Nothing but Excuses

In August 2011 I wrote a journal asking myself who is chasing me.  The journal resulted in me deciding upon my next boyfriend, and we started dating soon thereafter.  The man I shall refer to as Excuses was mentioned in that journal, and I had blatantly rejected him as a viable option, out of the anger and frustration with his constant lame ass excuses.  Now that I am single again, I am once again faced with the question, who is chasing me?  I decided that my next relationship would begin only when the guy is pursuing me, and that I would pursue no one.  I will put myself out there and allow guys to pursue me, that is all.  

 

Excuses is one of those guys.  I have spent weeks putting myself out there, waiting for him to take the bait, without really committing myself to pursuing him - that would break the rules.  I do recall a time when I liked being single because I was hardly ever alone - I juggled open relationships with several guys at once, always mixing it up and never getting bored.  It worked out for the guys involved, too, because I didn't rely on any one of them or wear them down too much; I could always lean on someone else if my first choice wasn't available when I wanted something.  But I realized somewhere in that charade that the only way to feel totally fulfilled would be to actually commit to one person and pursue him.  And since then, I've not been able to enjoy singledom like I once did.  Now, I want to be in a serious relationship, the forever kind of relationship, and I require that the guy meet certain intellectual and entertainment criteria.  I am not as picky about the physical; I blame my most recent ex- for breaking me of my attachment to that.  I am hesitant to let go of my criteria around career ambitions, but I suppose that can be dealt with later.  

As the nickname implies, Excuses is problematic for me because he always has some reason why he can't get together.  Even when it was clear he really liked me, he still had things come up that would prevent him from seeing me, and it was really a turn off.  I'll share my blurb on how I feel about excuses later; for now, suffice it to say that I live by the "No Excuses" rule, so my man Excuses really gets under my skin.    

I've been considering Excuses as a potential boyfriend, like I never really did before.  There were times before my most recent relationship in which I WANTED to like Excuses, but couldn't get over the physical.  I had been that way with my ex- at one point, too, but had somehow gotten over his physique.  Yet I still couldn't get over Excuses', especially because when he took me out, he seemed to slick his hair down in an especially annoying way.  Now, post-breakup, I was imagining the idea of him really diving into the relationship like my ex- never did.  That would be a pleasant change of scenery, even if he didn't have what it took to be my boyfriend.  Still, I want my next relationship to be my last, so I'm very cautious to consider Excuses because I don't like his attitude.  I would certainly require him to move in very quickly, another thing my ex- never did wholeheartedly, and I think it could have saved my relationship.  Ah well.  I'm not sure if that would be enough with Excuses.  We could have great conversations and do fun things together, and maybe being domesticated with him would make other things less important; but I fear he wouldn't have enough money or vacation time to go on more extravagant trips, and I really want someone to travel the world with me as an equal partner, not me being a sugar mama.  

Truly, my recent fascination with Excuses is a direct result of my needing a fantasy to fixate on.  I settled on Excuses because, I guess, the jury is still out on him.  I've made decisions and accepted others' decisions, so many of the men in my life will never again have boyfriend candidacy, but there has been nothing final to say case closed with Excuses.  I've thus played up a fantasy Excuses who sweeps me off my feet.  I've had to protect my heart and remind myself that fantasy Excuses is far from real Excuses, and that the two might never unite.  Still, fantasy Excuses is fun to play with, and to help me get started, I've been playing with the real Excuses via text message.  It's a little sick, but not entirely evil and selfish.  I am, in a way, giving real Excuses a chance to pursue me, if he desires and is worthy.

So, after dozens of innuendo-infested sext messages over a couple weeks, Monday night Excuses hinted that he wanted to do something, and I invited him over.  I wanted to give him a birthday kiss, so I waited for Carly, my dog, to relax a little, and then I grabbed him and kissed him.  It was a kiss that easily places in the top 5 most awkward kisses ever.  It was brief, and we moved on.  We sat side by side on the couch and watched TV and chatted and drank wine.  I took advantage of getting up to pour more wine to then sit closer in a spot where his arm was suddenly around me.  As the night wore on, I sunk more and more into his arms.  I decided it was time to correct my earlier failure, so I turned around and kissed him again, this time much longer and more passionate, but still wholly awkward and unfamiliar.  Then I plopped down on this chest and threw my leg over his, and found the sweet spot of cuddling.  That, alone, made my night.  It was so comfortable laying on his chest, I never wanted it to end.  I buried myself in his chest, not wanting to move but feeling a little silly, and finally lifted my head to talk to him, without moving away from that sweet spot entirely.  I asked him what it was he wanted, and he said he didn't know.  So I left it at that, and we eventually bid each other good night with the first ever good kiss between us.  

Flipflopper Fail and Fidgets

One might think after such a spectacularly perfect night with The Flipflopper, maybe there's hope after all.  Think again, you crazy romantic fools!  The Flipflopper and I have had some nice phone conversations, but when we planned to do something later that week, and he didn't show up, and he didn't answer my text, and he didn't answer my text the day after, and he still hasn't answered me, I gotta say I'm a little disappointed.  I have no idea what that was all about, but I guess that's why I'm not his girlfriend.  Major fail on your part, Mr. Flipflopper.  See you on the flip side!

It is now time I introduce you to Fidgets.  I met Fidgets after not completing a hike I was ill-prepared for at Tom's Thumb in Scottsdale.  I was with a Meetup group for the hike, but decided that they were much too fit for me and I couldn't keep up.  I made it pretty close to the top, but then I saw a big down-up and I was just not interested in that (it felt like Picacho Peak all over again - oi vey!).  So I took some great pictures from the point I had made it too, and headed down.  I was jogging most of the way down, using the corner banks of the trail to slow myself down as gravity pulled me towards the bottom.  It was easily the most fun I've had going down a mountain, and it was all me.  So when I got to the bottom, I felt like I should wait for my Meetup group, or something.  I saw Fidgets sitting on a little wall and asked if I could join him.  

Within minutes, Fidgets and I were talking about what we did for work, and which hikes were our favorites, and what else we do for fun.  He was clearly interested in me (can you blame him?), and without even asking my name, he asked for my phone number.  I hesitated, a million excuses going through my mind that I could give him instead of my number.  But something about his confidence made me want to keep playing.  So I gave it to him, and then waited for him to realize he didn't know what name to tie with the phone number.  I spelled it for him, and I assume he got it wrong, because he has since always texted me using my name short one letter.  I've even corrected him in text, and he still didn't get it.  Doi!  But I'm jumping ahead.  After a little more banter, I decided to call it and headed to my car.  

I scarfed down a Chipotle barbacoa burrito, as is my usual after-hike meal, and drew a bath immediately after getting home.  If ever there was such a type of personality as a "bath person", that would be me.  I could soak in the bath for hours on end.  I sometimes sleep in the bath when I'm having a hard time going to bed.  The bath is my migraine cure, my clear-your-head de-stresser, my me time and my favorite form of relaxation.  The glories of homeownership are nothing if not for the ability to make a complete sanctuary in the bathroom, and that is exactly what I've done.  My bathroom project started with me wanting to fix the tile because it was falling off, but once I had some of it down, I decided to go for it and install a giant whirlpool tub, which then involved modifying the plumbing and ended with a complete custom plumbing job to accommodate my waterfall bath faucet and amazing tile work by the sweetest guy I've ever had the privilege to know, My Boyscout.  I used to enjoy traveling because hotels often have nice bathtubs, but my bathtub is so awesome now that I am homesick whenever I'm in a hotel with a mediocre bath.  I am so spoiled, though, that I found a slight problem with my bath; I would stay in it so long that the water would get cold.  Luckily, there's a heater attachment that My Boyscout helped me install.  The next problem was that, especially in the summer, the water actually got too hot.  Can you believe it?  Again I lucked out, because my boyfriend at the time was handy with electrical things, and he modified a thermostat to turn the heater off when the water was hot enough and turned it back on as it got cooler.  The last accessory my bath needed was a waterproof case for my phone so I can use it in there; I have it now and it's spectacular.  

So it was just after my lunch, as I was soaking my sore muscles in the bath, when Fidgets texted me.  Mind you, this is all of maybe an hour after meeting.  He asked if we could get together that day! I had plans starting around 7:30, so I almost said no, but again, something made me want to play his little game and see where it went.  Call me sick, but I played.  I told him we could meet in the afternoon, and he suggested either coffee or wine.  This is an important detail for later - HE suggested coffee or wine.  I told him I don't like coffee, so wine would be my preference.  He asked where we should meet.  Now, guys, if the girl has to do ALL the work, then you aren't allowed to complain about the arrangements.  And really, if you want to impress a girl, you should take her out to someplace cool based on what she wants to do, not make her figure everything out!  Ok, so I told Fidgets that there was a wine and cheese bar I've been meaning to check out in Ahwatukee, and asked him if that sounded good.  He agreed, and then asked if we could hang out there for a time, because he was worried about driving right after drinking.  I said it shouldn't be a problem we can hang out there and talk for a few hours.  We agreed to meet at 3, and I went back to enjoying my bath.  

I arrived about 2:54, so I wasn't expecting Fidgets to be there yet, although he texted me when he was about to leave and when he was leaving and when he had left (seriously?!?).  I looked around the shop and admired the collection, not only great local wine but some pretty neat craft beer, too.  Before long, I felt silly dilly-dallying around, so I ordered a glass of wine and sat down.  Fidgets finally arrived just after I sat down, and he got himself a glass and joined me.  We talked for maybe 15 minutes, while he gulped his wine down (for all intents and purposes, he chugged his wine).  Then he asked if we could buy a bottle and go back to my house.  I told him I had plenty of wine there, but we weren't going there right now.  He seemed to disregard what I said, and went to pay our tab and then came back and asked if I was ready to go.  

"No, I thought we'd sit and chat for a bit.  I really want to try their cheese plate."  He didn't like it, but sat down again.  He kept urging me to finish my wine so we could go, and when I asked him "go where?" he'd say my place, which I told him wasn't going to happen.  Finally, he asked me why and I explained that I don't bring random guys whom I barely know back to my place, and that he was frankly coming off as trying to get laid.  He acted completely hurt by this, but I didn't buy it for a second.  He insisted that he wasn't "that type of guy", to which I replied that I had heard that before.  He pretended to be so offended that I was bucketing him with other guys who have followed the same pattern.  I told him to own up to it; if he wanted to change my mind then he could sit here and enjoy the day and talk to me and convince me he wasn't like that.  He kept insisting that he was uncomfortable there and he just wanted to get comfortable.  I know what that means, he wants to get naked! 

He then tried a new angle, saying he couldn't possibly stay and have another glass of wine because then he'd be drunk and he wouldn't be able to drive anywhere.  So I proposed we go to a coffee shop so he can have his coffee, and I would drink tea or something.  By his reaction, you would have thought I was proposing blasphemy!  "I can't drink coffee after wine!"  This, too, will be an important detail for later.  The most dramatic part of our evening was when he played up being hurt by my accusation so much that he literally got up, stormed off and drove away.  I just sat there for a minute.  Then I saw an empty table outside, and decided I would move my party of one out there.  

I went up to the counter, ordered another glass of wine and the cheese plate, and then told them I'd be moving to the outside table.  They brought it out in no time, and I started enjoying my peace.  Fidgets just couldn't let it go, and he started texting me all this "thank you for meeting me, it was nice to meet you, thank you for your honesty" garbage.  I had every intention to ignore him, but in the spirit of killing another hour or two, I played it cool, "It was fun, and thank you for the wine.  I'm sorry you felt you had to leave.  And the cheese plate is fantastic."  It took him a minute to reply, and then he asked if he should come back.  I thought of all sorts of nasty remarks, but again, I was direct and sweet, "Yes, I would like that."  

He showed back up after a few minutes, and set his coffee on the table.  Oh yes, there he was, drinking coffee after wine.  Blasphemer!  I couldn't help myself.  I playfully joked about how he couldn't possibly have coffee after wine, and he said he needed it because he was drunk.  "Oh yeah, that's right, that's why we were going to sit and stay here for a while.  Isn't that what you said in your text?"  He then insisted that he had wanted to go get coffee, not wine.  I pointed out that he had given me both options, and that I didn't like coffee.  

He really didn't like me pointing out all his missteps and hypocrisy.  I was enjoying myself immensely.  The conversation went on like this, with the sporadic insistence that we go somewhere, and me shutting him down every time.  Finally, when the cheese plate was gone and I had finished my wine and some water, I agreed to go "for a drive" with him.  I had a feeling I knew what that meant, but decided I would enjoy breaking his nose if he tried anything stupid.  

Sure enough, he took me in his car to a deserted parking lot, parked, and then laid his seat back.  He told me I should too, and I said no, I was quite comfortable as it was.  He started leaning on me and kissing my arm, and I just sat there, talking.  I think I was killing him a little with my, oh what's the word, self-respect?  He then confessed to me how much he liked me, how wonderful I was, how he was attracted to my strong will and ambition.  Valentine's Day was coming up, and he asked me what I wanted for Valentine's Day.  A decent date would be nice, I thought.  I told him I'd get back to him.  I asked him what his plans were for the year in terms of travel or fun stuff.  He asked for suggestions in the US, and I have no idea why, but the first thing that came out of my mouth was a recommendation to go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.  He said he didn't like crowds.  But, since he had previously bragged about how much money he has, I said well if you don't mind spending a little money, then you can get a balcony overlooking the street, so you can be away from the mobs of people and still enjoy the riot and see girls flash you for beads.  That piqued his interest; apparently he wasn't aware of the Mardi Gras traditions.  I told him a little more about it, and he said he'd definitely like to go, but only if I accompany him.  I said I would if he paid, since it wasn't in my budget.  He agreed.  

Fidgets asked what I was doing the next day, and I said I didn't yet have plans.  He said he was playing in a Cricket game, after which we should do something.  I told him I'd actually really like to see him play, if he didn't mind.  I knew Cricket games were long, so I said I'd come for the latter part of it.  He agreed it was a good idea and promised to text me the address so I could go the next morning.  So here we were, having met just five hours prior, in a deserted parking lot, making plans for the near future, Valentine's Day, and a trip.  Not bad for a day's work.  Then he started getting a little more physically aggressive, and actually interrupted me while I was telling a story.  Now it was my turn to be offended.  I insisted he take me back to my car, I was done with him for the night, but that I would see him tomorrow at his game.  He put me off, and said 20 more minutes, and I demanded that he respect me.  After a few minutes of this, he agreed and took me back to my car.  There, he asked if he could kiss me, to which I said no, he could hug me.  He just starred at me, shocked, as I got out of his car and walked to the driver's side door.  "Come on, get out, I'll give you a hug," I said.  He looked so surprised, and I gave him a hug, dodged his attempt at a kiss, said good night and drove away.  I was seriously laughing the whole way to my next appointment.  

When I arrived at the party, I looked at my phone and saw I had four text messages from him.  They read as follows:

"Hello lura nice meeting you today"

"I was thought about the conversation we had wile driving you will find better person than me good luck and good bye"

"Thanks for the evening and the valuable feedback you provided to me your just awesome"

"Bye now"

I guess that means we broke up.  Fastest.  Relationship.  Ever.  

I ignored his messages, had a decent time at the party (it was a singles thing, I ended up talking to a gorgeous guy who had just gotten divorced and was clearly not ready to be out again).  I knew I hadn't heard the last from Fidgets, and I was right.  He texted me a few days later, and has continued to text me from time to time.  I answer sometimes, but have not agreed to meet with him again yet.  

I have an information overload problem.

I can be very critical to people of older generations who are stuck in their ways on how they get news, yet I may be the one with the problem.  I can't remember the last time I watched news on TV, except in passing as I get breakfast at the cafeteria at work or at the airport.  If the news does somehow make its way onto my television screen, I am usually disgusted by how uninteresting or how sad the news is, and neither of which inspire me to action or have any real impact on my life.  Thus, TV news is not for me.  I have tried listening to news stations on my satellite radio, but they bore me without the visual content and I'd much rather jam to music in the little time I have to myself in my car.  I don't subscribe to newspapers; partly because I hate the feeling of paper and creating more stuff to recycle, and partly because newspapers aren't as up-to-date as Internet-enabled sources of news.  Peer review journals and magazines strike me as uninsightful and too generic, and remain with the newspapers as lagging in immediacy.  

I am aware of, and use to varying degrees, a number of amazing tools to get news tailored to the specific interests of the user.  I use Google Alerts for all things electric car related as well as news on the next casino implosion in Las Vegas (with the intent to book a hotel overlooking it as soon as the news breaks so I can watch the implosion) and more recently, autonomous vehicles.  Then there's StumbleUpon which I guess provides random articles and blogs related to the interests selected, but may not be the most recent.  I have Breaking News alerts from Fox News sent to my work email, as well as several news letters from the aerospace industry and from The Economist.  This method of attaining news is obviously only as good as my ability to check my work email; thus when I'm at home or traveling I may have no clue what the most important news items of the day are.  I hesitate to call facebook a source of news information, but following the companies and people I like does give me some insights into upcoming local events and, from time to time, I get news from my facebook feeds, too.  Lately, I've been using Twitter because I can follow certain people, companies and news organizations tailored to my interests and read just the headlines; and then if I want to learn more it takes me right to the article, picture or video.  I used to use RSS feed, remember those?  I'm not sure anyone still uses them, but they seemed like a good idea at the time.  Another tool I use less and less is the Yahoo! Trending Now top searches; if you see a theme in those, or a celebrity name and you don't know why it's there, that can clue you in to what is going on in the mainstream.  There is also Digg, which I've attempted to use and just haven't gotten the hang of it.  I'm sure there are plenty of others in this line of thinking as well.

I criticize the old-school media, and the people who rely on them, in favor for these high-tech, more immediate sources, yet I have been known to miss major news stories for weeks on end as a result of turning my nose up to mainstream news media.  I miss the major stories for a number of reasons.  First, many of my sources are too niche to catch the general faderah of the world.  Australia could be having a civil war for all I know, and none of my sources would say anything of the sort, because I don't follow Australia politics.  The exception could be facebook or the Breaking News Alerts; they might clue me in if it is significant enough.  So my second cause is that I have so much information coming to me in various formats, that major headlines might as well be lost as a non-news item.  Often, it takes several posts trending before I'll realize something major is happening.  And if I don't have time to read all the posts, I may never catch a trend.  Third, I don't have a routine that works.  I have so many news sources, some are "pushed" to me via email, and some must be "pulled", meaning I have to go looking for them.  Most of the information "pushed" to me is low criticality, so in times of overload at work, I may very well sort that email out of my inbox before reading a word, with the intent of going back and scanning it once I have some free time.  The free time rarely comes, so that news almost always falls on deaf ears.  An additional problem, although not a contributor to missing "major" news stories, is that somehow I'm still not getting all the (slightly niche-y) news I want.  Can you believe it?  Specifically, I want to "follow" college football, and less so, I want to follow college basketball and professional football.  But I don't have that strong of an interest; I really just want to know how the new head coach is doing or if ASU will be better off next year, or who is favored in the next game and why.  Sources of sports news just give me way too much that I don't actually care about, so I've tuned them out altogether.  

Thus, my conclusion:  I've got an information overload problem.  Taking a step back and putting my criticism aside, I can see the value in old-school media.  First, there is consistency; you know what program you watch or listen to, when it's on, who is reporting, and how local or global the program is.  Those reporters instill confidence that they are giving you the most critical information of the day, and you can infer that if they are covering a lame human interest story, that there is nothing catastrophic going on.  Second, there is a forced conciseness.  A newspaper runs the same sections and columns, and doesn't expand or contract by factors of 10 or anything like that.  The news show runs for the same period of time, with extended coverage only for the most dire of emergencies or elections or things of that nature.  So you are comfortable with the amount of time commitment required of you to get the overview of what's going on in the world; your time spent doesn't flex wildly from day to day.  Third, there is credibility on the line, and thus accuracy is a major focus; as opposed to Internet sources which can infuriate me with their inaccuracies and idiocy.  

My other complaint about news is that journalists have what I call "news memory"; much like muscle memory, in which dancers or athletes train their bodies to repeat specific desirable motions, news memory is when journalists create hype around stories that really aren't newsworthy but are similar to previous news sensations.  For example, the southeast US sees hundreds of hurricanes all the time, but after the spectacularly devastating Hurricane Katrina, journalists were piping up about every little routine hurricane that cropped up.  In fact, every natural disaster seems to be followed by smaller storms hyped up by the news media just in case it's another big one.  One major school shooting will be followed by copycats which get proportionately more air time than they should.  A solar company has problems, all solar companies become scrutinized to see what they have to offer by way of dirt and scum.  An electric car catches on fire, suddenly all electric cars are suspect (nevermind that the technology is the same as what you hold to your ear every day, or that there have been more lives endangered by iPhone battery problems than by electric car battery problems).  It's absurd, really.  The difference between news memory and muscle memory is that muscle memory is intentional and for good reason, where as news memory is just a desperate attempt at veiling the journalists' inability to distinguish between newsworthy and routine events.  

Last week I took part in my first live Tweeting event.  That's not to say that I haven't been to an event where live Tweeting was going on, I just didn't really partake in that part of it.  It was at the #NASASocial event (and you can read all about it in my other blog posts), but what struck me the most is that our information was more exciting, more relevant and more immediate than what NASA or SpaceX, even traditional media, were putting out.  Certainly, with the access NASA and SpaceX had to the event, they end up with better pictures and videos.  And our #NASASocial group didn't always get the facts right or the names spelled correctly, so there is something to be said about reputable journalists versus the mass public.  But there is also something to be said about the immediacy and timeliness of the news, as well as the ability to pinpoint the most important information, which gets retweeted around the world within minutes.  It was really incredible to watch the feeds; it wasn't just our group partaking, people were asking us questions because we were there, and were showing their support from wherever they were.  When the Dragon first had a problem after launch, it was rumored to be something that our group had probed specifically for answers on, so there were congrats in play about being so insightful to ask such questions.  Our group also got some incredible soundbites that I anticipate could be used for all sorts of promotional materials for advocates of women in science and engineering, inspiring our youth, you name it.  Other commercial space companies may be looking at our interviews for sources of information, and may be tapping us to help spread the word about their ventures.  

On a side note, I have heard for a long time that certain companies, specifically airlines, will react to negative customer tweets and try to help fix the problem for those customers.  I assume there has to be something to the opposite effect, like if I am clearly a promoter of a company, flattering them, they will not only retweet it but perhaps they would be more prone to give me a discount or a free upgrade the next time I'm in, or something to that effect.  To experiment with this, after finding several living and dead insects and spiders in my hotel room, I thought of a quick tweet to direct at my favorite hotel in Las Vegas.  "After staying at @Cosmopolitan_LV everything else feels like camping."  I sent that off just before checking out, not wanting to necessarily complain to Days Inn about my cheap accommodations, but to throw props towards my favorite hotel instead.  Indeed, within hours, Cosmo picked me up and had favorited it, although I guess I anticipated a retweet.  This by no means concludes my experimentation, I am just starting to grasp how Twitter can make personal customer experiences not just from the business side but from the consumer side.   

So I'd like to hear for you, my readers.  Am I missing something that could totally simplify how I get news and keep me updated?  Or is this a bigger problem with society today, with no solution to speak of?  

NASA Social for SpaceX Dragon Launch: Day 2 - LAUNCH DAY!!

I checked out of my hotel around 6:15 am.  The cloud cover looked ominous, I hoped that wasn't a bad sign.  I arrived at the KSC gate early, and the security guard told me to come back at 7:30.  I clarified with him, because we were told we could get in at 7 am, and had to be at the Annex by 7:30, and he said no, 7:30.  I turned around and headed to the Astronaut Hall of Fame to kill time, tweeting to Jason and the other NASA Social-ites that we couldn't get in yet.  Jason must have made some calls, because he soon tweeted to try again, and I was able to successfully gain entry around 7:15.  

Did I mention I'm directionally challenged?  Once on base, I thought it would be relatively obvious on how to get back to the Annex.  No such luck; I missed a turn and was crossing the causeway, going away from the VAB instead of towards it, before I started to realize I was probably not going the right way.  When I arrived at the Navy base, I was sure of it.  I made a quick U-turn and headed back down the causeway.  There were bleachers set up and the ticketed general public were already arriving to get their seats for the launch viewing.  I was a little late to the parking lot, but all in all, not too bad considering how lost I was.  

The countdown clock indicated less than 3 hours to launch.  It was getting exciting!  First on our agenda was to meet NASA's Deputy Administrator, Lori Garver.  Lori was obviously passionate, supporting the ideas of exploring asteroids and going back to the moon.  She also made some pretty big statements about women, saying, "NASA needs women, Aerospace needs women, STEM needs women."  We then heard from Ken Carr of NASA's Launch Services Program and Lisa Colloredo from NASA's Commercial Crew Program.  

In no time, we were boarding the bus for the big event: the launch of SpaceX CRS2.  On our way, Jason talked a little bit more about the wildlife preserve at KSC.  Indeed, there were unique birds everywhere you look.  We slowed down to check out a bald eagle's nest, and as we were watching, the bald eagle returned to the nest with a breakfast squirrel.  I didn't capture a picture, but I definitely saw it and it was stunning!  

At the causeway, photographers and videographers of the media were already getting set up, some up higher on the hill and some down by the water.  I was asking questions about what the various buildings were in our landscape of NASA icons, getting my nerd on, when a dolphin fin popped up.  I watched the dolphin for a bit, and then got distracted by the diving pelicans.  It was quite a juxtaposition from the engineering feat we were about to witness.

Knowing that there would be plenty of amazing photography and video shot by my fellow NASA Social-ites, I decided to take the advice to relax and enjoy the launch - kind of.  I still felt obligated to do something, so I set my phone up for video, and lowered it below my sightline so that I was still mainly watching the launch, but I could be a part of recording history, too.  

The countdown was loud and clear over the speaker.  Right on time, smoke started pouring out of the bottom of the rocket, and then the fiery orange flame was visible.  As the Dragon lifted off of the launch pad, I whispered an uncontrollable "woooooooooooow", and then I don't think I breathed for another 30 seconds.  The wonder and amazement literally took my breath away; my chest felt like it was collapsing.  A few people let out a scream of excitement.  I didn't know if I should whoop or clap or cry.  

I had no idea the Dragon would come towards us, until the guy next to me said, "Here it comes," and sure enough, it arched towards us.  I got scared for a moment, and then realized this was probably supposed to happen, and was just utterly thrilled.  The last amazing part of the launch, which my video unfortunately didn't capture, was the warm glow as the rocket disappeared into the clouds.  The second video posted below does have a good visualization of this.

My video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW86RmepzF8&feature=youtube_gdata_player 

Better video (by the guy standing next to me): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-vcgmOtFy0 
Awesome video (by the guy in our group who got to stand on the roof of the VAB): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO41LCTdzgM

If pictures are worth 1000 words, videos are probably worth 4000 at least, but no number of words can truly describe the feeling of being there at the launch and seeing it with your own eyes, feeling the vibrations, hearing the engines roar.  Again, Floridians are a little spoiled in this way, because they have launches going off all the time.  But my advice to anyone remotely interested is to go; it's totally worth it!  

After the launch, there really wasn't much else to do on the causeway, so we boarded the bus pretty quickly and headed back to the Press Site, where we would take a group picture in front of the countdown clock.  There was a little mishap with the "jump" shot, and we got to see a KSC fire truck as a result.  When we got back to the Annex, we were just kind of scattered and going about our own thing.  

And then 30 Seconds to Mars, the band, walked in.  I knew it was them as soon as I saw them, not because I know them all that well, but because I knew their next single was on the Dragon and the context instantly clicked in my head.  I asked to take a picture with them before everyone else figured out who they were, and then asked if they would sing some of the new single for us (to which they replied, "Not a chance").  Once I had my picture with them, I volunteered the information I knew to the people sitting around me.  The high school science teacher took her picture with them, and tweeted it out to her students, which was instantly met with comments from her students.  She was so excited!  They started grilling the guy wearing the Google Glass, obviously not thrilled about the new technology.  

After they took off, Jason came back and informed us that we were now going to the KSC Visitor Complex, where we would get a hard hat tour of the new Atlantis exhibit opening in May.  We met in the parking lot of the visitor center and then walked in together with our comped tickets.  Before the hard hat tour, we attempted a group photosphere shot.  

We split into three groups, and I was part of group 2, so we had to come back in about 20 minutes before we could start our tour.  So I opted to go shopping and get my mandatory souvenir glass.  The majority of my group came with me.  I also ended up buying some of that astronaut ice cream, because I've heard of kids eating it and I never had that experience, so I figured no time was better than the present.  I totally thought everyone would make fun of me for buying it, but they were all very supportive of the idea, comically so actually.  

The hard hat tour was really rugged, but afforded us the chance to see Atlantis, wrapped in plastic to protect it from the construction hazards, in all her glory!  The tour guide made a joke about it being tilted at exactly 43.21 degrees, and none of us caught that it was a reference to the count down.  Either it was a bad joke or we were all really tired.  Regardless, it was really cool to get a sneak peak of the new exhibit, and it's going to be a really cool place to visit and inspire future astronauts and engineers.  

After the hard hat tour, I didn't have much time left before I had to make my way to the airport, but I did want to take Jason's suggestion and try the shuttle launch experience simulator ride.  Four others from my group joined me, and we were looking like bad asses with our NASA badges still around our necks.  The simulator was pretty cool, and had the (desirable?) affect of making us a little uneasy and dizzy.  I just remember the skin of my face being shaken to death and pretty much cracking up the whole time.  I tried to imagine I really was on a shuttle, going to Mars to set up a brewery for the new colony there.  How freakin' cool would that be?  

The ride was supposedly 5 1/2 minutes, but it felt like 2 minutes tops.  Once it was over, we headed back down to our meeting area and we bid our goodbyes.  It was a little sad to say good bye to everyone, but I think more than the saddness of departure was the excitement of all we had seen and experienced over the last two days, and the feeling of being part of something bigger than ourselves.  So the overwhelming feeling, at least for me, was a mix of peaceful exhaustion and utter joy.  

I slept so good that night.

For LOTS more photos, including the ones I took on this trip, check out our Flickr group: http://www.flickr.com/groups/crs2launch/ 
And check out the storify page: http://storify.com/dothewww/spacex-crs-2-launch-nasa-social-day-2  

NASA Social for SpaceX Dragon Launch: Day 1

I am the world's most directionally challenged traveler.  You'd think I would have picked up some ability to find my way, having visited and lived in multiple states and countries, but no.  I have become very good at finding my way with GPS-enabled nav apps, but if the nav doesn't work, I am completely lost.  Such was the case Thursday morning in Florida, as I attempted to get around at the Kennedy Space Center.  I had done just fine the night before getting to the hotel, but now I was attempting to navigate areas that aren't very well known to the general public and perhaps protected under some government veil.  I was trying to follow the directions provided to us, but since I didn't actually know the roads the directions were talking about, and couldn't find them on my nav or in real life, they really didn't help.  I had left early, in anticipation of getting lost, so I had plenty of time, but the clock was ticking.  

When I found the NASA Media Accreditation Building, it was by complete accident.  I was driving down some random road hoping to intersect with another to get my bearings, and caught the verbiage on the sign just in time to slam on my brakes and turn in.  Once there, I had no idea what I was doing, but did manage to find the right place to check in at.  I got my badge and my paperwork, and was sent on my way.  My way to where?  The next navigational challenge would be to drive myself to the NASA Press Site, which was inside the gates, thus requiring the badge.  Luckily, they had provided a map to get us from here to there, and I followed it religiously, not wanting to get lost again.  

The map got me to the right vicinity, but I wasn't very clear where we were to park and which building we were really supposed to be in.  I drove around and parked in various places, feeling uneasy and looking for other people who might be in the same boat - there was no one.  The itinerary mentioned something with letters like LC and I was at JK buildings or something of that sort, and none of it made sense to me.  Finally, I parked in a large lot near the Press Site and was then relieved to see a few other people with orange badges like mine; I assumed this was a good sign, and I turned out to be correct.  I followed them in to complex and into a smaller building called the NASA News Center Annex, and immediately recognized that this was the right place.  

As promised, there were outlets on all the tables so we could charge our various media devices.  Someone had brought in donuts which were laid out in the back.  I didn't necessarily want to take a spot in the front, but the front had one of the few remaining forward-facing seats left, the rest of the people coming in after me would have to sit the other direction and turn to see the speakers.  

I introduced myself to the wild-looking girl to my left; she had an accent and was very "chill" like you'd expect from someone tripping on acid.  She's an artist, or was there representing an artist, and showed me some of the most hideously terrible creations I've ever seen.  I tried to stay positive, though, and took an interest in how she contributed to social media and whatnot.   When I felt like I had exhausted every nicety with her, I introduced myself to the guy on my right.  He seemed a little hesitant to talk, but was friendly and very knowledgeable.  He, too had an accent, and pointed out that he was from the UK and had moved to Florida to be closer to the launches.  He said something to the effect of how these NASA Social events attract all kinds, and I had a feeling I knew exactly what he meant.  

Before long, we got started and we went around the room introducing ourselves and giving everyone our Twitter handle; not that that helped because I am not sure anyone caught anyone else's.  What did work well was everyone used #NASASocial with their tweets and so we started following each other and putting the handle to the face as we went throughout our adventure together.  Oh brave new world!

I first learned about Google Glass from such a tweeter who was commenting that one of our fellow attendees was wearing them.  Naturally, I googled it real quick just to get a better understanding of what it was.  Then I replied back to the tweeter who brought it up to show my appreciation for pointing that out.  Then I posted something about it to my facebook, which got instant likes and replies there, including the suggestion to steal them.  All this during introductions.  

The group was an interesting mix.  There was an older gentleman who had worked on the Apollo program decades ago, a couple teachers, some videographers making documentaries, space and science journalists, social media experts, NASA Social alumni, a guy that used to skate for Disney on Ice, and a lot of "space geeks", and I say that as a term of endearment and utter admiration.  Most of the people here knew A LOT about what was going on, which sharply contrasted with my complete lack of knowledge about anything NASA.  

One of the insights I caught early on was the idea that the media isn't covering NASA like they used to.  The space race is a thing of the past, and we learned in one of the Q&A sessions that some people aren't aware that NASA is even still operating.  So my first thought was that this is why we're here; this is NASA's way of getting the word out that they are alive and well and to inspire future generations of scientists.  My second thought was, I don't know if that's enough.  

  

Lisa Malone was our first speaker and she showed us a cool video about what NASA is working on now.  Truth be told, the goals shown I'm sure our complex in nature and really exciting for the superfan, but they didn't really get me excited.  For example, it says testing Orion in 2014, but I don't even know what Orion is, so why is testing it cool?  Then it says "Entirely new missions" which sounds to me like an advertisement for a new video game, not a government funded program to help all of humanity.  Then it just says "Mars", and I'm thinking, "What about it?"  I could probably go on with a ton of criticism for the video; I mean, the graphics were great, the music was inspiring, but the message was dull, lifeless and confusing at best.  (Vid can be found here: http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/videogallery/index.html?media_id=153233911)

It was during Lisa's talk that we got the first glimpse of the craziness to come sputtering out of the art-girl's mouth.  She admitted that she was nervous about colonizing Mars, but would be convinced to go if the trees would sway more due to the planet having less gravity.  Lisa, as all the NASA experts proved to be, was very diplomatic in her response.  I, meanwhile, was struggling not to laugh or give the girl dirty looks for wasting the time of a NASA official.  You'd think she would have stopped there, but she pressed Lisa for answers to questions like, "Is NASA working on creating portals to other dimensions through meditation?  Because I totally believe in transporting to other planets in minutes and I want to go see Alpha Centurion..." and nonsense like that.  Lisa asserted "NASA is not currently looking into transporting the human spirit via meditation," although they are studying how black holes work in space. 

There was a lot of talk about going to the VAB, and had we ever been there before, and how it's changing for the future.  Not knowing what the VAB even was, I had no context to understand the conversations.  Our next stop was the VAB, so I figured I'd learn what it was soon enough.  We boarded a KSC-official bus, and I stopped to admire that I was not the only one obsessed with taking pictures of everything, including the bus-boarding process.  Being with the NASA Social-ites was a paradigm shift; I'm used to being the annoying one always taking pictures, but here, I was in good company and everyone understood the need to capture every moment and get the unique perspective and all that jazz.  I think my favorite comment about boarding the bus was "The NASA geek equivalent of a party bus."  It was inspiring and uplifting.

I should mention that there was some tomfoolery among a few of us.  In addition to posting insights and pictures with the #NASASocial, a funny guy named Corey had started poking fun at our activities using #NASASocialHumor.  His first post was from NASA saying, "The rocket gets erect at night," which was the beginning of a number of sexual innuendos we'd laugh about throughout our time at KSC.  He also tweeted that bit about Lisa diplomatically denying research on portals.  

The ride was very short, we hardly needed the bus realistically, but it may have been more of a security thing than anything else.  Before going in, people without full-length pants on had to put on bunny suits; NASA does not like ankles!  We pulled up to the large building you and I have probably seen 1000 times before.  Indeed, without every actually knowing its purpose or name, I had photographed it from afar and as I got closer, knowing it was significant from its iconic place in my memory.  The Vehicle Assembly Building was the full name.  As big as it in on the outside, it feels infinitely bigger on the inside.  I think it's one of those things you cannot comprehend until you see it in person; photographs hardly do it justice to show the immense height and space of the building.  Something like vertigo creeped up my spine every time I looked up.  We were told the VAB is so big it has its own weather, as in cloud formations occur inside the building from time to time.  Wild!

The NASA people guiding us around the tour were clearly very knowledgeable and good at their jobs, but they were already talking over my head, so I focused on taking novel pictures (especially panoramas) and just enjoying the experience.  At one point, a large garage-like door started to close near us, and it made such a racket that the speakers had to stop and wait because nobody could hear over it.  After it was closed, some NASA guys came out and questioned who had taken pictures inside that room, and ensured that the pictures were deleted.  After the incident, a few of us chatted nervously, asking what was in there.  Even the people who had taken pictures didn't know what the pictures showed.  I made the joke that that was where they were making black holes to other dimensions, and got several laughs and props for my quick wit (after all, I think I am hilarious).  I took a picture of the closed door and tweeted it to the #NASASocialHumor with my joke.  

I got right up front to hear the guy from The Crawler Team talk about whatever was known as the Crawler, which I soon learned was like a ginormous tank that transported the shuttles or rockets to the launch pads from the VAB.  It looked like something out of a Transformers movie, and he mentioned that it actually had made an appearance in one.  I didn't understand much else, but there was definitely some geeking out going on.  In addition to the term Crawler, I also learned the term high-bay, referencing the areas with the highest ceilings I presume.  

We passed a few other things I take to be of significance: a massive crane which I took a cool picture of, and what I later learned to be the model of the Orion.  Then we walked out the back of the VAB and got to take pictures of the remote launch pad.  The bus took us to a few other highlights, including the astronaut transporter.  Then it was lunch time, and the majority of us hopped off at the cafeteria for some spacey Subway and salads and whatnot.  Somehow, even eating at a pretty blah cafeteria was made spectacular by the novelty that it was on NASA territory, with NASA employees, near NASA official stuff.

We walked back to the press site from the cafeteria, and on the way we got some great pictures of each of us in front of the various buildings and signs we adored.  My favorite was of Mike, the guy that loves dinosaurs, jumping near the NASA Social sign, which I swear wasn't there this morning when I was trying to find my way.  

The afternoon had a lot of official business in store for us.  First, the science news conference, where the experiments going up on Dragon and coming back were discussed.  Most of the panel were dressed in suits and were clean cut, but there was one really uber-geeked out guy with long hair and a crazy Hawaiian shirt on named Simon.  The press conference was a little intense, to say the least; some of the members of the media grilling the scientists on live NASA TV.  Even our group offered up some tough questions.  Simon talked about how plants would react in space, and I learned the new term "microgravity".  I guess there's an interesting phenomenon where the gases don't mix the same, so even in an oxygen-rich environment, the oxygen might not reach the plant and could thus suffocate the plant as if there was no oxygen at all.  There are also 10000 sample conditions of protein crystals going up to the ISS on Dragon via a glacier freezer (a term I still haven't reconciled), for what was described as a "matrix" analysis, which made me wonder if they've ever heard of ANOVA.  It seems that statistically speaking there is no need to study all 10000 cases, but they are surely the experts.  There are also sponsors of sorts, one being Valspar, which is sending paint up in the Dragon to see how paint behaves and dries in orbit.  Start the "watching paint dry" jokes now.

Video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qffK7NBrXdE

A lot of interesting stuff for geeks, nothing too extraordinary from my perspective.  I was far more interested in the dynamics and logistics of conducting the press conference: while a panelist was answering the previous question, the guy on the far left would spot a question in the audience, acknowledge the questioner with a nod or a finger point, and direct his video and microphone crews to that person.  The video feed would seamlessly flip to that person once the panelist was done speaking, show the questioner with perfect sound, and then flip back to the appropriate panelist to answer the question, and the process would start all over again.  I could see on the screen when my head was on TV, and started to anticipate it based on where the camera guy was setting up and who had the question.  I was on TV quite a bit, but never in the spotlight because I had no idea what to ask.

Video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boOBNJybczs&feature=youtu.be 

We had an hour which was technically booked but felt more like a break, because the itinerary basically directed us to watch the heliophysics program on NASA TV, and the sound wasn't working in the conference room so most of us just chatted and took pictures as if we were on the panel.  

The second press conference followed, this was more about the mission itself, and involved the President of SpaceX, Gwynne Shotwell, as well as a technical person and a weather guy from NASA.  Something strange happened just before it started; the SpaceX logo went from a square to a circle, no idea why.  Somebody mentioned it and I checked my photos to be sure, and she was right.  The room filled up much more, with lots of journalists standing on the sides and in the back.  I felt a little bad taking a seat to something of such little significance to my life and work, but I didn't really feel like standing.  Again, I enjoyed the dynamics of the moderator controlling the show, and anticipating when I'd be on TV.  

The questions were much more brutal in this conference, and most were directed at Gwynn or about how much NASA trusted SpaceX.  I was impressed with Gwynn's performance, and admired her leadership as a strong, brilliant woman.  Some of the questions were about the engine failures on the previous launch, which SpaceX and NASA were quick to point out that they had recovered from, meaning the vehicle did exactly what it was supposed to do in the face of a major failure, and that they had done everything possible to investigate the cause and would be releasing that information once it was approved.  

There were several questions about the weight Dragon was carrying, whether it was enough per an agreement I think.  I didn't really understand the question, but it kept coming up so it was obviously of some importance to the spacegeeks.  Gwynne answered the first few questions indirectly, trying to sound reassuring that it was as advertised, and finally was pressed into a more firm answer.  She detailed out some payloads and the numbers associated with them, added them up and then multiplied them by some factor to get the conversion, and stated that that was far above the minimum and that's as much math as she'll do in public.  I think the most important thing that came out of the press conference for me was that the weather guy said we had an 80% chance of favorable conditions for launch tomorrow.  

After the press conference, we returned to the News Annex with Gwynne for a short meet 'n greet.  She predicted we'll have people flying to Mars on SpaceX vehicles within 40 years (or sooner), and talked a lot about the importance of getting kids excited about science.  (Some great soundbites from Gwynn in this vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&client=mv-google&gl=US&v=2EOeiYzem0A&nomobile=1).  Lots of great quotes came out of the session with her.  Then Jim Adams, NASA's Deputy Chief Technologist, came to talk for a bit.  He talked about three comets to watch for, and that we'll have an awesome view with our eyes on Mars.  We also got some swag from SpaceX: a USB drive, bug spray, a hat and a neat pen.

The itinerary says we then loaded buses for SLC-40 and traveled to CCAFS.  I have no idea what any of that means, and I was there.  What I most remember at this point was going to see the launch pad with the SpaceX Dragon and Falcon.  The sun was right in our view, so most of the pictures are pretty poor, but some of the better photographers got good ones.  

As a special treat, the bus took us to the launch pad of the last shuttle, Launch Pad 39A, and we were told to specifically notice the rocks that had been crushed by The Crawler.  On our way back, I noted the Crawler's tracks alongside the road; they were so expansive I thought they were two sets of tracks, and then I remembered how big the Crawler was and realized that each track was for one side of the Crawler, and the half football field between the tracks represented the distance between each side.  

We had a quick debriefing back at the Annex, and were released for the night.  A large group of us planned to met at Dixie Crossroads, a local seafood restaurant, coordinated by a local named Laurel.  Being an out-of-towner with nothing else to do, I joined them.  We caravaned over to the restaurant and parked.  As would be expected with a large group, there was a wait, so we were sitting in the waiting area, almost everyone on their phones texting or tweeting or facebooking or emailing; very few people were talking.  I think part of it was overwhelming mental exhaustion, and part of it was that the day moved so quickly we scarcely had time to do our normal activities.  

Then, there was suddenly a rush to go outside. As usual, I had no idea what was going on, but one of my fellow NASA Social-ites informed me.  As if the day hadn't been filled with enough space geek information and exciting moments, the International Space Station was just becoming visible in the night sky, like a very bright and fast moving star blazing overhead.  With so many of us out there, looking up, it's no wonder that the other patrons knew something was "up" (pun intended), and our group was more than happy to fill them in and make sure they could see it.  How spoiled Floridians are, I thought.  Not only do they get to see launches all the time, but they can see the ISS making a pass in the night sky.  Still, it was pretty incredible to be there watching it, especially in the context of seeing the rocket that would soon be attaching to that shooting star. 

All in all, a very exciting, informative and interesting day.  I was so energized by the geekiness and the excitement that even though I was exhausted after dinner, I couldn't sleep for hours on end!  


For more information, photos and videos, check out the storify page: http://storify.com/dothewww/spacex-crs-2-launch-nasa-social-day-1