our way home, and even though none of us drank because that was against our religion, I felt drunk with happiness. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the limo, and my eyes were watering with tears of happiness as I looked around and saw all my closest friends from the past 8 years in the car together. I had already registered to attend Arizona State in the fall, and knew that I couldn't possibly stay close to all of these friends as I went on my journey to college half way across the country from our church and lives in the south suburbs of Chicago. Jon was devastated and yet still hopeful we could try a long-distance relationship, although I knew I wasn't going to put in the effort for that. I had decided I would throw myself whole-heartedly into divorcing myself from my life in Illinois and starting anew in Arizona, in college(!) and embrace the college experience - drinking, partying and all. But as I looked around the limo, I felt such a happiness for the shared memories, the way our group expanded to embrace all these different people, the way each of them had touched my lives and had been there for me when I need them most, and were still here for the most part. Literally surrounding me were the people I had loved the most over the last 8 years, and I was both thrilled and devastated to be leaving them.

Well, I spent my summer birthday with Jon, Nathan, Rachna and Jess, a quick respite from the grueling Japanese classes I was taking in summer school at University of Chicago to start making up my foreign language requirement deficiency. I ended things with Jon that summer, spent my last few days with Rachna and Jessica, helped break ground on our new church with the OG girlpack, volunteered to help build a house with Nathan, and then headed out to Tempe, AZ to start my new life. I studied really hard and worked a lot to try to catch up to the brilliant people in my calculus class. I excelled at the industrial engineering topics, which was fortunate since that was my chosen degree, and I helped tutor some of my classmates in those subjects, while seeking help from my classmates on the subjects I struggled with, especially calc. My first roommate and I did not work out, she was too much of a princess and her school workload was light so she didn't like me studying all the time. I partied a lot with my suitemates, Layne especially, and Layne moved in with me after my roommate removed herself in protest to my hard-working lifestyle. I partied a lot with my engineering classmates. I met an apparently good Christian boy in my English class, Kyle, and he convinced me to start going to church with him, which I did. I went home briefly for the state marching band competition, met Jon's new girlfriend, caught up with some friends, but overall felt like a complete outside already. For Thanksgiving, I chose to stay in Arizona, so Kyle and I ventured down to Sierra Vista to spend the holiday with my grandparents. I think we were both somewhat interested in each other, he was good looking (although short), but we never really made it very far romantically, even despite my grandmother's best efforts to get us to sleep together. I retained my virginity, but messed around with guys up to the brink, including having them spend the night in my bed and then kicking them out so I could go to church. This was in the days of AIM (or AOL Instant Messenger), and I did from time to time see some of my church friends from back home online. Kelly, with whom I hadn't been terribly close with previously, IM'd me quite a bit, specifically checking that I was still a virgin.

I went home for Christmas break and reunited with my now so-distant church friends. The church had relocated to the newly built one that was further away but with room to grow, and it was simultaneously familiar and foreign. But we broke the ice a bit, and towards the end of the holiday break, I started to feel at home again with my OG girlpack from church. And then I admitted to them that my life had not been Christlike while in college, and that I felt like maybe I should return to my Jesus Freak lifestyle. I told them about Kyle and about the church I was going to, although he wasn't always there and I didn't really have any other friends at the church. We talked about it and they all counseled me, and in the end, I resolved that my freewheeling party and mess around with boys should be over and done with, and that I would put forth a concerted effort to connect with other Christians on campus instead. They all, and I mean, about 12 or 14 of them, ALL agreed to check up on me weekly and hold me accountable so that I wouldn't slip back into the partygirl girl lifestyle. With Tarne, they all prayed over me, hands on my head, shoulders, back, and  I wiped my tears dry with renewed energy and hope.

I went back to school, joined up with an on-campus Christian group, continued going to church and actually switched from the rock 'n roll youth church service to the calmer, more serious normal adult church service. Some of my new friends from the on-campus group invited me out drinking, and I questioned them in light of the seeming hypocrisy. They brushed it off, "Jesus doesn't expect us to be perfect," and saw no conflict with having a little fun and being Christian. I may have drank with them, ended up making out with one of them and seriously crushing hard for both. They were in my programming class, so I sought their help on the homework I was falling behind on as it got harder. Layne moved in with me and she brought me out to parties again, and when I wouldn't go out, she'd bring the party to our dorm. Serge, a massive basketball player from Africa, barged in one day, asked me to dance, and so started one of the weirder relationships I've ever had. He and Kyle got along really well because they both spoke different dialects of French. Annoying-ass Tim became a quirky friend and even made peace with Layne when she took care of his injury from a crow attack. Things got weirder and funnier, until we were having study parties in our underwear. Not once did any of those church friends back home reach out to me. Not. Once. Not any of them. Kelly, the one who had previously been checking if I was still a virgin, even stopped IM'ing me, and I found out through the grapevine that she got knocked up and was moving in with her baby daddy's parents on a farm somewhere. I finally got tired of the seeming hypocrisy I was portraying when I was kicking the guy out of my bed to go to church. So I thought long and hard about it, about the priest's selfish pride and how I hated his sermons that seemed to just be giant brags about himself, and I just saw hypocrisy every where I looked in the Christian community. My accountability partners especially, my friends of 8 years, these fellow Jesus Freaks who swore to do God's work and promised to check in on me, had all flaked. No letters, no phone calls, no emails, no texts, and no IMs. Nobody was there for me to help me make my decision. So I made the decision that made the most sense; I stopped going to church.

Now, not going to church doesn’t make you immediately a non-Christian anymore than going to church means you're a devout Christian. It's just one indicator, one symptom of where your heart really lies. I still held my beliefs, albeit abridged in some ways to accommodate my party lifestyle without making me feel too guilty. So one the literal last day of freshman year, when I met Dallas, another "good Christian boy," hope spurred in my heart of hearts that maybe, MAYBE, Dallas would be the one to steer me back on course and help me see the good in Christians and church again. Dallas and I started dating early summer before I went back home for summer school at University of Chicago. I was a little astonished when he brought me to this big family get together, and found out at the party that it was a going-away party for him, sending him off to the Navy. I then learned, interestingly enough, that he'd be going to boot camp near Chicago, so he'd actually be closer than expected for the summer. He wrote me love letters all summer long, as did one of those other good Christians I had met at the on-Campus group, as he traveled around the world that summer. When Dallas graduated boot camp, his parents came out for the celebration, and then we were to all meet up for a movie and dinner. But, Dallas and his parents were running late. I watched about half the movie completely alone after waiting and waiting and waiting for them. When he finally came in and put his arm around me, I just cried. Once again, I felt burned my someone so completely flakey after all that time talking about his love for me over the summer. Ah well, I thought. At least I had that other guy. I returned to college no longer with Dallas and hopeful to start a new relationship with my world-traveling suitor. But, he had found another girl, and in his desperation to stay true to his Christian values, was prepared to marry her within weeks so that they could have sex.

My journey with religion has been very strange. Even years after leaving the church and closing myself off to Christians, I still retained many values around homosexuality and abortion. I've since turned my thinking around on homosexuality, deciding, for one, that it's only a sin if you subscribe to a religion that says it's a sin (in other words, you can't judge people by your own beliefs, only be their beliefs), and two, even if it's a sin, it's no different than the kind of sin I have lived in with my boyfriends over the years. And finally just deciding that love is love. I still believe strongly that abortions, especially later-term abortions, are wrong, but I don't advocate shutting things down because if desperate women want an abortion, they'll find ways of doing it illegally and dangerously, if safe and legal means aren't available. I've just made it a personal thing - if I don't think abortions are right, I won't have one. Even with many of my other values in tact, I don't really consider myself a Christian anymore because hypocrisy is one of the worst crimes in my book and I certainly don't want that mark on myself as a Christian or have Christianity get a mark of hypocrisy because of me. I also am seeing more and more that there are some flaws in the Christian mindset and institution, besides simple hypocrisy, and I don't want to ever blindly follow something like that. But more than anything, it’s the flakiness of the Christians that were so near and dear to my heart that broke my relationship with the Christian lifestyle.

Alright, so that took more words than I meant to on the Christianity thing, but this was meant to be about flakiness. So, on a much more light-hearted note, early last year I was inspired to create and develop a network of strong, intelligent and wonderful people, and I thought the best way to do it would be a book club. I put the idea out to my friends on facebook and LinkedIn, and got some really positive responses. I put a lot of work into it, creating a group page on facebook, setting up voting for books, designing fun graphics to make it look cool and exciting. We collectively picked the book, set the time for first meeting, and then I got to work reading and then preparing for the first session. And nobody came. Not one. Some gave me reasons (excuses), conflicts, etc. Some were just no-shows. But a book club can't really go on if nobody comes. Or so I thought. I reflected on the life and times of today, and decided maybe we could do it virtually instead. So I pivoted to a discussion forum. And, nothing. I finished the book, waited for anyone to say anything about it to me, and again, nothing. All flakes. All people who were super excited about the idea, had helped picked the book and the time, many thought it would help them to read more, or were doing it for other reasons like the networking, and in the end, none of them could even muster a response other than their excuses.

Over the years, I've invited people for dinner parties and various other things. With very few exceptions, my invitations are received with positive responses and then blown off time and time again. I've also reached out to interview people about various ideas big and small, and at best, the responses have been disappointing, uninteresting, uninspired, and useless. At worst, as you might expect, I get nothing. I know there are smart people out there. And indeed, I have some really smart people on my socials and in my personal network. Yet, the flakes reinforce the notion that I can succeed where others continue to fail, even when they say they want to do something. And on the flip side, when people respond poorly, it reinforces the notion that I'm smarter than everyone else, and the masses don't actually know what's best. Reference Henry Ford's line of, “If I had asked my customers what they wanted they would have said a faster horse.” So this flakiness, non-responsiveness or disappointing responding has ultimately only reinforced the pride I have in myself and the notion that the only person I can count on is me.

It's for these reasons I am really struggling right now on so many levels. The last few jobs I've had, I've felt like I am the smartest person in the room, and that I don't have an ally that can do much more than ineffective cheerleading. I love those people, by the way, don't get me wrong, I appreciate that I have people who will support me and make me feel like I'm not crazy. But I don't have smarter people around me to drive me to succeed, to act as a sounding board for my ideas, to challenge me to grow. I have become self-reliant for my development because nobody else is smart enough to keep up with me, let alone to challenge me. And that's just my professional life, in my personal life it's much of the same. My boyfriend may very well be my number one support, and he does a ton to put me at ease and let me deal with my issues, but he alone is not sufficient for the network of wonderful people I still wish to build around me. I've read several books recently that have touched on or outright touted the importance of building this support network, and I feel like all my efforts to do so have failed, so why try? Maybe I am enough for myself anyways.

Look, I love helping people, especially in certain ways in which I feel most impactful. I educate and train people, I tutor people from time to time, and I coach people a lot professionally, personally, psychologically (without crossing the line into therapy, I leave that to the professionals). I use some of my little wealth to donate to causes I believe in, and often to those my friends believe in to support their fundraising goals and personal journeys. I have been a sounding board for entrepreneurial ideas and a subject matter expert for people striving to learn more about various topics of interest. I think a lot about what other people need or could improve their lives, and how I can provide them and those things. I love doing all of this. I share my perspectives, when I have one, on challenging topics or controversial issues, and try to help people see the good and the right in things. And yes, helping people does fuel my pride a bit, but it also fills me with great joy that I can share my wealth and knowledge and it is equally humbling. But when people say they're on board, and then they flake on me… well that just ruins everything. It makes me think of the worst. It makes me decide the only person I can count on is me. It makes me think other people are useless, why do I need them in my life anyways?

And this is all just terribly sad to me. I want to have close friends, I want to have a professional network I can count on for advice and ideas, I want to feel supported and energized at work. But I feel like I have to do it all myself, I am my only source of fuel. That is why, I think, I have resorted to reading so much, the older I've become. I never liked reading and still don't usually enjoy it, but it gives me new things to think about in the ways that I wish I was getting from my network of friends and brilliant people. But then, I'm tired of these books' authors telling me to find other brilliant people to support me, because it doesn't work for me.

I don't know if its so-called "Cancel Culture" or if people really are just so overwhelmed with technology and working too hard and experiencing burnout like never before, or maybe it's just me and I'm not as inspiring and awesome as I think I am. Whatever is going on, I have no patience for it, and it's just sad and exhausting and disappointing to me.

 

Exercise Programs Based on Strengths

It's that time of the year again when people kick off their weight loss resolutions and so-called "Diet Culture" is promoted. I've put less and less significance on the start of a new year, but have continued to struggle with diet and exercise, and the biggest symptom - my weight.

My sister does a really good job losing weight with Biggest Loser, FitBit competitions and Weight Watchers. I see her success and think, wow, I wish those things worked for me as well as they work for her. But they don't. I'm too prideful, and not competitive enough, or so I thought. When I'm in a Fitbit competition, sure I'll look at it and try to keep up and/or stay ahead, but a couple bad days and I easily give up, or if someone is just killing it, then I stop caring. I make excuses that satisfy me - I'm really busy with work right now, I need more sleep, I have other things to attend to. Diet programs only work for me when I choose and craft them myself. But even those are only as good as my ongoing commitment, which tends to suck. I've tried using reminders on my phone, print out plans to mark off everyday, and just plain "do your best everyday". Turns out, I hate routines and I'm terrible at sticking to them on my own.

So what does work for me? Well, for a while, I was sharing in the exercise experience remotely with my sister - I'd text her my exercise regimen for the day, and then I felt obligated to complete them myself. When I dissected this, I realized it came down to two of my strengths in Gallup's Strength Finders test - a tool most often used for career development and team building. The first aspect is Responsibility - by texting my sister, I instantly felt a burden of responsibility on myself that is far more motivating then competitions or peer pressure - I was accountable for doing what I was making her do. The other aspect is Communication - I don't want to be "that person" who posts on social media about every workout and every good meal and every ounce of water drank. But, sharing my story helps motivate me in some way. Getting positive feedback, too, helps, but it's more the communication than anything else for me. As I dug more into this idea, I realized that I choose programs that work for me because I have the strength of Individualization, meaning I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all approach.

My other top-five strengths are Activator and Achiever. Interestingly enough, you might think these would help me succeed in diet programs, but they actually work against me in some ways. My Activator strength helps me start a program, but not necessarily finish it. If you find that you jump into things and start with a ton of vigor, only to flame out after a while, you may be an Activator. The Achiever in me likes ticking boxes, but when I see unticked boxes, I'm disappointed in myself and become demotivated. Now, I'm a big believer in the Strength Finder exercise and results, but I recognize not everyone sees it as helpful or even realistic that answering a few questions can tell you so much about a person. So I say it is as useful as you make it. And why not make it about our personal weight loss journeys, too?

Based on my personal analysis, my theory is that losing weight or getting fit, or any other type of personal goal for that matter - reading more, getting financially healthy, etc - could be done better by utilizing your Strengths. I bet my sister has Competition as one of her strengths, and that's why those programs work for her but not for me. If you haven't done it, I strongly encourage you to take the test here. You can even make a date night out of it with your significant other, as talked about in my friend's blog here. 

Daniel Lieberman, author of "Exercised: Why Something We Never Evolved to Do is Healthy and Rewarding," talks about how we are biologically programmed to (a) conserve energy (i.e., be lazy and not exercise unnecessarily) and (b) consume food in an unrestricted way (aka not dieting). This has been known and discussed in other articles and publications I've seen throughout the years as well. What Lieberman has done, though, is take it a step further and suggest that because of those biological programmings, we need to think about exercise in a different way, to make it a necessary part of life, much like it was necessary for our ancestors. I've been thinking along the same lines for several years, as well.

This was why, when relocating to Connecticut for work, I chose to live within walking distance of the downtown restaurants and to my office, so that I'd walk to work, and we'd walk to dinner or lunch on the weekends. Parking wasso expensive and hard to come by downtown and the traffic was even worse - so we were discouraged from driving because it would take longer than walking and would cost money. We

My winter commute in CT

even saw a few shows at the theater which we walked to. There were months I didn't get in the car at all, and when I did get in the car, it was just to go to the grocery store, which was too far to walk. Jaiman, too, took advantage of our population density in the downtown Stamford area by walking dogs; he rarely had to drive to  an appointment, he usually walked to the residence, picked up the dog, walked for a half hour or an hour, returned the dog and walked home or to his next appointment. His long legs and quick, long stride, meant that his customers loved how far he could walk their dogs in the given timeframe, and he had a recurring customer base that loved him.

I didn't really have the same option in Florida, as there was no housing within 15 miles of my office by the airport, although I did consider mapping out a bike path to get to work - unfortunately, I never got around to seeing if I could actually bike to work before we had to shutter the plant. Moving to the San Diego area, I thought about living close to work again in order to encourage walking or biking, but I opted to live near downtown San Diego instead, thinking we'd walk to restaurants and such. Most things have been closed due to COVID pretty much since we moved here, but when things were open, we did walk to some nearby places to eat several times before they got shut down again. However, it's still a bit far to walk to the major areas like Little Italy, home to my favorite brewery, Ballast Point.  In the

Morning run in Balboa Park

meantime while things are still closed for COVID, I've taken full advantage of walking and running around Balboa Park, right across the street from my condo. This, however, is more forced exercise rather than the necessary embedding I was aiming for. Still, it's quite a pleasant area to walk or run, even if I recognize I am doing it for the sheer purpose of exercise rather than transportation.

The other method I've used to get us walking is the Pokemon Go game that was all the rage when it first released. Yes, yes, I know,

Mr. Mime in Cannes, France

we still play. But it's true that it had us chasing Pokemons (especially on Community Day - gotta get those shinies!) and walking from gym to gym during Raid Hours to get those Legendaries, and quite often we can walk much further doing this than we would have if we had elected to simply go for a walk. Now, I appreciate what Niantic has done during the age of COVID, to allow us to raid from the comfort of our homes (at a small cost) in order toprevent gathering, and to improve incense spawns so that we don't have to be and about to catch Pokemon, but these COVID-prevention enhancements have proven to make it easier to be lazy and not walk around during Community Day or Raid Hour, which means, even though I'm still playing, I'm not seeing the same benefits as I was. Not to say that all is lost, indeed we do still get up to go to nearby raids so we can use our normal free passes instead of the not-free remote passes, and I have found myself heading towards stops I normally wouldn't go to when there's a particular Pokemon I'm chasing sighted there. But for the most part, I can play Pokemon Go from my recliner sofa while watching TV, and that defeats the point. The biggest motivator I'm getting from Pokemon Go these days is hatching eggs, because that requires walking (or driving reeeeaaalllllllly slow, which is often too impractical to do much of).

In addition, I just finished the book "Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less" by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, and I think one of the biggest breakthrough ideas I learned from it was that strenuous activity or activities requiring a lot of creativity and brain power are actually forms of rest, especially for those in more intellectual jobs. These activities can improve your work while becoming an integral part of your life that feels required to do your best work, rather than taking away from your work.

Anyways, I think there's something to this idea of making the exercise necessary, and I think it very much goes hand-in-hand with the Gallup Strength Finder strengths.  I did a quick google search and found that one of the Gallup Strength Finders coaches actually thought of this exact thing - she had 100 pounds to use and applied her Strengths to actually, finally, lose the weight. Her story sounds so similar to mine, and her results - 100 pounds lost in 6 months - is very encouraging. Read her story here. 

Based on that, I wanted to give it a shot to see what ways people with different strengths could use to make exercise specifically a more necessary part of their lives. Here are the themes and strengths with my ideas and recommendations for each.

STRATEGIC THINKING

    Analytical - People exceptionally talented in the Analytical theme search for reasons and causes. They have the ability to think about all of the factors that might affect a situation.
I would imagine FitBit or other such trackers would be useful if you're Analytical, because you can get all sorts of data and trends to see what is working and what is not working. Calorie counting or macro counting may also be helpful for dieting.

    Context - People exceptionally talented in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.

Vision boards including pictures of yourself from when you were thinner or more fit may help people with the Context strength.

    Futuristic - People exceptionally talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They energize others with their visions of the future.
I think Futuristic people benefit from having specific goals in their near future - running a 5k or a half marathon, for example. When my sister and I did pair up virtually to lose weight together, it was for a summer vacation we had planned in Europe, and we wanted to make sure we could partake in all the fun activities without having to worry about our weight being a problem. While not in my top five, Futuristic is my #7 and so this experience is a great example of utilizing my Futuristic strength for weight loss.

    Ideation - People exceptionally talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.
This strength is also in my top ten, and I think when it comes to dieting and exercise, it works hand-in-hand with my Individualization strength when I want programs that are catered to me. I take all the different ideas that are out there, and create something that makes sense to me and that I think I can stick to. Fellow Ideators can follow suit - read the varied advice and ideas and then come up with your own program.

    Input - People exceptionally talented in the Input theme have a need to collect and archive. They may accumulate information, ideas, artifacts or even relationships.
The author of the article I found had Input as a top strength, and as such, she said that she had "collected immense amounts of information about dieting and healthy eating over the last 20 years…" but that "having information wasn't enough to help me consistently make good food choices." Instead, she utilized her Input strength by actually sharing her goals with others; their interest piqued her input them to share more. So, finding support groups or accountability partners may help those with Input as a strength.

    Intellection - People exceptionally talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
The author of thee "Rest" book mentioned earlier talks about many top-performing scientists who regularly climb summits or train for marathons. And it doesn't seem to be a coincidence - similar graduates tracked over their careers have excelled or not excelled with a direct correlation to their exercise activities. It was a really interesting perspective that I don't I can do justice here, so if Intellection is your strength, I highly recommend you read the compelling arguments in that book and that may be sufficient to get you motivated.

    Learner - People exceptionally talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. The process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
Clearly, learners won't be enticed by the same old things. For learners, taking martial arts classes or dance classes would perhaps be the best route. Practicing and honing new skills that involve movement will help them exercise without thinking of it as exercise. I loved the social aspect of my kenpo class more than the material itself, and what I learned through that process was actually how much I liked choreography (of course, it's not called that in martial arts, but that's essentially what all the katas and forms are) and so it drew me back to dance. For dance, I'm a little biased but I'd recommend east coast swing dance or Lindy hop. If you want to work on upper body strength, pole dancing is incredibly powerful and challenging to learn. Another way of utilizing your Learner strength is to listen to audio books while walking (either on a treadmill or outside). The focus is on the audio book learning, but it will keep you moving and actually helps your mind focus more on what you're hearing.

    Strategic - People exceptionally talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and
issues.
I think Strategic thinkers will naturally do some of the Ideation and Learner behaviors as it applies to exercise. People with the Strategic strength may also benefit from fitness trackers and regular weight check-ins to determine what is working and what's not.

    

 The dance troupe I was a founding member of, Gypsy Jitterbugs, performing to Rosie the Riveter!

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

Adaptability - People exceptionally talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to go with the flow. They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.
This one is hard for me to relate to because it is one of the lowest on my own strengths. I think what failed for me may work for those with strong Adaptability - either an app like Noom or reminders at various intervals on your phone to exercise. For example, I used a simple "to do" app to schedule 100 crunches every 2 days, 3 sets of 3 arm workouts every 3 days, lunges every 4 days, Thigh Master every 4 days (offset by two days from the lunges), etc. By doing this, every day had a slightly different workout regime but at the macro level I would achieve all the workout activities I wanted to do. But, like I said, this didn't work for me because it didn't play to my strengths, however, this may work well for people with Adaptability.

    Connectedness - People exceptionally talented in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links among all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every
event has meaning.
People with Connectedness also may benefit from calorie trackers, water trackers and fitness trackers. In addition, the advice in the "Rest" book mentioned above may apply, as even something as simple as a walk can help spur ideas for what you're working on, so exercise could become a part of your work, in that way. You may also benefit from the relationship-forming aspects of groups like Weight Watchers, gyms or fitness clubs, or even dancing groups.

    Developer - People exceptionally talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive
satisfaction from evidence of progress.
If Developer is one of your strengths, then I'd suggest you definitely need to get a workout partner or accountability partner, or a dancing partner. Being there for your partner and helping them succeed will likely drive success in your exercise goals without even really noticing it. Pokemon Go, too, or other similar AR games, may help because your focus is on the game progress rather than the exercise itself.

    Empathy - People exceptionally talented in the Empathy theme can sense other people’s feelings by imagining themselves in others’ lives or situations.
Empathy is a hard one to directly apply to exercise, but I think the best thing for someone with this strength would be is to join a group like Weight Watchers or Biggest Loser challenges. Relating to others and seeing their journeys, and hopefully their successes, will motivate and encourage you to do the same. You could also apply your strength towards walking or biking for a cause - there are many races that go towards support research and prevention for cancer or other chronic conditions, for example.

    Harmony - People exceptionally talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
Like many of the other strengths in the Relationship Building category, for those with Harmony as a strength, having a workout partner or a group will greatly benefit. A personal coach may also help, since they will be the ones telling you what you need to do and you'll want to avoid going against their advice.

Practicing kung fu with the Warrior Monks at the Shaolin Temple

    Includer - People exceptionally talented in the Includer theme accept others. They show awareness of those who feel left out and make an effort to include them.
Includers are likely going to feel success in social dancing circles or martial arts classes. By partnering up with people and focusing on inclusion in these physical activities, the exercise will be secondary and come naturally from the primary goal.

    Individualization - People exceptionally talented in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how different people can work together productively.
This is my assertion that the one-size-fits-all model doesn't work for exercise. Instead, people with this strength do indeed have to personalize their own exercise regimen in order to be successful. The "Rest" book may help provide some additional perspective and insight to help in your journey.

    Positivity - People exceptionally talented in the Positivity theme have contagious enthusiasm. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

For Positivity people, again, having support groups or social activities like martial arts or swing dancing, is going to be a major aid in your exercise goals. Having people share in your success and cheering you on, and doing the same for others, is the focus for this strength.

    Relator - People exceptionally talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
Relators go beyond the social groups to more deep-knit relationships. As such, being on a team for an extended period of time is probably the best approach for a Relator. I think of crew teams or dance troupes when I think of Relators in terms of exercise.

INFLUENCING

    Activator - People exceptionally talented in the Activator theme can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They want to do things now, rather than simply talk about them.
As I mentioned earlier, Activators actually really struggle with ongoing exercise routines, although starting them comes easily. If you're an Activator like me, I think the most crucial thing is to make exercise a required part of your life, like having to walk or bike to work or putting in a standing desk so you're not sitting all day.

    Command - People exceptionally talented in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.
If you're naturally a commander, then consider leading a group or team. Pick an activity you like, practice at it, and work towards becoming the coach, choreographer, sensei, instructor or whatever kind of leader applies. By aiming for this goal, you'll inherently exercise in the process.

    Communication - People exceptionally talented in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.
Communicators should share their experiences with the world. Start a blog or a private group on facebook, or just share photos and highlights on your main social media platform from time to time. You can also join groups or teams, of course, or use long walks to call or spend time with your favorite relative or best friend.

    Competition - People exceptionally talented in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.

This one is pretty easy to see how it applies to exercise - there are all sorts of competitions big or small, races, weight loss challenges, FitBit challenges, martial arts tournaments, dance competitions, sports playoffs, you name it. So rather than go into more detail on those obvious options, I'll challenge you to also consider some less obvious options. Set a reading goal for yourself and listen to audio books while walking, for example. Or a goal such as hiking every mountain summit trail in a given area. Pokemon GO can help those with a competitive nature as well.

    Maximizer - People exceptionally talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.
The Maximizer strength is another one that can actually be detrimental to an exercise routine - flawed performance or missed days can be demotivating. My recommendation is to set small goals such as running for at least 1 minute each day, it's super easy to achieve but often will result in longer runs. Also, the author of the Gallup article suggests focusing on efficiency rather than perfection.

    Self-Assurance - People exceptionally talented in the Self-Assurance theme feel confident in their ability to take risks and manage their own lives. They have an inner compass that gives them certainty in their decisions.
Self-assurance, too, can work against you in the ways I've talked about previously, like when I make excuses for myself - "Work has been crazy this week so that's why I haven't…"  For Self-assured people using the small goals as I mentioned in Maximizer may be one good tactic. My other suggestion would be to make the exercise part of your life by walking or biking to work or to other places for errand, etc.

    Significance - People exceptionally talented in the Significance theme want to make a big impact. They are independent and prioritize projects based on how much influence they will have on their organization or people around them.
If you have a strong Significance theme, you want to heed the advice of the author of the Gallup article, that keeping your exercise goals a secret actually prohibits the Significance of it and leads to failure. Thus, "Putting my fear of failure out in the world actually made me want to succeed that much more," as the author explains. Be excited about it, share it with your colleagues and friends and family. It will be come more important because you have put it out there.

    Woo - People exceptionally talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with someone.
When thinking about Woo, I will always think of my employee and his great disappointment when he discovered his top strength was Woo. He thought it was soft, but I convinced him how it was an enviable strength - his charming over-the-top personality and humility made his smile contagious in the toughest of times and he could make friends with the harshest of people. If you're a Wooer, you will be energized by sharing your story and playing with others in whatever sport or activity you choose. The author of the Gallup article was also a Wooer, and she said, "Woo allowed me to socialize what I was doing with people I wasn't as close to and my ability to quickly connect with others served me well."

EXECUTING

    Achiever - People exceptionally talented in the Achiever theme work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. They take immense satisfaction in being busy and productive.
With my Achiever strength, I thought that ticking the boxes off my plan every day would be enough, but it wasn't. I think Achievers need additional motivation, whether that's aiming for a big goal like a race or competition, or utilizing exercise to achieve other things like the insights talked about in the "Rest" book or something as simple as listening to audio books. As an Achiever, I do like seeing my information on my FitBit app, everything including steps, heart rate zones and resting heart rate, active minutes and even how well and long I slept. These are good rewards for after the achievement, but getting to the achievement needs additional pushes.

    Arranger - People exceptionally talented in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to determine how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.
For Arrangers, I think tools like paper charts or whiteboards set up for tracking can be useful. Also, focus on your schedule and incorporating whatever exercise you choose into your schedule so it's regularly planned in.

    Belief - People exceptionally talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their lives.
People with a high Belief strength should read the literature that is most compelling about why and how they should exercise. In addition to the books mentioned above, I might also recommend "The Blue Zones" by Dan Buettner. You could also consider taking up a martial art, since there are core beliefs that may align well with yours and they promote self-defense abilities.

    Consistency - People exceptionally talented in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They crave stable routines and clear rules and procedures that everyone can follow.
The fact that I'm so terrible at routines is so well aligned with how low consistency is in my strengths. People who excel here will thrive on a good routine, which I wish I could do. Preparing the same meals, running the same route at the same time every morning (even on weekends or off-days), going to the gym or whatever else you have planned will be amplified when you form and keep the routine. It not only will help in your exercise goals, but it helps free your mind from making decisions and allows you to work better and be more creative, as the "Rest" book talks in depth about.

    Deliberative - People exceptionally talented in the Deliberative theme are best described by the serious care they take in making decisions or choices. They anticipate obstacles.
I had two employees who were both high in Deliberative and they happened to sit right next to each other. They made a pact that each time one of them stood up for any reason, they both had to do 10 push ups. This went on for weeks and weeks and they kept at it, taking it very seriously. They were also both very serious military veterans and saw exercise as a required discipline. I think if you're Deliberative, you'd do well to choose what you're going to go after with careful consideration and commit to it fully.

    Discipline - People exceptionally talented in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.
Setting up a solid routine will empower and inspire people high in Discipline, much like Consistency. Using "to do" apps or workout apps can aide your goals, but aren't necessarily required. Keeping to a stable routine even on weekends will strengthen your resolve.

    Focus - People exceptionally talented in the Focus theme can take a direction, follow through and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act.
I think people with Focus strengths would do well reading the "Rest" book to help them set their priorities. If Focus is one of your strengths, having clear goals with deadlines, and having a coach or leader to get you there will likely help.

    Responsibility - People exceptionally talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty
The heavy burden of Responsibility is a powerful that can be used as I described earlier - simply communicating the workout plan to my sister compelled me to complete it because I felt responsible for both of our successes. If you have a high Responsibility strength, getting into leadership or coaching roles in a team or dance troupe or martial arts dojo may magnify the effect for you.

    Restorative - People exceptionally talented in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.
Restorative people again may benefit from fitness trackers to help them figure out what is working, but should also read the "Rest" book to learn how active pursuits can actually solve more problems than we think it does.


Of course, nobody has just one strength, so your unique combination of strengths, whether you focus on your top five or your top ten strengths, will help guide which tactics will work best for you and which pitfalls you need to actively work to avoid. 

Another thing I think is important to mention that Lieberman also discusses is that exercise alone is not all that efficient for the purpose of weight loss, so when setting weight loss goals through exercise, we're kind of putting too much hope into one thing. Instead, dieting is a much better way to lose weight, and exercise is great for preventing weight gain and all sorts of other diseases and conditions. Diet and exercise together, of course, are a winning combo, but exercise alone should not be expected for significant weight loss achievements.

Burnout or Seeing the Light

When I think back to when I was doing my MBA, I was working full-time at a job that was pretty demanding and going to school full-time technically even though it was just in the evenings and on the weekends and doing a lot of class work in between. I can't imagine now trying to do that same thing, that grueling work-school-sleep cycle. Now when I get home from work I can barely do anything but watch TV and sometimes make dinner for myself. I'd

like to work out. I'd like to write. I'd like to do other things. But I can't seem to bring myself to do those things until the weekend, usually on Sunday, after decompressing from the work week with a lazy Saturday. I used to hike! I kind of hated it, but I loved the bragging rights and the pictures from my hikes.

I think part of the problem was that I had time to relax when I was done with school. I gave myself that time after my MBA to figure out what I wanted to do. And, the time just filled itself with less and less desire to be productive. More recently, I went on a 16-day cruise through the Panama Canal. I knew that I was lucky having had the opportunity to not have to work for that period of time and having plenty of money to do it. I enjoyed my cruise so much, I can't fathom not doing it. But now, all I want to do is return to that cruise and return to that balcony and that miniature life system. Life was so simple on the cruise ship; we knew what we liked and we didn't typically want to go out to the finer dining establishments so we basically just went down to the buffet whenever we were hungry. Jaiman could sleep in and that was okay with me. I would either go for a run, go for a swim or just sit outside on our balcony and read. I enjoyed my mornings. And then when Jaiman got up, we could watch TV, we could go explore on shore if we were docked, or play trivia downstairs, and we would enjoy ourselves and then come back to the room and return to napping, watching TV, reading or whatever else we wanted to do. Even during that time when I was preparing to come back to work I was enjoying myself because I had that leisurely time to sit and think and prepare myself. Now that I'm back at work for what I was preparing for, I wish I just had that time back. I can't wait for the day to retire and be able to sleep in, read, exercise without a time limit and be able to do whatever I want to do. It's almost as if I hadn't taken that vacation, I would be in a better state. Having had that vacation now and knowing what I'm missing out on by working all the time I'm now wishing that I had that instead.

My weight has been on an increasing trajectory for years, even with various levels of effort and different initiatives and focuses to get healthy - I will often lose some small but not insignificant amount of weight, 10 or 15 pounds, and then gain it back and then some when I'm "over" the effort. Such that I am worse off now, even exercising and eating marginally well, then when I was gorging myself two years ago, and that was worse then five years ago, etc. In part, I chock it up to my work stress translating to stress eating, not wanting to exercise, and not having sufficient time to make healthier choices. But of course, I wasn't exactly losing weight on the cruise, which was the closest approximation I have to a utopian experience, because I literally had a buffet of every kind of cuisine to choose from, and even when I ate salads and nutritional foods, I supplemented them with pizza and ice cream and whatever else tempted me that day. Even when we did go to the fancier restaurants, whether they were the included or upcharge ones, we didn't eat less, just more of it with less variety.

I struggle, then, with what it is I really want out of life. I often fantasize over ways to make exercise easier, more ingrained as part of my daily life instead of a separate chore to fuss over, and likewise how to make it easier to eat healthy so that I do it more often. But I think the underlying desire is really just that I want to be healthy (read: thin, not like a size 0 but like a size 8), and I don't want to have to stick to any routine or any particular diet, because I know those fail. More broadly, I think I like having a purpose at work, and I think I enjoy the work, i.e. the problem solving and designing of new solutions and analyzing data, but I dread going to work each day. So it begs the question, if I enjoy what I do, then why don't I spring out of bed to go do it every day? I know I hate the politics and unreasonable demands of my boss and the stupidity I sometimes have to crush. But are those the things that make work so dreadful? Or are those just the worst parts that come to mind? Is it the hours? The endless meetings? What makes work suck?

I sometimes contemplate, without success, what I will do when I am retired, and imagine my retirement coming sooner than later, i.e. age 45 rather than in my 60's. That's just 9 years away at this point, although I still feel like I'm in my 20's sometimes. I put myself on that cruise ship and recall the simple pleasure of reading on the balcony and sleeping in til 7 or so. If I had the money to stop working now and live comfortably for the rest of my life, what would I do a month from now? I mean, obviously, I would have to decompress for some time after I leave my last job. But then what? I would travel frequently, but I couldn't travel all the time, that's too expensive and frankly, exhausting. I would read and write, surely. Would I go back to school? That sounds exhausting. Would I try teaching more? Also a lot of work. Would I melt into my couch until I become one with it and watch TV like a vegetable for the rest of my life? Maybe - and that doesn't sound like what I really want.

I guess the real issue is that it feels like I've lost the motivation and drive I once had. Is that old age? Or is this what people refer to as burnout? How can I be burnt out if I haven't done a shit-ton of stuff outside of work in years? Not to mention, I don't even have kids, with their schedules and needs and demands to contend with.

I may have found the answer, or at least a path towards the answer, in an audiobook I'm listening to simply titled, "Rest" by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang. The premise of the book is that rest isn't just something we have to do to avoid burnout, but that rest can be strategically designed to allow our creative juices and production flow more easily. Rest, in this definition, is not just sleep or unwinding on the couch (actually, the latter may be the worst kind of rest), it is anything outside of work and necessary chores. Thus, it does encompass sleeping, as well as napping, but it also could be taking long walks, strenuous exercise or even creative endeavors unrelated to one's work (for example, a scientist painting or a doctor writing a novel). The book also emphasizes how many great minds and people in the top of their fields wake early and do much of their great work first thing in the morning - when their minds are freshest and before the world starts to bother them. There's a great deal of info about the circadian rhythms and how that affects different types of thinking and awareness.

I've know since seemingly forever that I'm a morning person, which seems rare in our society, and yet perhaps part of my issue is that I've not figured out how to use my early start time to my benefit. Lately, I've been using my morning primarily to exercise, because I lack motivation to do so when I come home from work and I know I won't reliably do it if I put it off until the evening. And, to be fair, I do find the walking helps me think through my day and my priorities, which are helpful, and the running helps me burn off stress and re-center myself. But another thing I'm not doing is as much these days is all the creative stuff I used to do - painting, designing / decorating, creating fabric designs for my small business, and, well, writing. I love writing, and I often use it to think through issues, but lately, even if I've started writing something, I haven't finished it, and don't see the point in publishing something unfinished. In fact, I started this post in October 2020. Some mornings, I do wake up with the intention of sitting down to write, and then I start thinking about my budget or work on my taxes and go down rabbit holes. The "Rest" praises having a routine, and that the routine helps your brain to know when it's time to switch into the appropriate gears so that you don't get distracted. I suck at routines, but a lot of this book makes sense.

So I've been working through what my ideal routine would be - now while working and also once retired. If I want to do more writing and other creative things, I think I really need to focus on doing those in the morning when I'm fresh. My rationale is that a workout is mostly going through the motions - once you're in it, it kind of flows, but creative efforts require the fresh mind. However, that begs (or screams) the question, how do I then ensure I'm exercising regularly? I may sound naïve in this thinking, but I do expect this will be easier when retired, because I'll have more of my day to myself, even if I'm working vigorously on pet projects or income-making activities.

The biggest struggle I have is the hours I'm at work - obviously my work is important because it is what provides the income that allows me to live comfortably, travel regularly and enjoy nice things. And I don't foresee industry as a whole moving to a 4-hour workday anytime soon, even though countless studies show that workers are only productive for part of their 8-hour (or 12-hour) days. Indeed, even when I look at minimizing the time I spend at work, whenever I work over 8-hours it does seem to be a productive use of my time. That leads me to believe I have unproductive uses of my time elsewhere, but when I'm trying to manage my calendar and priorities as well as I can, I just don't see a way to eliminate anything. Then I drive home (or if working from home, close my laptop and take a breath), and I'm completely exhausted mentally, and exercise seems like an insurmountable aspiration.

But it hasn't always seemed like that. When I was working at Henkel in Scottsdale, they had a gym in the building. I'd bring my workout clothes and head to the gym after my workday was over, before toiling in the exhausting commute home. Not having to fight traffic before working out, I think, contributed to the success of this routine for me, and also the fact that it had a nice view and I usually had the place to myself or shared it with one or two other colleagues at most. In a way, it was the same kind of escape for me as my morning exercise has been at other times in my life - a lone pursuit with a great view. There was also the additional incentive that traffic would be better the later I left work, so by spending more time in the building - exercising, not working - I'd have an easier time getting home.

When Jaiman and I moved to Connecticut with Henkel, there was a gym at my workplace there as well, but only for employees (i.e. Jaiman couldn't come), and we had a gym in our apartment building. That and the fact that I walked the very short distance to work and back instead of contending with traffic, led to us often working out after work. Again, we usually had the place to ourselves or with only a couple other people around. It didn't have a nice view, but they did have TVs in the gym that were connected to headphone jacks on the treadmills so you could listen in and even control the channels. I liked that gym, and I spent a lot of time on the treadmill listening to my audiobooks (especially since I didn't have a commute to listen to them on).

All this to say, I guess I don't know the answer. If I spend my morning burst of energy on writing and creative pursuits, perhaps I end up getting more of those accomplished, which is what I want, but at the peril of losing my workout routine. Even if I can limit my work hours as much as possible (which for me would be 7:30 to 4:30 at best), that still gets me home around 5, at which time I want to eat dinner and never move again until it's time to go to bed. Since my company doesn't have an on-site gym, I could sign up for a gym that I would drive to and at least then feel the pressure to do my workout before going home. Maybe I'm just making excuses, but I really loathe the idea of paying for a gym when I can have a sufficient workout for free at home (and in a beautiful setting if I walk or run through the park).

I also think about how I should take walks at work, even just walking to the other side of the campus and back would be a good mental break for me and add some steps in my otherwise pretty stationary day. It has only gotten worse with the latest upswing in COVID, we've made just about all of our meetings virtual, which means I'm not even walking to a conference room down the hall or to the next building over anymore; I'm taking all calls at my desk and using the bathroom five feet away and getting water from the dispenser five feet away, taking my lunch at my desk with my own refrigerator (and the microwave is where the water is) and never leaving a ten foot circumference the entire day. So a walk around lunchtime sounds like a reasonable, positive thing to add  to my work day, and yet, I struggle to make or find the time for even that.

I think, as much as I suck at it, it comes down to making a routine and sticking to it. Coming home, I need to change into my workout clothes and just immediately going into workout mode. That would free up my time in the mornings for writing, painting and designing. I also need to limit the distractions on my phone and perhaps use my phone to start spurring the ideas for me to work on instead.

This morning, I focused on my writing instead of my workout, and now need to make sure I do my workout later today. It makes a lot of sense, but will require some effort and getting use to the new routine.

Trump's Legacy

I am blessed with a mix of friends (and facebook friends, specifically) whom do not all share the same views as me or each other. I believe it is important to seek to understand opposing positions and viewpoints, and that dismissing people, blocking or unfriending people, starting fights and name-calling are all destructive and divisive. That's not to say that I condemn anyone who has taken those actions themselves; we each do what we think we should do and what we are compelled to do for our own sanity and positivity. For some, that has meant unfriending, or blocking, or even removing themselves from social media. I practice and advocate for limiting social media use, and have a timer on my facebook, among other methods, to limit it in my own life and still be able to share and enjoy the things that made social media attractive in the first place. 

All that being said, I have really struggled to understand people who continue to make excuses for Trump, to side with him and even to repeat his lies about election fraud and COVID conspiracies, etc. In an effort to try to understand, I have spent time reading their arguments and doing my own research. I've taken one lengthy rant from a friend that has a lot of meat to it, because I think this is a helpful insight for me and for other anti-Trumpers to hear and to understand. But also, perhaps my research and my opinions and insights can help Trump supporters understand what makes me and so many others oppose Trump so strongly as well. I did my best in the time I allotted to find credible sources of truth to dispute and to support these selling points for Trump. And, I also share my viewpoint from what I have read and learned.

First, here is the Trump supporter's commentary, unmodified:

"For the bad people may cite, this President brought tax relief to my family, helped close so many Planned Parenthood abortion clinics I can’t even imagine the number of lives that have been saved. He brought illegal immigration to 5% of what it was, lowered unemployment for all people groups and ethnicities, attended prayer meetings with pastors, appointed SCOTUS justices that uphold the sanctity of life. He move the US embassy to Jerusalem and supported Israel to see the best peace they have had in many decades. He actually reduced coal usage and even though people want to blame him for Covid deaths, never has more assistance been given by an Administration to see therapeutics and vaccines developed and delivered in response to a respiratory disease.

"He also restored due process to the prosecution of accusations.
"For all the bad people see, and as so many are firm of upholding that this election has no shenanigans, he single-handedly brought more people to the voting booth than ever in history.

"In addition to my reply in your own post, I will add that Trump is to thank for US oil independence, the destruction of the ISIS caliphate and reforms to trade agreements with Canada, Mexico and China that brought jobs back to the US and reforms to the way we honor our treaties without bearing all the financial burden.

"I mourn for the nation that put Biden and Harris in the helm as they do not aspire to a free America. They want more control over your life and all your doings. They are convinced they know better than you as to how you may live. They support the wholesale murder of unborn children and the theft of earned wages to gift to another making slaves of both."

Here's my analysis and opinions of these "facts":

"For the bad people may cite, this President brought tax relief to my family,"

This post by the Wall Street Journal captures two opposing viewpoints of Trump's tax cuts: "A White House insider describes a marked shift in the labor market, while an outside economist sees a short-term boost and a lasting deficit increase." https://www.wsj.com/articles/two-views-on-how-trumps-tax-cuts-have-worked-out-11578114001 I'll get into the labor market a bit later, but I do have severe concerns about "what cost" the tax cuts came to us. Sure, if you're looking at your own well-being in the short term, you could tout this as a benefit afford to you by Trump. I have benefited personally as well, as one who usually itemizes to maximize my tax refund (or minimize what I owe), last year was the first year that I took the standard deduction because it was better than my itemization. But Trump is spending US dollars, too (remember that wall that the Mexicans were paying for? Yeah, we paid for that...), and so increasing the deficit. So the tax cut isn't as simple as more money for US citizens. Still, I can understand how supporters would see this as a win.

"helped close so many Planned Parenthood abortion clinics I can’t even imagine the number of lives that have been saved."

Welp, there's this from the Washington Post (https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2020/10/21/health-202-funding-planned-parenthood-went-up-yes-up-during-trump-administration/):
"Federal funds to the women’s health-care and abortion provider grew during the first two and a half years of his administration… Medicaid payments have long formed the bulk of federal funds flowing to Planned Parenthood, reimbursing its clinics for providing birth control and preventive services to low-income Americans. The provider reported $616.8 million in government revenue in its most recent report, which was for the 2018-2019 fiscal year. That's up from $543.7 million when Trump took office in 2017."

But, Trump took actions in 2019 to defund Planned Parenthood. NBC News (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/nearly-900-women-s-health-clinics-have-lost-federal-funding-n1069591) cites that 900 clinics lost their funding. Politfact (https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/trumpometer/promise/1357/defund-planned-parenthood/) says, "The Trump administration enacted a rule that effectively said that any facility receiving federal Title X funding cannot also be an abortion provider. Previously, abortion providers such as Planned Parenthood could receive Title X funds as long as the funds were only used for non-abortion services." So as far as defunding, yes, I would agree he did seem to have done this in 2019 (after the higher payouts in 2018-2019 fiscal year).

However, I could not find any references to Planned Parenthood clinics actually closing due to Trump's actions (one article referenced just 11 closures due to the pandemic, implying they may re-open once COVID is under control). Some articles supposed that clinics "could" close, have shorter hours, longer waits and higher costs due to Trump's actions, but nothing said Planned Parenthood was stopping abortions or closing clinics that I could find.

Moreover, this I think is one of the most sensitive and convoluted topics in American politics, and I don't believe victories can be celebrated in earnest on either side no matter any outcomes. Here's why I say that: funding or defunding Planned Parenthood doesn't just impact abortions, it impacts women's access to cancer screenings and birth control. If pregnant women who don't want their babies can't get safe, legal abortions, some percentage will resort to other things which are more dangerous or cruel to themselves and to their unborn or newborn babies. So even if political actions could perfectly remove legal abortions without removing the other benefits of clinics like Planned Parenthood, that doesn't mean that abortions won't happen illegally, or that baby homicides won't increase, or that unwanted babies won't be neglected. I totally understand the religious beliefs that drive prolifers, I do, I promise. But it's not as simple as making abortions illegal and then all unplanned pregnancies are carried to full term and end with a well-loved and cared for life, saved from the evils of abortion. It doesn't work that way.

So if your primary reason for supporting Trump is antiabortion, I would argue that though Trump did successfully execute the action he promised, I don't think the action was the right one or anywhere near sufficient to claim a prolife victory. Honestly, I strongly believe this is an issue, like gay marriage, that should not be in the public domain. If you believe abortions or gay marriages are wrong, don't have one, but don't take away the option to someone who doesn't agree with your beliefs.

"He brought illegal immigration to 5% of what it was,"

This article from FactCheck.org (https://www.factcheck.org/2018/06/illegal-immigration-statistics/) has data through 2018, but shows a significant drop in many of the metrics PRIOR to Trump taking office, and honestly, not a lot of movement in the two years of his presidency until the article was written. 

 

 
The 2020 report from the Department of Homeland Security (https://www.dhs.gov/sites/default/files/publications/immigration-statistics/Special_Reports/Enforcement_Lifecycle/2020_enforcement_lifecycle_report.pdf) also doesn't seem to show that much decline since Trump took office, and more declines prior to his inauguration. 

 

The Southwest Border information here (https://www.cbp.gov/newsroom/stats/sw-border-migration-fy2020) is a little bit harder to read, but clearly the years Trump was in office were not consistently better than the years prior, and certainly not 95% better.

"lowered unemployment for all people groups and ethnicities"

This albeit Opinion article from the Tampa Bay Times (https://www.tampabay.com/opinion/2020/10/23/a-chart-of-unemployment-under-trump-and-obama-tells-quite-a-tale-column/) shows a clear chart and describes the impact this way: "During Trump’s first three years in office the unemployment rate declined from 4.7 percent to 3.5 percent — a 1.2 percentage point decline — quite satisfactory but nothing earth-shaking as his administration would like you to believe. If you look at the chart, 2017-2019 is an extension of the same downward trend (momentum) in the unemployment rate that began in 2010. Moreover, the slope flattens a bit during Trump’s tenure implying that the job creation rate was a bit slower under his tenure."

 

The BBC (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-45827430) shows similar charts that imply the economic success under Trump was also a continuation of trends started before he took office. As far as helping all groups and ethnicities, the article cites, "This overall national figure masks wide variations across regions and ethnic groups in America. In 2019, while 10.5% of the population was defined as living in poverty, the figure for black Americans was 18.8 and for white (non-Hispanic) Americans it was 7.3%."

This Associated Press Fact Check article (https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2020-06-07/ap-fact-check-trump-exaggerations-on-blacks-economic-gains) states bluntly how unevenly the benefits have come: "The joblessness figures in Friday's report did not improve uniformly across racial and ethnic groups. The unemployment rate did decline last month for white workers, to 12.4% from 14.2% in April, as well as for Latinos, to 17.6% from 18.9%. But joblessness actually rose slightly for African American workers, to 16.8% from 16.7%. For Asian Americans, it increased to 15% from 14.5%." The article then goes on to say:

"Black unemployment reached a record low during the Trump administration, 5.4% in August, as the longest economic expansion in history pressed ahead.
"Most of the progress came when Barack Obama was president: Black unemployment dropped from a recession high of 16.8% in March 2010 to 7.8% in January 2017. Improvement continued under Trump until the pandemic. Black unemployment reached 16.8% in May, compared with 13.3% for the overall population.
Not all economic measures improved for African Americans under Trump before the pandemic. A black household earned median income of $41,361 in 2018, the latest data available. That’s below a 2000 peak of $43,380, according to the Census Bureau.
"More broadly, there were multiple signs before the pandemic that the racial wealth gap had been worsening."

"attended prayer meetings with pastors"

I'm not even going to research this because if this is how you measure the success of the US Presidency, I just can't even debate with you. I understand this is one of many highlights in the OP's mind, but this has no value or meaning to me.

"appointed SCOTUS justices that uphold the sanctity of life."

Again back to the abortion topic, but a different action. If your prolife views are a predominant reason you support Trump, I understand if you view this is a victory. But even if this is a victory in your eyes, I can't imagine a moral person looking beyond the apparent hypocrisy as discussed here (https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-ruth-bader-ginsburg-merrick-garland-elections-us-supreme-court-bb9932748b199f793cb2ccbefa713a5f). McConnel had to back peddle a bit to justify his hypocrisy, and "It doesn’t pass the smell test in any way."

"He move the US embassy to Jerusalem and supported Israel to see the best peace they have had in many decades."

Indeed, he did make the bold move of the embassy. I could not find statistics that support or refute the claim that Israel has more peace now. The embassy move came with protests and threats from Palestinians, and indeed, Israel was not wholly left alone as demonstrated by the headline and details in this article "Trump Campaign Declares Middle East Peace Achieved As Israel Sustains Rocket Attacks" (https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2020/09/15/trump-campaign-declares-middle-east-peace-achieved-as-israel-sustains-rocket-attacks/?sh=4ce1a77d5e36) in which 13 Israelis were injured by Palestinian rockets shooting for 3 hours. But whether the level of violence is lower or the same (or higher), I could not determine in the time I spent researching. One of the major criticisms of the Trump campaign's claim of achieving peace is the fact that the agreement made was between countries that were not actively at war with Israel. The campaign even went so far as to promote the idea that Trump should be awarded the "Noble [sic] Peace Prize."

"He actually reduced coal usage"

This is an interesting claim to promote, given that Trump was actually promising to save coal production jobs. But, I certainly can appreciate that Trump supporters, like most humans, have their own values which can differ from others, even those they support. I, myself, was a Republican that wanted sustainable energy at one point. So, I'm here for it.

My research shows that this is true, coal usage decreased in Trump's presidency, something we can't say for the previous Republican President. However, a simple graph once again appears to show that the reduction was a continuation of a downward trend that started after plateauing near its peak between 2005 and 2008. 2009 saw a huge drop (perhaps because of the economic downturn, I'm not sure though), and then mostly has come down since 2010. This Forbes article (https://www.forbes.com/sites/chuckjones/2020/08/26/trumps-coal-resurgence-promise-has-gone-underground/?sh=b79f81b56d8e)  talks a lot about the results of Trump's Clean Air Act. For straight data, take a look at this chart (https://www.statista.com/statistics/184333/coal-energy-consumption-in-the-us/). 

"and even though people want to blame him for Covid deaths, never has more assistance been given by an Administration to see therapeutics and vaccines developed and delivered in response to a respiratory disease."

Trump initiated Operation Warp Speed, promising millions would be vaccinated by the end of 2020, which didn't happen, but we are getting close. There are now two vaccines approved by the FDA - Moderna and Pfizer. Moderna did partner with the administration as part of Operation Warp Speed. However, Trump's campaign claimed victory for Pfizer's vaccine development. "In fact, Pfizer partnered with the vaccine’s original developer, Germany’s BioNTech, in March and the following month announced the first human study in Germany. The White House announced Operation Warp Speed in May… The company says it has risked $2 billion of its own money on vaccine development and won’t get anything from Washington unless the effort is successful… However, Pfizer did sign an agreement with the U.S. government in July worth $1.95 billion — if the vaccine pans out and is cleared by the FDA — to supply 100 million doses." (source: https://www.baltimoresun.com/coronavirus/ct-nw-coronavirus-vaccine-fact-check-20201113-pkzbkcfd5bcalpgkvbavqfi5iq-story.html)

Moreover, downplaying Trump's responsibility for the pandemic deaths is a pretty big error in my opinion. Despite his Operation Warp Speed to get a vaccine, there are Trump followers who still believe the COVID-19 is fake, largely due to Trump's misleading rhetoric around the virus. Now the administration is claiming victory on the pandemic, even as cases continue to rise. I found this Opinion piece summarizing the reason people blame Trump for the COVID deaths: "12 ways the Trump administration botched America's response to Covid-19" (https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/29/opinions/ways-trump-botched-covid-response-holtgrave/index.html)

"He also restored due process to the prosecution of accusations."

Admittedly, I had to look this one up because I had thus far missed it. In theory, it does sound like the right thing to do - to provide the accused the assumption of innocence and put more structure around making determinations that would lead to consequences for the accused. This article proclaims victory at last (https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ny-oped-due-process-at-last-20200506-arjngpvxkneqtajeypn6gc3dtq-story.html).
 
However, there were some arguably immoral aspects of the new Title IX rules, including "changing the definition of sexual assault to require that it be 'so severe, pervasive, and objectively offensive that it effectively denies a person equal access to education.' This change means that students would be forced to put up with escalating levels of sexual harassment without getting help from their schools; many incidents of sexual harassment and violence would no longer 'count' (From https://www.newsweek.com/trump-administrations-new-title-ix-rules-are-attack-students-metoo-opinion-1503216). Additionally, evidence is quite a challenging and subjective topic, one that sounds great in theory but much more challenging in practice.

Like abortion, this is another tricky topic, I believe, because sexual harassment and sexual assault is so pervasive and yet so hard to prove. Of course, nobody on either side wants to see an innocent man to be accused and to suffer whatever consequences come with a guilty verdict. But, we also have a moral obligation to fight against sexual harassment and sexual assault. The risk here, of course, is that these new regulations will allow offenders to more easily get away with real acts of violence and sexual assault, and potentially go on to repeat the offenses, knowing how to "get away with it." This is both a victory and a loss when you look at it with an open mind, I believe.

"For all the bad people see,"

I'm breaking this comment out separately because I think it needs to be said: Words matter. Actions matter. But words still matter - especially when those words invoke actions. The 911 and poison control calls resulting from Trump's suggestion to drink disinfectant (https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertglatter/2020/04/25/calls-to-poison-centers-spike--after-the-presidents-comments-about-using-disinfectants-to-treat-coronavirus/?sh=67a310161157) is one of many clear examples of this.

Even before he was elected, he proved to be of poor moral character, from his "grab 'em by the pussy" comment and association with porn stars to his refusal to provide tax documents and willingness to lie about the reasons. I mean, for all that birther crap he pushed during Obama's terms, doesn't it seem hypocritical to not share documentation of his own when called for?

The bottom line is this: He lies. Now, politicians are often stereotyped as a bit of a deceitful bunch, and many fail to deliver on some or all of their campaign promises - Trump would not be the first in either of those two categories, not by a long shot. But he lies so fluently, so easily, and so often, not just exaggerating but outright lying, that for people paying attention and not under his spell, it's become impossible to believe a single word he says. With all my might, I cannot put aside his demonstrated (and boasted) lack of moral integrity to see how a God-fearing Christian or Jew can support him wholeheartedly or defend his morals. If the only thing you care about is abortion, fine, he's walked and talked in support of prolife while in his campaign and office (although he had previously said he supports choice). But if you care about literally any other moral aspect, you have to see that he's much more than imperfect.

Those of us who have dealt with extreme narcissists recognize him well - he is the kind who will stop at nothing to gloat and win for his own good, and he will only pretend to care about others when it suits his cause to do so. When we're talking about the Presidency, we're talking about a leader for our great country, and being a leader should have morality as a responsibility and criteria.

Another Trump-supporting friend commented this similar sentiment: "You just screwed us because you couldn't hit the mute button when Trump talked or tweeted."

Hitting the mute button should not be a recommendation. Defending someone by saying you should hit the mute button when they talk is not ok, but if that someone is the President of the United States, it's really, really wrong in my opinion. Sure, actions speak louder than words, but words still matter. Words. Matter.

"and as so many are firm of upholding that this election has no shenanigans,"

I wouldn’t agree that there were "no shenanigans," but yes, most of the country, the millions who voted for Biden especially, do uphold that this election was free and fair. The reason is because the evidence to the contrary has been disputed and the courts have ruled that there was no sufficient case for fraud. Anecdotes that a dead person voted or someone used a loophole that one time for that one case does not mean there was widespread election fraud. The numbers changed overnight? Well yes, that was clearly and obviously related to the mail-in ballots, heavily favoring Biden since Trump discouraged his voters to use mail-in voting. Remember, these were largely the same election officials and same election rules as in the 2016 vote, when much of the country was shocked and appalled that Trump came out a victor. If there was a deep-state invisible hand guiding the election process, don't you think they would have named Hillary the victor four years ago? This is not a media thing, nor a conspiracy. The only conspiring here is widespread action of the millions of honest US citizens who voted for Biden (or against Trump) because they have been so appalled by Trump's Presidency that they were moved to vote. There are a million articles on this topic, google it if you really want a source for this one, I'm exhausted by it all.

The more infuriating thing, I think, is again the hypocrisy. In 2016, Democrats contested certain election results as the rational world was still stunned by the apparent Trump victory, and Trump ranted about how Democrats were such sore losers and should just accept the results. Those comments couldn't be more applicable to Trump's actions in 2020 and the start of 2021.

"he single-handedly brought more people to the voting booth than ever in history."

Well, yes, indeed he did. Was it because he inspired civic duty, though? Because that's obviously what this comment is meant to imply. I feel like there's something to be said about the means to an end justifying the means, here though… 

 I think what Trump supporters don't seem to grasp is that the hatred of this despicable man is what drove so many people to the polls favoring Biden. The book, "The Keys to the White House" proposes a prediction methodology that has worked for every election up until 2016 on the basis of one overarching idea: that the US vote is, more than anything else, a scorecard on the current President's performance. In the theory, there are 13 keys, and most of them have to do with the current economy, foreign actions, and current President and current Congress. Only one of the 13 keys relates to the challenger in the race, and one other key relates to other challengers in the sitting President's party. This theory predicted Trump to win the popular vote in 2016, which he didn't actually, but he did win the electoral college, which we all know is what matters. This was the first time the theory was disproved, but even still, it was partially right in that Trump won the Presidency. So the fact that many more people came out in droves to determine if Trump would get a second term, I think, is very obviously a direct correlation to the passion both sides have. And indeed, there were enough people voting against Trump, more than ever in history, to beat the large numbers of people who voted for Trump, which was also a record. 

Comparing it to all of history, however, is overexaggerating the reality, considering the population has, of course, grown over history as well. As a percentage of the eligible or voting age populations, this election was NOT, in fact, record breaking. (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voter_turnout_in_United_States_presidential_elections)